YOU Are My Friends on the Yellow Brick Road

For most of my career, I viewed myself as a musician—in the music business. In the past few years, I've changed my mind. Or at least made room for a broader perspective. As a songwriter, I don't just write and perform music. I help give voice to what others might be feeling but find themselves unable (or afraid) to express it. There is an exchange that happens between artist and fan. It's a beautiful thing. I no longer see myself as just a musician in the music business. I believe I'm in the people business.

My live music producer planted this seed years ago when he challenged my thinking about why musicians get nervous when performing. "The enemy of love is self-consciousness," he said. What he was saying was resonating with me. 

If a person really analyzes why they get nervous (about anything they might do in front of people) it's usually because you're afraid of what others will think. Therefore, you are focused on how you feel and not on how the audience (or the other person) might be feeling.  

It's taken years for this to take hold in my life, but it has happened! I feel the difference. I rarely get nervous anymore and if I do, I start thinking about YOU. I ask myself some questions about you. Things like: What frame of mind will you be in? What will you have just experienced at home? Will you have just received a life-changing phone call? What are you carrying in your soul these days? What are your current struggles?

It works every time. If I start to feel nervous, I change my mind. I stop thinking about me and I start thinking about you.

In fact, I started to find that if I talk to my audience one on one before a concert, I actually feel at complete peace when I get on stage because we've already connected on a personal level. It's very satisfying.

As the Director of Worship at various churches for sixteen years, I started practicing this concept of one on one interaction before and after the services I directed. It was challenging at times because I had a lot of responsibility on the platform that I needed to focus on, but the more I took time to interact with people, the more my confidence (and ease) grew. Now, when someone tells me I'm an extrovert, I smile because I know a secret. I'm actually an introvert, but I've learned to love my audience in practical ways, which leads some people to think I'm an extrovert.

When a Portraits of White fan asked "What is the most rewarding part of doing Portraits of White," it didn't take me long to come up with an answer. Sure, I love practicing and I love the first note of the concert when you, the audience, are seated and we are ready for the train to leave the station. We're off to see the wizard and we've locked arms. You are my friends on the yellow brick road for the next couple of hours. That's definitely a special part of doing the show.

I also love the last note of the evening, because at this point, I know my dream has become reality and nothing has stopped it. I will make my way out to the lobby to greet as many of you as I can. I'll soak in your smiles, tears, laughter and comments. I've prepared an evening of inspirational music and you've blessed me by coming. We've exchanged Christmas gifts and I feel happy. 

In this week's video, I "sang" my answer to the fan question—to the tune of "My Favorite Things" by Richard Rodgers & Oscar Hammerstein II. 

"Lots of musicians and long rows of people
Spotlights and snowflakes
and moments of giggles
Lacy white dresses and eighty-eight keys
These are a few of my favorite things

Seeing your faces after it's over
Reading your emails and handwritten letters
Knowing the joy all the music will bring
These are a few of my favorite things"

This week's video:

Follow the Yellow Brick Road Part 2

"How do you pick the songs?" 

That's such a great question from another Portraits of White fan. In order to answer that, you need to know about a pivotal point in my music journey in 2004, long before Portraits of White existed.

I'm sitting in Franklin, Tennessee at The Factory. It's my first time in Nashville and I'm eager to learn. I'm here because my record producer [Keith] moved from Pennsylvania to Nashville so he could help music artists. In fact, the night before he and his family packed up the U-haul and hit the road, we finished recording my vocals. Not only did their belongings move to Nashville, I felt like my music career had just moved with them, leaving me behind. I was sure my recording days were over. After all, with the talent that swarms Nashville, why would he want to work with me ever again?

Keith had been such a blessing in my life as the producer of I Still Believe (my 3rd album). He had a passion to find more ways to help the music artists he was working with, so he relocated to Music City. Within six months of moving to Tennessee, he put together an amazing conference of speakers and resources for musicians. Now, here I am at the conference, in the front row, note pad ready. My cup is turned upward, waiting to be filled.

