"Does planning a show of this magnitude give you anxiety? What is your biggest worry when planning Portraits of White?" What a great set of questions from a fan!
How about this for an answer?
I am mindlessly sticking my hand in the peanut chocolate M&M bag and stuffing my mouth with various colors of the delightful candy. I don't know when I started developing such a fondness for these little temptations. My husband and I ration them out. If Tom gets five, I get five. We even try to keep the colors the same in each pile.
Somehow, over the past year, we've departed from that tradition. I'm probably the one to blame for this lack of equality in distribution. On this particular day, to which I'm currently referring, I am actually eating this candy without even realizing it. Doesn't matter what color or how many...I just eat.
In frustration, I sit down on the green chair in my living room to take a moment and reflect on why I'm doing this, again. I know the pattern. Something about my life feels out of control so I do something that I can control. I turn to food. I eat. It's the only area where I feel as if I am "in control"—which is quite self-delusional. Yet, somehow, I believe it's true. I can control what I put into my mouth. But in this moment, I eat uncontrollably. You probably know the feeling.
I talk myself through it and remind myself that it's Portraits of White season. Things get kind of stressful right about now and sort of "spooky" (in keeping with the Wizard of Oz theme). This year, it's a little above and beyond the normal spookiness because of COVID. Like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz when he sees the big owls with glowing eyes in the haunted forest, I want to run the opposite direction. The Tin Man and Scarecrow have to literally pick him up, turn him around and carry him. I could use some "carrying" right about now.
There are a lot of things that can make me want to turn back. It can be the tiniest thing, but usually it's a combo. The music arrangements are pouring into my email box. I'm trying to organize all of the parts for the musicians, suggest changes to the arrangers, check the notations, create demos, memorize songs, practice the piano, keep my voice in shape, stay away from colds and viruses, think about how to make the whole show cohesive and meaningful... I'm also trying to follow up with businesses regarding sponsorships. Are they willing to support the show again this year? How much? If so, can they send in their logo/ad soon so we have it in time to print the programs?
By December, I'll be fine. It's just this in-between stage that can be rough. So, if one M&M equals one spook, perhaps eating them one by one is the answer. Or not.
Back to the original questions. "Does planning a show of this magnitude give you anxiety? What is your biggest worry when planning?" Normally, I'd say it's SNOW that's my biggest worry.
This year, you can add COVID to the list of concerns.
When it comes to facing fears, I think you can break "spooks" into two general categories:
1) Inside things (Your soul)
I have found that some of my biggest fears are actually within me. I've done a ton of soul-work around my inside fears and it's paying off. I love the growth I've experienced because I've paid attention to them.
I used to try and stuff my fears, or just ignore them completely. Doing something as courageous as putting on a Christmas show brought me face to face with some of my biggest fears, like fear of rejection. I found myself afraid that people wouldn't come. Duh. We started in 2014 and people have been coming EVERY year.
An even bigger challenge in the beginning had to do with facing intimidation. Questions like, "who do you think you are?" would wake me up in the middle of the night.
These days, I find that facing these fears head on works better than stuffing and ignoring. And oh, by the way, I've learned that as soon as I deal with one fear, there will be another one that pops up. It's the nature of being a dreamer. Your heart knows what it wants to do, but your brain simply freaks out.
The other spook category has to do with:
2) Outside things (The circumstances)
In this category, there are circumstances that are absolutely beyond my control and unfortunately, they can really raise quite a ruckus in my brain.
Things like...the WEATHER! Snow. Ice. Blizzards.
Or...
Pandemic. CDC restrictions.
Here are a few steps I take to help me deal with the inside and outside spooks:
Identify the fear. (What am I afraid of, specifically?)
Say it out loud. (There's just something powerful about naming it, out loud.)
I ask myself, what is the worst thing that could happen? (If my fear would come true, what would that look like?)
Could I be ok with that? (This can seem like you're giving in, but personally, I have found the greatest peace comes when I release control and choose to be ok with whatever the outcome might be.)
Do you remember the phrase, "Let not your heart be troubled?" It always reminds me that heart trouble is a choice. At least, this kind of heart trouble. Ouch. That's challenging, isn't it? However, I believe that like anything else, it just takes practice. Sometimes I just have to say, "heart, we're not going to be troubled about this!"
Using techniques such as praying, journalling, singing, quietness, reflection and confession can all be effective in facing the spooks. It's also nice if you have some friends who can pick you up and carry you through the spooky places.
