I Can Pray

My family is no stranger to tragedies. We know what it's like to hurt.

When my Mother was twenty-five, her husband fell from a silo. She was left with a seven-month-old son, Doug.

Eventually, she married my father. They had four children—Adriel, Brenda, Nathan, and Frances.

Nathan drowned in our pond when he was two. I was six months old. My brother, Doug, died in a tractor accident when I was seven. The last of my grandparents died when I was twenty-two.

Death was a frequent part of our family discussions.

On holidays we visited the graves—memorials to those we lost. I hated standing in the graveyard waiting for my mother to be done visiting each grave. It was uncomfortable.

I watched my mother make it through all of those painful parts of living by praying. She believed in prayer. She prayed about everything.

On less tragedy-stricken days, we’d pray funny prayers (at least I thought they were funny)—such as "Please God, bring the cows back home," when they escaped from the barnyard. Prayer was as much a part of our life as doing the farm chores. Given all of our family experiences, you’d think I could easily write a song about prayer.

When I was asked to sing for a National Day of Prayer event I didn't feel like any of the songs I knew about prayer said what I wanted to say. I wanted my own song to sing.

I could hear a melody (and four simple words) that could be the chorus, but I couldn't seem to write more than these four words...."But I can pray."

I knew that I wanted to show the contrast between life's struggles, the ineptness we feel when someone is hurting, and the power of prayer. I knew the verses would lead me to the chorus...somehow.

I waited for more words to come.

Then we got the news. 

A tragic car accident—a young boy and his mother. She was driving him to school...a head-on collision. The boy didn’t survive the crash.

I knew the family. It shook the community.

I pondered the events in my heart, watching the mother struggle with the loss of her son, a sister with the loss of her brother. I knew it would be hard. We all struggled to know what to say.

When I Pray.

When I pray...

I cast my

• cares 
• worries
• anxieties

on God.

I discuss

• my thoughts
• what's bugging me
• the details and to-do lists of my day

with God.

I confess

• my failings
• my bad attitudes
• my fears

to God.

I listen for

• His thoughts
• His ways
• His comfort

But when I get up from the couch, the real test lies in how deeply I will TRUST Him after all that we just shared together.

A Prayer, a Phone Call and Lots of Books!

As I read back through my mother's stories, I'm reminded again and again of how God took care of her in the midst of so many trials and setbacks. I learned the power of prayer from watching her. She would pray about everything, and as a child, I must have learned more from her than I realized.

It seemed God often heard her prayers and met the desires of her heart in simple, yet profound ways. Even when she didn't feel very pretty after the bad car accident and was still mourning the death of her young husband, God was taking care of her and met an unspoken desire of her heart to be around books. (I remember her telling me once that books were rare when she was growing up and she longed to have access to them.)

Finding a job for a young widow back in the 1940's would not have been an easy thing, but you'll see how God was already working on her behalf through prayer. A phone call not only opened up a job opportunity for her, but to her delight, it also gave her access to all kinds of books!

One of my favorite pictures of my mother, Bertha.

More from Bertha's life–

"From that day on, I've had that peace and joy and contentment that I wanted so badly but didn't know how to get. I had surrendered my all, my everything to the Lord. I remember saying to God after that—"I want to glorify you, but I don't know how to do it. If you can use me to glorify you, don't let me know that you're doing it, lest I become proud."

Even now, when I go through something difficult, I say, "Lord, back there in 1947 when I told you to glorify yourself, that still holds, if you can use anything about me."

I have the deep settled peace in my heart that God is still directing my steps. If I didn't have that, I don't know how I would have gotten through the difficult times.

A few weeks later, I had a phone call from Avery Heisey, from the Christian Light Press, (now Lifeway Christian Store in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania) offering me a job to come and work in his bookstore in Chambersburg (located downtown at that time).

My response was "Do you know how I look?! My jaw is crooked; my face is swollen; I'm not fit to work in public."

He said, "I know, but it's okay."

He wanted me to come and work there anyway. I was very grateful for a job where I was surrounded by so many wonderful people, good books to read, and music."

