Getting hurt, while trying not to get hurt.

I've made it almost a week using crutches.  I'm a bit envious of the guy in the photo who is skating with a crutch.  Obviously he doesn't really need it.  Maybe he has it just in case he does get hurt.

The very first day I skated with my new pair of skates my coach warned me to be careful of the toe picks.  "They are much sharper than the rental pair you wore".

Wouldn't you know, he was right.  I accidentally dug my toe pick into the ice way too deep and I went face forward down to the ice.  I put my arms out in front of me to stop the fall and I've suffered with muscle pain in my arm because of it ever since that day in January.

I hurt myself while trying NOT to get hurt.  Dah!

Now, here I am on crutches so that my foot can heal.  But the first day I used the crutches I had new pain.   I moaned and groaned that night as I got into bed. My shoulders, neck, back and wrists hurt so bad from the crutches I didn't even notice the ankle problem (my cats were not happy about the metal robot-like legs pounding through the house either).

Have you ever tried so hard to keep yourself from getting hurt that you end up hurting.....yourself?

A long time ago I worked at an office where my boss was emphatic about answering the office phone after the very first ring.  If he heard the phone ring more than once, he was on my case about it.  I was new in town and very young.  I internalized my anxiety day after day over this.  I tried hard to get the phone every time it rang, but sometimes I just couldn't get to it until it was too late, especially if I was taking another call at the time. The second ring signaled a lecture from my boss (he wasn't a dictator...he just knew how he wanted things to be.)

This went on for months until I got so sick in my stomach I ended up in the ER with a stomach ulcer.  I didn't put the two together until years later when this kind of pattern would repeat itself.

I was afraid to speak up and tell him that sometimes it was impossible to do what he demanded.  When my body finally said "I can't take this anymore, I'm hurting", I told a friend of mine who also worked at the office.  She told my boss and from then on he wasn't quite so demanding.

If the current Frances could talk to the 22 year old Frances back then, I would tell her that in stuffing her feelings and fears in order not to get hurt, she would only end up hurting herself more.

I sure miss skating, but I guess there are lessons I can learn even when I'm not on the ice.  This is a good lesson to learn.

How about you?  Are you hurting yourself more by putting up walls so...you....don't get hurt?

Be Careful

I don't know what I did to injure my foot, but I can't undo it.

I tried to be careful.

My ankle seems to show no improvement.

I can't jog, jump rope or skate.

Even walking (without support of a shoe with a heel) is painful.

I've had to stop skating and give up coaching sessions.

Yesterday I went to the doctor.  Achilles Tendonitis...he thinks.  Never had it before and don't want it again.

No activity for 2 weeks.  I tried to heal things my own way for the past 2 weeks and it hasn't worked, so I figure I better try to be obedient.

I'm learning how to do life with crutches.

I have had to readjust my attitude over and over through this time.  It's the only thing I can control!

This season reveals that there is something even more dangerous looming that I must be careful of.  As much as I wish my ankle would straighten up, I'm more concerned about how I handle this.

For many of us women, (and maybe men too?) our feelings are wrapped up in how we feel about ourselves.  You know the cycle, when you think you're losing weight and eating well and getting in your exercise routine, you feel great about everything.  When that all comes to a grinding halt, you can start to feel awful and it's a quick decline into discouragement and even binge eating.

I've found myself fighting that decline since I can't exercise.  I then start to want to eat more because I think I feel 'better' when I eat.  That inevitably leads to weight gain, which leads to more eating because I feel discouraged.

I've been here before.  I have broken the pattern in the past.  But although I am frustrated about the ankle, I'm more concerned about my heart through all this.

So yes, I certainly have tried to be careful with my body, but now I must be careful with my heart.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it".  Proverbs 4:23

Isn't it that way for all of us?  Not WHAT circumstances we face, but HOW we face them?

“Many times we are our worst enemy. If we could learn to conquer ourselves, then we will have a much easier time overcoming the obstacles that are in front of us.” ― Stephan Labossiere

I Fell

At least once a week I take a good tumble on the ice.  I'm learning to just get back up and keep going.  I wish I would never fall.

A few weeks ago I "fell", but it wasn't on the ice.  

