Snowy Serenades: Celebrating a Decade of 'Portraits of White' Winter Magic Part 1

Pursuing your dreams requires a unique blend of tenacity and flexibility. You have to dream big while working very hard.

Tenacity

Tenacity is the determination to achieve your goals, providing the drive to stay committed even in the face of challenges, especially when it seems that dreams are slipping away.

Flexibility

Flexibility is the ability to adapt and change course when needed and is essential for navigating unexpected obstacles and seizing new opportunities. Flexibility in learning from failure and setbacks allows you to adjust your approach and continue moving forward. Overcommitment to one at the expense of the other can hinder progress and hind adaptability.

Throughout my musical journey, I've plunged into the world of music, the intricacies of the music industry, the boundless creativity it offers, and the sheer tenacity needed to persevere. It's a journey that's filled me with stories to tell, and while I may write that book someday, right now, we're in for a different treat.

Get ready to celebrate the monumental TENTH year of the Portraits of White Winter Concert. Join me on a winter journey back in time and delve into the stories behind the creation of the album that ignited the cherished holiday Christmas concert tradition. You'll witness a glimpse of 'back in the day' when the concert was a mere idea, unformed. The focus at that time was on preparing the album for release.

In my upcoming Snowy Serenades Series of videos, we'll revisit the enchanting melodies and the frosty charm of this classic album. With footage from the archives, you'll be transported to a cozy winter wonderland, where you can relive the magic that 'Portraits of White' brings to this season. 

Enjoy Part 1 of the Snowy Serenade Video Series...

Five Essential Keys for Unlocking the Door to Your Dreams

I have been a part of Dan Miller's 48 Days Eagles Community for over two years and the impact it's had on my life is significant. 

The most recent development came from a connection I made at an Eagles' event I attended in Franklin, Tennessee, back in April. It was there that I met Isaiah Taylor, a literary scout who learned that I was writing a book about my journey with Christmas. I had been planning to self-publish my story so I wasn't seeking a publisher, but he encouraged me to submit my manuscript to a publisher. I walked away from that conversation feeling somewhat intrigued, and rather doubtful. 

One thing led to another...

I was recently (and delightfully) surprised to see a post on Dan Miller's Facebook page that mentioned me and my journey, letting the cat out of the bag. Since I have been racking (and wracking) my brain trying to figure out how to share what's been happening and tell everyone the great news, I felt a sense of relief to have it come from someone else's newsfeed. 

I'll let you read the post for yourself:

"For Frances Drost, the journey from dream to reality started in a difficult place—the deaths of two of her siblings. And it took a winding path from a nagging sense of loss to a creative expression of joy and togetherness.

Frances’s annual Christmas show, Portraits of White, began 11 years ago when she started reimagining what it means to be in the holiday spirit after she spent years feeling “disenchanted” with the season. This December, Portraits of White will celebrate a decade of bringing people together through music with the special release of Frances’ forthcoming book.

Whether you’re an artist like Frances or not, her story has a lot to teach us about our dreams.

1: Dreams come from unexpected places

Like many people who have been touched by loss, Frances wondered why Christmas felt so empty no matter how many years went by. One year, Frances even decided to skip Christmas all together!

Frances realized that she felt disconnected from the holiday spirit because of the grief she carried. Instead of continuing to live in that mindset of despair, she decided to turn it into an opportunity to create hope and find peace—for herself and others who have experienced loss.

Frances began writing songs about how she felt during the holiday season, and eventually started dreaming of a Christmas album.

2: Have faith in your dreams

Eventually, that Christmas album came to be. Frances called it Portraits of White and based it on what she discovered reflecting on her disenchantment with Christmas.

“I learned that holidays have a tendency to amplify the loss and the dysfunction that we have. I thought maybe by sharing my own story, I could bring hope to others.”

While the album was successful, Frances also had faith that Portraits of White could be so much more than a collection of songs.

"I had a vision to perform my songs on stage with a full orchestra. I'd never done that before. I'd always traveled as a solo artist. And so I hired a conductor from Nashville. I hired an orchestra. And we sold out the first show that year in 2014!”

3: Dream bigger than yourself

What started as an album by a solo artist trying to process her own grief blossomed into a creative project that brings together musicians and artists from around the country.

If Frances had stopped with her feeling of disenchantment—or even stopped with the album—her life, her business, and the hearts of thousands of audience members over the years wouldn’t be what they are today. Even though the dream for Portraits of White didn’t start with a goal of reaching millions or turning a profit, it grew into something that brought Frances’s goals well within her reach.

4: The path from dream to reality is not always smooth

In 2019, Portraits of White drew over one thousand people. Frances and her team expanded the project to three shows, extending the reach of her message.

And then COVID hit.

