The Showstoppers

The conductor (Ed Kee) predicted it would be THE showstopper of the evening. I took his word for it, but since I have never experienced being part of a showstopper, I had no idea what that really meant.

Portraits of White Winter Concert, December 12, 2015.

The problem is, there was more than one showstopper on December 12, 2015. The other showstoppers that night were unplanned and unwanted.....at least at first.

In Steven Pressfield's book "The War of Art", he believes that any time we step out to do something daring, we will encounter resistance. Based on my experience, I tend to agree.

The "other" showstoppers started when three of my team members from Nashville, TN were delayed in arriving for the rehearsal due to mechanical issues on their planes. Though they came on different planes, they all experienced mechanical issues.  That seems odd.

* The guitar player's main piece of gear was damaged beyond use by the airlines.

* The live music producer somehow got food poisoning and he never did make it to the rehearsal.

That was only the beginning of the potential showstoppers.

* The night of the concert, one of the orchestra players was delayed due to traffic jams caused by accidents on the roadways.  We waited to begin until he rushed on to the stage and found his seat in the orchestra.

Finally, the venue was full, the lights faded into concert mode and we were off.  Twelve months of planning was about to pay off and I had my hands open, ready to receive the fulfillment of dreaming and working hard. In two hours it would all be over.

The next un-welcomed "showstopper" came right in the middle of the very first song of the concert when I suddenly noticed that my mic went dead and the music seemed harder to hear.  I kept going, thinking that whatever was wrong would be fixed. But next thing I knew, the whole orchestra began a descent into silence - not a beautiful decrescendo - more like a stuttering, choking car going over a cliff.

We paused for a moment until my sarcastic wit kicked into gear. "Goodnight, thank you for coming - it's been great having you here," I said.

What's a girl to do when the players quit playing?

Honestly, so much of it is a blur now that I can't remember exactly what I said.  I do know that the crowd laughed in response to my wit and I knew no matter what happened the rest of the evening, we would have a great show! They were with me. No showstopper could stop that. 

Suddenly, we were up and running and the rest of the first half went off without any trouble.

Fun Moments

Jeffrey Wohlbach teaches me how to do a horse whinny.

Well...maybe not!

Holy Moments

Tim Spirk joins me on "He Was Holy".

Musical Moments......

The second half of the evening started off with the wintery thematic title song, "Portraits of White". 

Heidi Ryan, Amy Harlacher and Holly Holbrook join Frances on "Portraits of White".

A beautiful jazz arrangement of "Angels We Have Heard on High" featured Doug Cook and Jeffrey Wohlbach and we weren't disappointed.

Doug Cook (alto sax), Jeffrey Wohlbach (trumpet).

"What If" was a perfect set up for the "planned" showstopper of the evening.  With a haunting synth sound, minor chords on the piano and thought-provoking lyric, this song always seems to create a holy hush in the room.

Wayne Fox (Buzz Jones Big Band) accompanies me on "What If".

For nine months, I knew what we were planning to do next and I could hardly wait for the audience to experience the moment.  The West Shore Drum Line was eagerly waiting to come in from the back of Parmer Hall, down the aisles and make their way up on to the stage, joining me for the final verses of "Little Drummer Boy".  

The tones and keys of "What If" and "Little Drummer Boy" match perfectly, creating a perfect segue and that's exactly what we planned.  No pause between songs, just one continuous ominous atmosphere. We finished "What If" and I waited patiently in anticipation for what was to come next.  

It had gone off without a hitch in rehearsal and I knew the audience would love what we had planned. It got so quiet in the room that I think you could have heard a pin drop.  

We waited.....and waited......

Apparently, when the sound system "quit" in the first song of the night, a breaker had blown. Once the problem was identified, we were off and running and I never thought another thing about the snafu. But one technical problem seems to lead to another and we lost the equipment we needed (without knowing it) to pull off "Little Drummer Boy".  

