I thought it was cool when I was little and missionaries came to our church and told of how they had to live by faith and trust God for every single need they had. They'd tell of amazing miracles God did in providing for them supernaturally and I wanted to live like them.
That was then. This is now.
Over a year and a half ago I left my 'day job' to pursue songwriting and performing full time. It's a vision I had for a long time and was thrilled to see it finally come to pass. Though it was a big step of faith, I have seen God provide for me and have always been able to not only pay all my bills, but pay them on time. My bookings have increased and doors continue to open.
Lately however, I've been sensing the call to step out in even greater ways. To trust more fully. To let go of one of my last sources of 'steady' income. Teaching private lessons in my studio.
I was reading Matt. 6:31-33 recently where God asks us why we worry about clothes and food? If He cares for the birds of the air and the flowers of the field, surely He'll care for us, He promises.
My exact words to Him in response were "I'm not worried about food and clothes...I know I have enough of those things....I'm worried about paying my monthly obligations as a result of this ministry that I've given myself to."
So me and God have been working on this part of my faith. I'm still working through the 'whys' of my lack of faith and asking God to help me trust Him more. Why am I so afraid He won't care for me???
This morning as I was reading in Psalm 78, I got hit between the eyes.....or 'busted' as some folks might say. Guess I still have more work to do in this new season of trust.
"They even spoke against God himself, saying, "God can't give us food in the desert. Yes, he can strike a rock so water gushes out, but he can't give his people bread and meat." When the Lord heard them, he was angry. The fire of his wrath burned against Jacob. Yes, his anger rose against Israel, for they did not believe God or trust him to care for them."
Ya know - I truly believe that it must hurt my heavenly Father when I don't believe he can supply all my needs or can't trust him to care for me. I can believe that we'll have enough food and clothes...but like the children of Israel I doubt that He can go beyond the daily needs to the bigger things.
Yep - I've been busted. Again.
"Lord, I believe. Now help my unbelief".
How have you seen God meeting your needs? I'd love to hear your comments.