Snow

Almost every child has a blanket they adore when they are little.

They drag it around with them everywhere they go.

They eat with it, sleep with it and must take it with them when they ride in the car.

Don't you dare take it away! It becomes their security.  It makes them feel at ease.  In fact, oftentimes they suck their thumb on one hand and lug the blanket around with the other.

Snow was my blanket.  It still is.

The music on the video.

One day, I sat down at the piano and wrote this song after a long winter's walk.  It was a dreary January day complete with grey skies.  Except for the blue mountains in the background, a few evergreen trees and various colored boxes (houses), the land was brown and black.  It seemed to amplify my longing for snow and cry aloud with me.  I was missing my winter blanket.

Though I originally had lyrics, I decided to record it as an instrumental.  It seems to allow more space for the listener's interpretation.

The photographs in the video.

A few years ago I was doing the music at an event in Canon Beach, Oregon - a most gorgeous place - and became acquainted with a woman who does photography as a hobby.  Weeks after the event, I was so delighted to receive some of her beautiful cards in the mail featuring her pictures.  I sent a few to friends and kept two for myself as a keepsake.

I forgot all about her work until last year when I went searching for snow pictures to use.  I contacted several photographers about their images but to no avail.

Her name popped into my mind one day and I went searching through my closet for her cards. Fortunately I had kept two of them and found her e-mail.  We made contact again after all these years and I am pleased to share her work with you.

Sharon Gordon - Photographer

Rings, dings and other obnoxious things!

The buzzer on my oven went off and it never even registered with my brain that my cookies were done.  The truth is, the noise sounded like all the other 'dings' that I hear all day long so I had tuned it out thinking it was just my phone. But the most alarming thing to me (pun intended) about this was the fact that I didn't even register the sound of the timer in my brain. This could have cost me my precious chocolate chip cookies!

Now this wouldn't be the first hazardous mistake in my kitchen.  I have burned bacon so badly that even my pan was fried.  Sheds new meaning on the term 'pan fried'. The bacon was like black powder.  I pitched the pan and the ashes.

Here's the thing about 'dings':

My phone dings when I get a facebook message, a text, an e-mail, a follower on twitter....

My phone dings telling me to start walking for 5 minutes and then dings to tell me to start running for 1 minute.   (I like my 5K app.  It's helping me train for a 5K).

Ding.  "Slow down and walk".
Ding.  "You're doing great runner!"
Ding.  "Time to walk for 5 minutes and cool down."

My iPad dings too.

My husband's phone vibrates.  We sit and smile as our electronic gadgets communicate. Ding, beep, pop, boom.

I share an office with a co-worker and her phone vibrates when she gets a text....or at least I think it's a text.

My phone dings in the office too.  It's part of office life.

We have a cool app at work called 'slack' and so I get dings when anyone is using slack...making them a 'slacker'...we joke.

My phone dings with a slack message and my desktop computer dings too. I get dings at home when someone 'slacks' so I can keep up with the conversation at work, even though I'm at home.

Ding, ding, ding.

I've tried using different ring tones for various friends. One friend has been assigned the sound of a dog barking. My husband's ring sounds like a motorcycle revving.

One night I was working at the church all alone and heard a dog barking and it spooked the spooks right out of me.  How did a dog get in the church anyway?  Finally, I realized it was my phone barking.

I decided it had gone too far.

I've finally learned how to turn that stuff off and not be notified about every little thing.  But I think the damage is already done and I could have had burnt cookies to prove it!

When I no longer hear the alarm of the oven telling me to check my cookies because I've learned to tune out all the rings, dings and other obnoxious things, I begin to wonder what other things in my life I've been starting to 'tune out' because I take in too much?  There are things that are much more important than cookies.  Like the voice of the Spirit. Does His voice get lost in the crowd? Has He lost His distinction?

I hope not!

Ding.........sorry...gotta go.

She Would Have Been 92

Today, February 6, 2015, my mother would have turned 92.

Bertha Mae Sollenberger Crider Heisey
February 6, 1923 - September 24, 2014

The day after her memorial service, I was driving home from the Baltimore airport after dropping off my brother and his wife.  I felt this overwhelming sense of loneliness and finality.  My mind began to walk through the events of the past week.  While my mind was walking, my heart began to sing a new song.....