It was right after a long night of rehearsing with the band the eve before the big SOAR conference where I led worship.  Ruth Graham was to be one of the keynote speakers at a mega church in Lancaster, PA.  I was excited to have the band with me.

We worked hard for a couple of hours and worked up quite an appetite.  I decided to treat them all to dinner.  Between the band and their wives, there were 6 of us.  

The waitress finally took our order.  Before she left our table however, she began talking non-stop to the drummer something about peppers and how she liked her meat cooked.  I found myself getting a bit 'edgy' as she continued to chat.  (At least go and put our order in before you continue this long conversation I thought to myself.  Then come back and yak all you want.)

You must understand that because I get up at 4:00 a.m. to work in my skating time during the week, I am usually heading to bed around 9:00 p.m. I'm really tired by the end of the day and when you combine that with hunger, exhaustion and non-stop talking by someone you don't know on a late Friday night, that is a perfect set up for a fall. I was now way past my bed time.

I looked her straight in the eye, found a spot when she stopped to take a breath and asked her to please go put our order in.  "I'm hungry", I said.

She quickly said "I'm sorry" and turned and walked away.  I reflected on how good it felt to finally be learning to speak up instead of holding everything in.  But before I could finish my thought, the band gave me a stern rebuke and told me I was rude.  

I fell.

They were right.

In fact, the bass player pointed out that it was the drummer who started that conversation, not the waitress.  

The next time she came back to the table, I apologized for my rudeness.  Fortunately, she accepted my apology but I still felt ashamed of myself.  I needed her forgiveness and I needed to forgive myself. It's not that I shouldn't learn to speak up, I just need to make sure it's at the right time in the right way.

I was grateful the band was there to put things into perspective.  

Like I said, I wish I would never fall.

Setbacks or Setups?

In case you haven't noticed, I have fallen in love with figure skating.  The combination of athleticism, artistry and music are a perfect fit for me.

To have a setback is very difficult.  In fact, recently I've had one right after another.

It started with a growing soreness in my left ankle bone.  I had to lay off for a few days.

Then I got very sick with a cold like I haven't had in years and missed a week of skating.

Then my Mother started losing her appetite and losing weight and when the retirement home became alarmed at her quickly failing health, it threw my life into another tailspin.

My siblings came to the rescue to give me a break and over the same time, a new medicine began to help my mother start to improve.

While my brother stayed with my Mother, my sister and I took a trip to Nashville so I could work on my christmas show.  That was an AMAZING trip, but I missed 3 more days of skating.

Now, I was finally ready to get back into my daily skating routine this past Monday.  I skated great, felt great and even had the privilege of having my big brother from New Mexico video tape what I've learned so far.  It was so fun to have him enter into this new journey in my life.  We spent the day together after skating.  He treated me to a big wonderful hot chocolate at a quaint little coffee shop near the rink and then we spent the rest of the day visiting his friends and seeing the beautiful unfolding of Spring in South Central PA.  I took him to the airport in the afternoon and said goodbye.

By evening I could barely walk on my left foot without severe pain.

Today as I type this, I am facing an ankle injury and I have no idea how it happened.  I tried to skate yesterday and it only made things worse.  My coach is guessing it's a sprain and told me to either press through the pain or to stay off if it got worse.  Skating made it worse, so I've had to stop.

This has been a real setback to me.

One of the things I've always heard about goal setting is that you should write out your vision and see yourself accomplishing your goals.  I have been doing that as it relates to skating and it's been working wonderfully.  But my most recent mentor encouraged me to also write out the setbacks I may encounter along the way so that I would be emotionally prepared for them if they happen.  Now at first that seems really negative, but I decided to try it.  Thank God I did.  I pulled them out today to review them.

Here's what he told me to do:  "Anticipate the obstacles you'll encounter (without wallowing in paranoia, list some of the potential hurdles or frustrations you might face as you pursue your goals):"

So here is what I wrote back in January when I was first writing out the setbacks I might encounter regarding my vision about figure skating. (I will share my new vision with you at some point, but not yet).