(It's not supposed to take this long to start???  Why aren't we hearing anything? What's wrong?) These were all the things going on in my head as I stood there in perfect peace - on the outside and frankly, thanks to a great team, on the inside too.

It finally occurred to me that though the sound company and venue are in charge of making sure the technical side of everything is working well, it is still my job, in the end, to make sure all my guests are comfortable and at home during the concert.  As soon as I came to my senses and realized there was a problem, I went into hostess mode.  

First, I went to find out what was going on so I could address the crowd appropriately and prepare for plan B if necessary. The breaker that blew in the beginning had indeed wrecked our equipment for this special feature and was creating a new showstopper of its own.

Within those long, what could have been uncomfortable moments, emerged a beautiful moment of its own.  We began to sing "Silent Night" together.  I just picked a note and started singing.  The pianist found the note to match me and began to play, followed by Tom Hemby on guitar.  

Between each verse I would stop to check in with the sound team and when no progress was made, we'd sing another verse.  It was a dance between holy awe and light-hearted laughter as we waited for what would come next and I was in charge of the dance whether I liked it or not. 

By the third verse, I asked the musicians to stop playing and allow the south central PA audience to sing a cappella and it was beautiful.  I began to realize that we had gone from a moment of "what shall we do now?" to a beautiful time of peace and I embraced it.  

Then the guitar player began to play the most unusual arrangement of "Silent Night" I've ever heard.  He said he didn't really feel like he was the one playing. In fact, this is what he told me later, "Honestly, I'm just going to give all that credit to the Holy Spirit... as I started playing it was as if it were someone else and not me."

Tom Hemby (Nashville, TN) on guitar.

We could all feel the power of what was happening. We were all experiencing a much desired silent night in the midst of a very busy season.  

That is at the heart of why I wanted to do a Christmas concert like this in the first place - create a night to come together and laugh, cry, enjoy good music and prepare our hearts for what can be a seasonal roller coaster ride for many people.  I realized it was happening right before my very eyes and I was completely at ease.

When the intended song finally started....and finished, there was such electricity in the room that I will never forget it as long as I have a brain. The only thing more amazing than doing the song after that long unanticipated wait was the response from the audience after the song.  

Normally, you can tell when the applause is slowly fading and it's time to move on to the next thing, but it just didn't quit.  I began to wonder if the applause wasn't just about the song, but also about the victory of overcoming the resistance. It was way more than a showstopper by this point in the evening. It had become a battle cry and we won.  We ALL won.  The audience was eagerly waiting and hoping and it seemed that they felt like they too had overcome. Their patience paid off.

We face so many showstoppers every day and don't even realize it.  Oh sure, there are the obvious ones: terminal illness, unexpected job termination, a sudden accident that rearranges your body and your "normal" life.  But there are little ones too: rejection, doubt, fear, anger.  They might seem small and harmless, but they can blow a breaker and before we know it, we experience bigger problems as a result.  They can be just as serious.

Based on the comments from people after the concert, I may have earned a new title: "Queen of Glitches".  Everyone seems to remember those glitches and how "well I handled them".  I wondered if people remembered anything else about the evening? 

But in hind-sight, I see that I only acted out on stage what I have already learned in life.  You see, life is a series of glitches strung together with some beautiful moments in between. How we handle the glitches, determines the power of the showstoppers intended to shut us down. 

If we respond with anxiety and fear, it will feed the showstopper - but if we handle them with prayer, peace, music and yes, even laughter - we will be able to stand to our feet in victory and raise our voices in a shout, and the show will go on.

Hear from the Drum Line Director and some of the students here.

The Second Half of the Story

"You know the material, you've just mis-applied it". 

I traveled all the way from Pennsylvania to Tennessee just to hear that??? 

Working with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson.

I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. I had studied his material for over ten years and was sure I had a handle on it.

I guess I must have been visibly shaken (I know I was on the inside) because he began to spend the next hour encouraging me, but it didn't seem to penetrate my disappointed soul. 

