Friday, April 14, 2017


I woke up in the middle of the night and the word upheaval reverberated in my spirit.

Somehow, it brought a sense of relief. Not because I like upheaval, but because I finally had a word to assign to the feelings I've been experiencing for months. Everything feels like it is shifting and I have moments of sheer delight AND panic.  Most upheaval comes to us without our request but I brought this on myself.

Recently I was digging in my flower beds and hitting the dirt pretty hard with sharp edged tools; shovel, hoe, rake. Have you ever noticed that most heavy-duty garden tools come with sharp metal edges or points? 

I realized, as I was digging, that I was causing upheaval to the earth. I know from years of experience that it's all for a good cause. In a few months we'll enjoy fresh vegetables on our plates and flowers on the table.

I haven't heard much complaining from the dirt as I hack away at it with my hard-edged tools. I wonder if it cringes at the agitation? Maybe it enjoys the process? I do know that when you finally insert the seeds, watch the rain fall and feel the sun bake the ground that you can almost hear the earth cheering as the seed pops up from the hacked up ground.

And so it is with my life. Last September I felt I needed to make a choice between staying with my church position as Worship Director (which I greatly enjoyed) or going for the gusto and jumping into my songwriting, concerts and Portraits of White extravaganza full time. The decision to lose the security is what brought on the feelings of upheaval. I'm cutting ties with a steady stream of income, a set schedule and the joy of having co-workers to share a vision with. 

According to webster's dictionary, upheaval means: 

1 : the action or an instance of upheaving especially of part of the earth's crust. 
2 : extreme agitation or disorder : radical change; also : an instance of this.

Radical change. Disorder. That's exactly what it feels like.

However, upheaval can be a good thing. I hang on to that promise because of the peace I originally felt when the word came to me as clearly as my husband speaking to me.

Whether you choose upheaval, like I have, or it comes to you un-welcomed, you must hold on to hope while you're in the midst of it. The best gardens come from lots of work and wounded soil created by unrelenting upheaval for a season. And so it is with life.

Are you feeling the sharp edges of change cutting through your soul? Hold on. It will be worth it if you embrace the season and look forward to the time when the work is done and new seeds are planted. A harvest will come.

My flower bed before upheaval.
Getting rid of weeds.
My flower bed post upheaval.
Ready for seeds.