Through the turmoil of 2020, Frances persisted in sharing Portraits of White. The show was released as a DVD, bringing her message into the homes and hearts of audiences across the country. She turned what could have been a dead end for Portraits of White into an opportunity for growth.

5: Dreams are rarely accomplished alone

Frances is soon releasing a book telling the story of her journey with Christmas. The current working title of the book is Portraits of White: A Songwriter's Journey to Find Christmas.

“Thanks to the Eagles community and their connections and actually going to the 48 Days Innovate Experience in Franklin, Tennessee in April, I talked to a literary agent from Morgan James, and he encouraged me to submit my story about my journey with Christmas.”

Now Frances is on the final round of edits for the book. With the book release, sponsors, and the support of her community and audience—the 10th anniversary of Portraits of White promises to be the most exciting year since its start.

The Eagles are so proud of Frances and thankful for her continuous, active, involvement in our community. We celebrate and support all kinds of success—from traditional entrepreneurial journeys to artistic projects and more. Each and every one of the Eagles is out to transform lives, make their dreams a reality, and uplift each other along the way.

​Join the 48 Days Eagles Community and see where your dreams will take YOU!: https://www.48days.com/48dayseagles/."

David L. Hancock (Founder and Publisher), Frances Drost (Author), Isaiah Taylor (Literary Scout)
 The Urban Roost in Richmond, VA
June 8, 2023 Publishing Agreement Signed

Shoestring Budgets

What do you do when you have big dreams and a small piggy bank? 

Maybe you have a budget, but it's only the size of a "shoestring". The other day it occurred to me that shoestrings may be small and short, but they hold my shoes together!

It's been over six years since I gathered a group of volunteers, offered to buy them breakfast and asked them if they would help me 'fill the seats' if I pursued my vision for an annual Christmas concert—using an orchestra. 

I really didn't know how I was going to pull it off, but I just kept taking one step at a time. 

These days, when I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself of that magical discipline of simply taking the next step. It's worked all these years.

In those days, I didn't even have the money to buy everyone breakfast but I went ahead and sent out the invitations and reserved the room at Momma Spriggs.  I'd find a way to earn the money to buy their breakfast. I really believed in the dream! Well, most days I did. Other days, I was terrified. 

Portraits of White was just an idea at that point and I knew I'd need help to make it happen. I gathered about 10 people who said they had been touched by my music ministry and told them of my vision while we enjoyed breakfast together. When the day came for our breakfast meeting, I had the money. I said I'd put on the show if they'd spread the word about it and they did. 

After breakfast someone else picked up the tab without me knowing it. They used the excuse that they were going to the bathroom but had actually paid the bill. That was just the start of so many blessings I've experienced along the way as I've walked this road of following my dreams.

So here's a few things you'll need to get started (that don't cost you any money):

1) Clarity 

• Get very clear on what your dream is. (I wanted to offer hope during the holidays using an orchestra).

• Write out ALL your thoughts. On paper. If you had the resources you need, what would your dream look like? (I'm still working at producing what I envisioned years ago. It's ok that it's not ALL of what I envisioned—yet. At least I'm on my way and I'm learning a lot as I go.) 

• If you made a bumper sticker of your dream, what would it say? 

• What's the first (or next) step you need to take toward seeing it come to pass?

2) Ask good questions

• Find a few people (or even just one) who are walking a similar path but are further along than you and ask them good questions. Treat them to coffee or lunch at least. Ok, so that costs a little bit of money, but it's well worth it!

The first year I started Portraits of White, I reached out to Kurt Bestor (via Facebook). Kurt is a musician in Utah with a 25 year track record in doing local Christmas shows with an orchestra. My brother-in-law told me about this event because he had attended a few of the shows and said I should reach out to him. So I did. I sent him one question and wouldn't you know, he answered me! 

That proved to be some of the best advice I have received and it didn't cost me any money. I simply asked him what 5 things he wishes he had known when he started his Christmas show.

As I continue building my dream, I ask more questions.

3) Pray - This is the best thing you can do toward your dream and it doesn't cost a dime.

• Start with setting a timer for 5 minutes a day and take that time to pray about the desires of your heart. You'll need to increase that time as you grow. 

• Ask for divine appointments, resources and wisdom. I often pray: "Father, may your Kingdom come, in my life, in your time, in your way, with your resources."

• This morning I prayed for a box truck. Maybe someday I'll share why.  ;-)

"My child, never drift off course from these two goals for your life:

to walk in wisdom 

and to discover discretion. 

Don't ever forget how they empower you."