I remember a similar feeling when I was in high school and thought I did really well on my math test only to find out I failed it. But this was much more important to me than a math test!

For over ten years I studied Tom Jackson's methods for live performance.  I bought his tapes, DVDs, signed up for his seminars and studied with his assistants. When he started writing a blog, I read that. I'd drive to my concerts while listening to his teaching just to keep his wisdom fresh in my mind and soul. I began to see pre-concert nervousness and anxiety disappear as I applied his techniques.

Many performers usually have multiple layers of fears. At the bottom of all our anxiety lies a fear that no one will like us. The next layer comes from fear that if we don't perform perfectly, we are a failure.  We think about the perfect notes, trills, pitches and how we are perceived and rarely ever think about the audience and what they might be feeling and thinking.  As I've begun to focus more on my audience and less on me everywhere I go, I have gone from being nervous to having complete peace before each event, thanks to Tom.

So when I finally got to work with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson, over a year ago, I was pretty sure that we could skip the basics, cut right to the intricate details and really cover some deep territory because I already had a handle on his basic methods. Boy, was I ever wrong. But that's the first half of the story.

I learned a lot more as I spent the rest of the afternoon working with Tom, but I never fully recovered from feeling like I was a failure. I probably mis-applied his encouragement too. He told me that I knew more than about 90% of the artists out there because of my diligent study, but by then, I couldn't seem to hear that part.

Last week, in my blog post, I shared a very big answer to prayer. The answer was having Tom come to my Portraits of White concert last weekend to see me apply his methods....or at least try. 

Enjoying ice cream with Ed Kee (Conductor) and Tom Jackson after the concert.

Hearing the initial words from Tom was a wake up call for me because it called attention to an underlying feeling I've struggled with for years, but could never put my finger on, until he said "you've mis-applied the information." I realize now that it is a thread of fear stitched into the core of who I am, but thankfully, that thread is starting to come unraveled.

You see, I have a crippling fear when it comes to God. I am afraid I'll spend my whole life trying to please Him and then one day, He'll tell me "sorry, you mis-applied everything".  FAILURE.

I'm the kind of person who tries hard to do everything right. Just tell me how to be perfect and I'll give it my best shot.  I even apply this to my spiritual life. Just tell me how to act right so God will love me and I'll do it.

But there always seemed to be a low-grade fear inside. That fear was brought to the surface by an innocent conversation with Tom J. I never fully recovered from my first session with Tom. It hung over me like a faint wisp of smoke, clouding my vision AND my faith.

The morning of my Portraits of White concert, I was walking the grounds of Messiah College and pondering all that was unfolding. The fact that Tom was willing to come all the way to Pennsylvania and invest his time and wisdom in my life was a sort of redemption that I greatly needed.  He hadn't given up on me, in fact, he was coming to help me grow and improve. His words spoken almost two years ago were never meant to hurt or discourage. He was trying to help me. I knew that in my head, but my heart needed to feel it. His presence at my concert moved it 12 inches from my head to my heart.

The more I press in to understand God and allow Him to love me, the more He seems to stir up my bad streams of thought that affect every area of my life. He brings them to light and I'm learning that He does so, not to condemn me, but to lead me into greater freedom.

After the Portraits of White concert, I heard that Tom gave me a 10 out of 10 on my performance. Many people have asked me what he thought. My big sister apparently asked him (thanks big sister!) I know that he'll have some tips for me that will only make me better and I look forward to hearing them after the post-concert dust settles! I'm not afraid to hear what he has to say - even if I'm still mis-applying knowledge, because I know that he has my best interest at heart and over time, I will not only learn his techniques but learn how to apply them.

Having him come to my concert was a picture of God coming to my rescue to help me learn to apply His ways and thoughts to my life. He, after all, is the greatest producer there is.  He loves creativity and He loves a great show!

Just watch the lightening.

The sunsets.