1)  physical injury, setbacks
2)  skating gracefully may not be as easy as I think - might take longer to learn than I thought
3)  money challenges

My next assignment was this:

"Now, look over the list of obstacles above and write down proactive ways you will deal with them and rise above if they come up.  (How will you brace yourself for disappointments?)."

Here's what I wrote:

1)  Do all I can to recover as quickly as possible and be careful to prevent any injury in the first place.
2)  Be joyful for any progress I make and let it be about artistry, not technicality.
3)  Be very intentional about what it will cost me to do anything music related (be careful about what I spend). Trust God.

Time to apply the lesson.

I could feel myself slipping into discouragement last night when I realized that I cannot skate for a while right now.  I can't continue on with that goal.  I need to rest the ankle and let it heal.

I decided this morning that I will turn my setback into a setup.  I have plenty to do for upcoming concerts and I am in the thick of planning my big christmas show.  (by the way - an official announcement is coming soon, but you can save the date now!  December 6, 2014 at 7:00 p.m.)

I will turn this setback into a setup by:

• Focusing on music and giving my foot a break.  
• Being thankful for this focused time to work on details about the show.
• NOT seeing this as a setback but a setup to succeed at other areas in my life until I can get back to skating.

Yes - that's it.  See this as a setup.

• A setup to get other things done.
• A setup to rest my body so I can continue skating eventually.
• A setup for some extra time at home with my husband.

So many things to be thankful for.  It's the attitude of Tigger instead of Eeyore.

What are some setbacks you are encountering?

What if you start seeing how they could be a setup for something wonderful in your life?

The Better You Get, The Harder It Becomes

That's what my coach told me yesterday about a move I'm learning. 

It felt like the opposite of what should be.  

Shouldn't it get easier?

I'm still pondering the perplexity of it and how that might apply to life.

Truly baffled.

What do you think?

"Just relax. It's ok if you fall and hit your head."

My first introduction to "Sparkles" (my skating friend) was a shared interest in Mandisa's music.  When I recognized the song "Overcomer" that she was skating to, I asked her if she is a Mandisa fan.  "Yes", she said.  "Me too!", I said.

We became friends immediately.

From then on, she became my second coach.  She encourages me, tells me when I'm doing something wrong and chatters on about many things in her life.  I love skating with her.


She will probably provide most of the material for me in this blog because of her bold, child-like approach to 'coaching'.  I pay for lessons with a private coach, but she provides free lessons without knowing it.

She saw me trying the 3 turn one day and told me to "just relax.  It's ok if you fall and hit your head".

In her 10 year old mind, she's perfectly fine with hitting your head.  I'm 47 and not interested in hitting any part of my body, let alone my head.

But I love her attitude and I have been trying to adopt that "relaxed" attitude approach.  It's true, the more tense I get about what I'm learning, the more likely I am to hurt myself worse.  If I can learn to relax, my body will perform much better.

The scripture tells us not to worry or have any anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication to make our request known to our heavenly Father.  He will guard our hearts and minds with peace if we do this.

Sounds like another word from someone who knows what to do.....just relax.

A Noisy Edge

Apparently edges can be noisy.  In my figure skating lesson this week my coach pointed out that one of my moves was 'noisy'.

Ok, so you're telling me that first I have to learn how to go left, right, forwards, backwards, inside, outside and NOW quietly?

Yep.

I am learning that the more I stay on the edge of my blade, the quieter the sound on the ice.  A sure sign of improvement is that I can do it quietly.

I'm learning to speak up more in my life.  That's another 'edge' I'm living on these days.  But it can be sort of awkward, clunky and yes - noisy at first.

For example, being honest for a change when someone asks my opinion instead of fearing rejection when I speak the truth.  It might come out rather awkward and clunky at first, but that's ok.  If it comes out inappropriately I can simply say, "I'm sorry - I'm learning how to speak openly and honestly so it's not coming out so nicely yet."  

Some people have held things in all the time and so when they start speaking up, it comes out 'noisy' at first.  Others have spoken too quickly all their life and are now trying to learn to hold their tongue.  Either way, it's a clumsy feeling at first, but you'll get the hang of it.

Living on the edge can be noisy when you are first being stretched and trying new things.  Keep trying.  Eventually you will glide into a comfortable position and be graceful about it.