When I Pray.

When I pray...

I cast my

• cares 
• worries
• anxieties

on God.

I discuss

• my thoughts
• what's bugging me
• the details and to-do lists of my day

with God.

I confess

• my failings
• my bad attitudes
• my fears

to God.

I listen for

• His thoughts
• His ways
• His comfort

But when I get up from the couch, the real test lies in how deeply I will TRUST Him after all that we just shared together.

Left Behind. (From Nancy Crider Singer in memory of Paul Douglas Crider).

If there's anything I've come to appreciate through all the loss of life in our family, it's the art of learning to celebrate those who remain behind. It can be easy to focus on who we've lost and stay stuck in that grief. But there is so much living to do with those who remain.

As I wrap up this series of blog posts surrounding some the stories of our family's loss, I'm delighted to share one last post from another one of our family members.  Nancy Singer Crider shares what it's been like to be a single mother, after losing her husband (and my brother) Doug. As Doug's family continues to grow, it's a blessing to watch the impact of a life lived well during the brief 26 years he lived.

From Nancy Singer Crider:

In memory of Paul Douglas Crider

"It is bitter sweet to look back 49 years to October 11, 1969 as Doug and I joined together in marriage expecting to share a lifetime together.  I could not have anticipated that 3 years and 9 months later, we would be left behind and he would be present with the Lord. My daughters and I experienced a huge loss to our family.  

There were times when I felt so alone trying to be a single mother, feeling the heavy weight of raising two daughters with two very different personalities.  I felt so inadequate being responsible for guiding these two little lives through life.  

Even though I made lots of mistakes, it was good to know that Christ surrounded us with His love and grace.  I trusted Him to be the strength for us through the good and bad times. Through the love and grace of God, I am learning to rely on Him for strength in life's situations.  

After Doug passed, I built my life around my children.  I sometimes felt they were all I had.  I watched them grow and learn as we tried to learn together to seek God (not always successful - but progressing).  During these growing pains, I sometimes wondered what life would have been like if Doug had lived.  

He had begun to give sermons at Jemison Valley where we attended church.  It was suggested he apply for a lay minister’s license which he received shortly before his death.  He preached his first sermon as a licensed minister and was scheduled to preached again at another church close to where we lived.  However, the accident that took his life was the week after his first sermon.   For a young man at the age of 26 to die spoke volumes to the community. 

As Crystal and Kelly married and started their homes and families, I was blessed with 8 grandchildren around whom I began to build my life also.  They were such a blessing and they loved to spend time at “Mimi’s” house. They would spend time in my basement playing guitars, singing and making videos.  It was such a wonderful time together.  However, they continued to mature.  Then, Derek, one of the grandsons got married.  I was blessed with two great grandsons. 

In more recent years, I had an opportunity to go to Guatemala on a mission trip.  During the first trip, I did some soul searching and discovered a new life in Christ as I surrendered to the filling of the Holy Spirit.  What a change occurred on my life.  I received new guidance on how to seek God in all situations.  

I decided to spend a week at my timeshare (alone) seeking release from concerns related to my family. I seemed to be in bondage. As I laid my concerns before the Lord, he very clearly spoke to my heart as he said, “Give them to me. I will take care of them."  

Wow!  I wrote the names of my children, their spouses, and all my grandchildren and lifted them toward heaven and laid them before the Lord.  I must confess, there are times I take them back and then give them back to Him.  I sometimes wondered if their Daddy/Grandpa was before the throne asking for mercy, grace and wholeness for his family.  I have seen changes in some of their lives since I gave my family to the One who can do all things.

Even through the years without Doug’s presence, I have a feeling he was praying for all his family as we sometimes struggled through life, seeking to follow God - knowing what the final result will be.  To be able to join with Doug and other family members who have gone before us, but to ultimately meet our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and worship Him forever."

Never By Accident

I watched her fingers tremble as she pressed the strings against the wood, but they weren't trembling from nerves.  They were adding the rich vibrato that makes the cello sing.  Combined with her bow techniques, her poise and confidence, the little black notes on the page jumped off and brought my weary soul back to life.  Even the 'rests' were part of the moments.

I asked her if I could sit beside her and watch her play.  Her music has always touched me deep down in my soul and often makes me emotional.  When we play together, it becomes even more powerful.

How can inanimate objects like wood strung with catgut melt a person's heart? Like water that changes the shape of a hard rock over years of time.  Only my heart melts within just a few measures. A few seconds.

As I sat and beheld this amazing player on her well-worn instrument, I got new inspiration. The page she was playing from was written with piano and choir in mind.  It wasn't just for cello. Without the other members of the music performance, it would have sounded incomplete, albeit beautiful.  But it was written to go with other parts.

