Getting hurt, while trying not to get hurt.

I've made it almost a week using crutches.  I'm a bit envious of the guy in the photo who is skating with a crutch.  Obviously he doesn't really need it.  Maybe he has it just in case he does get hurt.

The very first day I skated with my new pair of skates my coach warned me to be careful of the toe picks.  "They are much sharper than the rental pair you wore".

Wouldn't you know, he was right.  I accidentally dug my toe pick into the ice way too deep and I went face forward down to the ice.  I put my arms out in front of me to stop the fall and I've suffered with muscle pain in my arm because of it ever since that day in January.

I hurt myself while trying NOT to get hurt.  Dah!

Now, here I am on crutches so that my foot can heal.  But the first day I used the crutches I had new pain.   I moaned and groaned that night as I got into bed. My shoulders, neck, back and wrists hurt so bad from the crutches I didn't even notice the ankle problem (my cats were not happy about the metal robot-like legs pounding through the house either).

Have you ever tried so hard to keep yourself from getting hurt that you end up hurting.....yourself?

A long time ago I worked at an office where my boss was emphatic about answering the office phone after the very first ring.  If he heard the phone ring more than once, he was on my case about it.  I was new in town and very young.  I internalized my anxiety day after day over this.  I tried hard to get the phone every time it rang, but sometimes I just couldn't get to it until it was too late, especially if I was taking another call at the time. The second ring signaled a lecture from my boss (he wasn't a dictator...he just knew how he wanted things to be.)

This went on for months until I got so sick in my stomach I ended up in the ER with a stomach ulcer.  I didn't put the two together until years later when this kind of pattern would repeat itself.

I was afraid to speak up and tell him that sometimes it was impossible to do what he demanded.  When my body finally said "I can't take this anymore, I'm hurting", I told a friend of mine who also worked at the office.  She told my boss and from then on he wasn't quite so demanding.

If the current Frances could talk to the 22 year old Frances back then, I would tell her that in stuffing her feelings and fears in order not to get hurt, she would only end up hurting herself more.

I sure miss skating, but I guess there are lessons I can learn even when I'm not on the ice.  This is a good lesson to learn.

How about you?  Are you hurting yourself more by putting up walls so...you....don't get hurt?

"The Elephant Diet" Day 129 Dreams Unfold Slowly

My cell phone rang and I was awakened out of a deep sleep.  I had no idea where I was, why I was in a hotel room or why I was alone.  I checked the number displayed and didn't recognize it so I didn't answer it.  

I drove 12 hours yesterday from PA to Nashville, much of it in torrential downpours and by the time I ate supper, checked into my room and ran some errands I was pretty tuckered out so I went to bed and was certainly unaware of life on this terrestrial ball when the phone rang.

Later in the night I went to the bathroom and being much more awake by then, checked my phone.  It was a message from the home where my mother lives.  She had fallen and hit her head so they took her to the ER.  I felt completely helpless.  

When I finally fell back to sleep I had a bad dream. I was now back with my mother caring for her and knew that in a few hours I was to be back in TN to begin the final 3 days of recording my CD.  I became very stressed in my dream realizing that I had 12 hours of driving ahead of me and I would never make it.

By the time I woke up, I was exhausted and couldn't get back to sleep.  The morning came early and I did not feel ready for the day.  My throat felt sore from tiredness and the realization that I had lots of singing ahead made we want to pull the covers back over my head and sleep until my voice was strong enough to finish this long awaited project - like how about 2014?

I did my exercise of 1200 rope jumps through the local neighborhood and came back a little more motivated.  After posting the night events on Facebook I was pleasantly encouraged by the number of folks who commented that they would be praying for me.  When I arrived at Phil's studio, I told him I wanted to focus on background vocals today and not do the last main song yet since I hadn't slept well, though I didn't tell him why.

So here it is, the end of the day and we got 6 songs done today and I made it through, voice good and strong.  Many of the harmonies and extra voices you will hear on this project will be the result of today's creative work and ideas between Phil and I.  Of course, I did all the singing - he just gave suggestions and ideas and I had to implement them.  Sometimes we laughed at my sorry tries at some of his ideas, but I usually got it after a few takes.  At one point I told him he should sing them (and I was serious because his voice sounded nice with mine) but he informed me that he is not a singer.  Bah humbug!

As I drove to the studio today I reflected on the fact that I would have never dreamed in a million years that I would get to work with someone like Phil.  He has produced many of my favorites - Carman and Michael Card (for starters).  I remember listening to those guys on the radio as a teenager and being moved by their music.  

This is not a dream I have pursued, but yet, slowly over time, by building relationships with people here in town and staying with it even in the midst of frustration, disappointment and setbacks, I am watching something beautiful unfold in my life and I feel as if I had nothing to do with it.

When Eric asked me if I would like Phil Naish to produce the vocals for this project, I couldn't believe it.  

My husband and I enjoy the book series by Jeanette Oakes called "Love Comes Softly" and all day the words kept running through my mind...."dreams come softly too".

Tomorrow (Thursday) we will finish background vocals and work on the lead vocal for "You With Me".  Trusting that I will sleep better tonight so I am ready for tomorrow.  This is it!!

I close with a few samples of studio lingo from the day:

we can fly that

really dig that out

onward and upward

here comes the stack

that's happenin'

stack it

I can tell you're thinking about it, not singing it

that is burnin'

P.S.  I don't know why these blogs often don't arrive in your mailbox until a day or so later than when I published it - so sometimes the words today, yesterday and tomorrow don't seem to be in real time.  My apologies.  : (

I called the nurse early this morning and found out that my mother had come home around 3:00 a.m. and was up eating breakfast.  Seems to be ok except for pain in her head and a bruised ankle. My dear sister from Canada called her and was able to comfort her across the miles.  Thanks sister!!