The male cardinal.

I'm learning that even if I mis-apply knowledge, the Great Producer will come and sit with me and help me learn not only how to know Him better, but to apply His wisdom and become a better artist.

That's the second half of the story.

That One Unanswered Prayer

Heart to heart talk with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson.

Tom Jackson is a world renown Live Music Producer who has worked with singers like Taylor Swift, Jars of Clay, etc.  I first heard him over ten years ago at a conference in Nashville, TN and the moment I heard him, I set a goal to work with him in person.  His methods were unlike anything I had ever heard, but they resonated with me.  He teaches artists how to build special moments into their concerts - with the audience as the most important aspect of the night.

Working on some rhythm ideas. Yep - we try anything!

I have worked with his assistants and have steadily been growing and stretching in every way as an artist.  I've studied his book, listened to his tapes and DVDs over and over and have applied his techniques diligently. But I still found myself wanting to work specifically with Tom.

It took me over 10 years, but on April 24, 2014, I did it.  I traveled to TN with my big sister and for two days, I got to see my dream come true. I shared my vision for a Christmas concert and as he caught the vision, he encouraged me in my dream and said he'd be willing to work with me over the years to build it into something amazing.

But Tom is in demand all over the world and because I live in PA, it's hard to coordinate our schedules to work together.

Tom's sarcastic humor
and my dry wit go together well.

Fast forward to the spring of 2015 and my conductor, Ed Kee, said there were two things I needed to have in place this year. A videographer to record the concert and a show producer who would help me take everything to another level.  He encouraged me to find someone from NY, Baltimore or Philadelphia who could come and observe this year's show and give me pointers in growing it to the level I dream about.

I knew in my heart that I really wanted that person to be Tom Jackson, but the prospect of getting him here on the night of my concert felt hopeless.  Cost would be one big factor, not to mention schedules.

For the past year I have been diligently planning the Portraits of White 2015 concert. I have spent hours praying over the concert trusting God to bring all the details together. I've had moments of panic and anxiety but have sensed His reassuring hand and voice telling me that this will happen not by MY might or power, but by His Spirit.  I have prayed over details and left the connectivity of them to Him.

A prayer group has been meeting for the past month, once a week, praying for every aspect of the evening. We have seen one prayer after another answered. But this one eluded me.  I don't think I even mentioned this need to them because I had prayed all summer about it and to no avail, trying to find producers in the area, but not having much luck.  It has to be the right kind of person.  I still wanted Tom but didn't even dare mention it to anyone or the prayer group.  It was just too big of a request. I would continually mention this in my own prayers: "I need a producer and if there is someone You can bring to me, please do so. I certainly don't know how to do this."

It's not easy to share your heart
and soul with someone and be critiqued.
But the laughter kept it fun.

On Wednesday, Dec. 9, (this week) I was flying home from a Christmas event I did in Madison, Mississippi and received word that the one prayer I thought was going to be unanswered is NOW answered and I haven't done a thing to make it happen.

I got an e-mail Monday from Tom Jackson's wife saying he knew that my show was coming up on the 12th and had his calendar open if I wanted him to come see the show and give his input.

So here it is, Thursday, before the big event on Saturday and Tom is coming Friday for the rehearsal and will stay for the concert on Saturday and give me his critiques, later, when the dust has settled.

Thank you God for knowing the desire of my heart without me even speaking it out loud and making it all come together without me doing anything but praying.  Why do I doubt you.....ever????

One last prayer that we are all praying for....

A SOLD OUT show!

There are still some seats left.  I'd LOVE to have you there.  It's going to be very, very special. Watch the promo video here and then click the link below the video to buy your tickets.

Help me sell out the show.

Can't wait to welcome Tom to PA and Portraits of White.

A Festival Of The Soul

It's Thanksgiving Day and I'm enjoying a day of rest.   Most of us are starting to gear up for the holidays and after the festivities of the day, will rush right into Black Friday.  I have friends who have already decided to put up their christmas tree.