All kinds of speakers, producers, publicists, songwriters, coaches, etc., are there, filling us with incredible inspiration, wisdom and resources. This is the conference where I will meet my future producer, Eric Copeland, as well as find a manager. It's a pivotal point in my music journey. I can feel it. The water is stirring.

Eric Copeland discussing Brand New Me photo shoot.

It is through these connections that I will eventually meet Ed Kee, the original conductor of Portraits of White, who will help me launch my big dream. Of course, I don't know that yet.

Ed Kee, Conductor 2014-2018
Tom Jackson, Live Music Producer
Portraits of White 2015

But of all the amazing information I take in at the conference, the most significant life-changing moment happens when Tom Jackson, Live Music Producer, steps out on the stage. 

"Your audience doesn't come to just hear you sing or play, they come to experience moments", he says. 

He has my full attention.

"There are three reasons people go to concerts", he continues.

• To be captured and engaged. 
• To experience moments. 
• To be changed.

Please tell me more, Tom.

I can't decide whether to take notes or just sit and absorb. Everything he is saying is resonating with me like nothing else I'd ever heard. In all my years of various music lessons on multiple instruments, no one has talked about this angle of performing—at least not that I recall. I sit on the edge of my seat as Tom takes us deeper. 

"Songs create moments. When you create many different moments in your night, people will come back to your merch table and ask for a song by its name or by something they remember about the song. But what they are really asking is... "Where is that song that made me cry? Where is the song that made me laugh? Where is the song that gave me chills?" In other words, "Where is the song that made me feel that way...because I want to feel that way again." —Tom Jackson, Live Music Method

I have experienced this many times at my table after a concert. A perfect example is my song, Never by Accident. After I tell the story and play the song, inevitably someone will come up to me and ask, "Where's the accident song?" I smile and point the way to the CD, or iTunes. It doesn't matter that they can't remember the exact title. They just know that they want THAT song. They felt something while they were listening and they want to take the feeling home with them.

I love hearing people's homemade titles of my songs—it's like they give me a gift; their own interpretation of the song.

One of the greatest compliments I've ever received came on a survey I sent out after Portraits of White one year. "I laughed, I cried, I sang and I left wanting more."

Mingling with fans after Portraits of White 2015

My yellow brick road is paved with songs. Each song is a brick on the journey to the Emerald City. Each song creates some kind of moments. And with those moments in mind, that's how I choose the songs. I look for different moments. I try to make sure the concert road contains all of the elements needed to pave the way for a great show. That's my yellow brick road.

Speaking of roads...it seems appropriate to end this post with a journal entry I wrote on my trip home from the Nashville conference in 2004.

"I'm on the plane heading home after the CIA Summit (Christian Independant Artists). I don't even know where to begin. This weekend was another "God thing." A pivotal point in my life. When will I ever learn that when God seems to bring a season to an end, it only means that down the road something better will come along and you'll look back at what you left behind (and though you're thankful for what you had) you realize that letting go was the absolute best thing! Everything builds on everything else. It all counts, but if you cling to the present season and resist letting go, you'll miss out on bigger opportunities. 

Just when it felt like I got cut off from my only chance at getting out of Newville, all heaven has broken loose for me. I met SO many great people this weekend.  Producers, evaluators, speakers and other artists who are doing what I do. I know I have a great problem—not how will I ever find anyone else to work with, but which great one should I pursue? 

I learned so much about loving your audience, getting bookings, performing with more passion, giving more to others and finding joy and fulfillment in what I'm doing.

I can feel things stirring in my spirit. I know good things are ahead. I also know that I've needed tools to help me take things to the next level." — Frances Drost, March 7, 2004 Journal

This week's video.

Making it Personal!

"I love Christmas! It's my favorite time of the year." 

I was sitting in the audience watching my favorite music artist when he said this from stage. I've been a life-time fan of his music and I still AM! But a shadow cast itself over me in that moment. Disconnect. 

