It seemed so simple at the time.
Finish writing christmas songs, make a CD and then hire an orchestra and do a show. Oh, I knew it would be challenging, but the truth is, I had no idea HOW challenging. I didn't know it would take every ounce of creativity, faith and resource I had, plus generosity and support from others on so many levels.
Now that I'm on the other side of that dream, I realize that I've crossed over into a new season. I have woken up from the dream and can sort out what is reality and what is probably unrealistic. My steps are much more decisive and my senses are sharply tuned into the seriousness of the dream.
On the day of the Portraits of White show last December, I did a concert over lunch for hundreds of women at a church in York and the following weekend I had three smaller events to do, and when I came home from that mini-tour in Northern PA, I found myself completely wiped out. There are many days that I am still feeling the affects of it. I carried this vision in my soul for years. I did not anticipate such a long recovery period after 'waking up'.
Friends of mine began to sheepishly ask (or else it seemed so) how I was doing 'after the show'. Those who know me well know that the 'after show' affects can be pretty monumental for creativity of this magnitude. I appreciated their concern. It was totally proper for them to check in on me and make sure I was ok. There is such excitement leading up to the moment and it's quite normal for a big let down to show up afterward.
The let down never came. The overwhelming feeling that stayed with me and frankly, has never left, was a sense of soberness.
I think what has transpired is a shift from dreaming to walking. My original dream was to do the show annually and build it to be something that folks would look forward to attending every year. A night of music and inspiration to welcome them into the rush of the season in a gentle way. I still hope for that.
After having gone through it once, though, I now have a much more realistic picture of what will have to happen to see this come true. I have taken months to ponder, pray, meet with others to evaluate last year's show and gather new information about this year's possibilities. It is a full time job. It is no longer a dream as such. It is a walk that takes commitment almost every day with every breath that I have. The mystique of the dream has vanished.
When I met with the conductor in February, he cautioned me to make this decision carefully. I have heeded his warning.
Part of my walk is to start blogging about it again. I've rested from that for a season and have enjoyed blogging about other 'inside things'. I think it's time to start putting my thoughts out there again. I want to include you in my thought process again. I found such support by doing that last year.
It also serves as a way of mentoring others who may be waking up from a dream and wondering what to do about it.
All I know is that there comes a time when you must put feet to your dreams and sometimes, your feet may get sore. Make sure you're ready.
Anyone can dream. Not everyone can find the wherewithal to see it through.