Back to Frances—

Yes—God even cares about the smallest, hidden desires, like access to books!

What is the desire of your heart today? Have you told Him lately?

"Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your heart before him;

God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8

Here's a song I wrote with Darwin Moody years ago based on the very principle that God sees everything about us; the things we want to hide about ourselves and the dreams we have. All we need to do is give Him permission to look into the deep places of our hearts. He loves to free us from the ugly stuff we might feel about ourselves (like a mis-shaped face from a broken jaw) as well as delight us with giving us the desires of our hearts.

Listen to the song, "Nobody Sees" HERE.

Brand New Me Podcast (now on iTunes).

I am really excited to announce the release of not only my new CD this year, but also a new podcast to go with it. You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe.  This link will take you to the preview page in iTunes. Just click "view in iTunes" and you'll see the subscribe button. You'll automatically receive a new episode every week.

Here's a little bit of the background behind the podcast.

In this exciting new weekly podcast, Brand New Me, we: (Frances Drost, host and Pam Fleming, co-host) share not only our own stories of overcoming life's obstacles, but we are also capturing the stories of others that will inspire and offer you hope. We want to help you thrive in life, not just survive.

I, (Frances) am a concert artist who has enjoyed years of music ministry. I've also been working through the loss of two brothers, both parents and other close family members. The after affects of all these deaths became apparent in my songwriting; and once I began to understand how deeply I had been impacted, I was able to begin moving toward healing and joy.

Then, in my forties, I found even more freedom after uncovering a pattern I had developed all through my life that I call "performance-based" Christianity. You're only as loved as your last great performance when you struggle with this kind of thinking. This tendency resulted in some powerful fear and anxiety, leading to depression.

After lots of prayer, some counseling and a four-month adventure of learning to figure skate, a brand new me has slowly been emerging. As I'm learning more about God's grace and mercy, the title, Brand New Me, seemed like an appropriate theme for my new music project and now, podcast.

I'm excited to use my studio to record other people's stories of healing and hope and share them with you in the form of this podcast. You'll hear my music interspersed throughout the episodes.

I, (Pam) am an author and speaker who has lived through the loss of my 14-month-old daughter, a bout with cancer, a marriage betrayal, and the final blow - the suicide of my husband. If I can get off the couch, you can too!

My passion is for everyone to experience Jesus in a personal way; to see people healed from shame, depression, grief and the spirit of suicide; and to bring suicide awareness to the church.

We invite you to enjoy the banter between two fun-loving women as we share part of our own life experiences in a conversational-type presentation. We already have lots of people lined up to tell their stories and can't wait for you to hear them!

You won't want to miss an episode, so just use the link at the top to go to iTunes and subscribe. We'd love to have you leave a review there too. That would help get the message out to more people..

Join us every week for this exciting podcast.

We believe that you really can be a brand new me!

Killing Anxiety Before it Kills You (Part 3).

As I continue my thoughts about anxiety, I think I've discovered another way to overcome it. In addition to prayer and living life one moment at a time, I'm pondering what thankfulness can do.

The table we use at my house is an heirloom and belonged to my Great Aunt Fannie, which was given to her by her parents, so it's well over 100 years old. I only cover it on special occasions and the tablecloth makes any meal extra special. Even the most everyday piece of dish ware is made special just by adding a lace cloth underneath.

One of my most precious memories of my Mother was the way she would decorate the table when we had guests. Not only was she a fabulous cook, but she had a way of making the table and everything on it look just as splendid as the taste of her homemade and home-raised food. The tablecloth was carefully selected and ironed.

When she had to move to skilled nursing, I pulled out one of her old tablecloths and we had a picnic lunch together down the hall from her room. The squeal of delight she made as we rounded the corner to where she could see the "surprise" indoor picnic on the old tablecloth is one of my treasured memories of time spent with her.

In part 1 of my posts about anxiety I mentioned that prayer is a great way to overcome anxiety. I shared a verse that I often turn to when I'm tempted to feel anxious. I think a heart of gratitude is like a tablecloth underneath our prayers and is another great way to overcome anxiety.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, PRAY about everything. 

