No Kid-sized Sadness. (A tribute to Doug Crider from his daughter, Kelly Joe Crider Albert).

I recently read a paragraph that resonated deeply with me. It helps me understand that even when a child experiences loss, we should never underestimate the effect it is having on them. I can't say it better than this, so I'll just share the paragraph here:

It helps to understand that emotions are basically one size. 
Love is massive. 
Fear is huge. 
And when you take these large emotions and put them inside tiny people, they overflow easily. There is no "kid-sized" sadness. They experience it just as fully as adults do, and without us encouraging them to pray through the feeling, they can easily be overwhelmed by it. — Charity Virkler Kayembe

This was certainly true of me, as it became evident in my songwriting years later. I processed the grief of losing my brothers, Nathan and Doug through my writing. I know it's also been true for Doug's youngest daughter, Kelly, my niece. Many people say that Kelly and I look alike and we know from spending time together that we certainly act and think alike too! 

Kelly has so beautifully shared her experience with losing her Daddy in her own words....

From Kelly Crider Albert:

"My father’s death has had a big impact on my life. 

Growing up I wanted to have a dad that threw ball with me outside, to help me with the sports that I loved so much. There was always a hole that seemed never to be able to be filled. I really had a hard time being around other people that had fathers that did things with their daughters. I didn’t understand why I felt these feelings till I was older and realized that I needed to mourn the loss of my dad. 

I had the opportunity several years ago to return to the farm where my father was killed. Even though I had grown up for the first six and three-quarter years up there and would visit the family at the farm many times, I never realized then that it was where my father had died. This was a very hard and good experience all at the same time. 

I remember just standing there staring at the place where it happened while Steve (son of the farm owner at the time of the accident) told how it happened. Then Steve put his arm around me like a protective big brother and I broke. I don’t ever remember crying so hard in my life. I do believe that was very good for me to get out though. 

The rest of the family was very willing to answer any questions that Crystal and I had about our dad that day as well. This was very hard for them since it is still very painful for them as well. I hope they realize what a gift they gave me that day though. 

Denny and Kelly (Crider) Albert family.

I love to run into people that knew my dad and hear stories about him. But that can also be bitter sweet for me because it is very clear that I missed out on a great man in my life. I would have loved for him to know my husband, our children and now my grandchild. I love to hear that my sons and my grandson look like him." 


Thank you, Kelly, for sharing your heart with us here.

You are loved and valued,

Aunt Francie

Robot or Rag Doll?

I think I'd make a great robot.  I like systems, disciplines, routines, predictability, codes....tell me the formula for a perfect life and I'll apply it.  Print out my dreams, accomplishments and prove why these formulas work.

Then someone cuts a wire.....blows my fuse....erases the formulas, hacks into my brain and I end up more like a rag doll. No control, no backbone.  I wilt beneath life's heavy hand.

I saw an illustration of this first-hand on Sunday. Being a singer/songwriter takes me to interesting places and this past weekend I sang at this lovely church in Harrisburg, PA.          

They called the children up to the front to sit on the royally red colored carpet to listen to a story. I often smile when I see this, because usually, the adults get as much out of these little talks as the children.  But I got a totally different message out of it.

The children came to the front and seated themselves on the steps.  The little girls were prim and proper.  They raised their hands out of respect and waited to be acknowledged before they spoke, almost like robots that do all the right things at the right times. They acted like me.

Just as everyone settled into their spots and the story was underway, a little boy came running down the aisle and plopped himself face down, sprawled out, across the steps. I giggled to myself at the difference between this little boy and the other children. 

Then I stopped giggling.  I felt like him.

In reality, I was jealous of this little boy.  I tend to approach God like the little girls who were doing their best to be everything they were supposed to be.  Remember their manners, sit up straight, spew out the right answers in robotic fashion.

But the little boy was more like a rag doll who just couldn't sit up straight no matter how hard he tried.  He was himself, through and through. No pretensions, no hiding behind propriety. He came just as he was and didn't seem to care what anyone thought of him.

There is a song recorded by Next-2-Nothing, one of my favorite bands, that stopped me in my robotic tracks a few years ago.  I felt hopeless because I just couldn't get my wires connected enough to function perfectly.  I still get caught in the trap of thinking I have to be perfect when I approach my heavenly Father.  I am learning that I can come just as I am and find grace and mercy.

One of the lines in the song gave me a reboot that I desperately needed.

"If you tarry till you're better, you will never come at all." 

- J. Hart

Yes sirree - that's me.  I will wait until I'm perfect before I come.  But that means I'll never come.

I went home that day and flopped down in God's presence and cried. No formulas, 12 steps to healing, fasting, disciplines....just tears and brokenness.  In that place, I began to find strength and healing.

Now don't get me wrong, when it comes to most things, I prefer the robot. Take my motorcycle for instance. It better function like a robot. Turn on key, engage the throttle and va voom..off I go. Please don't sit there like a rag doll and cry because "I just can't function today". I need it to work. But when I go to the mechanic to maintain my motorcycle, I want him to have the attitude of the rag doll.  Soft, pliable, easy to talk to, even sit on the floor and cry with me when it's not working right. But in the end, I want him to get up, fix the issue and let me keep on riding.

So for me, I guess it's all in the attitude. There are times for backbone and routines, but when it comes to my heart, I want it to be soft and pliable.

Feeling like you could use some encouragement? Sit back and let this beautiful song speak peace and grace.

Bird Song.

My father loved birds.  

I have grown to love them too. 

They make me feel at peace. 

I awaken early in the morning to their songs.

I listen to them sing when I go for walks.

I talk to them.

They chatter.

They are a lesson in how much God cares for me.

"There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, 

more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. 

Look at the birds

free and unfettered

not tied down to a job description 

careless in the care of God

and you count far more to him than birds."  

Matthew 6:26 The Message.

Listen and watch here. Become unfettered and free.

A Walk With My Father

I've been pondering how much the Father loves us lately.......more so than usual.

I have this incredible hunger to experience His love in deeper ways as I find deep holes in my soul that can only be filled with His love.

I went for a walk recently and my sole purpose in going was to imagine myself walking with Him.  I'm trying to talk to Him more and more as if He were right here with me ALL the time.  (I know that He is.....in my head, but my heart has a hard time 'getting it'.)
To really grasp His love, I have been contemplating what it means to be child-like.  As a child, my most favorite thing to do with my father was simply just be with him, no matter what we were doing. 

My walk on this day was a tangible way for me to 'be' with my heavenly Father.

I couldn't help but record some of the scenes we saw.  I knew when I got back home I wanted to write a piano song to go with the pictures. 

I want to share this home-made video and piano song with you.  As you listen and observe, may you find peace and sense the Father drawing you to come and walk with Him too.

To view the video click here.