Brand New Me Podcast (now on iTunes).

I am really excited to announce the release of not only my new CD this year, but also a new podcast to go with it. You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe.  This link will take you to the preview page in iTunes. Just click "view in iTunes" and you'll see the subscribe button. You'll automatically receive a new episode every week.

Here's a little bit of the background behind the podcast.

In this exciting new weekly podcast, Brand New Me, we: (Frances Drost, host and Pam Fleming, co-host) share not only our own stories of overcoming life's obstacles, but we are also capturing the stories of others that will inspire and offer you hope. We want to help you thrive in life, not just survive.

I, (Frances) am a concert artist who has enjoyed years of music ministry. I've also been working through the loss of two brothers, both parents and other close family members. The after affects of all these deaths became apparent in my songwriting; and once I began to understand how deeply I had been impacted, I was able to begin moving toward healing and joy.

Then, in my forties, I found even more freedom after uncovering a pattern I had developed all through my life that I call "performance-based" Christianity. You're only as loved as your last great performance when you struggle with this kind of thinking. This tendency resulted in some powerful fear and anxiety, leading to depression.

After lots of prayer, some counseling and a four-month adventure of learning to figure skate, a brand new me has slowly been emerging. As I'm learning more about God's grace and mercy, the title, Brand New Me, seemed like an appropriate theme for my new music project and now, podcast.

I'm excited to use my studio to record other people's stories of healing and hope and share them with you in the form of this podcast. You'll hear my music interspersed throughout the episodes.

I, (Pam) am an author and speaker who has lived through the loss of my 14-month-old daughter, a bout with cancer, a marriage betrayal, and the final blow - the suicide of my husband. If I can get off the couch, you can too!

My passion is for everyone to experience Jesus in a personal way; to see people healed from shame, depression, grief and the spirit of suicide; and to bring suicide awareness to the church.

We invite you to enjoy the banter between two fun-loving women as we share part of our own life experiences in a conversational-type presentation. We already have lots of people lined up to tell their stories and can't wait for you to hear them!

You won't want to miss an episode, so just use the link at the top to go to iTunes and subscribe. We'd love to have you leave a review there too. That would help get the message out to more people..

Join us every week for this exciting podcast.

We believe that you really can be a brand new me!

Sing Anyway

Sing Anyway is a song on my newest CD project and is based on the book of Psalms. David seems to frequently challenge us to "sing" in the midst of the ups and downs of life. When I started writing it, I really liked where the song was headed but got stuck part way through.

After many tries and re-writes, I started praying for help to finish it and wouldn't you know, one day I happened to do an event for speakers and authors where award-winning singer-songwriter Babbie Mason was in the crowd.  We started talking afterwards and didn't really stop until we parted ways in the Atlanta airport. Somehow, we were both scheduled on the same flight from Cincinnati to Atlanta even though we had never met before that day. The airport and airplane became our writing room and she helped me finish the song.

The icing on the cake was having her record it with me in Nashville.

when the way is dark and you lose your song

sing anyway

when the faith you have is almost gone

sing anyway

light will come and the pain will ease

hope will rise with a melody

with a joyful heart

even if off-key

sing anyway, sing anyway

sing, sing out loud

find your voice 

though you don't know how

you'll be alright take a leap of faith

sing anyway, sing anyway

when you're in the fire and you feel it burn

sing anyway

when you hit a wall at every turn

sing anyway

lift your voice let the courage flow

mercy comes in the afterglow

and grace will make your weak heart grow

sing anyway, sing anyway

sing, sing out loud

find your voice 

though you don't know how

you'll be alright take a leap of faith

sing anyway, sing anyway

when you feel afraid of what lies ahead

sing anyway

and you start to doubt what God has said

sing anyway

faith will grow when you start to sing

praise will conquer anything

let the heavens hear your music ring

sing anyway, sing anyway

sing, sing out loud

find your voice 

though you don't know how

you'll be alright take a leap of faith

sing anyway, sing anyway

by Frances Drost and Babbie Mason

Babbie, Frances, Eric and Ronnie working on "Sing Anyway".

To hear this song click here.

When You Don't Have Your Mother.

It was very hard to say goodbye to my father when he passed away sixteen years ago. People told me that when your second parent dies it's even more difficult. I heard that piece of information but tried not to think about it. 

