I Want To See You Be Brave

They play this song at the ice rink and I was so inspired by it that I went looking for the lyrics.  

I really relate to this video.  The daring people who dance in spite of others staring them down.  

That's how I feel when I skate.  

I am saying what I want to say and becoming who I want to be. 

I am learning to be brave.  

Thanks Sara Bareilles for this amazing song.  Link to video.

Brave

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do

When they settle ‘neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly 

I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly 

I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there

Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy

Fallen for the fear

And done some disappearing

Bow down to the mighty

Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly 

I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly 

I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence

Won’t do you any good,

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly 

I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly 

I wanna see you be brave

Understanding The Edge

edge

noun

1. 1.

   a place or part farthest away from the center of something.

   • an area next to a steep drop.
   • the point or state immediately before something unpleasant or momentous occurs. 
2. 2.

   the sharpened side of the blade of a cutting implement or weapon.

   • the line along which two surfaces of a solid meet.
   • an intense, sharp, or striking quality.
   • a quality or factor that gives superiority over close rivals or competitors.

verb

2. 1.

   move gradually, carefully, or furtively in a particular direction.

   
   

   These are the official meanings of the word "edge".  (from the internet).

   
   

   In my life, living on the edge means pursuing things that seem strange or meaningless to someone peering into my life.  

   
   

   Taking up figure skating has pushed me to the edge of what I believe.  It rises up in the face of all that I had embraced about life and challenges me to think in new ways.

   
   

   The elephant diet (blog theme for 2013) challenged me to answer the question...."who do you think you are?".  As I was able to unpack that question and begin to answer it, a more confident Frances has emerged.  Joyful, happy, content, confident....the new me.

   
   

   This year, I can already tell the question is different....."what on earth are you thinking girl?".   

   
   

   I'm 47 and I'm putting on a new pair of skates and learning how to figure skate.  Oh yes, I thought I knew how to ice skate, and the truth is, I could get around the ice on my skates.  But figure skate?  THAT is another story altogether.  I have a deep respect for the sport as I learn the intricacies of what really happens on the ice.

   
   

   In my head, I can hear voices telling me things like: "this is ridiculous and luxurious and you should be ashamed of yourself for taking the time and resources to do this.  God would never want you to pursue something like this, it's a waste of time.  He doesn't want you to enjoy life, it should be all serious and heavy." 

   
   

   Since it is my desire to inspire you through what I write in this blog, I am committed to honesty and vulnerability.  

   
   

   It has rearranged my home life - I no longer make breakfast for my husband and sit with him for a while in the morning before we head into our day.  I leave by 5:15 a.m. so all I can do for him is make a pot of coffee and set out the cold cereal for him to eat.  I am a very lucky girl, because he is my biggest encourager as I step out onto the edge and do what calls to me from within.  Living on the edge affects those we love.  It's scary here.  But I can already tell that something big is unfolding in my soul.

   
   

   I hope that you will choose to head toward something momentous.  When you do, there will be one prevailing question you will have to address. It is my observation that the more doubt and fear you have about it, the stronger the indicator that you are heading toward the edge (in a good way).

   
   

   I'd love to hear from you if you have an edge you think you have identified!  What is it?  I'd love to encourage you as you step out on the edge.

   
   

   

   
   

When You Lose Your Edge

I arrived at the ice rink at 6:00 a.m. this morning as usual and when I got out of the car, I realized that I forgot my ice skates......my edge.  I can't just turn around and go get them.  I live 45 minutes away and I have other errands to run afterward.

Fortunately I brought my laptop with me because I thought I might have a few moments between appointments today to do some work.  Let's just say that I am getting a LOT of work done because I have 3 hours to kill until my next appointment.

Thank God for McDonald's and free wi-fi.  Don't worry - I'm not getting any unhealthy foods here.  It would be useless to exercise like I do and then eat a sausage, egg and cheese mcmuffin.   But they do have good coffee.

I am feeling the best I have felt in years since I've begun living on the edge.  I've adjusted my eating, my schedule and yes, even my thinking.  The more I commit to this, the more it affects every single area of my life.

I will now have to go to the gym today to get my exercise in and rearrange my whole day.  There was a day when forgetting my skates would have totally messed up my day.  I would have been down and sad because I couldn't do what I intended to do.  But I've been working so hard on changing my mentality about life in general, that I quickly adjusted my attitude and came up with a good plan B.