Proverbs 3:21 TPT

Sports Bikes, Wheelies, Jesus and Pianos

"I was popping a wheelie on my sports bike and noticed another rider beside me doing the same thing—on his bike. Suddenly, I found myself transported from the mountain trail to the water and there I was, popping a wheelie while riding on top of the water. This is so cool, I thought, and THEN I saw the mysterious rider popping a wheelie on HIS bike—on top of the water right beside me. I was like, MAN oh MAN, who is that other rider? Look at us...we're riding on top of the water! I looked over and it was Jesus. (Everyone laughed). No kidding! Jesus was riding a sports bike beside me, racing across the surface of the water."

"Dad always has dreams like that," she said to the rest of the group hiking on the trail. "Was I in the dream at all?", said a woman I presumed to be his wife. I chuckled to myself. They didn't know I could hear them.

I'm the worship leader and guest musician for the week here at Spruce Lake Retreat in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, and I was hiking the Spruce Mountain early this morning. When I arrived at the top, a group of people had already beat me there. I guess I'm not the only insane person who rises early and hikes through mountains. It's a hike I always take when I'm here. The scenic overlook at the top is spectacular and the hike is just as exhilarating. This morning I saw an orange salamander and a Baltimore Oriole, but no bear. Probably a good thing, though I'll confess, I really want to see bear cubs. (I published this blog on Wednesday morning and headed up to the top of the mountain for the second day in a row and wouldn't you know, I was looking out over the valley and right below me I heard crackling and popping...and out came a little black bear cub.  I quietly sat down on the rock and watched eagerly. Then, a cinnamon colored bear appeared and started climbing a fallen tree. I sat in amazement...and awe.  I also determined in that moment that I would go back to camp the same way I went up.  If I would have gone down the way I was supposed to, I would have encountered the bears. No need to create issues for myself.)

I contemplated the story I had just heard about Jesus popping wheelies. I love that image. In the past, I've been guilty of  thinking that Jesus would only be found in a lofty cathedral, or a monastery, praying and fasting regularly. I've heard many messages that have tried to convince me that Jesus liked to have fun, play with kids and wasn't all serious and mild. Though I guess they help to chisel away at the myths I've had about Jesus, there's nothing like a dream to dispel the notions of who we think God is and what He's like.

I remember one time I was instructed by a speaker to close my eyes and picture myself in a safe place—a peaceful place. Normally, I dread when people make me do that. I can't seem to still my thoughts long enough to picture any thing, let alone a safe place. But in that moment, my brain went immediately to the piano bench. The piano is a safe place for me. It's peaceful. Playing the ivories feels as natural as breathing and I'm at home when I'm playing...so I'm now picturing myself at the piano. Whew...what a relief.

But then the speaker instructed us to picture Jesus in that place. Now that's extra hard for me to do. I don't know why...it just is. I've tried these exercises before and it becomes such a complicated process I freak out and can't do it. If you can't relate to this, I'm sorry. I'm sure there are a few who can. I'm just writing my thoughts here, so you don't have to keep reading if you don't want to. ;-)

Suddenly, I "sensed" Jesus in such a powerful and unusual way, unlike any other time I can recall in my life. He was sitting on the piano bench beside me and as I began to play, He inhabited me and it was as if we were one. I've never had an experience like that before or since. I often think about it when I'm playing the piano.

We, (I was now part of the group), continued down the mountain as my thoughts turned from Jesus popping wheelies in this man's dreams to Jesus residing in me when I play the piano. (I don't even know if residing is the right word). These things are hard to explain in human words. I know that He lives in us, but to experience Him moving from the bench into my being was very unusual.

All I can say is, I believe Jesus was in his dream popping wheelies and I believe Jesus plays the piano through me when I play. It's experiences like these that help break down our ridiculous myths about who Jesus is and what He's like. I welcome them and I was refreshed not only by the crisp morning air, the stream rushing down the mountain slopes, but this man's dream that I happened to hear being shared with his family this morning.

This is the view from the top of the mountain. I copied it from the website of Spruce Lake Retreat.

The In-Between.

"To go TO something, you must go THROUGH something."—Bob Hazlett

It was January 7, 2018 when I heard this phrase from the guest speaker, Bob Hazlett. I could tell that I was going to need my kleenexes when he started to speak. I grabbed my pen and little travel notebook where I write song ideas, shopping lists, to-do lists and inspiring messages from speakers. I couldn't write fast enough, in between blowing my nose. His words stirred my creativity and began to replenish my happy but greatly depleted soul.

January tends to be a month of trying to find ways to fill up my empty soul. It's an In-Between month for me. It used to feel like a "new year" season, but not anymore. No resolutions or goals for the new year. Just recovery and tying up loose ends from my December concert, Portraits of White.

Since I started the concert experience over six years ago, I feel as if I've gone from having a daily routine to "seasonal" routines. The change has been both subtle and surprising and I'm still trying to adapt. The show is over but there are accounting books to finish up, surveys to read and consider, thank you notes to be written to so many people who help make the show a success and next thing you know, it's time to start planning the show again and I wonder how I'm ever going to do it again. Eventually, new ideas present themselves. Until then, it's a lot of waiting.