I personally used to really struggle with Christmas. In fact, as a young woman, I used to dread it. If you've been reading my blog, you probably know that it took me years to figure out why. 

I sat in my seat processing my reaction to his statement. I was sorry to not have grown up sharing this artist's sentiment. It somehow detached me from him. Fortunately, before I let myself feel too sad and isolated, his next statement rescued me from my thoughts that were about to get overly analytical. 

"But I know that not everyone feels that way."  

Whew....I was relieved. 

"Perhaps you feel like you need a miracle tonight." He touched the piano keys and started to sing—a beautiful song about miracles. It was just the song for the moment. I felt hope. I started to reconnect with him. He had won my heart. 

He didn't apologize for his love for Christmas, yet he took a moment to acknowledge that others might not share his view. He created a "moment" for me that I'll never forget. And that's the kind of moments that I love about concerts. That's what makes a concert feel unique to me.

So when a fan of my own Christmas show asked, "How do you make the show personal? What is your thought process?" I had to first think about shows I've attended that have felt "personal" to me. What were the elements that made it feel that way? 

After making some notes in my journal, I realized that the connecting elements always took me beyond the music. There was always a sense of getting to know the artist. I don't want to just hear their music. I want my soul to connect with their soul.

I don't know the "thought process" of other musicians and how they create their shows, but here's how I approach mine....

Since I personally create the Portraits of White show from a blank canvas every year, that in itself makes it a very personal show. Like building a house, I lay the foundation, choose the songs, the players, the moments and then I create lots of blueprints for how each piece of the show will look. 

Once those plans are firmly in place, I can start practicing the show musically and creatively. I look for places to insert my own personality into the show, just like you'd choose your own paint colors and furniture for a house you designed.

Every great show includes moments that fit into various categories: intro, musical, fun, message, different, GREAT music, pin-drop, closing, etc....you get the idea. I try to make sure I've chosen music that prescribes moments just by the nature of the song itself. From there, I let creativity flow.

As I plan the show, I also allow for spontaneity—which means I take what happens in the moment and go with it. This started mainly because the strangest things would happen to me on stage and instead of getting uptight about it, I would just respond in a quirky kind of way. I found that people respond to my personality best when I am spontaneous. 

Over the years, I've started looking for ways, even in conversation off the stage, to be fun and engaging. It's good practice for when I'm on stage. I also love to find ways to interact with the other players on stage, bringing their personality into the show. This guarantees that even if you attended all of the shows in one weekend, you'd get a different experience every time!

My favorite concerts have been the ones where I felt like I got to know the artist—not just musically, but personally. I've been to shows where the music production was incredible, but I never got a glimpse into WHO the artist really is. 

I want my show to be more of a unique experience so I choose music that moves me and then I make it my own and insert my own personality into it. I also look for places to make the stories and songs more personal and real to those who are listening. I want people to enjoy a professionally produced show yet feel as if they've had coffee with me in my living room. 

As Tom Jackson says in his book, Live Music Method, "I [the audience] want to be led by someone who is confident, in control and is taking me somewhere interesting. I want them to have a charisma and a compelling attractiveness that inspires." 

I want to be that kind of performer.

This week's video.

The Showstoppers

The conductor (Ed Kee) predicted it would be THE showstopper of the evening. I took his word for it, but since I have never experienced being part of a showstopper, I had no idea what that really meant.

Portraits of White Winter Concert, December 12, 2015.

The problem is, there was more than one showstopper on December 12, 2015. The other showstoppers that night were unplanned and unwanted.....at least at first.

In Steven Pressfield's book "The War of Art", he believes that any time we step out to do something daring, we will encounter resistance. Based on my experience, I tend to agree.

The "other" showstoppers started when three of my team members from Nashville, TN were delayed in arriving for the rehearsal due to mechanical issues on their planes. Though they came on different planes, they all experienced mechanical issues.  That seems odd.

* The guitar player's main piece of gear was damaged beyond use by the airlines.

* The live music producer somehow got food poisoning and he never did make it to the rehearsal.