It feels more like a statement than a question and it comes from a laborer who has spent years perfecting his craft in woodworking and fixing up kitchens. We stand in the middle of my kitchen as he works and he's curious about the fact that I'm preparing for a Christmas show in the middle of June.
I stand there, wondering how to explain something that seems like it should be common sense. Isn't that like assuming an athlete doesn't need to consistently exercise? Or asking the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz why he needs oil?
But, I think to myself, perhaps people who don't play instruments really think that musicians don't have to practice. So I try to explain that there is more to practicing than just "running through a song." Keeping my fingers agile, my brain sharp and my vocal chords strong are only a part of the drill.
"How much time do you put into practicing?" Now that's an easier question to answer and it came from another Portraits of White fan.
The short answer is "as much time as possible." I usually try to set aside a few hours each day to practice. I shut off my electronics and dig in. I find that a few hours of concentrated, uninterrupted practice time is better than trying to "fit it in" between all of the other tasks that go with running a business. Practice is oil that prevents rustiness. Even just a little bit of time, consistently, on a daily basis can help keep anyone keep their skill set sharp, no matter what life-work you've chosen. For a musician, practicing is key. Pun intended.
One of my core values is well-being, in all areas of my life.
Practice — musical health
Exercise — physical
Journalling/Writing — emotional
Praying/Reading — spiritual
Listening to positive messages — mental
Conversation — relational
What about your life? Do you know what keeps you running smoothly physically, mentally, spiritually?
That's such a great question from another Portraits of White fan. In order to answer that, you need to know about a pivotal point in my music journey in 2004, long before Portraits of White existed.
I'm sitting in Franklin, Tennessee at The Factory. It's my first time in Nashville and I'm eager to learn. I'm here because my record producer [Keith] moved from Pennsylvania to Nashville so he could help music artists. In fact, the night before he and his family packed up the U-haul and hit the road, we finished recording my vocals. Not only did their belongings move to Nashville, I felt like my music career had just moved with them, leaving me behind. I was sure my recording days were over. After all, with the talent that swarms Nashville, why would he want to work with me ever again?
Keith had been such a blessing in my life as the producer of I Still Believe (my 3rd album). He had a passion to find more ways to help the music artists he was working with, so he relocated to Music City. Within six months of moving to Tennessee, he put together an amazing conference of speakers and resources for musicians. Now, here I am at the conference, in the front row, note pad ready. My cup is turned upward, waiting to be filled.
All kinds of speakers, producers, publicists, songwriters, coaches, etc., are there, filling us with incredible inspiration, wisdom and resources. This is the conference where I will meet my future producer, Eric Copeland, as well as find a manager. It's a pivotal point in my music journey. I can feel it. The water is stirring.
Eric Copeland discussing Brand New Me photo shoot.
It is through these connections that I will eventually meet Ed Kee, the original conductor of Portraits of White, who will help me launch my big dream. Of course, I don't know that yet.
Ed Kee, Conductor 2014-2018 Tom Jackson, Live Music Producer Portraits of White 2015
But of all the amazing information I take in at the conference, the most significant life-changing moment happens when Tom Jackson, Live Music Producer, steps out on the stage.
"Your audience doesn't come to just hear you sing or play, they come to experience moments", he says.
He has my full attention.
"There are three reasons people go to concerts", he continues.
To be captured and engaged.
To experience moments.
To be changed.
Please tell me more, Tom.
I can't decide whether to take notes or just sit and absorb. Everything he is saying is resonating with me like nothing else I'd ever heard. In all my years of various music lessons on multiple instruments, no one has talked about this angle of performing—at least not that I recall. I sit on the edge of my seat as Tom takes us deeper.
"Songs create moments. When you create many different moments in your night, people will come back to your merch table and ask for a song by its name or by something they remember about the song. But what they are really asking is... "Where is that song that made me cry? Where is the song that made me laugh? Where is the song that gave me chills?" In other words, "Where is the song that made me feel that way...because I want to feel that way again." —Tom Jackson, Live Music Method
I have experienced this many times at my table after a concert. A perfect example is my song, Never by Accident. After I tell the story and play the song, inevitably someone will come up to me and ask, "Where's the accident song?" I smile and point the way to the CD, or iTunes. It doesn't matter that they can't remember the exact title. They just know that they want THAT song. They felt something while they were listening and they want to take the feeling home with them.