It was in this state of mind that I sat in my seat absorbing every word from the speaker. The thoughts I share here are not Bob's words exactly, but the essence of what he shared and how my soul received them. He spoke them over a year ago but I could tell even then that they were for me—somewhere down the road. As is often the case with "words" I hear, they might not be for the current moment but are futuristic. In this case, one year later, they are exactly what I needed for this month, this year.

There are three potential things we experience in the In-Between stages and it seems we often have to go THROUGH these to get TO the next thing.

1) Uncertainty

• Certainty of the last season is taken away. Now you have a choice; experience fear or hope. 

2) The Unknown

• The greatest creativity comes from the place where you have questions you would have never thought to ask.
• If you want to see a new thing, you have to stop looking at the old—old relationships, old pain. (I would add that there IS a time to look at the old, but only enough to understand, heal and move forward.)

3) The Unfamiliar

• It's more of a feeling than an experience. For example, Peter—the guy who walked on water in the Bible—was used to boats, water and storms, but he had never walked on water before.

A few other random phrases he shared:

• If you want to see new things, sing a new song. (I've been asking what the "new song" is for this year's show. It might not be literal, but I'm staying open to all possibilities and every now and then an idea twinkles in the darkness.)
• Voo Ja De - when you see a familiar thing in a new way.
• You may feel boredom—it's God wanting to move you forward.
• Think of the In-Between as discovering "old things done in a new way".
• A helpful prayer during this season would be: "Show me what I need to know about You in this new season."

My record producer, Eric Copeland, wrote a great song years ago that I pull out every now and then to remind me that In-Between isn't always a bad place to be.

So if you're going THROUGH something that's uncertain, unknown or unfamiliar, take comfort that it can potentially lead you TO something new. It's the In-Between stage that can be disconcerting, but it's worth pressing through it.

Click HERE to listen to "In Between Dreams"

Re-write Your Past or Move On?

I never set out to write a song about the tragic death of our brother, Nathan. It was too delicate. Too tragic. Too personal. I would have never thought to try to write a song about it.

But it came about because my older brother, Adriel—who I've always looked up to, called me one day in October from his home in Arizona. Adriel and Nathan were both born in October. It was also the death-month of Nathan. October is bitter-sweet.

On the phone, Adriel said, "What's the weather like there today?"

I said, "It's a perfect day.  The sky is a deep blue, not a cloud anywhere and the leaves are starting to turn."

In his warm, brotherly voice he said, "Ah....when I hear you talk of blue skies and colored leaves, I can just picture it!" 

I detected a smile in his tone.

As soon as those words came out of his mouth, I heard the lyrics and melody for the song in my head and to this day I have no idea what the rest of our conversation was about because I was already starting to write it in my head based on that one line. (Sorry Adriel.  😔) We hung up and I immediately sat down to write. 

Sometimes when I'm writing a song, it feels the same as trying to write down a dream. When I first wake up in the morning, the dream is so vivid, until I try to write it down. It evaporates as I write, though the residual emotions can last all through the day or even years.

Trying to write a song based on an idea can feel that way.....it's hard work to make the inspiration settle down and say what you want it to say. I'm sure if I had deliberately set out to write a song about Nathan, it would have felt like recording a dream.

But the one line from Adriel was all I needed to get me started. I began to think about the month of October and how monumental it is in our family history, which served as a natural progression leading to Nathan's story. 

I've wrestled with whether or not to share this next paragraph, but since I'm growing as a songwriter and sharing that journey with you, I decided to not delete it:

As I study the craft of songwriting, sometimes it bothers me that there are two lines that aren't consistent with the rest of the song's rhyming scheme, Maybe I could re-write it better now after years of distance from trying to re-write it and much more learning under my belt. In fact, when I pulled out the past notes from the song, I saw that I only have a few copies of re-writes. These days, I have a LOT more copies of re-writes per song.

The recording will always stay as it is. Perhaps that's a great lesson for life. There are many things we'd like to go back and "re-do", but there is a time to just keep moving forward and learn from past regrets. 

The only time I ever heard my Mother speak of regret as it related to Nathan's death, had to do with her realization that Nathan had just discovered the pond and she asked Daddy to consider building a fence around it. I never, ever, sensed that she blamed anyone, my Father or herself, for his death. That doesn't mean she didn't carry any regret, I just never heard her speak of it. She seemed to have learned how to remember the past and yet keep moving on.

One of my "re-writes" for "Beside the Barn".

From Slobbering to Wobbling to Baby Steps.

He slobbered all over what was going to be our holiday dinner table. Gross!!!!

But as gross as it was, how could you NOT cheer for little Kayden? He was learning to use his arms and legs as he wobbled across the table. The whole family sat and watched him struggle to make progress, his mother urging him to come to her. He kept trying.