There will be days when we just don't have our edge.  Life is busy, complicated and easily interrupted.  Don't worry.  Re-adjust yourself and move ahead.  One thing is for sure, I will probably never forget my skates again.

In Front of The Mirror

"How you THINK you look and how you REALLY look are very different. Go home and stand in front of the mirror.

Close your eyes.

Hold both arms out and up to the height of your shoulders to where you think they are level with each other.

Open your eyes.

Most skaters THINK they are holding their arms level with each other but when they open their eyes, they find that they are not level."

So begins my life on the edge.

I'm in my fourth week of skating every morning five days a week.  I've had my second session with Christian, my coach.  I practice all that he teaches me.  I've even stood in front of the mirror and held out my arms (following his instructions above).  I record myself skating so I can see what adjustments need to be made.


"Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other.  Act on what you hear!  Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.  But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God - the free life! - even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action.  That person will find delight and affirmation in the action."  James 1:22-25 (The Message)

If you are going to live life on the edge: you will need to make adjustments.

What adjustments do you need to make in your life so you can live on the edge?

# 29 Next2Nothing Interview

The band, Next2Nothing, talks about life in the music world in this interview, along with other stories they have gathered along the way.

This is one of Frances' favorite bands!

http://www.next2nothing.com

Check out this episode!

The Little Girl In Me

Skating on our farm pond as a little girl.

A few years ago, I sat in the counselor's office with tears that freely flowed down my face no matter how hard I tried to hold them back.  I was a mess and was desperate for any help she could give me.

"What kinds of things did you do for fun when you were a little girl?" she asked.

Music was certainly something that filled my life with joy when I was little.  But I have given my life to music as a profession and it can be difficult to go back to something just as a hobby once you've spent years honing the skill to share with audiences.  She encouraged me to just sit and play the piano for fun.

But there was something else I loved to do as a young girl.  I don't even remember how or when I started.

I loved to ice skate.

Growing up....

We had a pond on our farm and I would spend hours out there all by myself skating.  I'd take my tape player out and play music and make up dances on the ice.  It was a place where I could freely express myself to music.  The skates made it easy to twirl and spread my arms like eagles to fly.

It has been years since I have been able to skate.  We don't have a pond where we live now and though the neighbor invited me to skate on his pond, the Pennsylvania winters have not been cold enough long enough to freeze the water.  I set it aside and focused on music and I've enjoyed creating music.

She encouraged me to tap into that little girl again and go ice skating.  I did one day.  I felt so clumsy at first, but something ignited in me and a desire to skate returned.  But we don't live real close to a rink and the skates I have are not very good.  (I took them to a local shop and had them sharpened.  They sharpened them alright.  Cut the concave blade right off. Made it really easy to spin....right out of control).  Winter passed and I forgot about skating.  If I did think about it, I shrugged it off.  Impossible.

Dreams or Cold Eeze?

Two weeks ago I was unable to sleep one night and began pondering some creative ideas for my show. I'm not sure how it all transpired, maybe it was the Cold Eeze I was taking for my scratchy throat, but somewhere in the middle of the night I got an idea.  I started researching where to buy professional skates on-line.  After reading up on buying skates and finding places to purchase a good pair, I decided that I would take the money someone gave me at Christmas and invest in a new pair of skates.

I prayed as I lay there on my couch that night and asked God to lead me to the right people who could coach me and help me pursue my idea, if possible.  If this idea was from Him, I would need His help.

I discovered there was a free skating lesson at a local rink on the next Saturday afternoon so I decided I would go and get my first lesson.  Something I've never experienced.  I asked the gentleman who was renting skates where I could buy a pro pair.  Turns out he has a shop where you can be fitted for skates.  "Wonderful" I said.

My first lesson

When I went to join the group of mostly children who had shown up for the free lesson, it was the same man who was leading the class.  After giving some instruction and watching us skate, he commented that it looked like I had skated before.  "I've never had a lesson before and I figured it wouldn't hurt to learn to do it right", I replied.

When we finished the lesson, I asked when I could go to his shop and be fitted for a new pair of skates.  "Three o'clock this afternoon is open" he said.  So at 3:00 I arrived at his shop in Harrisburg, PA ready to buy my first pair of good skates.