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. 

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 4:6-7.

I used to kind of skip over the part that says "and thank him for all he has done". It can appear to be an afterthought, but the longer I live, the more I'm convinced that it's just as much a part of fighting worry as praying can be. 

I find that the more I cultivate gratitude, the less I need to "pray" about things. My attitude changes, my faith is increased and I start to feel stronger just by listing all the things I'm grateful for.

As I approach the big Portraits of White night, I have started keeping a gratitude journal for all the big (and little) things that I see happening. I even slip in a few things from the past two years. That way, as I begin to remind myself of all the miracles already taking place it begins to encourage me and lessen the anxiety.

Perhaps praying without any moments of thanksgiving is like setting the table for a nice dinner and then remembering that you should add the tablecloth. It's much easier to put the tablecloth down first. 

I don't think thankfulness is meant to be an "add on" to finish up our prayers. It should undergird our lives. 

I say put the tablecloth on first. Start with thanksgiving before you put out all the components of prayer.

Pre-Prayed Prayers

Feeling like you need a boost these days?   

What do you do when you feel like you have nothing left?

Here's what I did yesterday.

I pulled out my marked up scriptures and found the pre-prayed prayers I love and began to pray them again. 

See, I go through seasons in my prayer life.  I've just come out of one where I was spending longer amounts of time in prayer than usual and it left me feeling strong and capable of handling anything thrown my way.  Until I was hit from behind without any warning.  

It started the weekend before Thanksgiving with a weekend in the hospital revealing diverticulitis. I'm still recovering from that and trying to figure out what I can eat without pain.  To avoid debilitating pain for my big Christmas concert, I stopped eating what I normally eat.  I had been choosing a better life-style of eating very healthy - fruits, veggies, protein, good carbs, etc., and then this happened and I had to live on soft, bland foods, like yogurt, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes and bananas. I began to get weak and it was hard to exercise, which started affecting my creativity and energy level.

Then my husband had to have a serious surgery on his hand, from which he is still recovering, followed by a procedure where they dilated my esophagus to break up a ring that has been growing at the base and has made it difficult to swallow food with any kind of substance (without chewing into next week).  

More weakness = less exercise = less creativity and motivation.

Throw in the normal busy Christmas stuff and in the past couple of weeks, I have found myself feeling completely out of sorts. My prayer life has suffered and because of that, I can tell that ALL of me is suffering.

I sit down to pray but feel like I have nothing to say. So I thought I'd be honest and share that with you here, because I know we all have these times.

So here's what I did yesterday and I found it so refreshing that I'm passing it on to you in case you could use a boost too.  Sometimes all we need is a gentle reminder.

The scriptures have beautiful prayers that are already pre-prayed and all you have to do is read them aloud and make them your own. They breathe life into any tired soul. 

Here it goes: (and this is only one of several)

Ephesians 3:14-21 The Message (MSG)

14-19 My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Glory to God in the church!

Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!

Glory down all the generations!

Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!

In my own words, I might pray this way:

Father, here I am today, down on my knees (and yes, I get down on my knees) before you.  You are a magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth.  I need a little bit of that parcel today. 

I ask you to come and strengthen me by your Spirit.  I have nothing left these days. I'm tired. I'm not even sure why, but I feel like I desperately need strength - on the inside of me. Not a physical...go to the gym and lift weights kind of strength...but the kind that makes me able to face life today - the inside kind.  

Jesus, live in me today.

I open the door to you - again, as I do so many days. Please, come in. Help both of my feet to be planted firmly on love - help me to be able to take in your love and all the extravagant dimensions of it.  I don't think I really know your love like I could.  Please, reveal your love to me in greater ways....

...and do that for all my friends too.

I reach out to you, today.  Help me experience all the angles of your love - how deep, how wide, how full it can be.  I'm so shallow when it comes to love. I need to go deep.  I can only go deep by knowing your love, so bring it on! Wash me in it. Cover me with it.  Let it bubble up from the inside and flow outward.