It was obvious to all of us that soon he would be crawling. Once he could crawl, he could take baby steps and then nothing would hold him back!

Holding little Kayden on Thanksgiving Day, 2015.

Kayden is my great, great nephew and I think he is the most loved little boy on this planet. 

I am 50 years older than him, but I relate to his struggles. I've been slobbering and drooling over my dreams and wobbling 'across the table' in front of my family for years. They have clapped and cheered for me, thank God!   

I drooled over the possibility of doing my first recording.

Recording my first CD project, "Under The Big Blue Sky".

After I wobbled to the studio I struggled to accept the sound of my voice playing back to me from the recording equipment. (It takes a long time to get used to hearing yourself in a studio.)

Learning the whole process of recording with David Levy at Legacy Lab.

I crawled on to the stage after my first CD was finished and presented it to the world.

My first CD release concert: "Under The Big Blue Sky".

Please clap and cheer for me, I thought. Some day, I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and walk.

Fortunately, they clapped and cheered. And I kept crawling toward my dream.

I drooled over the idea of doing a Portraits of White concert with an orchestra and grand piano and I crawled ever so clumsily toward the conductor asking him to help me. I crawled all the way through the first year of planning, discovering what it really takes to do what I had just slobbered over.

I learned that it's easier to just sit and drool.

I crawled on to the stage a little more confidently than the early years and wouldn't you know, people still clapped and cheered as I crawled 'across the table' again.

Portraits of White 2014.

After the first Portraits of White concert, I finally took my first big baby step. Something shifted inside of me and I became even more focused on slobbering over my dreams. Time to suck it up and start walking, I said to myself.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Lao Tzu

I started drooling over another dream a couple of years ago and it went like this:

• Michael Hyatt's "This Is Your Life" podcast promoted the SCORRE Conference with Ken Davis and I drooled over going to it.
• A link to another podcast appeared in my 'in box' one day and I began listening to the Dynamic Communicators Podcast with Ken Davis and I started drooling even more over the SCORRE Conference.
• This week I stopped slobbering and attended the conference. 
• I wobbled up to the podium and gave my first speech in front of my coach (and 7 others) and fell flat on my face. I went to my room defeated, but determined.
• I stuck with it all week and had to speak 2 more times. (I thought I would die.) But they all clapped and cheered as I continued to wobble 'across the table' in front of everyone. I took my second baby step and everyone cheered some more. Fortunately, I was not alone in the nursery room.
• The icing on the cake? Meeting Ken Davis himself and learning from him all week after hours of listening to him on the podcast and drooling over attending some day.

Meeting Ken Davis, after winning a whole pack of his resources by tweeting!
(Maybe there really is something to twitter after all.)

If you are ever going to pursue your dreams, you must realize it's a lifelong process and from my experience, it starts with 3 questions:

1.) What makes you drool?

2.) What makes you so determined that you're willing to look like a fool, wobbling after it?

3.) When you start to get a taste of your dream, can you be content with baby steps?

One day you'll wake up and realize you are well on your way to your dream. So don't be afraid to slobber, wobble and take baby steps!

Look at little Kayden go now!!!
(Thanks Derek and Brittany Albert for letting me use pictures of Kayden.)

The Golden Piano

I don't remember where this piano came from but I do know this: I kept it in hopes that someday I'd have a real grand piano. They say that having a picture or some kind of visual of your dream is a good way to keep it alive. So I held on to this little golden piano.

Now, I'm parting with it. It's item # 30 on my list of "50 things to part with before I'm 50".  My dream has come true. I can part with the little metal replica of what I really longed for.

Another piano I will be parting with soon is the first piano I ever played. It was my Mother's first and only piano. She bought it as a young woman with her own money. It will be item # 50 and will be re-located to the home of my Mother's first daughter-in-law.  Nancy married my Mother's first-born son who was killed in a tragic farm accident when he was 26. I'm glad she can keep it.

I have to say that this has been one of the more difficult things to part with on my list, even though I thought I was ready.  Yesterday, I dusted it off to get it ready for it's new home and I was a bit emotional.

I don't know that I was actually playing the piano in this picture. LOL!
My Mother says I just wanted my picture taken!  So she dressed me up and curled my hair. 

I was happy as could be on this piano until one day my piano teacher bought a beautiful Yamaha baby grand and I was no longer content with our Wurlitzer.  From the first moment I laid eyes on that baby, I wanted one. I started praying for one and have kept on asking for over 30 years.

Playing a duet with Donna Houser - my piano teacher (on her baby grand).

Preparing for my senior recital on the Yamaha at Mrs. Houser's home.

On February 6, 2013, my very own baby grand arrived at my studio. It was my Mother's birthday and we had a frightful snow storm, but the piano movers braved the roads and came anyway.  My prayers had been answered.