I love hearing people's homemade titles of my songs—it's like they give me a gift; their own interpretation of the song.
One of the greatest compliments I've ever received came on a survey I sent out after Portraits of White one year. "I laughed, I cried, I sang and I left wanting more."
Mingling with fans after Portraits of White 2015
My yellow brick road is paved with songs. Each song is a brick on the journey to the Emerald City. Each song creates some kind of moments. And with those moments in mind, that's how I choose the songs. I look for different moments. I try to make sure the concert road contains all of the elements needed to pave the way for a great show. That's my yellow brick road.
Speaking of roads...it seems appropriate to end this post with a journal entry I wrote on my trip home from the Nashville conference in 2004.
"I'm on the plane heading home after the CIA Summit (Christian Independant Artists). I don't even know where to begin. This weekend was another "God thing." A pivotal point in my life. When will I ever learn that when God seems to bring a season to an end, it only means that down the road something better will come along and you'll look back at what you left behind (and though you're thankful for what you had) you realize that letting go was the absolute best thing! Everything builds on everything else. It all counts, but if you cling to the present season and resist letting go, you'll miss out on bigger opportunities.
Just when it felt like I got cut off from my only chance at getting out of Newville, all heaven has broken loose for me. I met SO many great people this weekend. Producers, evaluators, speakers and other artists who are doing what I do. I know I have a great problem—not how will I ever find anyone else to work with, but which great one should I pursue?
I learned so much about loving your audience, getting bookings, performing with more passion, giving more to others and finding joy and fulfillment in what I'm doing.
I can feel things stirring in my spirit. I know good things are ahead. I also know that I've needed tools to help me take things to the next level." — Frances Drost, March 7, 2004 Journal
It's 2013 and I am sitting in the beautiful American Music Theatre in the heart of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, watching a Christmas show with a group of seniors (50 and up) from my church. I am serving as the Director of Worship and somehow I am lucky enough to have been the recipient of a complimentary ticket at the last minute. This was a perk I didn't see coming when I said yes to the job.
Normally, I spend my days at the church trying to plan a meaningful worship service, so taking a day trip on a fancy coach bus and eating a scrumptious Lancaster County meal with the church people I serve only adds to the pleasure of the trip. The Christmas show is the perfect ending to a wonderful day.
As the show finishes, I sit in my seat, in a state of shock. We didn't go to see this kind of thing when I was growing up, so I am pretty mesmerized by the whole production; from the set to the musicians, lighting and sound. I love it all!
"THIS is what I want my Christmas show to be like. A professional show, with a personal touch." Did I just say that out loud? I exit the building with the rest of our group and I am completely energized. My mind is racing with ideas. My body is riding home on the coach bus, but my brain is somewhere else...scheming about how to do my own show.
I can't help it. I seem to have been born with the ability to come up with tornadic ideas. The kind that carry my brain off to a fantasy land while the rest of my household lives in a perpetual state of stress because of it. Just ask my cats...and my husband.
A tornado can be a violent outburst of emotion or activity like the planning of a Christmas show not just a violent rotating column of air, as in a potentially violent and destructive system of atmospheric circulation, characterized by a long, funnel-shaped cloud extending toward the ground and made visible by condensation and debris. Try saying that sentence three times real fast!
In the Wizard of Oz, it was a tornado that swept Dorothy (and her house) off her feet. When the twister stopped twisting and dropped her off in a new land, she thought she was over the rainbow. Dorothy sensed she wasn't in Kansas anymore. She was hoping for a place where all of her dreams really would come true and where she could be free of trouble. Boy, was she ever in for a surprise. The house dropping on the witch was just the beginning.
I too was in for a whirlwind of a journey when I decided to turn my Portraits of White album into a show. I thought I was headed for a land of bliss and fantasy (well, almost.) It seemed like such a great idea!
However, I had a lot to learn. The reality of this learning curve struck me as soon as the conductor started explaining all that I'd need to do JUST to have the music ready for an orchestra. Oops.
In a nutshell, all I ever wanted to do was create an experience that would sweep people off their feet and carry them to a land without troubles...at least for one weekend in December. A professional show with a personal touch. In 2014, I set out to make the first one happen.
Portraits of White 2014
I knew I was accomplishing my mission when I started hearing people say they felt as if they were simultaneously attending a professional production and sitting in my living room having coffee with me. That's exactly what I wanted people to experience.
So this seems like a good place in the story to address the next question on the list from someone who asked, "What do I tell other people when they want to know what Portraits of White is?"