That was only the beginning of the potential showstoppers.

* The night of the concert, one of the orchestra players was delayed due to traffic jams caused by accidents on the roadways.  We waited to begin until he rushed on to the stage and found his seat in the orchestra.

Finally, the venue was full, the lights faded into concert mode and we were off.  Twelve months of planning was about to pay off and I had my hands open, ready to receive the fulfillment of dreaming and working hard. In two hours it would all be over.

The next un-welcomed "showstopper" came right in the middle of the very first song of the concert when I suddenly noticed that my mic went dead and the music seemed harder to hear.  I kept going, thinking that whatever was wrong would be fixed. But next thing I knew, the whole orchestra began a descent into silence - not a beautiful decrescendo - more like a stuttering, choking car going over a cliff.

We paused for a moment until my sarcastic wit kicked into gear. "Goodnight, thank you for coming - it's been great having you here," I said.

What's a girl to do when the players quit playing?

Honestly, so much of it is a blur now that I can't remember exactly what I said.  I do know that the crowd laughed in response to my wit and I knew no matter what happened the rest of the evening, we would have a great show! They were with me. No showstopper could stop that. 

Suddenly, we were up and running and the rest of the first half went off without any trouble.

Fun Moments

Jeffrey Wohlbach teaches me how to do a horse whinny.

Well...maybe not!

Holy Moments

Tim Spirk joins me on "He Was Holy".

Musical Moments......

The second half of the evening started off with the wintery thematic title song, "Portraits of White". 

Heidi Ryan, Amy Harlacher and Holly Holbrook join Frances on "Portraits of White".

A beautiful jazz arrangement of "Angels We Have Heard on High" featured Doug Cook and Jeffrey Wohlbach and we weren't disappointed.

Doug Cook (alto sax), Jeffrey Wohlbach (trumpet).

"What If" was a perfect set up for the "planned" showstopper of the evening.  With a haunting synth sound, minor chords on the piano and thought-provoking lyric, this song always seems to create a holy hush in the room.

Wayne Fox (Buzz Jones Big Band) accompanies me on "What If".

For nine months, I knew what we were planning to do next and I could hardly wait for the audience to experience the moment.  The West Shore Drum Line was eagerly waiting to come in from the back of Parmer Hall, down the aisles and make their way up on to the stage, joining me for the final verses of "Little Drummer Boy".  

The tones and keys of "What If" and "Little Drummer Boy" match perfectly, creating a perfect segue and that's exactly what we planned.  No pause between songs, just one continuous ominous atmosphere. We finished "What If" and I waited patiently in anticipation for what was to come next.  

It had gone off without a hitch in rehearsal and I knew the audience would love what we had planned. It got so quiet in the room that I think you could have heard a pin drop.  

We waited.....and waited......

Apparently, when the sound system "quit" in the first song of the night, a breaker had blown. Once the problem was identified, we were off and running and I never thought another thing about the snafu. But one technical problem seems to lead to another and we lost the equipment we needed (without knowing it) to pull off "Little Drummer Boy".  

(It's not supposed to take this long to start???  Why aren't we hearing anything? What's wrong?) These were all the things going on in my head as I stood there in perfect peace - on the outside and frankly, thanks to a great team, on the inside too.

It finally occurred to me that though the sound company and venue are in charge of making sure the technical side of everything is working well, it is still my job, in the end, to make sure all my guests are comfortable and at home during the concert.  As soon as I came to my senses and realized there was a problem, I went into hostess mode.  

First, I went to find out what was going on so I could address the crowd appropriately and prepare for plan B if necessary. The breaker that blew in the beginning had indeed wrecked our equipment for this special feature and was creating a new showstopper of its own.

Within those long, what could have been uncomfortable moments, emerged a beautiful moment of its own.  We began to sing "Silent Night" together.  I just picked a note and started singing.  The pianist found the note to match me and began to play, followed by Tom Hemby on guitar.  

