The Showstoppers

The conductor (Ed Kee) predicted it would be THE showstopper of the evening. I took his word for it, but since I have never experienced being part of a showstopper, I had no idea what that really meant.

Portraits of White Winter Concert, December 12, 2015.

The problem is, there was more than one showstopper on December 12, 2015. The other showstoppers that night were unplanned and unwanted.....at least at first.

In Steven Pressfield's book "The War of Art", he believes that any time we step out to do something daring, we will encounter resistance. Based on my experience, I tend to agree.

The "other" showstoppers started when three of my team members from Nashville, TN were delayed in arriving for the rehearsal due to mechanical issues on their planes. Though they came on different planes, they all experienced mechanical issues.  That seems odd.

* The guitar player's main piece of gear was damaged beyond use by the airlines.

* The live music producer somehow got food poisoning and he never did make it to the rehearsal.

That was only the beginning of the potential showstoppers.

* The night of the concert, one of the orchestra players was delayed due to traffic jams caused by accidents on the roadways.  We waited to begin until he rushed on to the stage and found his seat in the orchestra.

Finally, the venue was full, the lights faded into concert mode and we were off.  Twelve months of planning was about to pay off and I had my hands open, ready to receive the fulfillment of dreaming and working hard. In two hours it would all be over.

The next un-welcomed "showstopper" came right in the middle of the very first song of the concert when I suddenly noticed that my mic went dead and the music seemed harder to hear.  I kept going, thinking that whatever was wrong would be fixed. But next thing I knew, the whole orchestra began a descent into silence - not a beautiful decrescendo - more like a stuttering, choking car going over a cliff.

We paused for a moment until my sarcastic wit kicked into gear. "Goodnight, thank you for coming - it's been great having you here," I said.

What's a girl to do when the players quit playing?

Honestly, so much of it is a blur now that I can't remember exactly what I said.  I do know that the crowd laughed in response to my wit and I knew no matter what happened the rest of the evening, we would have a great show! They were with me. No showstopper could stop that. 

Suddenly, we were up and running and the rest of the first half went off without any trouble.

Fun Moments

Jeffrey Wohlbach teaches me how to do a horse whinny.

Well...maybe not!

Holy Moments

Tim Spirk joins me on "He Was Holy".

Musical Moments......

The second half of the evening started off with the wintery thematic title song, "Portraits of White". 

Heidi Ryan, Amy Harlacher and Holly Holbrook join Frances on "Portraits of White".

A beautiful jazz arrangement of "Angels We Have Heard on High" featured Doug Cook and Jeffrey Wohlbach and we weren't disappointed.

Doug Cook (alto sax), Jeffrey Wohlbach (trumpet).

"What If" was a perfect set up for the "planned" showstopper of the evening.  With a haunting synth sound, minor chords on the piano and thought-provoking lyric, this song always seems to create a holy hush in the room.

Wayne Fox (Buzz Jones Big Band) accompanies me on "What If".

For nine months, I knew what we were planning to do next and I could hardly wait for the audience to experience the moment.  The West Shore Drum Line was eagerly waiting to come in from the back of Parmer Hall, down the aisles and make their way up on to the stage, joining me for the final verses of "Little Drummer Boy".  

The tones and keys of "What If" and "Little Drummer Boy" match perfectly, creating a perfect segue and that's exactly what we planned.  No pause between songs, just one continuous ominous atmosphere. We finished "What If" and I waited patiently in anticipation for what was to come next.  

It had gone off without a hitch in rehearsal and I knew the audience would love what we had planned. It got so quiet in the room that I think you could have heard a pin drop.  

We waited.....and waited......

Apparently, when the sound system "quit" in the first song of the night, a breaker had blown. Once the problem was identified, we were off and running and I never thought another thing about the snafu. But one technical problem seems to lead to another and we lost the equipment we needed (without knowing it) to pull off "Little Drummer Boy".  

(It's not supposed to take this long to start???  Why aren't we hearing anything? What's wrong?) These were all the things going on in my head as I stood there in perfect peace - on the outside and frankly, thanks to a great team, on the inside too.

It finally occurred to me that though the sound company and venue are in charge of making sure the technical side of everything is working well, it is still my job, in the end, to make sure all my guests are comfortable and at home during the concert.  As soon as I came to my senses and realized there was a problem, I went into hostess mode.  

First, I went to find out what was going on so I could address the crowd appropriately and prepare for plan B if necessary. The breaker that blew in the beginning had indeed wrecked our equipment for this special feature and was creating a new showstopper of its own.