My very own Yamaha baby grand.

My kitten loved the piano too.  She'd spend hours on the lid gazing out the window.
Bad kitten!

Finding the baby grand has a unique backstory.

After suffering from debilitating depression, I decided to see a counselor who encouraged me to do something I loved to do as child. Clearly, that was ice skating. "I want you to go ice skating", she said. That's not what I expected to hear from a professional therapist. But I took her advice to heart - about a year after she suggested it.  I know, I'm a little slow. What good could that possibly really do anyway, I wondered.

I had always loved ice skating, but this time, when I stepped onto the rink during a public skate session, something happened inside me. I could feel a new electricity and an idea was borne. A week later, I was at a rink in Harrisburg, at 6:00 a.m. with a new pair of skates and a determination to learn how to figure skate - for real!

In the following weeks, my husband and I sat down and decided that if I was really going to pursue the dream of doing a big Christmas concert, I should have a grand piano to practice on. He would contact our local bank and start the process of borrowing the money to buy one. We prefer not to borrow money, but for some reason, my husband was open to this idea.

We decided together how much we could afford to borrow and went on with our day. I kept going to the rink as usual and he promised to make arrangements with the bank.

One morning, about two weeks into my skating endeavor, I walked into the rink and my coach began a conversation with me.

"Hey - you're a musician - do you know of anyone who might want a grand piano?"

"Well........I might.  What kind of piano?"

"It's a Yamaha, baby grand."

"What color is it?" (I had my heart set on a shiny black one just like my teacher's.)

"It's shiny black", he said in his adorable British accent.

The next morning after skating, I went to his house and played the piano. It was the perfect size for my little studio. It was everything I had wished for.

As it turns out, he and his family were moving back to England and didn't want to risk moving the piano across the ocean. This was a fact he couldn't tell me at the time when I asked why they were selling it. Due to privacy issues with a new job he was taking in the UK, he couldn't tell me anything.

The good news is, I got a piano and the bad news is, I lost my coach. But that's another story.
He took what we offered and it was such a great deal, we didn't have to borrow the money after all.

Do you have a dream?

Find a small replica or picture of that dream and keep it where you can see it often.

Don't give up on it. Enjoy the journey until it comes true. I know - that seems like an oxymoron when I've been suggesting we let go of things - but there is a time and place for holding on to something that represents a future dream or goal. Trust your instincts when evaluating your "stuff".

From the Wurlitzer, to the Yamaha at my teacher's home, to the golden piano to help me hold on to my dream, to the figure skating....it all ties together. It's the beauty of accumulating something and then being able to let go.

It's a beautiful thing to let go of old things and make room for the new. 

The Bucket Life

Every time someone asks me if I have a bucket list, I cringe.

I finally figured out why.

I don't have one because I feel like it implies that I'm living a dull life and the only way I'd change it is if I got some really bad news and realized my time was short, so I'd suddenly throw caution to the wind and go do everything I ever wanted to do. Maybe that's a harsh way to look at it...but that's me.

I'm not sure how much the movie "The Bucket List" contributed to my feelings, but I do know I had this reaction long before I saw the movie.

"Billionaire Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) and car mechanic Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) are complete strangers, until fate lands them in the same hospital room. The men find they have two things in common: a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives, and a desire to complete a list of things they want to see and do before they die. Against their doctor's advice, the men leave the hospital and set out on the adventure of a lifetime."

I don't have a problem with this part of their story: "a desire to complete a list of things they want to see and do before they die"

But here is where they lost me: "a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives"

I don't like the idea of waiting until something serious comes along and threatens your identity causing you to scramble for your pen and paper and totally change your life's trajectory. 

I want to live my life in the now and decide now who I want to be and what I want to do and then spend my days doing and being. No line between what I am now and what I would do if I ran out of time.  I call it 'the bucket life'. I grab hold of all that I can right now and put it in my current bucket.

For instance.  Say I wanted to take a trip across the U.S. on my motorcycle. I think doing that would bring about a certain feeling of satisfaction and freedom. It would be 'out of the norm' of my current path, so therefore, it would feel amazing.  There is a sense of "I can't do this until certain things are in place" in that 'bucket list' mentality. If it's on the bucket list, I am waiting until something serious catapults me into the wherewithal to make my wish happen.

After all, I would need extra time, money and who knows what else to be able to travel all the way to CA on my motorcycle.  I might not ever have all those pieces in one place at the right time. I'd have to be retired, but then I might not be in good health. 

But in the 'bucket life' analogy, I take a ride in the evenings, through the valley where I call home.  I see the changing seasons, I get to stop and talk to friends out in the fields, I go for ice cream and I spend time with my husband. I experience the feelings in my current reality that I would have if I rode across the U.S.  

