Seize the Moment. (Part 1)

 "The opportunity of a lifetime only lasts for the lifetime of the opportunity. 

Seize the moment." 

– Dave Hess

Dear Kirstin,

I know this week is difficult. After all, it's been exactly one year since we took a big step and hopped in the van to go to Nashville to seize the moment and follow your heart's desire to do a Christmas album. From the moment you suggested the album idea, I was ALL IN! 

And we did it. We recorded Midwinter's Gift. 

As the project was released to the world, later in November, you poured out your heart in frequent posts to help people get a sense of the monumental trek we took, geographically, musically and emotionally. I sat back and watched how unreservedly you shared your part of the story. I felt like I was a little kid who was invited to go on an adventure with you. I wanted to squeal with delight, but I let you take the lead in releasing it. 

But now, knowing how hard it can be to move on after such an experience like we had, I wanted to give something back and share with you some excerpts from my journal – from that week in Nashville. So here's my unedited version, as I wrote it that week in Tennessee. Since it's history in the making, I've decided to make it a blog post so that others can savor the memories with us.

                                                                 ♬

Tuesday, August 2, 2022: (The trip down to Nashville)

Lovely ride down in the van. Alternated drivers – made good time

Cracker Barrel for lunch. Road trip. Listened to music

Ended up at Bristol Town Hall (City Hall) while looking for Cracker Barrel

Cowboy at Cracker Barrel – looking for land and/or roadkill?

The Red House @ The White Oak Farm 

Wildwood Studio, looking at the deer (after we realized they had a surveillance camera)

Kroger's groceries

Cows in the yard

Deer P,

"We're in jail"

"We need air conditioning"

"Do you have a place we can stay?"

"The Pennsylvania van"

"Will there be crickets in the recording?"

♬ 

Wednesday, August 3, 2022:

Leisurely morning while Kirstin tried out and adjusted her reeds.

I ironed, went for a long walk, sang through the oboe parts – yet another way to connect with the music. 

Sat by the pool. 

Hard boiled eggs and salmon, yogurt and granola for breakfast around noon. :-)

♬

All the way down here, I felt rather numb. It's been over four years since I've been here. So much has happened. COVID, for one thing. 

I've aged ... and I feel it. I've lost something. 

I thought I'd never be back to this town, and I was honestly okay with that. I had a good run. I gave it all I had. 

I'm loving the new season of house concerts and being home. 

I have to let go of what was. Embrace new special moments. Make new memories. 

A new friend in my life – Kirstin. 

I don't know her well, but we seem to fit well together. It's not forced... it just slowly unfolds like a rose. I like it. Easy to work with and travel with. Forging new territory – piano and oboe. New producer, arranger, engineer, studio – it's all so different. 

I need to just let go and let be. Unfold. Build new experiences. Don't mourn the old. 

Love the little Airbnb – very quaint. Perfect for us. Out in the country... little horse farm... dogs... pool... two miles from Ed [previous Portraits of White conductor], two miles from studio and about five from downtown Franklin.

When we got near the Nashville city limits, my heart responded. When we passed exits where I've stayed, Seaboard Lane – where we did Inside Things and Fieldstone Parkway (Ed's territory) – my heart leaped. 

Yet, I realized I've moved on. I've been forced to in some ways. 

It's better to let go of what was and anticipate new things.

I never thought I'd be back. But here I am – and I love why I'm here. I love that Kirstin and I met through Portraits of White, but we're doing our own thing – like she says, it's an offshoot of the Portraits of White tree. It's not the tree, but it's a branch from it.

♬

I'm about to go do a photo shoot with Erick Anderson [and Kirstin].

Gray hair – I've kept my natural color. Tempting to color it for this, but it was pretty clear – I need to embrace my age and season in life and part of that is the gray hair.

♬

We're so happy we did the Christmas in July events. Gave us real practice. Almost feels like the fans are with us. They've been part of the journey. 

Now we get to enjoy this moment in time. Making music in August, in the town I used to love. 

 ♬

I believe something beautiful is at work here. I don't know what and I really don't care either. I'm just enjoying the ride. The music. The practicing. 

I've learned so much as I've really tried to practice and find new approaches to learning the music. I can feel the mindset shift–from being easily distracted, to learning how to focus and stay in the moment. I overcame the mental hurdle of using the AirTurn pedal to turn pages. I'm on my way to memorizing and I've loved using my 3X5 index cards with various practice approaches.

I think a big indicator of how much I've grown is the dream I had the other night where for the first time EVER, I actually played the piano in my dream and it went super well. Nothing weird happened to the instrument and it felt so natural to play. Perhaps that shows how much I have overcome mentally, as I've given myself to this project for the past six months. And oh... I've lost about 8 pounds in July!