5 yellow roses for mother

ninety-one birthdays

five adored babies

'Bert' (her nickname in high school)

two breathed their last so early

trials and sorrow

unsure tomorrows

still she lived life sincerely

sisters and brother

huddle together

blue mountain range in the distance

dirt, grass and shovel 

soft velvet covers

weary eyes water and glisten

three children saying goodbye

two children saying hello

heaven and earth joined together

by 5 yellow roses for mother

hero to neighbors

wife and homemaker

woman of faith, tears and passion

what do you give her?

simple, yet honored

what can a child imagine?

Each child places a rose on the wooden box
she was laid to rest in.  A granddaughter placed
one in memory of her deceased son, Nathan Carl and
her daughter-in-law placed one in memory of her
first-born, Douglas Paul.

three children saying goodbye

two children saying hello

heaven and earth joined together

by 5 yellow roses for mother

death and life pause for one moment

rain in the heart and the skies

simple wood box, earth is opened

but now she is free she can fly

three children saying goodbye

two children saying hello

heaven and earth join together

by 5 yellow roses for mother

It still needs some work, but I thought today might be an appropriate day to share what I have so far.

The idea for this song came from a blog post the day before we buried her.  So far, it has been the second top post of my blog read by readers.

Five Yellow Roses blog post.

I will be working in Nashville today as a way to celebrate her life and give me something to focus on as I continue to grieve.  The conductor and I will be working on reviewing the Dec. 6, 2014 Portraits of White concert.  Reviewing the past, looking at the present and planning for the future.  

I find that coming to Nashville on special days is becoming a tradition and one that I hope to keep for years to come.  Today, I remember my mother's life with a new song.

God's Hyperlinks

Spending time at The Gideons International Office Nashville, TN

How does a little girl from Newville, PA get invited to lead worship in Nashville, TN?  A city where they say every waiter/waitress is a great guitar player?  That's what ran through my mind after boarding the plane in Harrisburg, PA to fly to Nashville, TN this past weekend.

The short answer?  Only God!

The long answer.......

I took my seat on the airplane next to the window and I wasn't seated very long when a memory flashed through my mind.  It's as if the action of sitting down on the plane lit up the memory and made it active in my mind again. I forgot about my present trip to Nashville and recalled a conversation with my mother in my parents' house many years ago.

At that time, I was working part time for a company based in Canada called Eagle's Flight.  I would fly to various destinations and serve as part of a support team to a facilitator who took cooperate companies through experiential training in team-building exercises.  Though the experience stretched me, I loved doing it.  I remember sensing in my heart that one day I would be stretched in another capacity, but it would have more to do with my music than the Eagle's Flight company I was currently working for at that time.  It was just a vanishing thought, but it was very vivid.

Back in my parents' living room, I was having a discussion with my mother.  She had the regular fears I guess any mother would have when their child is flying all over the U.S. 

"What if something happens to you" she asked out of the blue one day.

From somewhere deep inside of me, a protective attitude arose and I found myself saying something to her that surprised even me. "Mother, some day I will be flying even more and I don't want to dwell on fear, so if you don't mind, we're not going to discuss this."

I know she was shocked and frankly, so was I. But there's something you need to understand. I never dealt with fear of flying until one day a well meaning friend knew I was flying the following day and said to me, "aren't you afraid something will happen to you?"  It never occurred to me to be afraid until that moment when her statement planted a seed of fear.

The next day when I flew, we encountered a thunderstorm on our flight and such fear grabbed hold of my heart that I went into panic mode.  When we landed to catch our connecting flight, I vowed I would never get on an airplane again.  I called my parents from the airport to tell them I needed to find another mode of transportation to get me the rest of the way but they weren't home. That was before the days of cell phones, so I felt stranded. I was hoping they would offer to buy me a bus ticket or something to take the place of my final leg of the flights.  That's how strong fear can become!

Reluctantly and very full of fear, I boarded the final flight to my destination and sat down in my seat absolutely convinced that this would be my last moment on earth and that we would crash to the ground taking all my fears with me.

Of course, that didn't happen, but for the next few years I had a terrible battle with fear every time I flew.  It took years to overcome that fear and when I finally did conquer it, I had no interest in activating it again through a discussion with my mother.  You can now understand why I was so defensive when my mother opened a can of worms that she didn't know existed.  It was only meant to protect my freedom from another battle with fear.