I almost did.

I've been preparing for my Portraits of White concert for so long now that I feel like putting up a tree is too miniscule.  My insides have dug so deep into reflection that the little plastic tree I normally put up seems fake and trite. The makeover of my soul through this process seems to call for a complete makeover of my decorations too....but that won't be happening. I wouldn't even know how to express my soul in the way of ornaments and trees.

My decorations will show up in every note, lyric and thought presented on the night of December 12. It will be a festivity of the soul guised in the garb of music.

I've been practicing for months, but mistakes never disappear it seems. They are like little gophers that pop up out of their hole at the most unexpected times. As soon as I get one conquered, another appears. My mode of retaliation is to "hammer down" - a pun that fits the grand piano well.

It always puzzles me how a person can work so hard and long on something and still have it go awry. Like a skater who's jumped perfectly thousands of times but falls during a competition.

I experienced that recently at one of my concerts. In the midst of a piece I've played countless times, I completely lost my way.  The only payoff in practicing, in that moment, was that I pulled myself together and kept going.  The ability to keep going was my only success in that moment. Or at least it felt like it.

I walked away feeling like a complete failure. One hour of music - lyrics remembered and all, but all I could think about was the 5 seconds of faltering.

I'm reading a book right now that a singer friend recommended.  I knew the instant she told me about it that I needed to read it...and SOON.  It arrived last week. Today I'm reading it and I feel like I've visited a doctor who has been able to prescribe medicine that will relieve my pain and I thought you might like it too.

It doesn't matter if you are a musician or not - the tendency to remember the ONE mistake you made over any successes you had is common to all of us.  The writer tells of a cello student she had who was quick to point out his own mistakes but never mentioned when he did well. He considered any good performance an "accident".

She encouraged him to speak his successes out loud, not just his mistakes.   He went on to tell his teacher, "I guess I feel that way about a lot of stuff in my life. I sort of shrug off all my successes but get preoccupied with possible failures. Pretty dumb, isn't it?"

I stopped right at that paragraph and put my book down. I reflected on the recent "failure" where I lost my way in a song. All I could remember from that night was the 5 seconds of disarray. I gave about an hour concert and everything else went very well.  In fact, there were moments when I felt like I was giving some of the best delivery ever.  But I don't remember those moments now...or at least I didn't until I read of another human being's struggle to remember the successes.

I'm thankful for this reminder to focus in on the good things. The successes, the opportunities, the blessings we have been given. I suppose that's what this day is really all about.

Happy Thanksgiving!

She's Still Standing!

I was jump roping along the road one morning 

and came upon this cornstalk.  

She was determined to grow no matter what. 

Busy traffic.

Dry weather.

Rainy weather.

Loneliness.

Gawking strangers.

Only one ear to show for all her effort.

She didn't seem to care.

She was still standing.

I want to be like her.

How Cancer Has Shaped My Faith

Diana Focht (left) has become such a support to me at my concerts and in my music.

I received an e-mail this week from my friend, Diana Focht, who has become a support to my life and my music in so many ways.  She oversees the product table at my concerts as often as possible (which you see her doing in the picture above).  

However, Diana has her own story to tell and when she sent me this article, written for another blog, I asked her if I could share it with you. 

How Cancer Has Shaped My Faith

by Diana Focht

No one wants to hear the word, cancer, associated with them, but when it comes, you have a choice to make. Do you give in to the hopelessness and despair of a cancer diagnosis, or do you look upward, and cling to a God who has promised to never leave you nor forsake you!   

A verse I've known most of my life, but one that became extremely important to me not only while undergoing treatment for cancer, but more so in the "lost days" after treatment, is Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see! 

Can we hope for an end to our cancer and be sure about it?! Can we really be certain that God not only sees us in our times of trouble, but that He loves us enough to carry us through it?! In faith, can I trust that God has a plan and purpose for my cancer?!