The icing on the cake will be to walk away (or drive away) on Saturday feeling really happy with my performance the next two days... 

... and to look pretty today. :-)

Dear Kirstin, what are we supposed to be doing?

♬

Thursday morning, August 4, 2022

Photo shoot was fun! Kirstin is a natural – beautiful girl! She's just one of those... 

I love my silver hair. I'm glad I kept it.

My thoughts frequently turned to the realization that I thought I'd never be back and there I was, doing a photo shoot with a friend (who's gorgeous) – getting ready to do a beautiful instrumental project.

I just can't wait to do this and hear the final product, and see the photos...

TODAY!

Phillip Keveren

Kent Hooper :-)

Best Yamaha C7 in Nashville

Midwinter's Gift

Kirstin suggested this order for the day:

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

What Child is This?

O Holy Night

Keep Carol of the Bells, Ships and Sing We Now for Friday morning

Today I will go to the studio with a  heart to serve Kirstin and her dream. This recording is something she has on her bucket list. It's my pleasure to serve her and help make this happen AND make it great! This is about her today.

To be continued...

P.S. Midwinter’s Gift can be found on all major streaming services. Digital downloads and CDs can be purchased here.

It All Starts with a Dream

It all starts with a dream, as some say. Nashville says it all starts with a song. Either way, if it's a dream, you have to get out of bed and get dressed. If it's a song, you have to get out your pencil and paper, or at least your recorder. Then you might want to play it for other people, put it on an album, put it out on iTunes. You can't just lay around and "think" about these things.

Every year I dream of doing a  Christmas show, and beginning in January, I know that December is coming and my show won't happen with my head on a pillow dreaming about it. I can hear Auntie Em telling Dorothy "there's work to be done."

One element of planning a show is deciding how to tell other people about it.  You can't just hope that people will show up. "If you build it" a few might come, but just building it isn't enough. 

One day as I was brainstorming on the phone with a coach about all that there is to do, including the marketing, he said, "Why don't you bring your audience in on the planning of the show. Give them a peek into the planning part." 

So I got to thinking; I wonder what my audience would want to know about planning a Christmas show. Instead of me trying to guess, why don't I just ask them? I did and people responded.

Sorting through the questions, one in particular, catches my eye. I squirm in my office chair. I always struggle when someone asks this question: "What is your favorite song on the album?" 

The problem is, it's hard to pick one favorite. Songs are three-minute audio journals of my life. Each song has a unique significance and is part of the whole.

Though the question wasn't specifically about the show, it's a good question because the show actually started with a song. Ok, so Nashville was right. It really does start with a song.

It was a wintery January morning in 2000 and I was on my way to a local recording studio to record my first album. The snow was blowing and drifting across Route 696 in Shippensburg, Pennsylvania—a scenic road between two mountain ranges. I probably shouldn't have been driving.

But I was in my element...SNOW! 

The first line said it all...

Whispery winds of winter white

The blizzard-like winds seemed to applaud my bravery for driving in these conditions...

Dancing across the starlit night

Twirling and swirling and sweeping the lane

Whisking the blues of the season away

These are the portraits of white

I knew it [the song] was special the day I wrote it. I could hear the polished production of it in my head. Even though it would be years before I'd actually record it, I knew it would sound Enya-esque.  I had just encountered the music of Enya, and her stacked vocal approach resonated with me. Every time I'd listen to her, I wanted to sit down and write music. 

Portraits of White Album 2013

Years later, when I decided to record a Christmas/Winter album this song was a definite favorite. I learned to respect Enya's music all the more during the process of recording. It's not easy to stack vocals. You must follow every single intonation and nuanced note of the original take each time you sing a new take. For some reason, I really enjoyed the challenge of this style of recording. 

When it came time to choose a title for the Christmas album, Portraits of White felt the most magical. Portraits of White, both the song and the title would become the inspiration for my holiday show. If that makes it my favorite song on the album, then so be it.

The album title was just the beginning...

This week's video:

Missing You...on Memorial Day

“Now this is what we call a happy sad song,” the music professional [Jonathan] said in an affirmative tone as we sat in the prestigious Dark Horse Recording Studio in Nashville, Tennessee. My song, Missin’ You, had just received a thumbs up, so it seemed. I was watching his body language as studiously as he was listening to my songs. Not only was I studying the craft of songwriting…I was learning to “read” my audience. I liked what I saw.

Jonathan making notes.