Thank you, Father, that you can do anything - far more than anything I could ever imagine or conjure up (and sometimes I think I can be pretty imaginative) - but you don't seem to do it by my own might or power - you do it by a gentle work of your Spirit - slowly working in me every day....deeply.  I can't do the work, that's for sure. I just give you permission. Please, You take it from here.

It doesn't take long and you can feel that inner strength oozing into your soul. I'll need to do this pretty regularly for a while until I get back on my feet and into my usual prayer life. But for now, it feels great to just sit and read prayers that someone else has prayed.  

Here are some references for other prayers that are helpful too:

Ephesians 1:15-23

Philippians 1:9-11

Colossians 1:9-14

Colossians 4:2--4

I Thessalonians 5:23-24

II Thessalonians 3:5

So go ahead, look these up and make them your own. It doesn't hurt to use pre-prayed prayers at times like this.

Dreams Are Like Clouds

Personally, I think dreams are like clouds.  You look up and gasp at their beauty and their ominous presence. You wonder what it would be like to reach them.  To touch them. Experience them up close. It would be like walking on air, you think! 

Then you get up close and personal with them and they no longer feel like clouds....more like fog. They are ominous alright!  What were you thinking?

I've experienced that in an airplane. Up ahead I'd see some amazing cloud formations but once we'd enter into them, it was more like fog and we couldn't see anything. We had to trust the pilot to lead us through them. Sometimes we even encountered turbulence. No one likes turbulence, at least none that I know of. 

I'm experiencing the same thing as I pursue my dreams. They looked great from a distance. But sometimes I have to fly through the fog.  It's the passion that keeps me going.

Fill in the blank and answer this question (to yourself). "If I could just _________ then I would know I have reached my dream."  That's the white, puffy cloud you are viewing from a distance.  Once you start out to pursue that dream, remember there will be times you encounter fog and turbulence.  Financial setbacks, illness and fear are just the starters for turbulence.

The machine you built on the ground, before you took off for the clouds, must be built to sustain the journey through the bumpy, foggy times.  What is your plane built out of?

Here are a few things I'd suggest for materials to sustain you through the hard, less passionate times.

1.) Patience....there's no way to avoid it. You'll need lots of it.

2.) Prayer.....especially lots of 'listening' time.  

3.) Pictures....keep the pictures of the end result (the beautiful clouds) in front of you - it will help you remember why you're building the plane in the first place.

4.) People.....make sure you have surrounded yourself with people who believe in you.

5.)  Persistence.....you have to keep going. No matter what.

6.) Passion....you better have a good dose of this toward your dream!

I dream of having a red convertible corvette with white or tan leather seats. But it's not something I'm so passionate about that it's taking up brain space like the Christmas concert is. I'm really passionate about music and audiences.  Therefore, I make my decisions based on that priority. 

If I want a red corvette, then I'd need to set goals and work toward saving for one, but it's not a dream that matters that much to me. In fact, pursuing the dream I'm most passionate about means giving up some of the others...like this one....

So when you are reaching for the clouds, just know that though the sky is the limit, even the sky has some difficulties.  

Build your dream to last.

Nobody Sees? Think Again!

You have dreams in your heart. 

Ideas in your mind. 

When no one is looking, you imagine the way things could be if you were given the chance.

You think nobody sees.  

The truth is, Someone knows AND sees.

He created you. He knows how you were formed, before you were even born.

I was driving to Ohio years ago to visit a couple of radio stations playing a current single we had just released. I drove for six hours without listening to anything. I so desperately needed to hear from God about my music career. Things were shifting and I needed some advice. Perhaps if I just listened He would speak.

"You are trying to put on Saul's armor".  That's all the still small voice said.

I went home from that trip and started to study the life of King David from I Samuel in the Bible since that's the story from which the phrase originated. I'm still gathering wisdom from it and writing music as a result of my studies, and still searching for how that story applies to my own life.

As I was studying one day, I read the part of the story where the prophet Samuel was choosing who the next king would be from a family of boys.  When none of them met God's approval, Samuel asked Jesse if he had any other sons.  As if David was an afterthought, Jesse replied, "yes - there is David, but he's out tending the sheep".