Once my mother took her last breath, I knew what they meant. "You feel like an orphan", some people say.  You can't really prepare for that feeling, even though people tried to tell me how it feels.

Celebrating my 16th birthday with my mother.

Unlike my father's death (which happened rather suddenly) there didn't seem to be one specific day when I said goodbye to my mother. In fact, every time I left her little room in the nursing facility, I felt like I was saying goodbye. I cried almost every time we parted. I knew the day was coming and I absolutely dreaded it.

Whether you've lost your mother physically or emotionally, (there are some who have a tumultuous relationship and feel "motherless"), Mother's Day can be a challenge. I passed by a rack of Mother's Day cards in the store this week and I could feel that lump in my throat and concrete block on my heart. 

But if there's anything I've learned from the many different deaths our family has experienced, it's that the sooner you can appreciate who you DO have left, the sooner you can heal from grief, and it's no different when it comes to your mother.

By definition, a mother is someone who gives birth to a child; to be or act as a mother to someone or to care for or protect someone like a mother. This means that any woman, whether younger or older, can actually be like a mother to you.  Look around you. 

I am thinking of a speaker and author, living in Florida, who has become like a mother to me in my ministry. I can talk to her about things that others would never understand because of the road she's traveled. She's given me wonderful advice for my own ministry. She's helped me understand what having a career in music and/or speaking ministry can do to your "normal" life and how to navigate. I always come home wanting to be more like her.

I am thinking of another woman, living in Texas, also a speaker and author, who became like a mother to me when my own mother was aging and starting to not be herself. I met Carole when I was beginning to feel the strains of caring for an aging parent and all the emotional upheaval that brings. Her words of encouragement were soothing to my tired soul.

Carole is no spring chicken herself and though she lost her mother and recently became a widow, she still travels, speaks, writes AND models caring for your body by keeping a regimented work-out schedule. What an example! She has been an inspiration to me and I come home wanting to be more like her.

There's another woman, living in Nashville, who is not an author or speaker, at least you won't find a 'book' in print, but she is writing a life that's worth studying.  She prepares the most delightful meals, keeps an immaculate home and models the beauty of a home-maker and wife, warming my soul with her example every time I'm there.

She loves spending time being a grandmother to her grandchildren and I often see her reading books, watching a movie or playing a board game with them. She reminds me that above and beyond my call to ministry, being a wife and home-maker is still at the top of the list of what women can offer their families. I always come home wanting to be more like her.

Sarah is younger than me, has three delightful children (at least when I'm there, ha!), serves as a Pastor's wife, runs a restaurant....and oh yeah, is helping her husband renovate the three story apartment building they live in. When I'm with her, I adore the way she mothers her children and models frugality and creativity. She inspires me with her calm spirit - which seems to be able to manage a hundred things at once. I always want to be more like her when I get home.

I could keep raving about the other "mothers" in my life, because I am blessed with a lot of women friends in my life who inspire me, but I'm sure you get the point. They come in the form of sisters, aunts, nieces, friends, cousins, employers, teachers, etc.

This Mother's Day, if you don't have a mother, this could be a day you'd rather skip over. I get it! But there are plenty of other women to celebrate; women who nurture our souls, our careers, our lives. In their own way, they contribute to our growth and vibrancy.

As you stop to remember the one who gave birth to you physically, celebrate the mothers around you who have helped to give birth to your soul - the ones who make you want to "be more like them when you get home".  Perhaps you could let them know how much they have impacted you.

You could even take this one step further and ask, how can I be a "mother" to someone else in my life? Each of us have plenty to share with others and we too can nurture the soul of other women. 

There are so many 'mothers' to celebrate this Mother's Day - even when you don't have your mother.

Seamstress or Songstress?

How do you figure out who you were created to be? It's a hard question to answer when you're young and even when you're old.

Recently I found an autobiography I wrote back in high school. Now that I'm 51 years old, I see life so differently than the teenage girl who wrote that. This excerpt from it evoked a sudden, deep belly laugh.

"I am not good at door to door witnessing, but if I could have my own home and bake things for the hungry and sew things for the needy people, and concentrate on one group of people for the sake of Jesus; my children, I would be happy. I would have my children with me and could concentrate on raising them to love God."

My mother and her bread!