Jonathan had been called in by my new producer [Eric] to listen to all of the songs I had been writing — looking for gems. They were listening to my babies and I felt vulnerable. The songs that made the cut would go on my upcoming recording project.

As a newcomer to the Nashville culture, I was both eager and nervous. I gazed out the wall-length window above the ominous soundboard. The outside lush spring-green landscape was strikingly similar to that of my home state of Pennsylvania and it comforted me. 

I had a fair number of sad songs (without the happy) in my notebook. I hadn’t realized just how many until after Jonathan’s final wrap-up sentence of the day: “you seem to write a lot of songs about death.” I had heard that same assessment from Eric the day before. Two different individuals, independent of each other, had made the same observation. It was unsettling news to me. 

I had a feeling that this pattern wasn’t necessarily a good thing. We laughed when Eric said, “We can call you The Grateful Dead.” I didn’t know who that group was. I laughed as if I did.

I squirmed in my chair, silently wondering: how on earth could it be? I made a mental note. Someday I must figure out why I write so many songs about death… But in the present moment, I needed to focus. Therapy would have to wait. They were giving me a songwriting lesson about happy sad songs.

While their explanation was supposed to be educational, I simultaneously felt like I was receiving a verbal award of accomplishment for writing this particular song. After all, it was different than my other sad songs. It was “happy.” I had managed to write sad feelings in a happy way, though I had done it unknowingly. The professionals seemed to approve. 

My mind drifted back to the day I wrote the song…

I am 36 years old, sitting in my backyard on a metal folding chair, guitar in hand, experiencing my first birthday without my father. I am missing him. 

I look at the lovely purple lilacs in front of me. I breathe in their sweet fragrance. It’s the first year the blooms have made it past a hard freeze since we planted the bush over a decade ago. It was a birthday gift from my parents. My very own perennial bouquet of lilacs for annual birthdays. 

Mysteriously, the bush is choosing to bloom the first year after my father’s death. I receive it as a gift from him. Yet, there is a surge of grief accompanying the pleasantness of the moment. I strum my guitar as a lyric comes to mind. 

“Well we’ve seen another winter come and go…” 

I look at the lilacs again. 

“All the lilacs are blooming there’s no more snow…” 

I think back through the events leading up to his death. 

Less than two years earlier I released my very first recording project, Under The Big Blue Sky. Daddy was there for the release concert, supporting me. But not too long after that celebration, he began feeling ill. Months later, we found out why. He had cancer. 

I remember standing outside his hospital room trying to gain my composure. He too had just been given the news. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

Back in front of the lilac bush, I know what I want to say next. Lyrics flow effortlessly…

”But I miss you more than ever 
and the sayin’s not true
that time will heal 
‘cause I’ve been missin’ you.”

He was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma that summer and less than a year later, he was gone. In one short year, I witnessed the birth of my professional music career and the death of my father. Summer, fall, winter…

“Springtime reminds me of you
in the winter season
I’m thinking of you”

May 2021 marks the twentieth anniversary of Daddy’s death. Our last holiday together was Memorial Day. I should have known something was wrong when he could barely lift a piece of wood from the trunk of the car and carry it over to the BBQ pit. 

The morning after our family picnic, he started coughing up blood and died three days later on May 31, 2001. We were all there beside his bed, surrounding him, serenading him with hymns, including one of his favorites…Under His Wings.

This past week, knowing the 20th anniversary of his death approaches, I’ve been digging out my old photo albums — faded pictures of his youth, pets, his violin, weddings, births, reunions — snapshots of our family. Organizing them into a visual soundtrack to go with the song…

“and if time is a healer
then it’s moving pretty slow
‘cause I’ve seen another season
and I’m missin’ you.”

Click here to see the song. Or click the image below.

Mirror mirror on the wall, I don't like what I see, at all!

How do you feel about the way you look?

I have my days when I would rather not look in the mirror, but those days are less than what they used to be.

As I continue to share my mother's writings/stories in this blog, I see so many parallels with my own life. My mother had her own story about a mirror and the reflection she saw in it one day.

My story took place in Nashville, TN. I remember the day we were going to start recording the music for my album, "Inside Things" there in Nashville. We planned to start with the song, "Wonderfully Created". I had written this song thanks to a teenage girls' slumber party booking (yes - that was unusual) and our theme was from Psalm 139, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made".

We were planning to start the week of recording with that song. I got up early and had my devotions, meditating in the Psalm to prepare my heart for recording. This led to a challenging conversation sparked by the voice of God when he asked me to thank him, out loud, for making me so wonderfully, just like David did in that Psalm.