One page. That's all she had.  She couldn't see anything else. No choir music, no piano accompaniment.  Just her part. She had to trust that what she had would fit into the whole.

You might feel as if you are a tuba in a spa, but believe me, there is a spot for the tuba.  It adds incredible rich bass tones in the context of the whole. The gifts you have, the special wiring you came with, have a purpose and a place.

If everyone plays their individual part to the best of their ability, when it all comes together it will sound amazing, but you have to trust the person who wrote the arrangement.  You have to trust that he knew what all the other players would be doing and how your part fits in context.

Focus. Trust.  Faith.

I first wrote the piano piece called "Never By Accident" from a few simple notes. It happened by accident. But my producer wanted to add other players to what I originally thought would be a solo piano piece.  I couldn't quite catch his vision until the piece was completed.

I changed the original title from "By Accident" to the new name: "Never By Accident".  It was too beautiful to be an accident and it was now going on my CD.

You were not an accident.  You, like the piano in this song, are meant to be part of a bigger piece.

You are beautiful.  Don't shy away from letting yourself become part of something larger than you.

You weren't meant to play alone.

You were never an accident.

God's Hyperlinks

Spending time at The Gideons International Office Nashville, TN

How does a little girl from Newville, PA get invited to lead worship in Nashville, TN?  A city where they say every waiter/waitress is a great guitar player?  That's what ran through my mind after boarding the plane in Harrisburg, PA to fly to Nashville, TN this past weekend.

The short answer?  Only God!

The long answer.......

I took my seat on the airplane next to the window and I wasn't seated very long when a memory flashed through my mind.  It's as if the action of sitting down on the plane lit up the memory and made it active in my mind again. I forgot about my present trip to Nashville and recalled a conversation with my mother in my parents' house many years ago.

At that time, I was working part time for a company based in Canada called Eagle's Flight.  I would fly to various destinations and serve as part of a support team to a facilitator who took cooperate companies through experiential training in team-building exercises.  Though the experience stretched me, I loved doing it.  I remember sensing in my heart that one day I would be stretched in another capacity, but it would have more to do with my music than the Eagle's Flight company I was currently working for at that time.  It was just a vanishing thought, but it was very vivid.

Back in my parents' living room, I was having a discussion with my mother.  She had the regular fears I guess any mother would have when their child is flying all over the U.S. 

"What if something happens to you" she asked out of the blue one day.

From somewhere deep inside of me, a protective attitude arose and I found myself saying something to her that surprised even me. "Mother, some day I will be flying even more and I don't want to dwell on fear, so if you don't mind, we're not going to discuss this."

I know she was shocked and frankly, so was I. But there's something you need to understand. I never dealt with fear of flying until one day a well meaning friend knew I was flying the following day and said to me, "aren't you afraid something will happen to you?"  It never occurred to me to be afraid until that moment when her statement planted a seed of fear.

The next day when I flew, we encountered a thunderstorm on our flight and such fear grabbed hold of my heart that I went into panic mode.  When we landed to catch our connecting flight, I vowed I would never get on an airplane again.  I called my parents from the airport to tell them I needed to find another mode of transportation to get me the rest of the way but they weren't home. That was before the days of cell phones, so I felt stranded. I was hoping they would offer to buy me a bus ticket or something to take the place of my final leg of the flights.  That's how strong fear can become!

Reluctantly and very full of fear, I boarded the final flight to my destination and sat down in my seat absolutely convinced that this would be my last moment on earth and that we would crash to the ground taking all my fears with me.

Of course, that didn't happen, but for the next few years I had a terrible battle with fear every time I flew.  It took years to overcome that fear and when I finally did conquer it, I had no interest in activating it again through a discussion with my mother.  You can now understand why I was so defensive when my mother opened a can of worms that she didn't know existed.  It was only meant to protect my freedom from another battle with fear.

So here's where the hyperlink comes in. It's God's hyperlinks. We go about our daily activities doing our best to listen for His whispers, act on what we think we hear Him saying and all of a sudden, He activates something in our life and transports us to divine connections.

I had a distinct feeling in my spirit that someday I would need to fly for what would become my own music ministry - and though there was nothing in the natural realm from which to prove my statement to my mother, I knew that it was coming down the road.  Sometimes God gives us an advance notice of what is to come.  I think that's what happened to me that day I had the conversation with my mother. Jesus did it with his band of believers.  He would say to them things like: “I’m telling you all this ahead of time so that when it happens you will believe that I am who I say I am.."  I wish he'd tell us more things ahead of time and maybe He is if we would listen.