As I sat in his shop and learned more about skating and all the opportunities there are, I went ahead and shared the idea I had.  He was very encouraging.  When I asked about hiring a private coach, he advised me to come and skate for 2 weeks and then talk about a coach.  The best hours when I could go would have to be the morning hours....6:00 - 9:00 a.m.  He gave me his card and I left.  Turns out his name is Christian Newberry and he is the skating director at the rink.

My new skates.

4:00 a.m.?  I must be nuts?!?!

Since the rink where you can skate (with other serious skaters) is 45 minutes away, I realized that I had to either give up my morning devotional time and put it at a different time of the day (which never seems to work out real well for me) or I could get up earlier and spend that time before I go to the rink. Since I wake up at 4:00 a.m. so many mornings, I decided that I could get up then, have my quiet time and head to the rink.

It has been so invigorating I can't even begin to describe what takes place on the inside of me.

I have always tried to pay attention to the little voice inside me when it begins to whisper desires.  It takes years sometimes, but I have learned that if the desire doesn't go away, there is usually something to it and you should pay attention to it. After all, the scripture says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  As we keep our hearts turned toward Him, I believe He places desires in there and He is capable of bringing them to pass if we diligently seek Him.

I don't know exactly where this will lead but I have a specific goal in mind.  My first set of goals?....

1)  Buy a pair of skates
2)  Learn more about hiring a coach
3)  Be faithful for 2 weeks as Christian suggested

As of today, I have completed those goals.  So I asked Christian yesterday morning if he thought I could pursue my next goal.  "Most adult skaters don't have the balance or speed to do this, but I have been watching you and you have both.  I think you can", he said.  "Your main problem is that you do everything on two feet".  Ah....YEAH!  I laughed.  "I'm still getting used to just skating again", I replied.  (2 hands, 2 ears, 2 eyes, a nose with 2 holes and 2 FEET - makes sense to me.)

I am usually one of the first ones there at the rink every week day which gives me time to skate all alone before the pros come and spin and jump around me.  I watch them with the eye of a hawk.  I learn quickly by watching what they do.  (I can tell you this, the jumps they do on TV sound much louder in real life).  Wow - the force of their landing on the ice is amazing.  I could either let it scare me, discourage me or inspire me.  I have chosen to be inspired by them and it fills my spirit with new vitality and joy.   It is now my new exercise routine.

I am on a new path and it feels so good.  The little girl in me has come to life.  It's as if I have completed Act I and am now getting ready for Act II.  I can't wait to see how this unfolds.  I believe that it will all somehow weave together eventually.

Oh and by the way - turns out the guy who rented me the skates, taught the lesson, sold me the skates, is in charge of the rink where I skate, also coaches many of the skaters.

He is now my personal coach.  He is also Britain's National Champion from 1989.  Guess what his wife is?  A music teacher.  How cool is that?

This is how we pursue the things of our soul.  (thank you Tom for giving me freedom to do this!)

One step at a time.  One goal at a time.  One day at a time.

Up Against A Wall

Any time you step out to do something big, it can be overwhelming.  In fact, you can start to feel as if you are up against a wall and it is closing in on you.

As I think about what this year holds for my music career, I know that one thing I want to accomplish is to follow through on my dream to do a professional christmas show.  So I have come up with a plan and it includes a wall that will help me, not close in on me.

One thing that causes stress in pursuing our dreams is all the details involved and pondering how we will ever accomplish them.  My solution?  I took down everything on one of my studio walls and made up index cards with the titles of all the categories I can think of involved in doing a show.  And it keeps growing.  But that's ok.  Once it is on the wall, it is off my mind.  That frees my mind for more creative thinking.

When something else pops in my head, I make a note and post it on the wall.  I used lined cards so I can make organized notes under each category.  They can be easily moved around in order of importance.  I will add due dates and other information on other colored cards as necessary.

Here are the categories I have so far:

• mission statement
• creating the experience
• date
• venue
• money/budget
• songs
• marketing
• show team
• director of first impressions
• hospitality
• prayer team
• music director
• stage manager
• musicians/singers
• audio/visual
• lighting
• wardrobe
• ticket sales
• seating
• props
• instruments
• concessions
• merch table
• screen
• ushers
• parking lot attendants

As you can see, this is no small undertaking.  But I love it and I can't wait to see it all come to pass.

Don't stress about your dreams.  Put them up against the wall before they put you up against a wall.