Our conversation went something like this:

God: "I want you to thank me for making you so wonderfully, just like David did here in this passage."

FD: Hesitation. "Do I have to do it out loud? Can't I just think it?"

God: "No, I want you to say it out loud."

FD: More hesitation. "But I don't want to."

God: "Why?"

FD: (Knowing how Adam and Eve must have felt when God asked them why they hid. He KNEW why! But he wanted to hear THEM say it). "I guess the truth is, if I say it out loud, I feel like I have to mean it and now that you ask me to do that, I realize I don't feel like I'm wonderfully made—no offense to your craftsmanship, but I don't!"

God: "Why don't you like how you're made?"

FD: "Well, I don't like my teeth. They are crooked and when my mother offered to have them corrected, I took it as an insult to my looks and it hurt me. I wish now I would have taken her up on her offer. When I get my pictures taken, I hate smiling with my teeth because I'm embarrassed by them. Not to mention the massive underbite I have and how it makes my jaw stick out."

God: "I know all of this about you. But you ARE wonderfully made. Do you think you could begin to thank me out loud for making you?"

FD:  (Knowing within my heart that God only asks things like this of us because he intends to help us and has more work he wants to do on the inside, I responded.) "I will certainly try...with Your help!"

God: "I'd be glad to help!"

From that moment on, I began doing just what he asked. I still have many days when I struggle, but he has begun to help me change how I think about myself.

Years later, you can see why reading the following story from my mother's life hits home with me!

From Bertha Heisey's story:

"One night that same spring, on April 1, 1947, myself, Paul and Dougie (my son) were in our car with my brother Chester, his wife Norma and their son, Charles, who was about Dougie's age. Paul was driving and we were almost home. I was sleeping with my head resting on Paul's shoulder and Dougie was on my lap (this was before child car seats, airbags, and seat belts). We were within sight of our destination, but Paul must have nodded off–and we hit a concrete bridge.

No one was killed, but our new car was greatly damaged and my face was changed forever. Earlier that same day, I had had an interchange with my mother. I was at my mother's house passing in front of the hall mirror—I looked in the mirror and said, within hearing of my mother, "I wish I looked different!"

My mother said, "Oh Bertha! You be careful what you wish for!" Well, the car accident that happened later the same day, left me with my front teeth missing and a jaw broken in 5 places and indeed, I did look different—my jaw was permanently rearranged. The injury was complicated and the healing of my jaw was a drawn-out-process, taking months to complete the surgeries and dental work. A special bridge plate with two new front teeth had to be specially made to fit my mouth, which I still wear.

But my mother never said a word to me again about what I had said when I looked in the mirror that day. And that's something I appreciated about my mother. She lived such a good example. She could have said when I came home from the hospital—"Now Bertha, see what happened!" But she never said another thing to me about it. All down through the years I have grown to appreciate her more and more."

Frances:

So back to my original question. How do you feel about yourself?
What are some beautiful traits that you could begin to focus on, instead of the ones you don't like?
Everyone has something beautiful about them! What do you adore about yourself?

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

Psalm 139:14 NIV

Click on the video to hear the song "Wonderfully Created."

That One Unanswered Prayer

Heart to heart talk with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson.

Tom Jackson is a world renown Live Music Producer who has worked with singers like Taylor Swift, Jars of Clay, etc.  I first heard him over ten years ago at a conference in Nashville, TN and the moment I heard him, I set a goal to work with him in person.  His methods were unlike anything I had ever heard, but they resonated with me.  He teaches artists how to build special moments into their concerts - with the audience as the most important aspect of the night.

Working on some rhythm ideas. Yep - we try anything!

I have worked with his assistants and have steadily been growing and stretching in every way as an artist.  I've studied his book, listened to his tapes and DVDs over and over and have applied his techniques diligently. But I still found myself wanting to work specifically with Tom.

It took me over 10 years, but on April 24, 2014, I did it.  I traveled to TN with my big sister and for two days, I got to see my dream come true. I shared my vision for a Christmas concert and as he caught the vision, he encouraged me in my dream and said he'd be willing to work with me over the years to build it into something amazing.

But Tom is in demand all over the world and because I live in PA, it's hard to coordinate our schedules to work together.

Tom's sarcastic humor
and my dry wit go together well.

Fast forward to the spring of 2015 and my conductor, Ed Kee, said there were two things I needed to have in place this year. A videographer to record the concert and a show producer who would help me take everything to another level.  He encouraged me to find someone from NY, Baltimore or Philadelphia who could come and observe this year's show and give me pointers in growing it to the level I dream about.