So now it's January 2015 and I am seated on US Airways, traveling to Nashville, TN, not for some other company, but for my own music ministry, just as I sensed would happen years ago. Now, sitting on the plane, I realized that after many years of praying, being faithful and sharpening my tools, God made the link active and here I was heading to Nashville to lead worship for The Gideons International at the 2015 Auxiliary President's Conference.

So how do you click on God's hyperlinks?

1.)  Pray - talk to God and also listen for His voice - when he speaks make a note of it for future reference
2.)  Obey - whatever steps He tells you to take, walk in them and trust Him for the outcome

There are probably whispers and glimpses you have in your spirit of things God wants to do in your life and places He wants to take you.  Let Him do the activating!  Your job is to pray in a receptive mode and obey when you think He is telling you to act.

It's amazing the sites you will take in when He activates the hyperlinks.

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 97 Fear or Trust?

Still trying to make a final decision about the show.  Fear is a stronghold right now.  A few thoughts about that.....

Inside Things:

When other people book me on their own initiative through word of mouth recommendations (which is how I get most of my bookings), that feels like a big stamp of approval.  But when I decide to initiate my own creative show and invite people to come, that takes everything to a new level - (I think that's one of the big things I face right now....the reckoning with the old voices that say it's vain to do this - I fought that same mind-set when I started singing my own songs instead of other people's).

Facts:

From what I have figured out so far, just to use the venue, hire a sound and light company, orchestra and conductor, will cost $12,000.00.  Ticket sales alone will not cover this, unless I charge an unmentionable amount for tickets, which I won't do!  That can chase anyone away from a dream if nothing else will.

A remedy?:

As I've taken a few days off from the elephant diet to step back and really examine it closely (plus catch up from traveling so much lately) I realized that fear is the final giant I must face.  However, yesterday, I read an article in a leadership magazine with a phrase that caught my eye and began to release me from the clutches of fear:  "The only remedy for fear is trust."  Jeff Manion - Leadership Journal.  

Is it time for me to trust the desires God has placed inside of me, trust the One who gave me this gift in the first place and trust that as I take one step at a time I will end up where I hoped and have a great journey in the process and touch people with hope around the holidays?

News:

Still getting caught up from being away in NY and CO....just paid sales tax for sales in CO and recorded my sales information in my files for accounting purposes.   

I've been doing music each night at a local church, after working at church all day...and preparing for a ladies' tea in Elizabethtown, PA this Saturday.  I'll be speaking and sharing music on the topic of "Working Out On the Inside Things"....one of my favorite subjects!  

I've been taking a break from blogging because of the busyness and feeling like any spare time I have right now should be used to spend time with my husband, even though it's very little time.  

I'm slowly working my way back into the groove of dieting....eating my elephant, that is.  

Took a few bites today:

...phone calls that will hopefully lead to contacts with HACC to see if their Student Assoc. will consider bringing me in as a guest artist (which could mean no charge for me to use their venue)

...researched more on-line about setting up ticket sales for the event through on-line services

...e-mailed conductor to get a final commitment from him about Nov. 23 (hope so!)

...e-mailed someone else for recommendations on conductors and concert masters in case I need a plan B

.....still going!

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 77 The Great Producer

"Sing A Song of Joy" and "Night of Miracles" are now on their way to the next phase. 

The basic 'feel' and/or 'groove' has been captured and some sprinkles have been added in for color and flavor.  Next they will be evaluated and handed off to other musicians to add their thoughts and interpretations, all under the direction of the great producer of course. 

The drummer, bass player, guitar player and keyboard player meet and establish the 'base' of the songs.  Then each may go back later and add in more things according to the producer's direction. 
Songs that are based in a rhythm section often get recorded this way. Not all the songs on my CD require a rhythm section.

I couldn't be there, but thanks to FaceTime and Source-Live, an iPad, iPhone and iMAC, I was able to still be a part of the process and it worked amazingly well!  (the links are for the techies out there who want to know). 

In the picture below this paragraph, you can see what I saw.  My iPad was giving me a view into the studio as they were talking and working.  The lower right corner box was me taking a picture (with my iPhone) of the iPad so you can see what I was seeing.  I got a tour of the studio via the iPad.

The studio sent me a link to their audio so I could put my professional studio headphones on and listen in on the session.  I could hear what the players discussed, the riffs they tried and decided to use or throw away and their silly comments about music in general.  I even got to hear their bunny trails of music while they waited for someone to give direction or press a button.  Jazz, Rock, Country - I guess it was their way of letting off steam and getting ready for the next 'take', sort of like a biker revs her engine at a stop light.  Can't wait to get going again?