Mother & I in the kitchen.

I can see the influence of my mother all over that paragraph. She loved making a home for us children. That's the picture she painted for me out of her own giftedness. She was a grand cook, seamstress, gardener and mother.

But when I'd slice my mother's freshly baked bread, I'd cut the slices into deformed shapes and mess up the rest of the loaf. (You have to cut a second slice to straighten the first.) I couldn't even do it right the second time. I still smile and think of her when I cut a crooked slice and can feel her smiling at my inability to slice bread.

A rabbit I made.
I don't know how I did it!

I tried to sew but I wasn't nearly as good as she was and I'd quickly get frustrated. 

That idealistic description of my high-school-self was a direct reflection of who my mother was and what she was good at. Not who I am.

Recently I spent some time with a friend who just turned 70. I've started asking my older friends what reflections they'd have for younger folks. This particular friend paused for a moment and then spoke thoughtfully: "you start to become comfortable with who you are and you don't have to try to be anything or anyone else."

I spent much of my life trying to be all that my mother was and that's not all bad, but it took me a long time to figure out who I really am, apart from her. I finally discovered something; I DO sew and cook.

I sew lyrics and melodies together providing garments of joy and laughter for people when they listen to the tunes. I marinate thoughts and truths in my slow-cooker brain and serve up hope in creative ways for people to sit and partake of food for their soul. So I guess you could say that I have the same gifts as my mother - they just express themselves in different ways.

It can take a long time to figure out who you really are and what you're really good at, but the journey is worth it and it's part of the pleasure of growing older. If you still find yourself trying to be what others are (or think you should be), hang in there. Life and time have a way of helping you figure out who you really are.

• Pray often - asking God to lead you on this journey - spend time listening for His leading
• Look for clues from your childhood - what did you love to do when you were young
• What did other people tell you that you were good at? (maybe they still tell you)
• Experiment - try new things

As you age, you'll see clues from childhood that point you in the right direction. Through years of living and hours of prayer, you begin to find a groove and rhythm to who you are as a person, and then you can sit back, enjoy the creation God made you to be and not care about anything else.

And when you reach that point, you feel very free.

What is a CD Release Party?

So what's the big deal about a CD release party and exactly what can you expect when you go to one?

I don't know what other people do, but I can tell you what I'm planning.....minus the surprises. (I don't want to reveal too much and spoil the fun for those who will come). 

By the way, everyone is invited.

Basically, it's like a baby shower, AFTER the baby has been born. You invite all your friends and family so you can show off the baby pictures and eat cake. People may get tired of seeing all the posts about the new music and invites to the party, but from the mother's perspective, you are over-the-top-excited because your baby is finally out of the womb and ready to start growing up. But for a short moment in time, everyone will pause, ooh and aah over the dear-to-you but maybe not-so-much-to-others creation you hold in your arms.

Since the music has no printed sheet music anywhere, these musicians pictured above have learned the music from the CD and simple charts. The project "Brand New Me" was recorded in Nashville, but these local musicians have come together to play it live and we range in age from early 20's to late 50's. We've had a lot of fun preparing.

Instrumental chart for "Out of My Box".

A party gives the artist a chance to share some behind-the-scenes trivia that you might not normally hear any other time and I've worked very hard to make this special. There is quite a story behind the title track and new theme of my life, "Brand New Me" and though only a book could reveal it all, here's some excerpts from a press release that went out recently.

"Musician Frances Drost had never had a figure skating lesson in her life when in 2014, at age 47, a serious case of debilitating depression landed her on the ice. Drost’s latest CD, Brand New Me, is a celebration of overcoming obstacles, learning to fly when life has tried to clip your wings and living on the edge — in a good way. She will be sharing her new music on April 29, 2017, at 6:30 p.m. at Christ Community Church in Camp Hill, Pa., to celebrate the CD’s release and her 50th birthday — though she just turned 51 on April 26, 2017.

Frances Drost — creator of the increasingly popular annual Portraits of White Winter Concert — began writing the title track, “Brand New Me,” while on the ice. “Every weekday morning I would get up at 4 a.m., pull myself together, jump in the van and drive for 45 minutes to skate from 6 to 8 a.m.,” Drost recalls. “I had done plenty of ice skating on our farm pond outside of Newville, but I had never had the opportunity to learn to figure skate. Now I was having the time of my life and subconsciously gaining some emotional ground as I glided across the ice.”