Here is a collection of responses we've received from people who were asked how they would describe the show...
“It blew me away.”
“Portraits of White is a show that brings together a world-class entertainer and orchestra to tell a story of how one person came to love “the Heart of Christmas” again.”
“If a good show was a good meal, Portraits of White would be Thanksgiving.”
“I laughed, I cried, I sang, then I left wanting more!”
“A refreshing 2 1/2 hour escape!!”
“Carefully crafted, from the heart, warm and fuzzy, and entertaining…not your typical Christmas show.”
“Breathtaking.”
“Portraits of White will make you look at winter in a totally different way! Bring it on!”
“Equates to any professional show I have seen in New York, Gatlinburg and Dollywood at Christmas. Close to home and much cheaper.”
“A true work of art for any music lover.”
“No special effects needed.”
“A different Christmas experience. Not a Broadway production with the same thing over and over.”
“Christmas came to life at the concert today! Frances was full of the joy of the season without the artificial syrupy sweetness the world markets. We could sit back, smile, and enjoy the incredible musicianship of all the participants.”
“This concert will overflow your Christmas soul. Frances Drost is so personable and down to earth. She has a way of making you feel as though she’s one of your best friends. But on the other side of that, her talent is amazing and unbelievable. You will be so glad you attended and you will make mental plans already to attend next year.”
“What a variety of music and musicians! I left everything else outside and was just present with Frances and the performances. I left feeling filled!”
“It was a magical experience that celebrated Christmas with creativity. It was nice to attend a concert that wasn’t the traditional.”
“This show was a delightful experience for both eyes and ears, but the emotional and spiritual impact was phenomenal!”
“In the midst of a beautiful but frequently hectic season Portraits of White is like coming inside from the cold, and sitting down by a fire with a mug of hot cocoa, a cozy blanket and your best friend to enjoy it with.”
“Professional production with a personal touch.”
“The show is a very real testimony of the performer’s background and their lives shared with the audience. Frances never fails to inspire and encourage the dreams of others and age incorporates all types of musicians, singers, and different backgrounds to perform. I love the openness and honesty of Frances and that she is not afraid to share the good and bad with others, which speaks to me very personally and I so appreciate this!”
“Special, different from the run of the mill holiday shows.”
“A breath of fresh air. Down to earth.”
“It’s like nothing else you have seen before. You will come away wanting more.”
“A beautiful way to enhance your Christmas celebration. It’s been a part of ours for four years.”
“It will inspire you, entertain you, even bring peace. You will go away feeling better than you came.”
“One of the best holiday concerts I have ever attended.”
“Portraits of White is delightful! Great musicians leave you well entertained with their skill. Yet I find I see beyond the musicality into the true meaning of Christmas, of Christ’s birth and the reality of his love that can be afforded to those around us at Christmas time and throughout the year. Lay aside the hustle and bustle to engage your heart at Christmas.”
“A variety of musical performances by many talented artists. It never got boring!”
“This show is a wonderful way to find your Christmas heart! Francis finds a way to touch each person there and create a special aura of joy and wonder. Part of our new Christmas traditions!!”
“If you enjoy Christmas music, and are a Christmas addict like I am, I mean… everything about it, You must see Portraits of White!”
“It’s truly a worship experience with a high degree of professionalism and a home town feel.”
“It was entertaining and warmed my heart. I felt like I was part of the show.”
“Highly entertaining, top-shelf musicianship, enough feel-good feelings to go around twice.”
“This concert gives you a reason to go home and continue to get ready for the celebration of Christmas!!”
“We are grateful for the performance that touched our hearts and minds and created a sacred pause during Advent.”
“This concert is a snowy wonderland way to experience the Christmas Season. It is not Christmas without Portraits Of White.”
“The atmosphere of the community of the musicians, recognizing them, featuring them and their talents – for me it made everyone feel like a “village” experience.”
“I felt cared for from the moment I walked in the door.”
“A wonderful performance perfectly constructed to lift up a weary spirit and remind us of the real reason for the season.”
“If you’re tempted to give up on Christmas, this concert will restore your joy!”
“A non-stop blitzkrieg of Christmas blessings.”
“It is a wonderful experience of music, some familiar Christmas music, some original to Frances, wonderful professional arrangements of Christmas music – special to Frances’s concert – so that one is consistently hearing new music. I like the acoustic direction this year’s concert took – so much intimacy with music. So wonderful to have the quality of professional musicians as well as feeling like we’re getting to know Frances more.”