I knew in my heart that I really wanted that person to be Tom Jackson, but the prospect of getting him here on the night of my concert felt hopeless.  Cost would be one big factor, not to mention schedules.

For the past year I have been diligently planning the Portraits of White 2015 concert. I have spent hours praying over the concert trusting God to bring all the details together. I've had moments of panic and anxiety but have sensed His reassuring hand and voice telling me that this will happen not by MY might or power, but by His Spirit.  I have prayed over details and left the connectivity of them to Him.

A prayer group has been meeting for the past month, once a week, praying for every aspect of the evening. We have seen one prayer after another answered. But this one eluded me.  I don't think I even mentioned this need to them because I had prayed all summer about it and to no avail, trying to find producers in the area, but not having much luck.  It has to be the right kind of person.  I still wanted Tom but didn't even dare mention it to anyone or the prayer group.  It was just too big of a request. I would continually mention this in my own prayers: "I need a producer and if there is someone You can bring to me, please do so. I certainly don't know how to do this."

It's not easy to share your heart
and soul with someone and be critiqued.
But the laughter kept it fun.

On Wednesday, Dec. 9, (this week) I was flying home from a Christmas event I did in Madison, Mississippi and received word that the one prayer I thought was going to be unanswered is NOW answered and I haven't done a thing to make it happen.

I got an e-mail Monday from Tom Jackson's wife saying he knew that my show was coming up on the 12th and had his calendar open if I wanted him to come see the show and give his input.

So here it is, Thursday, before the big event on Saturday and Tom is coming Friday for the rehearsal and will stay for the concert on Saturday and give me his critiques, later, when the dust has settled.

Thank you God for knowing the desire of my heart without me even speaking it out loud and making it all come together without me doing anything but praying.  Why do I doubt you.....ever????

One last prayer that we are all praying for....

A SOLD OUT show!

There are still some seats left.  I'd LOVE to have you there.  It's going to be very, very special. Watch the promo video here and then click the link below the video to buy your tickets.

Help me sell out the show.

Can't wait to welcome Tom to PA and Portraits of White.

When God Turns Out The Light

Have you ever woken up to complete darkness?

I'm in Nashville attending a conference and this morning when I got up, it was dark. I got up early to attend a breakfast meeting before the conference.

"Chocolate Sin" from The Pancake Pantry in Nashville.

When I got up, an old song was running through my mind, so I began to sing it out loud.

"He touched me

oh, he touched me

and oh the joy that fills my soul

something happened and now I know

he touched me and made me whole"

I stopped mid-song and questioned why such an old song would come to my mind. It would be more appropriate for me to wake up singing Christmas songs since another reason I'm here is to work on the upcoming Christmas concert. I listened to much of the concert music on my way down here, making notes to review with the conductor as I drove.

I felt a gentle whisper say, "sing the verse".

"Shackled by a heavy burden

'neath a load of guilt and shame

then the hand of Jesus touched me

and now I am no longer the same"

The first two lines were a good description of some of the feelings I've been having these days....well, at least the 'shackled by a heavy burden' part.

I left the home where I'm staying and headed out for my day.  I had a feeling this song might be an indicator of what I might experience today, but I shrugged it off thinking I was a little too assuming.

Today I'm attending an event where I am doing nothing and no one knows who I am. I'm not introduced as the speaker or musician.  In fact, I can just say, "hi, I'm Frances" and be like everyone else. I'm taking time to sit and listen to others speak, sing and lead worship. A treat I rarely get!

You see, I've been desperately crying out to God about some things.  Some of them for years. My heart has been growing weary even though on many levels, I have much to be excited about - and I TRULY am!

But today, this Frances was a mess.  The first speaker of the day was supposed to be Dr. Neil Anderson. I figured he would be intellectual in his approach, or give a long list of ways to walk in freedom (just click on his name and you'll see the long, long list of books he has authored).

However, this gentle, elderly man stepped to the platform and began to tell us stories from his life. The first tear strolled unhurriedly down my cheek, determined not to leave, when he said there came a time when he felt as if "God turned out the light".  What?  This man who has written extensively on freedom, bondage breaking, etc., etc., feels like God turns out the light on him? But alas, instead of giving us 20 steps to freedom, he pulled on a loose thread in my soul and I was coming unraveled.  

Neil continued..... "Right now, the light has been turned out again". Seems like God flips the switch often for him. His wife has dementia and now has to stay in skilled care in a nursing center.  Many days he goes to sit beside her and just 'be' with her.  He feels like her light will never come back on, in this life. It's a new season for him.