Between each verse I would stop to check in with the sound team and when no progress was made, we'd sing another verse.  It was a dance between holy awe and light-hearted laughter as we waited for what would come next and I was in charge of the dance whether I liked it or not. 

By the third verse, I asked the musicians to stop playing and allow the south central PA audience to sing a cappella and it was beautiful.  I began to realize that we had gone from a moment of "what shall we do now?" to a beautiful time of peace and I embraced it.  

Then the guitar player began to play the most unusual arrangement of "Silent Night" I've ever heard.  He said he didn't really feel like he was the one playing. In fact, this is what he told me later, "Honestly, I'm just going to give all that credit to the Holy Spirit... as I started playing it was as if it were someone else and not me."

Tom Hemby (Nashville, TN) on guitar.

We could all feel the power of what was happening. We were all experiencing a much desired silent night in the midst of a very busy season.  

That is at the heart of why I wanted to do a Christmas concert like this in the first place - create a night to come together and laugh, cry, enjoy good music and prepare our hearts for what can be a seasonal roller coaster ride for many people.  I realized it was happening right before my very eyes and I was completely at ease.

When the intended song finally started....and finished, there was such electricity in the room that I will never forget it as long as I have a brain. The only thing more amazing than doing the song after that long unanticipated wait was the response from the audience after the song.  

Normally, you can tell when the applause is slowly fading and it's time to move on to the next thing, but it just didn't quit.  I began to wonder if the applause wasn't just about the song, but also about the victory of overcoming the resistance. It was way more than a showstopper by this point in the evening. It had become a battle cry and we won.  We ALL won.  The audience was eagerly waiting and hoping and it seemed that they felt like they too had overcome. Their patience paid off.

We face so many showstoppers every day and don't even realize it.  Oh sure, there are the obvious ones: terminal illness, unexpected job termination, a sudden accident that rearranges your body and your "normal" life.  But there are little ones too: rejection, doubt, fear, anger.  They might seem small and harmless, but they can blow a breaker and before we know it, we experience bigger problems as a result.  They can be just as serious.

Based on the comments from people after the concert, I may have earned a new title: "Queen of Glitches".  Everyone seems to remember those glitches and how "well I handled them".  I wondered if people remembered anything else about the evening? 

But in hind-sight, I see that I only acted out on stage what I have already learned in life.  You see, life is a series of glitches strung together with some beautiful moments in between. How we handle the glitches, determines the power of the showstoppers intended to shut us down. 

If we respond with anxiety and fear, it will feed the showstopper - but if we handle them with prayer, peace, music and yes, even laughter - we will be able to stand to our feet in victory and raise our voices in a shout, and the show will go on.

Hear from the Drum Line Director and some of the students here.

The Second Half of the Story

"You know the material, you've just mis-applied it". 

I traveled all the way from Pennsylvania to Tennessee just to hear that??? 

Working with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson.

I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. I had studied his material for over ten years and was sure I had a handle on it.

I guess I must have been visibly shaken (I know I was on the inside) because he began to spend the next hour encouraging me, but it didn't seem to penetrate my disappointed soul. 

I remember a similar feeling when I was in high school and thought I did really well on my math test only to find out I failed it. But this was much more important to me than a math test!

For over ten years I studied Tom Jackson's methods for live performance.  I bought his tapes, DVDs, signed up for his seminars and studied with his assistants. When he started writing a blog, I read that. I'd drive to my concerts while listening to his teaching just to keep his wisdom fresh in my mind and soul. I began to see pre-concert nervousness and anxiety disappear as I applied his techniques.

Many performers usually have multiple layers of fears. At the bottom of all our anxiety lies a fear that no one will like us. The next layer comes from fear that if we don't perform perfectly, we are a failure.  We think about the perfect notes, trills, pitches and how we are perceived and rarely ever think about the audience and what they might be feeling and thinking.  As I've begun to focus more on my audience and less on me everywhere I go, I have gone from being nervous to having complete peace before each event, thanks to Tom.

