The Sidewalk.

"What children are exposed to, hear, and see when they are young goes deep. It enters their soft hearts, and it stays there. What happens to them and around them during their formative years affects them for the rest of their lives.

Imagine this supernatural window of time early in life when our spirits are so impressionable as the constructing of a sidewalk. Once the liquid mixture has been poured, you have a very limited amount of time to imprint anything on the cement. However, if you can draw your initials in the concrete before it hardens, it is permanently etched forever. Whatever else makes contact with that cement later on does not have the same impact or long-standing effect as those original markings." —Charity Virkler Kayembe

I've spent most of the summer sharing part of my family's story with you. This past week we passed the 52 year mark of Nathan's tragic death, October 11, 1966. As the author, Charity, stated above, the imprints placed on our hearts as children are permanently etched forever. Fortunately, sidewalks also offer a path to other places if you follow them and so it has been with my own heart. Yes, losing our brothers, Nathan and Doug have certainly left their marks, but as I've paid attention to the imprints in the sidewalk, it has brought healing, understanding and growth. So I keep moving forward with full awareness of the path behind me.

I think this past summer was the right season to go back to the farm where the concrete began to "set" and capture the song that has become a foundation stone in my life and songwriting. I see things from a new perspective.

Please feel free to share this with your family and friends, especially those who have lost loved ones. I think they will understand.

Click HERE to view the music video to Beside the Barn.

When You Don't Have Your Mother.

It was very hard to say goodbye to my father when he passed away sixteen years ago. People told me that when your second parent dies it's even more difficult. I heard that piece of information but tried not to think about it. 

Once my mother took her last breath, I knew what they meant. "You feel like an orphan", some people say.  You can't really prepare for that feeling, even though people tried to tell me how it feels.

Celebrating my 16th birthday with my mother.

Unlike my father's death (which happened rather suddenly) there didn't seem to be one specific day when I said goodbye to my mother. In fact, every time I left her little room in the nursing facility, I felt like I was saying goodbye. I cried almost every time we parted. I knew the day was coming and I absolutely dreaded it.

Whether you've lost your mother physically or emotionally, (there are some who have a tumultuous relationship and feel "motherless"), Mother's Day can be a challenge. I passed by a rack of Mother's Day cards in the store this week and I could feel that lump in my throat and concrete block on my heart. 

But if there's anything I've learned from the many different deaths our family has experienced, it's that the sooner you can appreciate who you DO have left, the sooner you can heal from grief, and it's no different when it comes to your mother.

By definition, a mother is someone who gives birth to a child; to be or act as a mother to someone or to care for or protect someone like a mother. This means that any woman, whether younger or older, can actually be like a mother to you.  Look around you. 

I am thinking of a speaker and author, living in Florida, who has become like a mother to me in my ministry. I can talk to her about things that others would never understand because of the road she's traveled. She's given me wonderful advice for my own ministry. She's helped me understand what having a career in music and/or speaking ministry can do to your "normal" life and how to navigate. I always come home wanting to be more like her.

I am thinking of another woman, living in Texas, also a speaker and author, who became like a mother to me when my own mother was aging and starting to not be herself. I met Carole when I was beginning to feel the strains of caring for an aging parent and all the emotional upheaval that brings. Her words of encouragement were soothing to my tired soul.

Carole is no spring chicken herself and though she lost her mother and recently became a widow, she still travels, speaks, writes AND models caring for your body by keeping a regimented work-out schedule. What an example! She has been an inspiration to me and I come home wanting to be more like her.

There's another woman, living in Nashville, who is not an author or speaker, at least you won't find a 'book' in print, but she is writing a life that's worth studying.  She prepares the most delightful meals, keeps an immaculate home and models the beauty of a home-maker and wife, warming my soul with her example every time I'm there.

She loves spending time being a grandmother to her grandchildren and I often see her reading books, watching a movie or playing a board game with them. She reminds me that above and beyond my call to ministry, being a wife and home-maker is still at the top of the list of what women can offer their families. I always come home wanting to be more like her.