Having a bucket life mentality instead of a bucket list mentality has more to do with attitude. Embracing each moment you have right now and making the most of it. Bringing the 'list' items into your current 'life' as much as possible.

IF I had a bucket list, one item might be to do Christmas concerts all across North America - a Portraits of White Christmas tour.  But the truth is, I am getting so much enjoyment out of doing just one that I'd feel completely satisfied if I 'kicked the bucket' tomorrow because the bigger list is already a part of my present reality in a small way.

So I say, fill your bucket with all that you can and embrace each moment fully, right now.

"Getting Old - Do Not Disturb"

I feel like I have two girls living inside.

One is about 7 years old and has big ideas. Her dreams are bigger than her shoes but she doesn't care.

She's pretty clear about what she wants and there is nothing that can stop her because her imagination is the force within that drives her.  She would never tell you that because she's too young to know better. Dreaming is as natural as breathing. She doesn't give it a second thought. Decisions are easy. She does what pops into her head without thought of the future. It's all about the NOW.

The second girl is about 70 years old.

She's been through more things than you should ever take time to hear about. She has stepped out and taken some risks. Though most things have turned out ok, she's still sure that as she gets older, risks are too....well, um.....risky. Experience and fears (usually unfounded) make her less apt to dream. She could easily close up shop and hang a sign on the door:

"Getting Old - Do Not Disturb"

Yesterday I told my husband that the little girl in me seems to know exactly what to do, but the old woman in me rebukes me and starts talking me out of everything.

The older I get, the more I am trying to listen to the little girl inside. I think you reach a certain age where you start realizing that what you might lose is worth risking. (Please remind me of this the next time you see me freaking out).

I recently found myself wishing for a way to bring the two generations together - not just my two girls on the inside, but in society.

I was in Canada on a mini tour and one of the events I did was very small, but very rich. I'd go back again in a heartbeat. A group of mostly elderly gathered to sing hymns for a couple of hours. They were invited to pick their favorite songs and boy did we sing! When we weren't crying, that is. We ate a tasty lunch and then I did a concert for them. They laughed at "Silver Hair", my new parody of "Silver Bells".  It's not too early for Christmas these days.  It's all I think about as my big concert draws near.

I watched as they started blowing noses and wiping tears. I choked up. Some of them don't get to sing the old hymns any more. But they've lived life long enough that when they sing, they know from experience how true the words are. I found myself wishing the young people could experience this moment. I found myself wondering what I could do to join the vitality of youth, faith and zeal with the deep endurance of those who have lived long enough to be touched by the simplicity of faith.

The song leader and I are not yet fifty. We still have some youth left in us but we have been dancing with the symptoms of aging and we're getting a bit clumsy in our 'jig' as we navigate our forties. We can learn from those who have been there.

And likewise, I wish there was a way that the little girl in me could keep the old woman from caving in to ease and comfort. There must be a way for the old woman in me to nurture and guide the little girl who loves to dream.

Just like there must be a way for the younger generation to help the older ones remember how to dream. There must be a way for the older generation to speak wisdom and experience to the youth and catch them when they fall.

I think I'll keep my shop open for a while yet and I think I will change the sign:

"Getting Old - MOVE Out Of My Way"

The Voices Inside Your Head

If you are a human, you come built with voices inside your head.  They can be as quiet as a passing thought or as loud as someone shouting at you. We either listen to them or we silence them.  They can be replaced with new voices or we can simply give in to the negative ones we seem to be born with.

I'm not sure when they actually materialize, but it seems like they can actually get louder as we get older. After all, as we age we accumulate more experiences that threaten to validate the voices of fear and doubt we've heard.

"You didn't lose weight the last time you tried. Why try again? It's hopeless."

"You know what happened when you spoke up the last time!"

"You are such a loser. You'll never be able to pull this off!"

I recently created a little video for a project I'm working on with RocketHub.  It was meant to be funny and when I posted it on Facebook, it was obvious that it did make people laugh.

The truth is, there really is a "dream killer" in my head. It announces it's presence at the strangest times.

If voices in your head had a face, they might look like this.....

Click here to 'see the voices' in your head.

Portraits of White is a very big dream and I've had plenty of experience fighting off voices in my head that haunt me with doubt and fear. It's a very expensive endeavor - and not just financially. It's an emotional investment as I make myself vulnerable to the public. "The Tip Jar" RocketHub campaign is one way to let others know what I'm up to and have a chance to contribute toward this BIG dream!

When I stand on the stage December 12, 2015 at 7:00 p.m. to begin the concert, you will know that the voices in my head have been conquered.

Here's a tip I use:

IGNORE THEM.

How do you know your dream is from God?

When we start talking about pursuing our dreams, sometimes we are afraid that we'll do the 'wrong' thing.  