So when I finally got to work with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson, over a year ago, I was pretty sure that we could skip the basics, cut right to the intricate details and really cover some deep territory because I already had a handle on his basic methods. Boy, was I ever wrong. But that's the first half of the story.

I learned a lot more as I spent the rest of the afternoon working with Tom, but I never fully recovered from feeling like I was a failure. I probably mis-applied his encouragement too. He told me that I knew more than about 90% of the artists out there because of my diligent study, but by then, I couldn't seem to hear that part.

Last week, in my blog post, I shared a very big answer to prayer. The answer was having Tom come to my Portraits of White concert last weekend to see me apply his methods....or at least try. 

Enjoying ice cream with Ed Kee (Conductor) and Tom Jackson after the concert.

Hearing the initial words from Tom was a wake up call for me because it called attention to an underlying feeling I've struggled with for years, but could never put my finger on, until he said "you've mis-applied the information." I realize now that it is a thread of fear stitched into the core of who I am, but thankfully, that thread is starting to come unraveled.

You see, I have a crippling fear when it comes to God. I am afraid I'll spend my whole life trying to please Him and then one day, He'll tell me "sorry, you mis-applied everything".  FAILURE.

I'm the kind of person who tries hard to do everything right. Just tell me how to be perfect and I'll give it my best shot.  I even apply this to my spiritual life. Just tell me how to act right so God will love me and I'll do it.

But there always seemed to be a low-grade fear inside. That fear was brought to the surface by an innocent conversation with Tom J. I never fully recovered from my first session with Tom. It hung over me like a faint wisp of smoke, clouding my vision AND my faith.

The morning of my Portraits of White concert, I was walking the grounds of Messiah College and pondering all that was unfolding. The fact that Tom was willing to come all the way to Pennsylvania and invest his time and wisdom in my life was a sort of redemption that I greatly needed.  He hadn't given up on me, in fact, he was coming to help me grow and improve. His words spoken almost two years ago were never meant to hurt or discourage. He was trying to help me. I knew that in my head, but my heart needed to feel it. His presence at my concert moved it 12 inches from my head to my heart.

The more I press in to understand God and allow Him to love me, the more He seems to stir up my bad streams of thought that affect every area of my life. He brings them to light and I'm learning that He does so, not to condemn me, but to lead me into greater freedom.

After the Portraits of White concert, I heard that Tom gave me a 10 out of 10 on my performance. Many people have asked me what he thought. My big sister apparently asked him (thanks big sister!) I know that he'll have some tips for me that will only make me better and I look forward to hearing them after the post-concert dust settles! I'm not afraid to hear what he has to say - even if I'm still mis-applying knowledge, because I know that he has my best interest at heart and over time, I will not only learn his techniques but learn how to apply them.

Having him come to my concert was a picture of God coming to my rescue to help me learn to apply His ways and thoughts to my life. He, after all, is the greatest producer there is.  He loves creativity and He loves a great show!

Just watch the lightening.

The sunsets.

The male cardinal.

I'm learning that even if I mis-apply knowledge, the Great Producer will come and sit with me and help me learn not only how to know Him better, but to apply His wisdom and become a better artist.

That's the second half of the story.

That One Unanswered Prayer

Heart to heart talk with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson.

Tom Jackson is a world renown Live Music Producer who has worked with singers like Taylor Swift, Jars of Clay, etc.  I first heard him over ten years ago at a conference in Nashville, TN and the moment I heard him, I set a goal to work with him in person.  His methods were unlike anything I had ever heard, but they resonated with me.  He teaches artists how to build special moments into their concerts - with the audience as the most important aspect of the night.

Working on some rhythm ideas. Yep - we try anything!

I have worked with his assistants and have steadily been growing and stretching in every way as an artist.  I've studied his book, listened to his tapes and DVDs over and over and have applied his techniques diligently. But I still found myself wanting to work specifically with Tom.

It took me over 10 years, but on April 24, 2014, I did it.  I traveled to TN with my big sister and for two days, I got to see my dream come true. I shared my vision for a Christmas concert and as he caught the vision, he encouraged me in my dream and said he'd be willing to work with me over the years to build it into something amazing.