Within those long, what could have been uncomfortable moments, emerged a beautiful moment of its own.  We began to sing "Silent Night" together.  I just picked a note and started singing.  The pianist found the note to match me and began to play, followed by Tom Hemby on guitar.  

Between each verse I would stop to check in with the sound team and when no progress was made, we'd sing another verse.  It was a dance between holy awe and light-hearted laughter as we waited for what would come next and I was in charge of the dance whether I liked it or not. 

By the third verse, I asked the musicians to stop playing and allow the south central PA audience to sing a cappella and it was beautiful.  I began to realize that we had gone from a moment of "what shall we do now?" to a beautiful time of peace and I embraced it.  

Then the guitar player began to play the most unusual arrangement of "Silent Night" I've ever heard.  He said he didn't really feel like he was the one playing. In fact, this is what he told me later, "Honestly, I'm just going to give all that credit to the Holy Spirit... as I started playing it was as if it were someone else and not me."

Tom Hemby (Nashville, TN) on guitar.

We could all feel the power of what was happening. We were all experiencing a much desired silent night in the midst of a very busy season.  

That is at the heart of why I wanted to do a Christmas concert like this in the first place - create a night to come together and laugh, cry, enjoy good music and prepare our hearts for what can be a seasonal roller coaster ride for many people.  I realized it was happening right before my very eyes and I was completely at ease.

When the intended song finally started....and finished, there was such electricity in the room that I will never forget it as long as I have a brain. The only thing more amazing than doing the song after that long unanticipated wait was the response from the audience after the song.  

Normally, you can tell when the applause is slowly fading and it's time to move on to the next thing, but it just didn't quit.  I began to wonder if the applause wasn't just about the song, but also about the victory of overcoming the resistance. It was way more than a showstopper by this point in the evening. It had become a battle cry and we won.  We ALL won.  The audience was eagerly waiting and hoping and it seemed that they felt like they too had overcome. Their patience paid off.

We face so many showstoppers every day and don't even realize it.  Oh sure, there are the obvious ones: terminal illness, unexpected job termination, a sudden accident that rearranges your body and your "normal" life.  But there are little ones too: rejection, doubt, fear, anger.  They might seem small and harmless, but they can blow a breaker and before we know it, we experience bigger problems as a result.  They can be just as serious.

Based on the comments from people after the concert, I may have earned a new title: "Queen of Glitches".  Everyone seems to remember those glitches and how "well I handled them".  I wondered if people remembered anything else about the evening? 

But in hind-sight, I see that I only acted out on stage what I have already learned in life.  You see, life is a series of glitches strung together with some beautiful moments in between. How we handle the glitches, determines the power of the showstoppers intended to shut us down. 

If we respond with anxiety and fear, it will feed the showstopper - but if we handle them with prayer, peace, music and yes, even laughter - we will be able to stand to our feet in victory and raise our voices in a shout, and the show will go on.

Hear from the Drum Line Director and some of the students here.

In What Ways Does God Give You Dream Clues?

This was one of the questions asked by a reader from my recent post Dream Clues. I thought you might benefit from the answers. I find a new passion is developing in me - to see others fulfill their dreams.  Is there such a thing as a dream coach? This blog is the start of something else unfolding.

I am certainly not an expert in these things, but I have learned a few helpful points along the way and I'm still learning. I'll share what I know so far.  

When I was as a child, I could sometimes feel the electricity of my dreams. 

For instance, I would sing on the door step looking out over the landscape of our buckeye tree, the swing in that tree and the lane going past the barn down to the road. I could sense that I was tapping into something futuristic, though ominous. There were no distinct lines or clues defining what it would be exactly. It's only in looking back that I can see how significant those moments really were because of how my life has unfolded. They were very connected to what I do now, without me realizing it.

So back to the first question the reader asked.  Since this was a personal question, I'll use mostly personal examples. 

In what ways does God give you dream clues?

1) Other people:

• Someone else points out your abilities.  

Everyone in my immediate family seems to remember that I had a gift for picking things up by ear on the piano, but it was an Aunt who actually spoke it out loud and encouraged my mother to have me study with a teacher.

2) Your desires:

• A desire that just doesn't go away.  

I was too young to voice or know my desires for doing shows or playing the piano. I simply did what felt natural to me. However, someone from the outside saw it and identified it. 