"Go get him!" was Samuel's reply.  David's day had come. As soon as David appeared, Samuel knew he was the one.

But how many years had David spent minding his own business out in the fields? Protecting the lambs from lions and bears. Developing his musical skills, his courage, his prayer life.

Finally, somebody saw.

Hang in there.  Somebody sees you too.

What to do while you wait:

1.) Focus on what you have in your hand right now. Your current job and your abilities, no matter how small.
2.) Pray daily that the Kingdom of God will come into your life and prepare you for what He has in store for you.
3.) Be faithful with every opportunity you are given, even if it's not what you imagine it should be.
4.) Seek Him in the quiet place.  Frequently. Wait on Him. Keep focused on Him and nothing else.
5.) Commit your way to Him and open your hands before Him representing a posture of surrender.

Do you really want that prayer answered?

Frances at her mother's piano.

I did a concert recently where I incorporated an arrangement on the piano that I probably haven't played since high school.  It's the old song "My Tribute" by Andrae Crouch.  It was Dino Kartsinokis' arrangement and has always been one of my favorites.  It pretty much uses every key on the keyboard - maybe that's why I like it. I got the feeling people really enjoyed it.  I think it was partly due to the fact that I dedicated it to my mother who passed away in September of 2014.  In fact, it was a poignant moment for me when I got a standing ovation and I could feel the tears wanting to rush out of my heart into my eyes.  It was a special moment.

You see, my mother had always prayed for a piano player.  Apparently, she longed to have live music in the house and she was especially fond of piano music.  I learned to play on the piano she purchased for herself as a young woman.  I still have that piano and now that she's gone, I don't want to part with it.

I was the final child of five and I think by the time I came along, life was so busy that it must not have crossed her mind to have me take piano lessons like the other children did.  In fact, between 1966-1976, she lost 2 sons and both of her parents.  In that same decade, she got spinal meningitis and that set her health on a course of many tough years.  She had to have a shunt put in her head and every time that didn't work, she couldn't function.

One day while staying at an Aunt's house because my mother was ill, my Aunt overheard me playing the piano (by ear) and called my mother.  "Bertha, you must have Frances take piano lessons - I think she has a gift".  Fortunately, my mother took her advice and started me on piano lessons.  I was in sixth grade.  I loved it.  I practiced by the hour...always working toward perfection.

This week as I was reflecting, I realized something.  My mother prayed for years and finally got an answer to her prayer.  But that meant some sacrifice on her part.  She had to pay for my lessons, take me there every week, sit out in the car and wait while I had my lesson and allow me time to practice. I remember many times later in life she would tell me that she felt it was her place to cook for the family and therefore, she would do most of the cooking and let me go practice.

To this day I'd rather practice than cook, clean, read or do anything else (....well...except maybe ride my motorcycle).

She gave up a lot for many years (and more) to see this through.  When I begged to do a recital and invite my friends - she made sure we had a nice reception with special foods and beautiful flowers to grace the table.  That was her contribution.

Not only do I believe she prayed my gift into existence, but I believe she gave her prayers "feet" when she was willing to do everything it took to make sure she had a piano player.

It makes me wonder about some of the things I pray for.  How might it change my life if I received the answers I'm hoping for?  Am I willing to sacrifice things to see those answers happen?

This was the last time I played for her.

God's Hyperlinks

Spending time at The Gideons International Office Nashville, TN

How does a little girl from Newville, PA get invited to lead worship in Nashville, TN?  A city where they say every waiter/waitress is a great guitar player?  That's what ran through my mind after boarding the plane in Harrisburg, PA to fly to Nashville, TN this past weekend.

The short answer?  Only God!

The long answer.......

I took my seat on the airplane next to the window and I wasn't seated very long when a memory flashed through my mind.  It's as if the action of sitting down on the plane lit up the memory and made it active in my mind again. I forgot about my present trip to Nashville and recalled a conversation with my mother in my parents' house many years ago.