My husband and I need a miracle.  Due to a genetic condition (that he seemed to acquire a most severe case of) our lives feel a bit dark at times. It affects his hands to the point where holding small tools are becoming increasingly difficult for him. This isn't good for someone who is self-employed and uses those tools daily. 

We wonder what the future holds for us as he notices deterioration that seems to be speeding up these days. I've cried out to God many times on his behalf and I know that our voices harmonize together as we ask God to change our circumstances and guide us through this time. 

It felt good to hear from someone else today who is further down the road as he stopped to share some of his struggles along the way due to his seasons of darkness. I cried for him and I cried for me. 

I cry for you because I know what some of your struggles are from talking to you. Your's are different, but we can all relate to feeling like the light has been turned off. 

Here are a few key phrases he shared this morning that might be helpful:

God turns out the light

Never doubt in darkness what God has shown you in the light

Never make a big decision when you are down

Don’t create your own light

Don’t instruct those who weep......just weep with them

Morning comes

Isaiah 21:11-12 The Message (MSG)

A Message concerning Edom:

A voice calls to me

    from the Seir mountains in Edom,

“Night watchman! How long till daybreak?

    How long will this night last?”

The night watchman calls back,

    “Morning’s coming,

But for now it’s still night.

    If you ask me again, I’ll give the same answer.”

God turns on the light

Frothy Monkey, Franklin, TN

I'm sitting here at the Frothy Monkey in Franklin, TN as I write this blog.  

The first time I was here was to meet my performance coach whom I had a dream of working with for over ten years. I was terribly excited to actually see that dream come true.

The last time I was here, my husband was with me and we were sitting on this very porch enjoying coffee together after riding our motorcycles to TN for our 25th wedding anniversary. Then my phone rang and it was my brother calling to let me know that our mother was in the hospital with a perforated ulcer.  This began her decline and she died over a week later.  We cut our trip short so we could be with her before she died.

I have mixed feelings when I come to this little cafe now.  Joy from seeing a dream come true. Joy because my husband got to come and experience my favorite town with me. Sadness as I recall the sinking feeling in my stomach when my brother called. Was God turning the light out on us again?

Light.

Dark.

Seasons.

Whether the light is on or off, we must hold steady to what we know and believe. Morning comes.

I don't know what you might be facing today.  I hope that this has given you some encouragement. May you have faith and courage until the light shines again. May you stand strong, even in the darkness. May you wake up with a song, in the morning.

Do you like yourself?

I awoke too early.  It's always extra early when I'm in Nashville, TN.   Because of the one hour difference in time zones, an already-early-riser is destined to be awake at very uncomfortable hours.

It was my first day to record vocals on my "Inside Things" project and that only added to my sleeplessness. I call it the "Nashville Adrenaline".  For some reason, I have boundless energy when I'm there.  I love being there, recording, writing and just spending time developing relationships in the music industry.  I don't do 'tourist' kinds of things.

If people ask me what to do when they visit Nashville, I recommend the Bluebird Cafe, The Pancake Pantry, and down-town Franklin, but other than that, most people will never see where I spend my time in town.  Studios, homes of friends, homes with studios and anywhere else my music takes me.  It's all about relationships and that's what I love most about Franklin and Nashville.

The first song we would be recording was "Wonderfully Created".  I had been inspired with the song idea just as I was leaving to spend the weekend at a slumber party for girls and their theme was Fearfully and Wonderfully Created.  It was a very unusual 'gig' and I was nervous about doing it. It had been a long time since I stayed up really, really late with a bunch of girls.

Just as I was packing up stuff in my studio, a little melody and phrase came to me and I've learned when that happens that the best thing I can do is sit down and let it flow.  The re-write will come later.  For now, just write what comes under inspiration.  You can sweat about it later.

Now, back in Nashville, I decided to read Psalm 139 again, hoping to refresh my soul with what my vocal cords would soon have to express. It would be just me and Mr. mic in the vocal booth for the day. The producer and engineer are in another room. I like it that way.

As I read through the familiar passage, as I had so many times before, something new caught my eye. Psalm 139:14 says "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (ESV).  I smiled and thought to myself; how nice that David can say that.  Suddenly, within my spirit, I sensed the voice of God's Spirit.  "I'd like you to thank me for making you".

WHAT???

I sat there, stunned. It was sweet to read of someone else having those sentiments.  But now I felt like God was asking me to acknowledge (out loud with my mouth) that I too was wonderfully created. "Such a beautiful song to sing - now I'd like you to believe it", He seemed to whisper.

It evoked such emotion in me that I was speechless.  Well...sort of.