Sarah is younger than me, has three delightful children (at least when I'm there, ha!), serves as a Pastor's wife, runs a restaurant....and oh yeah, is helping her husband renovate the three story apartment building they live in. When I'm with her, I adore the way she mothers her children and models frugality and creativity. She inspires me with her calm spirit - which seems to be able to manage a hundred things at once. I always want to be more like her when I get home.

I could keep raving about the other "mothers" in my life, because I am blessed with a lot of women friends in my life who inspire me, but I'm sure you get the point. They come in the form of sisters, aunts, nieces, friends, cousins, employers, teachers, etc.

This Mother's Day, if you don't have a mother, this could be a day you'd rather skip over. I get it! But there are plenty of other women to celebrate; women who nurture our souls, our careers, our lives. In their own way, they contribute to our growth and vibrancy.

As you stop to remember the one who gave birth to you physically, celebrate the mothers around you who have helped to give birth to your soul - the ones who make you want to "be more like them when you get home".  Perhaps you could let them know how much they have impacted you.

You could even take this one step further and ask, how can I be a "mother" to someone else in my life? Each of us have plenty to share with others and we too can nurture the soul of other women. 

There are so many 'mothers' to celebrate this Mother's Day - even when you don't have your mother.

In What Ways Does God Give You Dream Clues?

This was one of the questions asked by a reader from my recent post Dream Clues. I thought you might benefit from the answers. I find a new passion is developing in me - to see others fulfill their dreams.  Is there such a thing as a dream coach? This blog is the start of something else unfolding.

I am certainly not an expert in these things, but I have learned a few helpful points along the way and I'm still learning. I'll share what I know so far.  

When I was as a child, I could sometimes feel the electricity of my dreams. 

For instance, I would sing on the door step looking out over the landscape of our buckeye tree, the swing in that tree and the lane going past the barn down to the road. I could sense that I was tapping into something futuristic, though ominous. There were no distinct lines or clues defining what it would be exactly. It's only in looking back that I can see how significant those moments really were because of how my life has unfolded. They were very connected to what I do now, without me realizing it.

So back to the first question the reader asked.  Since this was a personal question, I'll use mostly personal examples. 

In what ways does God give you dream clues?

1) Other people:

• Someone else points out your abilities.  

Everyone in my immediate family seems to remember that I had a gift for picking things up by ear on the piano, but it was an Aunt who actually spoke it out loud and encouraged my mother to have me study with a teacher.

2) Your desires:

• A desire that just doesn't go away.  

I was too young to voice or know my desires for doing shows or playing the piano. I simply did what felt natural to me. However, someone from the outside saw it and identified it. 

But as I've grown older, many things I'm doing now have stemmed from a growing desire and unfading longing. As a result, I've taken private lessons/coaching for voice, guitar, drums, songwriting, performance, etc. and loved every single lesson. I use those tools now.

More recently, I took up figure skating. Still pondering the significance of that, but I know if I would not have suffered an injury that , I would still be pursuing it.

3) Childhood interests:

• What fascinated you as a child?

• I didn't play chess when I was little.  I lined up the chess pieces like a choir and had them sing. 
• I didn't just ice skate, I took my boom box out to the pond and made up routines to the music. 
• I didn't just take piano lessons and participate in recitals, I wanted to do my own music recitals which included inviting my friends and having snacks afterward.  It became a concert AND a social event.

4) Your Soul Stirs Within You When:

• You see someone else doing something similar to your dream.

One of the biggest motivators in deciding to do the Portraits of White Christmas concert was watching a documentary of the early years in Taylor Swifts's career. Her story so impacted me that I remember getting up off the couch that night, after watching it, and determining that if Taylor could make her own way and follow her heart, after she was turned away by the music industry, then so could I. 

And so can you! 

Sometimes our clues are that simple. 

Reflect on your childhood and things you did that weren't the typical way a child would act or think. 

A friend of mine told me recently that her daughter was unique in her preferences as a child....always putting things in order; did not like things getting scratched or messed up. If she took things out, they would go back in the same order and not just thrown in the box. Things were ordered by color, size, or shape when she played.  She also would create plots with her Barbies, as if they were in a story! Even her bookshelf in her room is categorized by either author or genre. 