So here's where the hyperlink comes in. It's God's hyperlinks. We go about our daily activities doing our best to listen for His whispers, act on what we think we hear Him saying and all of a sudden, He activates something in our life and transports us to divine connections.

I had a distinct feeling in my spirit that someday I would need to fly for what would become my own music ministry - and though there was nothing in the natural realm from which to prove my statement to my mother, I knew that it was coming down the road.  Sometimes God gives us an advance notice of what is to come.  I think that's what happened to me that day I had the conversation with my mother. Jesus did it with his band of believers.  He would say to them things like: “I’m telling you all this ahead of time so that when it happens you will believe that I am who I say I am.."  I wish he'd tell us more things ahead of time and maybe He is if we would listen.

So now it's January 2015 and I am seated on US Airways, traveling to Nashville, TN, not for some other company, but for my own music ministry, just as I sensed would happen years ago. Now, sitting on the plane, I realized that after many years of praying, being faithful and sharpening my tools, God made the link active and here I was heading to Nashville to lead worship for The Gideons International at the 2015 Auxiliary President's Conference.

So how do you click on God's hyperlinks?

1.)  Pray - talk to God and also listen for His voice - when he speaks make a note of it for future reference
2.)  Obey - whatever steps He tells you to take, walk in them and trust Him for the outcome

There are probably whispers and glimpses you have in your spirit of things God wants to do in your life and places He wants to take you.  Let Him do the activating!  Your job is to pray in a receptive mode and obey when you think He is telling you to act.

It's amazing the sites you will take in when He activates the hyperlinks.

Me & Dr. Robitussin

This doctor doesn't wear a white coat, though he has a white cap. This doctor comes in a plastic bottle and I've had a lot of meetings with him this week, thanks to what my husband unaffectionately calls "the Newville crud".  I understand that it's not limited to my town, however.  Apparently people all over the U.S. have it.  Fever, chills, some nausea and a bad cough.  Thus, Dr. Robitussin. (or Dr. R).

No matter that the bottle expired 10 years ago, I was desperate and decided to use what I already had in my cupboard.  It tastes as bad as it ever did so it must be legit.  By the way, how is it that you can't taste anything else when you're sick, but you can still taste that old Robitussin?

I smile when I take it (well, sort of) because it wasn't too long ago that my husband and I had a joke between us about my mother who would offer us medicine from "Columbus".  That simply meant that it was medicine she had from back before I was born when my family lived in Columbus, OH - like, the early 1960's!  Now here I am, using medicine that is 10 years old.  I guess I'm gonna be like her.

I knew things were bad when my cat, Missy (who is very nervous anyway) came over to me on my bed, took one look at the white kleenex in my hand, heard my abnormal very deep bass voice call her name and with big wide eyes, turned around and ran off the bed in a hurry. This was NOT the owner she was used to.  Some alien was lying in her bed.  I sighed.

I discovered this week that it's much more effective to be consistent with taking your medicine when they say you should.  Every 4 hours.  Yuck! But at one point I thought I was feeling better so I stopped taking the medicine.  That's when things got worse and I realized that I wasn't really getting better, I had simply been consistent with meeting with Dr. Robitussin and therefore, I thought I was getting better.  When I quit, it revealed my need to continue on my path of consistency.

There's a few things in life that I've discovered I need to be consistent with in order for them to really work.

Exercise

Yep - and it goes down just about as easy as Dr. R. sometimes.  But I always feel great afterwards and the more I do it, the better I feel.

Prayer and scripture meditation

The more consistent I am with it, the better the results for me.  I can tell when I haven't been as faithful.  My soul and my mind need it.

Healthy Eating

It doesn't do much good to exercise if you aren't going to eat healthy at the same time.  The two go hand in hand.  I'm certainly not a health expert and I'm not promoting any diet or exercise program - just promoting eating well as a life style.

Adequate Sleep

Everyone is different, but we all need sleep.  I try hard to go to bed at the same time every day and make sure I get adequate rest.

So there you have it, my prescription for life.  And oh yes, sometimes we are thrown off that routine and a little bit of Dr. R becomes necessary.  But I'm glad that's not the norm!