Faith. Sometimes it's a hard word to define, and often times, it's an even harder word to live out! We talk of a faith in God. We hear of a saving faith. But when I was going through my cancer, I wanted a healing faith! I wanted a faith that could believe that God would physically heal me of my cancer. I prayed for it. My family and friends prayed for it. A multitude of strangers from around the country prayed for it. I was anointed and prayed for not once, or twice, or three times, but four times. 

My faith was riddled with doubt, because nine years earlier, I watched my Dad take his final breath, after battling cancer for three short, agonizing months. I wanted a healing faith for him, but it didn't come. At least not the way I wanted it to. My faith was shaken for the longest time.

Three months and four chemo rounds into my cancer treatment, my doctor ordered a CAT scan to check the progress of the chemo. The results were not the results she was expecting, and she was ecstatic! The CAT scan results showed no evidence of disease. When I asked her if these results were normal or abnormal for an individual battling stage 3 endometrial cancer, who had only undergone 4 rounds of chemo, without hesitation, she said it was abnormal. At that point, I acknowledged what I had been sharing with her from the beginning…that God had healed me of the cancer! It was a tremendous time of rejoicing and celebration! My faith meter was sky high!

Two days later, I was called into the HR Director's office at work. My company had experienced a downturn in business and had been laying people off weekly. I knew what this visit meant, but even after being told my employment would end in two weeks, my faith was still soaring. 

I still had one more chemo treatment, which was scheduled to take place after my employment, and my health insurance, ended. The Lord prompted me to ask the company to extend my health insurance to cover the last chemo treatment, and through a chance encounter with our company's COO, I believe the Lord softened their hearts to show me mercy and they extended the health insurance for 30 days. I was still on a "faith high"!

Little did I know at that time, it would be 12 long months before I was once again employed full-time. 

What followed was a move back to my home state of Pennsylvania and a roller coaster ride of emotions, disappointments, discouragement, fear, doubts, uncertainty, indecision, hopelessness...you name it. I entered a phase where I just felt lost. The cancer was behind me, but I wasn't the same person, in many ways. I couldn't find my "new normal". I was scarred physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually from the battle I had waged for six months. 

My faith took a tumble.

God in His mercy and grace, placed individuals in my life to carry me through these lost days. They encouraged me and lovingly nursed me back to spiritual health. 

One individual just loved on me and showed me what compassion looks like in human form. 

Another individual, who had gifted me with a Compassion Bag, became a trusted friend and a spiritual mentor. 

An individual, whom the Lord had brought back into my life right before the cancer diagnosis, modeled for me an authentic faith that lives out the peaks and valleys in our Christian walk. 

And finally, He brought an individual whose music brought to me peace and hope, and it raised me up.

God had a plan and a purpose for my cancer, and that was to draw me into a closer walk with Him. The testing of our faith is to result in us looking more and more like Jesus. I am not the same person I was before the cancer diagnosis. Not because the cancer changed me, but because God changed me!   

My musical friend sings a song that has become an anthem to me about faith. Read the words she sings:

It’s believing the impossible 

Seeing the invisible

Dreaming bigger than you’ve ever dreamed

It’s listening to His still small voice 

It’s letting your heart make the choice

It’s standing at the edge of what could be

It’s reaching through the shadow of a doubt

That’s what faith is all about

Being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see! That is what faith is all about!

Click here to watch the music video "That's What Faith Is All About".

LOOK, SEE and WATCH!

Portraits of White Winter Concert is filling up fast.  Get your tickets soon.

Go HERE to "like" my Frances Drost Solo Artist music page so you can participate in the contest on Saturday, November 7, 2015 at 9:00 a.m.

Want more info about the concert itself or buy tickets?

See the video HERE.

December 12, 2015
7:00 p.m.
Messiah College
Parmer Hall
The Calvin and Janet High Center For Worship And Performing Arts
Mechanicsburg, PA