“If you imagine that you are ‘Christmas prepared’ you aren’t until you experience Portraits of White. I doubled my guests this year and hope to double them again next year! Totally unique Christmas experience.”
“Portraits of White has become a holiday staple for me. I have found it to be a wonderful way to curtail the chaos of Christmas for an evening and focus my heart on the true beauty of the season. In addition, the show is such an amazing showcase of local talent. Frances makes everyone a star for the night! And because she so artfully draws attention to the giftedness of herself and others, she is able to weave the wonder of heaven into a rockin’ holiday show without ever making it awkward or obnoxious.”
“The decorations, flow, talent, humor, etc. all hit just the right notes! This was my first Portraits of White concert and I have already noted my calendar for next fall to order tickets.”
“Nothing on earth is perfect, but this concert comes close to attaining the label!”
“The entire show just spoke to my heart and moved me like no other service or show.”
“Portraits of White is the quintessential Christmas music performance, with beautiful, harmonic vocals surrounded by the ultimate orchestra and conductor, Frances shines brightly!”
“This show is fantastic! High-quality production and AMAZING regional and national talent! Attend once and you will want to make it an annual tradition!”
“It touched my heart and reminded me of why this season is so magical.”
“An awesome night of entertainment. From laughing to crying and feeling all warm inside. It’s worth it.”
“This show has become the highlight of the Christmas season for me. Frances Drost is so talented yet down to earth that she warms your heart with both her singing and piano playing as well as sharing her life’s ups and downs.”
“Professional quality show with a nice mix of Christmas music performed by accomplished musicians. The star of the show is Frances Drost, who has worked hard to bring her childhood dream come true to offer a Christmas program that is family friendly, fun and inspirational. From the lovely stage set to the talented orchestra, to the wit and humor from Frances, you won’t go away disappointed.”
“Portraits of White is an amazing show with an extraordinary performance that is sure to get the audience into the holiday spirit. In my opinion, the quality of the musicians is on a scale comparable to any professionally done show performed by well know musicians in the business. It is a show well worth attending!”
“This is THE concert to usher in the Christmas holiday season. Frances is so talented, and she mixes her own originals with classics! There are fantastic soloists and singers. It is top notch! Frances is so funny, yet she mixes in a vulnerability that makes her so real and makes it ok to mix sad with joy.”
In last week's blog, I introduced you to my "Kansas" — the one-red-light-town of Newville, Pennsylvania. If you go another three miles past the red light, you'll come to the farmhouse where I was raised.
I can still picture my mother's brown Wurlitzer piano sitting in the living room. It was a treasure to her because as a young woman she purchased it with her own money in the 1940's. It was the centerpiece of my life.
I have no first memory of the piano...just a collage of memories. In fact, it feels as if the piano and I were womb mates and we grew up as playmates.
According to my mother, I started playing by ear when I was two or three years old. In her opinion, one thing that separated me from other children was my approach to it. While others would bang on it, I'd touch the keys very gently, one note at a time. I later learned that there is a time and place to play fortissimo (very loud) but I had to come out of my shell before that ever happened.
Together, we [the piano and I] would put on little shows for my "Auntie Em and Uncle Henry." I must have had a thing for shows because in the winter, I'd perform little dances on our farm pond—ice skating to music and creating lovely choreographed movements. I tried to be just like the Olympic skaters I saw on our black and white TV. I'm sure I was just like them. LOL!
Sometimes, I'd create a little choir with the chess pieces from our chess set and of course, I always lined them up according to their height. The piano, the shows, the skating...these were all indicators of the creative path I would choose in the future. A convergence of skill and desire.
Angie — after her bath.
In addition to musical fantasies, I suppose every farm girl needs a dog and we had many. My personal favorite was Angie; a lovely apricot-colored poodle. Sorry Toto, nothing against Terriers. My mother liked poodles and picked Angel from a December litter—a Christmas dog. She followed me around the farm and sometimes she'd sit on my lap when I practiced the piano. Yes, I was one of those odd children who loved to practice.
It's pretty clear that my fascination with performing started with living room shows around the piano, skating to music and arranging plastic chess choirs. Once I began writing music and recording albums, I started getting invitations to sing at various churches and events.
About fourteen years after my first album, Under The Big Blue Sky, I began to dream of doing a big annual Christmas concert and in 2014, I started Portraits of White.