But as I've grown older, many things I'm doing now have stemmed from a growing desire and unfading longing. As a result, I've taken private lessons/coaching for voice, guitar, drums, songwriting, performance, etc. and loved every single lesson. I use those tools now.

More recently, I took up figure skating. Still pondering the significance of that, but I know if I would not have suffered an injury that , I would still be pursuing it.

3) Childhood interests:

• What fascinated you as a child?

• I didn't play chess when I was little.  I lined up the chess pieces like a choir and had them sing. 
• I didn't just ice skate, I took my boom box out to the pond and made up routines to the music. 
• I didn't just take piano lessons and participate in recitals, I wanted to do my own music recitals which included inviting my friends and having snacks afterward.  It became a concert AND a social event.

4) Your Soul Stirs Within You When:

• You see someone else doing something similar to your dream.

One of the biggest motivators in deciding to do the Portraits of White Christmas concert was watching a documentary of the early years in Taylor Swifts's career. Her story so impacted me that I remember getting up off the couch that night, after watching it, and determining that if Taylor could make her own way and follow her heart, after she was turned away by the music industry, then so could I. 

And so can you! 

Sometimes our clues are that simple. 

Reflect on your childhood and things you did that weren't the typical way a child would act or think. 

A friend of mine told me recently that her daughter was unique in her preferences as a child....always putting things in order; did not like things getting scratched or messed up. If she took things out, they would go back in the same order and not just thrown in the box. Things were ordered by color, size, or shape when she played.  She also would create plots with her Barbies, as if they were in a story! Even her bookshelf in her room is categorized by either author or genre. 

Clues are simply sign posts along the way. Stop and take note of them as often as you can.

Do you have questions or comments about dreams and the pursuit of them?  I'd love to hear from you in the comment box below!

The Window of Grief

'Lil Moe was rescued from the side of the road over a month ago and though I found a home for her, I am currently kitten-sitting while her new family is hiking the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee.  We both stare out the window.

I should be working on my christmas concert.  Instead, I'd rather just sit and stare out the window. Truth is, I AM staring out a window - it goes with me everywhere I go.

It's funny how everyday things look different when you view them from the window of grief.  Simple things make you cry.  You brace yourself for those moments but alas they don't happen when you think they should. Then, suddenly, without warning the strangest things bring you to tears and usually at inconvenient times.

I learned what grief feels like when my father died so I am better prepared for this season of my mother's passing and am less concerned about those unexpected 'grief moments'.  In fact, when they come, I try not to fight them.  They are different than the ever-present compression in your chest that makes it hard to breathe.  They come and go.

Today has been full of them.

• A friend invites us to the beach over Thanksgiving......I realize my mother won't be here - it feels cruel to go without her, yet staying home doesn't make sense either
• I arrive on the campus of Messiah College today for a speaking engagement.....Messiah College is rich with family history
• my mother fell in love with her first husband here when she was 14  
• she later returned as a widow to work for the Dean of Students
• she fell in love a second time and met my father here and re-married
• my father was a professor here later when my older brother Nathan drowned in our farm pond (my father had been at Bucknell University that day to look at their new science building as Messiah was considering a new science building too)  
• mother called the college that day to ask them to get a message to Orville saying he should come straight home when he arrived back at the school....(this was before the days of cell phones)..she didn't want him to find out over the phone that Nathan was gone
• today I spoke to Administrative Assistants in the very same room where my mother and I enjoyed a delicious lunch together a few years ago with classmates of her's from the 40's as my father was honored with a scholarship in his name at the college - she enjoyed being with them and hearing stories about Orville from his college days - it was meaningful for both of us - now I am here without her
• as I drove to the college, I tried to rehearse my christmas concert in the van, but the songs only evoked tears - it's going to be interesting to do holiday music when the holidays are such a potent time of year when you've lost your loved one

All this was happening in my heart as I walked the campus and spoke to the diverse group gathered for a special luncheon.  However, there were no tears.  Only the deep compression in my soul.

Last night, there were tears.  We had just finished rehearsing "All To Jesus I Surrender" as a worship team and suddenly, out of nowhere they came.  I think it was the combination of beautiful acoustic guitar and piano bursting into spontaneous praise without any voices and the refreshment of doing an 'old song' that my mother would have loved.

There will be times in the season of grief when you will view everything through the window of losing your loved one. When that happens, open the window wide and let the memories (and tears) pour forth.  It is a healing balm and lets the sunshine back in....even if it takes years.