"I don't have time for a therapy session right now, Lord, I said in my speechless state. I have to go record a song to share with people so they know how wonderful they are. And please don't make me thank you for making me complex TOO!.....like David did.  I hate my introspective, complex self. I'm weary of it.  Why can't I be care-free and simple?".

The conversation between He and I continued.

"I don't feel like I'm wonderful", I said. "In fact, most of the time I don't like myself at all. I never weigh the right amount, my teeth don't have that nice clean bite that most people have."  (I should have taken my mother up on the offer to get braces as a teenager, but I felt like she was insinuating that I wasn't pretty because of my teeth, so I resented her offering that.)  I was too young to process my thoughts at that age.  I'm sure she was only trying to help. I couldn't hear her well because my ears were plugged up with my own insecurity.

I wish I could re-do some things. How about you?

In response to my outburst with the Lord, I could hear His gentle whisper now.  "Just start.  Ok, so you can't be thankful that you are complex, can you start by thanking me for making you?"

I sat for a while.  I couldn't answer this right now.  But I did bow my head and ask Him to help me. "Thank you for making me", I said.  Half out loud and half not.

That was over 8 years ago.  Do I still have days when I don't like myself?  Absolutely!

Most recent photo shoot.
Showing my teeth.

I used to avoid smiling and showing my teeth at photo shoots because I don't like my teeth.  The photographer has to practically 'pull my teeth' to get me to show them.

But over time, I have been more intentional about thanking God out loud for making me when that dark cloud of self-hatred starts coming my way. As I learn to accept the complexity with which I operate from, He's also helping me to be more care-free and not take things so seriously.

As I cooperate with Him, He helps me to see myself in a much more positive light.

As I arrived at the studio that morning to start the project of "Inside Things", believe me, I had already had quite a work out on the inside things.  It started with Psalm 139.

So I ask you again.  Do you like yourself?

If this song can help you appreciate the beauty of how intricately you were made, then perhaps my little therapy session that morning was worth it.

View video/song here.

God's Hyperlinks

Spending time at The Gideons International Office Nashville, TN

How does a little girl from Newville, PA get invited to lead worship in Nashville, TN?  A city where they say every waiter/waitress is a great guitar player?  That's what ran through my mind after boarding the plane in Harrisburg, PA to fly to Nashville, TN this past weekend.

The short answer?  Only God!

The long answer.......

I took my seat on the airplane next to the window and I wasn't seated very long when a memory flashed through my mind.  It's as if the action of sitting down on the plane lit up the memory and made it active in my mind again. I forgot about my present trip to Nashville and recalled a conversation with my mother in my parents' house many years ago.

At that time, I was working part time for a company based in Canada called Eagle's Flight.  I would fly to various destinations and serve as part of a support team to a facilitator who took cooperate companies through experiential training in team-building exercises.  Though the experience stretched me, I loved doing it.  I remember sensing in my heart that one day I would be stretched in another capacity, but it would have more to do with my music than the Eagle's Flight company I was currently working for at that time.  It was just a vanishing thought, but it was very vivid.

Back in my parents' living room, I was having a discussion with my mother.  She had the regular fears I guess any mother would have when their child is flying all over the U.S. 

"What if something happens to you" she asked out of the blue one day.

From somewhere deep inside of me, a protective attitude arose and I found myself saying something to her that surprised even me. "Mother, some day I will be flying even more and I don't want to dwell on fear, so if you don't mind, we're not going to discuss this."

I know she was shocked and frankly, so was I. But there's something you need to understand. I never dealt with fear of flying until one day a well meaning friend knew I was flying the following day and said to me, "aren't you afraid something will happen to you?"  It never occurred to me to be afraid until that moment when her statement planted a seed of fear.

The next day when I flew, we encountered a thunderstorm on our flight and such fear grabbed hold of my heart that I went into panic mode.  When we landed to catch our connecting flight, I vowed I would never get on an airplane again.  I called my parents from the airport to tell them I needed to find another mode of transportation to get me the rest of the way but they weren't home. That was before the days of cell phones, so I felt stranded. I was hoping they would offer to buy me a bus ticket or something to take the place of my final leg of the flights.  That's how strong fear can become!

Reluctantly and very full of fear, I boarded the final flight to my destination and sat down in my seat absolutely convinced that this would be my last moment on earth and that we would crash to the ground taking all my fears with me.

Of course, that didn't happen, but for the next few years I had a terrible battle with fear every time I flew.  It took years to overcome that fear and when I finally did conquer it, I had no interest in activating it again through a discussion with my mother.  You can now understand why I was so defensive when my mother opened a can of worms that she didn't know existed.  It was only meant to protect my freedom from another battle with fear.