I'm often dreaming and coming up with ideas, but I'm not always sure if they are of my own making or if God has placed them in me. As with most things on our journey, it's not like we always get a big neon sign that makes a distinction.

So here's another question I was asked recently about pursuing dreams.

How do you know that Portraits of White is a dream from God?  

As I get older, I actually try not to analyze this too much.  I think the underlying concern driving this question might be - what if my dreams aren't from God and they are just my own? 

Here's how I've come to look at it:

• Did you have any part in deciding you would be born?  
• Did you decide if you were a girl or boy?  
• Did you have control over which century you were born into?
• Did you have a say in the family in which you were born?
• Did you choose the country?

.....you get the idea.

Being afraid our dreams might be selfish is partially based on thinking we have control over our dreams. That is almost ludicrous.  On one hand, we can make choices and choices lead to consequences. Therefore, now that we are in existence, we do have some control. And yet, we don't have control over the big picture. It's paradoxical.

For instance, one of the big factors that led me toward doing the Christmas show was not something I dreamt of or could have manufactured. I currently serve at a church where I never intended to serve.  In fact, it wasn't until after three phone calls from them that I said I would consider it.  

I did not seek this position. It wasn't even one of my goals or dreams. However, because the opportunity fit my gift set and did resonate with some of my musical desires, I said yes. 

It has turned out to be a significant factor in my growth, both as a musician and as a person. I didn't see that one coming.  What seemed to have little correlation with my dreams, turned out to open up a whole new world that unleashed bigger dreams. Something about playing with an orchestra there stirred up something deep down inside me.

Am I in charge of my dreams?  Not really.  And yet I am.  That's why I say it's paradoxical. Once I have an opportunity that resonates with me, I go at it with everything I have.

Here's another angle from which to approach this.  

• Is a car created to move down the highway? 
• Is it ok to use the accelerator in the car?
• Maybe we shouldn't use the brakes even though they were created to make us stop.
• Should the car be concerned that it's pursuing the wrong thing by driving?
• Is a flower created to bloom and be fragrant?

• Should a corn stalk produce corn?
• Does an apple tree get concerned it will produces apples? Maybe it should produce cherries now that it has strong branches and roots?

If God created me with music inside, why wouldn't I pursue music?  As I keep my heart turned toward Him, is He not leading me and giving me opportunities to apply the gifts He gave me?  Do I have to always ask if a dream is from Him?  

Do you ask God every day when you go to your job is this is the thing you should do today?  I think your boss hopes you'll show up.

Back to the original question. Is my dream to do "Portraits of White" from God? 

I don't know for sure somedays (it's become a very big undertaking) but I do know this:

• I was born with music in me before I had any control over my skills and desires.  I naturally gravitated to the piano, singing and performing. 
• I have chosen to develop those skills and pursue the inklings inside of me.
• In 1988, I felt a strong whisper in my heart that said 'music is your place in the body of Christ'.  I did NOT hear any specifics.....like: "you will do a big Christmas show".  
• Sometimes I do hear something specific, but generally, I spend time in prayer and then move forward with my ideas.  Once in a while, I'll sense a strong leading one way or another, and then I try to follow that.

I keep my senses open for signals (on the inside of me in my spirit):

• green (go for it) 
• yellow (caution - timing might not be right)
• red (don't proceed)

It's like the ancient missionary Paul, who knew he was called to a specific group of people and took trips to find those people.  Once in a while though, the Spirit would tell him not to go to a certain place or city and then he obeyed those specific instructions, but other than that, it seems to me that he spent his life pursuing his calling and dream wherever he went. Unless otherwise instructed, he kept going.

I believe that God created us all with certain abilities and gifts.  They can be deserted or increased, that is our choice. Sometimes we get a little over spiritual about this stuff (me included) and we make it so complicated.  

So with all that being said, yes, I believe my dream for "Portraits of White" is from God. Simply because He is my creator and He built me with music inside. He is big enough to let me know when I start moving in a less desirable direction within those abilities and desires.

So here's a few pointers to help you.

1.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you discover your dreams.
2.  Spend time listening for the Spirit's voice.
3.  Use any opportunities that come your way and use your abilities well.
4.  Talk to someone who knows you well, believes in you, and see if they confirm what you sense.
5.  Keep moving forward in faith!

A Dream Clue From The '80s

Recently, I came across this poem I wrote when I was 14.

I smiled as I read it.  

A Dream Clue of Portraits of White I wonder?

My Love For Snowflakes

I love the snowflakes
so pretty and white

what a touch they do add 

on a cold winter's night

Each one is different
no pattern the same

each one is special

it's from God that they came

God wants us to be different
just as the snow

no pattern the same

but each heart will glow

For when snowflakes come together
they all become one

when Christians come together

the whole world is won