At that time, I was working part time for a company based in Canada called Eagle's Flight.  I would fly to various destinations and serve as part of a support team to a facilitator who took cooperate companies through experiential training in team-building exercises.  Though the experience stretched me, I loved doing it.  I remember sensing in my heart that one day I would be stretched in another capacity, but it would have more to do with my music than the Eagle's Flight company I was currently working for at that time.  It was just a vanishing thought, but it was very vivid.

Back in my parents' living room, I was having a discussion with my mother.  She had the regular fears I guess any mother would have when their child is flying all over the U.S. 

"What if something happens to you" she asked out of the blue one day.

From somewhere deep inside of me, a protective attitude arose and I found myself saying something to her that surprised even me. "Mother, some day I will be flying even more and I don't want to dwell on fear, so if you don't mind, we're not going to discuss this."

I know she was shocked and frankly, so was I. But there's something you need to understand. I never dealt with fear of flying until one day a well meaning friend knew I was flying the following day and said to me, "aren't you afraid something will happen to you?"  It never occurred to me to be afraid until that moment when her statement planted a seed of fear.

The next day when I flew, we encountered a thunderstorm on our flight and such fear grabbed hold of my heart that I went into panic mode.  When we landed to catch our connecting flight, I vowed I would never get on an airplane again.  I called my parents from the airport to tell them I needed to find another mode of transportation to get me the rest of the way but they weren't home. That was before the days of cell phones, so I felt stranded. I was hoping they would offer to buy me a bus ticket or something to take the place of my final leg of the flights.  That's how strong fear can become!

Reluctantly and very full of fear, I boarded the final flight to my destination and sat down in my seat absolutely convinced that this would be my last moment on earth and that we would crash to the ground taking all my fears with me.

Of course, that didn't happen, but for the next few years I had a terrible battle with fear every time I flew.  It took years to overcome that fear and when I finally did conquer it, I had no interest in activating it again through a discussion with my mother.  You can now understand why I was so defensive when my mother opened a can of worms that she didn't know existed.  It was only meant to protect my freedom from another battle with fear.

So here's where the hyperlink comes in. It's God's hyperlinks. We go about our daily activities doing our best to listen for His whispers, act on what we think we hear Him saying and all of a sudden, He activates something in our life and transports us to divine connections.

I had a distinct feeling in my spirit that someday I would need to fly for what would become my own music ministry - and though there was nothing in the natural realm from which to prove my statement to my mother, I knew that it was coming down the road.  Sometimes God gives us an advance notice of what is to come.  I think that's what happened to me that day I had the conversation with my mother. Jesus did it with his band of believers.  He would say to them things like: “I’m telling you all this ahead of time so that when it happens you will believe that I am who I say I am.."  I wish he'd tell us more things ahead of time and maybe He is if we would listen.

So now it's January 2015 and I am seated on US Airways, traveling to Nashville, TN, not for some other company, but for my own music ministry, just as I sensed would happen years ago. Now, sitting on the plane, I realized that after many years of praying, being faithful and sharpening my tools, God made the link active and here I was heading to Nashville to lead worship for The Gideons International at the 2015 Auxiliary President's Conference.

So how do you click on God's hyperlinks?

1.)  Pray - talk to God and also listen for His voice - when he speaks make a note of it for future reference
2.)  Obey - whatever steps He tells you to take, walk in them and trust Him for the outcome

There are probably whispers and glimpses you have in your spirit of things God wants to do in your life and places He wants to take you.  Let Him do the activating!  Your job is to pray in a receptive mode and obey when you think He is telling you to act.

It's amazing the sites you will take in when He activates the hyperlinks.

Me & Dr. Robitussin

This doctor doesn't wear a white coat, though he has a white cap. This doctor comes in a plastic bottle and I've had a lot of meetings with him this week, thanks to what my husband unaffectionately calls "the Newville crud".  I understand that it's not limited to my town, however.  Apparently people all over the U.S. have it.  Fever, chills, some nausea and a bad cough.  Thus, Dr. Robitussin. (or Dr. R).