One Step

Yesterday I paused at the beginning of the path

perhaps the snow was too deep

but if I waited too long another storm may come

no....I would start today

As I walked I made imprints in the snow

my feet got wet and cold as I forged a path

but the view above me was breathtaking 

and I lost track of what was below

Today when I returned to the path

I could see the marks from yesterday's courage

my feet weren't as wet or cold

all I had to do was keep in step with my choices from yesterday

* * * * * * * * * * 

Choose your steps carefully

Empty Shelves = Greater Prayer Lives?

Reflecting on the miracle journey of 2014

"Prosperity may dilute prayer too.  In my travels I have noticed that Christians in developing countries spend less time pondering the effectiveness of prayer and more time actually praying.  The wealthy rely on talent and resources to solve immediate problems, and insurance policies and retirement plans to secure the future.  We can hardly pray with sincerity, "Give us this day our daily bread" when the pantry is stocked with a month's supply of provisions." - Philip Yancey
(from his book: Prayer, Does It Make A Difference?)

My heart jumped for joy when I read this paragraph.  It's the first day of 2015 and since my husband is not feeling well we are just sitting in the living room resting and enjoying Pandora's classic lounge station.  A cloudless sky outside reveals the full sunlight and makes the room cheery, adding to the peacefulness.

I picked up Philip Yancey's book on prayer to start reading it just now.  Last year at this time I determined to grow in my prayer life and his book is one that I came upon months ago and decided to add to my growing collection of books on prayer.

After reading that paragraph I had to put the book down and write my thoughts.  I have seen the amazing power of prayer in my life this past year.  It really started in June when I decided to host a breakfast at a local restaurant and invite some fans to become part of my Portraits of White dream team.  I called them my vision team, but they have changed it to 'dream team'.  I like it.

I didn't have a pantry full of goods and provision to pursue this vision at the time.  A few hundred dollars in my checkbook and not too much more than that in my savings account either.  But I went ahead and stepped out in faith.  I had bathed this vision in prayer for months.  Now it was time to put it to a test.  I knew if I hosted this breakfast I would start something in motion that would be a complete walk of faith.  I did not have the 'resources in my pantry' to see this through to the end. Was I ready to jump in with both feet?

My first indication that this was going to be an amazing experience came in an e-mail from someone I had invited to attend the breakfast.  They were offering to pay for the cost of the group's breakfast. Another e-mail came a couple of days later with the same offer from someone else.  The day of the breakfast, a woman in the group got up to supposedly 'go to the bathroom' and as I later discovered, had inquired with the waitress as to how to go about paying for the group's breakfast, which by that time was already paid for.

This has proven to be my experience all the way through this past year.  A financial hurdle would arise and was then met with some kind of amazing provision that I didn't know would happen. Honestly, I could write a book on just this past year alone.

One of my prayers this past year was that I would have the concert paid for in full by the end of the year.  Today is January 1 and I am thrilled to report that the funds are there to pay the final bills. It won't leave much left over, but my faith has grown immensely through this journey and all I could say when I read Philip's paragraph was - "hey, though my food pantry is full, my pantry of resources to pursue a big dream was NOT full, but through prayer, hard work, miracles and supernatural means, all my needs have been met."  It would have been easier to just skip my dreams and live comfortably.

I don't ever want any kind of prosperity or deceptive comfort to keep me from stepping out. Sometimes the only way we can see God move is to take that step into the unknown. Is it safe? Nope. Is it tiring? Yep.  Do I feel alive?  Yes!

So here's my final question that I will ponder the rest of the day as I continue reading his book.  If God can do that with my finances, why can't He do it with everything else in my life?  In what other areas can I trust Him to do more than I possibly can?  Why limit it to financial?  Why not trust Him for physical healing MORE, for emotional freedom?  For deliverance from recurring fears and anxiety?

I intend to try.

Why not empty my 'shelves' of all my own prosperity and trust Him for greater things?  I think Philip Yancey is right.  Our own comfort and abilities keep us from that deep sense of need for rescue.  As a result, we don't pray.  We just keep on depending on ourselves.  I'd rather live on the edge.

Don't get me wrong.  I have days when it just looks too hard. It is NOT easy to live this way.  That's why I keep books like Philip's handy because they stir things in me.  They call to the deep in me and keep me on the edge, far away from comfort zones.

Now.........back to my book.

Philip Yancey's book