Clues are simply sign posts along the way. Stop and take note of them as often as you can.

Do you have questions or comments about dreams and the pursuit of them?  I'd love to hear from you in the comment box below!

This Is My Father's World

"A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The power of washing feet.

Mother and I in our old farm kitchen...1970's??

Mother and I July of 2014

In many ways my mother and I are about as different as night and day. I'm thankful for these later years together because it has given me a chance to discover many similarities I didn't know we had.

The pictures make a good visual of how our lives have changed over the years.  Here are just a few of our differences:

She had five children.  I have none.
She loved being a mother.  I'll never know what that feels like biologically.
She loved to cook.  I don't like to cook, but I do because she showed me by example.
I have chosen a career in music.  She doesn't relate to that kind of life at all.
I ride a motorcycle.  She doesn't like that so much but tries to smile about it.
She still wears a prayer covering.  I don't...but I still pray.

And the list goes on.  But you get the idea.

To be completely honest, through the years this has created some tension.  And that's putting it mildly. Learning how to be a good daughter when there are so many differences created its challenges.

There's an old tradition we used to practice in the church background I come from.  It's called 'foot-washing'.  I remember when we would sit very reverently in the church pews, men in one room and women in another.  It was a very sacred event and one that I treasure.

With white towel-like aprons, tubs of bleach and hot water...well, semi-hot water, you would kneel in front of the person next to you, take one foot in your hand and gently scoop the water up over it. Then the other foot.  Next you would hold one foot in your hand on your lap and dry it with your towel. When you were finished both parties would stand and embrace as a sign of unity.

It wasn't so much about getting feet clean as it was letting them know that you cared about them. You humbled yourself in front of them to honor them.  It was hard to do this with someone you were angry with but that was kind of the point.  The room was filled with the smell of bleach and the sound of beautiful harmonies as we sang familiar songs together without any instruments.

I have often compared these last few years with my mother to those early years of childhood when I learned to wash the feet of other sisters.  It's not that I sit and wash my mother's feet, though I have certainly helped her shower, etc.  I trim her nails, tuck her in bed, comb her hair, hold her hand.

But it's more about the position she has been forced into by losing her sense of independence and my willingness to set aside our differences and serve her. It's not easy for these precious elders to let go of all that they know and become so dependent on others.  I cry often for them.  For her.

But what seems to happen in the process, at least in my case, is a gentle breaking down of walls between us.  Just these physical acts alone seem to bring about a deeper love and respect toward each other.

So many times on facebook when I post something I've done with my mother, people comment as to what a wonderful daughter I am.  I sigh and shake my head. I don't feel like one.  I just want you to know that it has not been perfect for us.  I hope this helps other daughters who have struggled in the past with their mothers.  Hang in there.  You might not need to 'wash her feet' per se, but welcome any kind of act you can do toward her to embrace humility and extend honor.  You'll be surprised what can happen in your own heart.

We don't practice foot-washing anymore in most communities of faith and I feel sad that we don't. But I get to practice humility and gentle acts of love every week for my mother and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"The Elephant Diet" Day 133 Kiddos

Rehearsing the song before we record

What a fantastic day!

The Pontius children (may I mention that there are 6 of them total) all arrived with their mom and grandma to spend the day in my studio working on the last song of the project "Song of Joy".

Can anyone say "EXCITEMENT".  I'm not sure who was most excited.  The children, the mom or me, but it doesn't really matter.

Aidan working hard on solos!

I even got to take them to the local Newville diner (we don't have much else here) and I have to say I'm not sure I ever remember having so many children to eat lunch with in one sitting, while their mom went shopping at the local BB's (crash and dent store as we know it).  People don't know where Newville is but everyone seems to know about BB's.

After a lively lunch, we walked to the fountain and got spritzed by water and then on to the library.  They went home with a ton of books and I took a few myself.

Thank you Pontius children!  You were awesome to work with and you sang great too.

Enjoying a break at the Newville Fountain