No matter that the bottle expired 10 years ago, I was desperate and decided to use what I already had in my cupboard.  It tastes as bad as it ever did so it must be legit.  By the way, how is it that you can't taste anything else when you're sick, but you can still taste that old Robitussin?

I smile when I take it (well, sort of) because it wasn't too long ago that my husband and I had a joke between us about my mother who would offer us medicine from "Columbus".  That simply meant that it was medicine she had from back before I was born when my family lived in Columbus, OH - like, the early 1960's!  Now here I am, using medicine that is 10 years old.  I guess I'm gonna be like her.

I knew things were bad when my cat, Missy (who is very nervous anyway) came over to me on my bed, took one look at the white kleenex in my hand, heard my abnormal very deep bass voice call her name and with big wide eyes, turned around and ran off the bed in a hurry. This was NOT the owner she was used to.  Some alien was lying in her bed.  I sighed.

I discovered this week that it's much more effective to be consistent with taking your medicine when they say you should.  Every 4 hours.  Yuck! But at one point I thought I was feeling better so I stopped taking the medicine.  That's when things got worse and I realized that I wasn't really getting better, I had simply been consistent with meeting with Dr. Robitussin and therefore, I thought I was getting better.  When I quit, it revealed my need to continue on my path of consistency.

There's a few things in life that I've discovered I need to be consistent with in order for them to really work.

Exercise

Yep - and it goes down just about as easy as Dr. R. sometimes.  But I always feel great afterwards and the more I do it, the better I feel.

Prayer and scripture meditation

The more consistent I am with it, the better the results for me.  I can tell when I haven't been as faithful.  My soul and my mind need it.

Healthy Eating

It doesn't do much good to exercise if you aren't going to eat healthy at the same time.  The two go hand in hand.  I'm certainly not a health expert and I'm not promoting any diet or exercise program - just promoting eating well as a life style.

Adequate Sleep

Everyone is different, but we all need sleep.  I try hard to go to bed at the same time every day and make sure I get adequate rest.

So there you have it, my prescription for life.  And oh yes, sometimes we are thrown off that routine and a little bit of Dr. R becomes necessary.  But I'm glad that's not the norm!

Empty Shelves = Greater Prayer Lives?

Reflecting on the miracle journey of 2014

"Prosperity may dilute prayer too.  In my travels I have noticed that Christians in developing countries spend less time pondering the effectiveness of prayer and more time actually praying.  The wealthy rely on talent and resources to solve immediate problems, and insurance policies and retirement plans to secure the future.  We can hardly pray with sincerity, "Give us this day our daily bread" when the pantry is stocked with a month's supply of provisions." - Philip Yancey
(from his book: Prayer, Does It Make A Difference?)

My heart jumped for joy when I read this paragraph.  It's the first day of 2015 and since my husband is not feeling well we are just sitting in the living room resting and enjoying Pandora's classic lounge station.  A cloudless sky outside reveals the full sunlight and makes the room cheery, adding to the peacefulness.

I picked up Philip Yancey's book on prayer to start reading it just now.  Last year at this time I determined to grow in my prayer life and his book is one that I came upon months ago and decided to add to my growing collection of books on prayer.

After reading that paragraph I had to put the book down and write my thoughts.  I have seen the amazing power of prayer in my life this past year.  It really started in June when I decided to host a breakfast at a local restaurant and invite some fans to become part of my Portraits of White dream team.  I called them my vision team, but they have changed it to 'dream team'.  I like it.

I didn't have a pantry full of goods and provision to pursue this vision at the time.  A few hundred dollars in my checkbook and not too much more than that in my savings account either.  But I went ahead and stepped out in faith.  I had bathed this vision in prayer for months.  Now it was time to put it to a test.  I knew if I hosted this breakfast I would start something in motion that would be a complete walk of faith.  I did not have the 'resources in my pantry' to see this through to the end. Was I ready to jump in with both feet?

My first indication that this was going to be an amazing experience came in an e-mail from someone I had invited to attend the breakfast.  They were offering to pay for the cost of the group's breakfast. Another e-mail came a couple of days later with the same offer from someone else.  The day of the breakfast, a woman in the group got up to supposedly 'go to the bathroom' and as I later discovered, had inquired with the waitress as to how to go about paying for the group's breakfast, which by that time was already paid for.