So here's where the hyperlink comes in. It's God's hyperlinks. We go about our daily activities doing our best to listen for His whispers, act on what we think we hear Him saying and all of a sudden, He activates something in our life and transports us to divine connections.

I had a distinct feeling in my spirit that someday I would need to fly for what would become my own music ministry - and though there was nothing in the natural realm from which to prove my statement to my mother, I knew that it was coming down the road.  Sometimes God gives us an advance notice of what is to come.  I think that's what happened to me that day I had the conversation with my mother. Jesus did it with his band of believers.  He would say to them things like: “I’m telling you all this ahead of time so that when it happens you will believe that I am who I say I am.."  I wish he'd tell us more things ahead of time and maybe He is if we would listen.

So now it's January 2015 and I am seated on US Airways, traveling to Nashville, TN, not for some other company, but for my own music ministry, just as I sensed would happen years ago. Now, sitting on the plane, I realized that after many years of praying, being faithful and sharpening my tools, God made the link active and here I was heading to Nashville to lead worship for The Gideons International at the 2015 Auxiliary President's Conference.

So how do you click on God's hyperlinks?

1.)  Pray - talk to God and also listen for His voice - when he speaks make a note of it for future reference
2.)  Obey - whatever steps He tells you to take, walk in them and trust Him for the outcome

There are probably whispers and glimpses you have in your spirit of things God wants to do in your life and places He wants to take you.  Let Him do the activating!  Your job is to pray in a receptive mode and obey when you think He is telling you to act.

It's amazing the sites you will take in when He activates the hyperlinks.

The Time Has Come!

A celebration gift from my friend.

I'm sitting in the hotel in Nashville waiting for my first meeting of the day.  I have two friends with me who have been such supporters of my vision and journey.  Last night when we settled into the hotel, Ellen presented me with a little elephant in celebration of making it this far.  She has followed my blog and given me unique gifts along the way.  I treasure them (the gifts and the friends)!

It was a great reminder that over a year ago I began to share my dream of doing not only a CD, but a big Christmas concert too.  All of it has come about "one bite at a time".  That was the theme of last year's blog - "The Elephant Diet" - accomplishing your dreams and goals one bite at a time, amidst all the hurdles and setbacks.

Ellen and her mother know all about dreams and what it takes to see them through.  She is a ballet dancer and applies herself with serious discipline.  She's not even 16 yet, but she gets this.  And thanks to her mom, Lisa, and the dedication to her daughter, she is able to pursue her dreams.

Tonight I get to rehearse with the orchestra and conductor and put feet to this dream.  It is now in motion in full force and it was nice to have the little elephant gift last night to remind me that anything is possible!

The first blog where I mention my idea of a christmas show.

A special announcement: "The Payoff"

I started studying the life of David (from the book of Psalms) in 2010.

I began writing songs from the lessons I was learning.

I recorded my ideas behind the songs and recorded my first ideas for the song "Nobody Sees" on May 21, 2010.

I spent a co-writing session with Darwin Moody (Embassy Music) in Nashville, TN and walked out with a completed song that I really liked.

I began sharing it with audiences and getting positive feedback.

In 2012 Eric Copeland and Phil Naish decided to collaborate together and come up with a compilation project of Creative Soul Record artists called "We Are Creative Soul".

I submitted "Nobody Sees" as a possibility for one of the songs I would record (out of 3) and they chose "Nobody Sees".

Phil and Frances January 2013

In January 2013 we gathered in Nashville, TN to work on the project.

On August 29, 2013 I received the artwork for the single - the sign of a finished song.

Hours of studying, praying, recording and re-writing have paid off.

Yesterday the song was released on iTunes. (September 5, 20130).

This only fuels my determination and excitement to see the Christmas project through to "The Payoff" - one bite at a time.

Links of interest:

Listen to the story (podcast) behind the song and a conversation with Grammy award-winning producer Phil Naish

Buy song (iTunes)

Embassy Music (Darwin Moody) Co-writer of "Nobody Sees"

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 124 A Dog's Life

I was finally able to accomplish a very big item on my Christmas 'to do' list this morning!  I sorted through 556 pictures from my photo shoot in June and chose my favorites.  I have picked 30.

My producer and photographer will have to narrow it down from there.  Good luck guys.

What does this have to do with a dog's life?

Well - there is one special pup in Nashville, TN who gets to go on photo shoots all day long with his master.  His name is Ezio and he lives up to his name.  He was 'easy' to have around.

I doubt he'll make the CD cover, but he etched his way into my heart immediately.

Tomorrow is Day # 125 on this journey and I have a very special announcement planned.  Stay tuned!