Finding inspiration from the intricacy of the art as she watched the young skaters whirl and fly around her, she began to fall in love with skating — in between falls. “But as I kept getting back up and trying again, a brand new me was emerging,” Drost says. “One day while skating and pondering the effects this childhood resurgence was having on me, I began composing ‘Brand New Me’:

Living on the verge of something just begun

I don’t have to do what I’ve always done

Feeling my heart pound a brand new theme

I’m pressing on to a bigger dream

I want to run to the edges

leap off of ledges

feel what it’s like to fly

I’m letting go of the old way

saying, hey, it’s a good day

look what I get to be

a brand new me

“I believe that no matter how hopeless a person might feel, there is always hope, and it often comes to us in the softest whispers, if we pay attention,” Drost says.

So if you're reading this and it's before April 29, 2017, you are more than welcome to come and see what it's like to release a CD.  Since we are serving birthday cake, please reserve a ticket.

You can get your free tickets here.

If you can't make it, but want to hear more about the project itself you can watch the electronic press kit here.

Shhhh.

I've been practicing a verse from the Psalms for 10 to 15 minutes early in the morning.

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation."

Psalm 62:1 

It can be challenging to quiet your mind and heart these days! Imagine banning ideas, worry, creativity, goals, anxiety and demands completely from your mind. After doing this over an extended period of time, I'm finding that there is so much more to this verse than what I originally read.

If you're like me, I feed on ideas, creativity, goals and yes, sometimes thoughts of worry. Silencing your soul is also not just being quiet, but not allowing your soul to feed on anything but God for it's strength.

In the process, I have discovered that silence is not just a set time of day where we try and think about nothing, but it is a state of being within our souls, and the more you practice it for a set amount of time each day, the more it becomes a part of your natural rhythm, all day.

Silence then becomes a way of "being", not something you take time to "do" and it's quite powerful.

Upheaval

I woke up in the middle of the night and the word upheaval reverberated in my spirit.

Somehow, it brought a sense of relief. Not because I like upheaval, but because I finally had a word to assign to the feelings I've been experiencing for months. Everything feels like it is shifting and I have moments of sheer delight AND panic.  Most upheaval comes to us without our request but I brought this on myself.

Recently I was digging in my flower beds and hitting the dirt pretty hard with sharp edged tools; shovel, hoe, rake. Have you ever noticed that most heavy-duty garden tools come with sharp metal edges or points? 

I realized, as I was digging, that I was causing upheaval to the earth. I know from years of experience that it's all for a good cause. In a few months we'll enjoy fresh vegetables on our plates and flowers on the table.

I haven't heard much complaining from the dirt as I hack away at it with my hard-edged tools. I wonder if it cringes at the agitation? Maybe it enjoys the process? I do know that when you finally insert the seeds, watch the rain fall and feel the sun bake the ground that you can almost hear the earth cheering as the seed pops up from the hacked up ground.

And so it is with my life. Last September I felt I needed to make a choice between staying with my church position as Worship Director (which I greatly enjoyed) or going for the gusto and jumping into my songwriting, concerts and Portraits of White extravaganza full time. The decision to lose the security is what brought on the feelings of upheaval. I'm cutting ties with a steady stream of income, a set schedule and the joy of having co-workers to share a vision with. 

According to webster's dictionary, upheaval means: 

1 : the action or an instance of upheaving especially of part of the earth's crust. 
2 : extreme agitation or disorder : radical change; also : an instance of this.

Radical change. Disorder. That's exactly what it feels like.

However, upheaval can be a good thing. I hang on to that promise because of the peace I originally felt when the word came to me as clearly as my husband speaking to me.

Whether you choose upheaval, like I have, or it comes to you un-welcomed, you must hold on to hope while you're in the midst of it. The best gardens come from lots of work and wounded soil created by unrelenting upheaval for a season. And so it is with life.

Are you feeling the sharp edges of change cutting through your soul? Hold on. It will be worth it if you embrace the season and look forward to the time when the work is done and new seeds are planted. A harvest will come.

My flower bed before upheaval.
Getting rid of weeds.

My flower bed post upheaval.
Ready for seeds.