This has proven to be my experience all the way through this past year.  A financial hurdle would arise and was then met with some kind of amazing provision that I didn't know would happen. Honestly, I could write a book on just this past year alone.

One of my prayers this past year was that I would have the concert paid for in full by the end of the year.  Today is January 1 and I am thrilled to report that the funds are there to pay the final bills. It won't leave much left over, but my faith has grown immensely through this journey and all I could say when I read Philip's paragraph was - "hey, though my food pantry is full, my pantry of resources to pursue a big dream was NOT full, but through prayer, hard work, miracles and supernatural means, all my needs have been met."  It would have been easier to just skip my dreams and live comfortably.

I don't ever want any kind of prosperity or deceptive comfort to keep me from stepping out. Sometimes the only way we can see God move is to take that step into the unknown. Is it safe? Nope. Is it tiring? Yep.  Do I feel alive?  Yes!

So here's my final question that I will ponder the rest of the day as I continue reading his book.  If God can do that with my finances, why can't He do it with everything else in my life?  In what other areas can I trust Him to do more than I possibly can?  Why limit it to financial?  Why not trust Him for physical healing MORE, for emotional freedom?  For deliverance from recurring fears and anxiety?

I intend to try.

Why not empty my 'shelves' of all my own prosperity and trust Him for greater things?  I think Philip Yancey is right.  Our own comfort and abilities keep us from that deep sense of need for rescue.  As a result, we don't pray.  We just keep on depending on ourselves.  I'd rather live on the edge.

Don't get me wrong.  I have days when it just looks too hard. It is NOT easy to live this way.  That's why I keep books like Philip's handy because they stir things in me.  They call to the deep in me and keep me on the edge, far away from comfort zones.

Now.........back to my book.

Philip Yancey's book

Living On The Edge

It's 4:00 a.m. and my alarm goes off.  I don't usually need the alarm because for the past 3 years or so, I've been waking up naturally at this time and I have hated it.   But now I have embraced my body's time clock and I am putting it to use.

I find my way to the kitchen and make a pot of tea.  Some for my thermos and some for my mug which I will enjoy on the couch as I sit by my little Christmas tree and spend 10 or 15 minutes in quietness. After that, I pray, meditate on scriptures and do some journalling.  My cat, Missy, is always by my side.

Then, I get dressed in my athletic clothes and I leave the house at 5:15 a.m. and head to Harrisburg to the local ice skating rink where I skate from 6:00 to 7:45 or later, depending on what my day holds.  It's a 45 minute drive (if the traffic is good) and I use that time to pray.  I pray about needs I am aware of in people's lives and I pray over my dreams for a Christmas show and the music journey I have chosen and whatever else God leads me to pray for.

It's a brand new year.  I have a new CD, a new website and a new face to this blog to match my website.  With all that happening, I think it's a great time to express my vision for the new year and how I see this blog taking on a more defined personality.

After talking with a couple of readers and pondering this evolution, it is apparent to me that people have enjoyed the transparent sharing of this musical journey.  They too have felt inspired to tackle something big in their life one bite at a time.  I'm not going to keep up the Day # whatever theme of the elephant diet (my producer will be happy) but I am going to keep blogging (he'll be even happier).

After a year of blogging and not really knowing how it would go, I think I have started to find my voice.

The purpose of this blog, this year, will be to inspire.  I think that's what was happening last year, but I didn't realize it until people began to give me feedback.

I want to inspire you to reach for things you never thought possible.  You already know that you can do it one bite at a time.  Apply it to every area of your life.

Plans for a 2014 christmas show are already in the works, but there is something else evolving here that I want to share with you. But before I do, I have a question for you.  What is something you have always wanted to pursue but never have for a long list of reasons?  I'd love for you to leave a comment!

I have begun living on the edge in a whole new way.  For me, it is figure skating.

....and with that, I begin a new page to this blog.