I could make comments and give feedback directly to my producer as we talked on my iPad using FaceTime.  (In fact, as I write this blog at 8:30 p.m., I am still linked in to the studio in TN and listening to other songs that they are working on.  I don't know if they know I'm still listening.  They aren't my songs, but I get to hear the development of other artists' songs).  Pretty amazing!

While I was listening with my headphones from my iMAC and watching on my iPad, I was texting from my iPhone back and forth with my producer as we discussed things that were happening. 

At first I tried to give ideas for changes, but I could tell real fast that it was clear that Eric has a vision of the 'big picture' of not just each song, but the whole project.  He tries to walk a fine line between making sure I get what I want, but that I also end up with music that fits the song, my style, my audience and what is current in the music world.  Like when I suggested a different 'feel' in the verse, he told me that what I played on the demo is reminiscent of by-gone days and that they are trying to keep it more current - which is something he knows is important to me on these two songs.

Here's some of the comments back and forth between Eric Copeland (my producer) and I.  Sometimes the texts are disconnected.....our thoughts were finished later as we talked things through on the iPad.

Night of Miracles

Eric:  "Dave is redoing his 1st guitar, not adding yet"

Frances: "Ok - I think I better just listen and let you lead this  : )"

Eric:  "Prepping for next guitar and keyboard sounds" 
          "I told Dan I think I hear the miracles happening"
          "He started making baby noises and saying "Its' a boy!" 

(this was as they began adding bells to the song making it start to sound like Christmas)

Frances:  "Ah yes...Dan.....I remember having trouble recording because he was always making me laugh"  

(Dan Needham is the drummer and played on most of my "Inside Things" project.  He was hilarious to work with.)

Eric:  "He's rather tame today"

Frances:  "It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas!!!!"

Sing a Song of Joy

They spent a good bit of time on this song before they began to record - more than I've ever experienced before.  It was interesting to listen in on their thought process.  It sounds very different than my demo....in a very good way.


Eric:  "They are still feeling their way through"

Frances:  "I like it"
 Eric:  "Gotta also remember, we will be orchestrating over the top of this"

Frances:  "I like the electric guitar groove he is doing in the chorus"
Frances:  "Liked the intro too"

Eric:  "I hate the key change"
Frances:  "Ok - Lose it!"

Frances:  "What else might go in the bridge"  (sometimes we'd talk and skip the texting)

Eric:  "Organ cool?"
Frances:  "Whatever you think"

Eric:  "Jeff is going to add another belly thing when Dave does acoustics"
Frances:  "Ok"

Frances:  "Really like what the acoustic guitar adds"

Eric:  "I also hear chimes in this, but that's more orchestral in nature.  Strings and orchestra will be beautiful in this, and may add some parts in the middle as well (cello?)"
Frances:  "Great"

Eric:  "Gonna be very nice"

So you see.  The producer plays a very big part in this whole thing.  He hired the musicians, planned the recording day, chose the engineer, the studio and coordinated all the interaction between all of us.

He kept reminding me throughout the afternoon that what we were doing today is the 'base' of everything in these two songs.  When I was tempted to say it feels one way or another, he would remind me that I needed to be patient and let them do their thing because they were 'building' it.  I know that in my head, but you can't imagine how it feels (or maybe you can) to spend years writing, working, saving and then have it come to life in one afternoon.  You want so much for it to be grand right away.  But you can't ask a baby born one day to be trained, mature and ready for college the next day.  So it is with a song.  This is only the first day of school for these children of mine.   Graduation day will be when the CD is released to the world.  And by the end of the first song, I was loving what they did!  He was right.

Trust is a big issue when working with a producer and I chose Eric because we've had history of working together before and I knew when he reminded me that he hears so much more in his head than what I heard today, that I needed to trust him like I did with my other projects.

He hears the finished product.  That's why he's the producer and I'm not.

Reminds me of our heavenly Father.  So often I cry out afraid that what I currently hear or see is all I'm going to ever hear or see.  But He is building a much bigger plan than I can even comprehend and He can easily see down the road to the 'finished' product and outcome of our lives.  We must trust Him that all things are working together for our good. 

Today is only a glimpse of what the future holds.  If I base my faith on what I hear today, it could be really great (but only if I have a good day).  If I have a 'bad' day, then I might be tempted to feel yucky.  He wants me to trust Him in good and bad.  To wait for the bigger plan and picture to unfold and enjoy each moment as it comes until the big dream is complete.

Sigh.  (wishing for deeper trust!)

What a great day.