But Tom is in demand all over the world and because I live in PA, it's hard to coordinate our schedules to work together.

Tom's sarcastic humor
and my dry wit go together well.

Fast forward to the spring of 2015 and my conductor, Ed Kee, said there were two things I needed to have in place this year. A videographer to record the concert and a show producer who would help me take everything to another level.  He encouraged me to find someone from NY, Baltimore or Philadelphia who could come and observe this year's show and give me pointers in growing it to the level I dream about.

I knew in my heart that I really wanted that person to be Tom Jackson, but the prospect of getting him here on the night of my concert felt hopeless.  Cost would be one big factor, not to mention schedules.

For the past year I have been diligently planning the Portraits of White 2015 concert. I have spent hours praying over the concert trusting God to bring all the details together. I've had moments of panic and anxiety but have sensed His reassuring hand and voice telling me that this will happen not by MY might or power, but by His Spirit.  I have prayed over details and left the connectivity of them to Him.

A prayer group has been meeting for the past month, once a week, praying for every aspect of the evening. We have seen one prayer after another answered. But this one eluded me.  I don't think I even mentioned this need to them because I had prayed all summer about it and to no avail, trying to find producers in the area, but not having much luck.  It has to be the right kind of person.  I still wanted Tom but didn't even dare mention it to anyone or the prayer group.  It was just too big of a request. I would continually mention this in my own prayers: "I need a producer and if there is someone You can bring to me, please do so. I certainly don't know how to do this."

It's not easy to share your heart
and soul with someone and be critiqued.
But the laughter kept it fun.

On Wednesday, Dec. 9, (this week) I was flying home from a Christmas event I did in Madison, Mississippi and received word that the one prayer I thought was going to be unanswered is NOW answered and I haven't done a thing to make it happen.

I got an e-mail Monday from Tom Jackson's wife saying he knew that my show was coming up on the 12th and had his calendar open if I wanted him to come see the show and give his input.

So here it is, Thursday, before the big event on Saturday and Tom is coming Friday for the rehearsal and will stay for the concert on Saturday and give me his critiques, later, when the dust has settled.

Thank you God for knowing the desire of my heart without me even speaking it out loud and making it all come together without me doing anything but praying.  Why do I doubt you.....ever????

One last prayer that we are all praying for....

A SOLD OUT show!

There are still some seats left.  I'd LOVE to have you there.  It's going to be very, very special. Watch the promo video here and then click the link below the video to buy your tickets.

Help me sell out the show.

Can't wait to welcome Tom to PA and Portraits of White.

"The Elephant Diet" Day 128 Think About Your Audience

"Getting there I think.  Maybe you dial back in a bit more emotion in parts, but Phil will take care of that."  - Eric Copeland

That was the response I got yesterday from Eric about the new vocal approach I've been working on for the song "You With Me."  Well, hopefully Phil will help me nail it this week.  When I asked Eric about the last minute lyric changes, he just said "less is always more".  Now I just wait for word from Phil, but I might just have to wait until I get there Wednesday morning.  That's ok.  I like the changes and feel good about it.

As I write this, we are on our way home from North Carolina where we spent time this morning remembering my sister-in-law, Sue Drost, who passed away recently.  The family asked me to sing at the funeral and I squirmed at their request.  Have you ever attended something that sets off all kinds of land mines in your soul?  You avoid those events if at all possible?  No need to stir things up - just keep them buried.  Funerals do that for me and though I wanted to honor the family, I was so afraid I would be a muddled mess of emotions and I really prefer not to sing in those circumstances.

However, I put those preferences aside and said yes, for them.  As we got closer to the moment when I was to sing the beautiful song "You Raise Me Up" my fingers began to shake and my heart began to pound.  I haven't been that nervous in a very long time.  I began to analyze what was making me nervous while also paying attention to the tributes being given.  

I was afraid.  Afraid of my emotions getting out of control, afraid that I would cry and not be able to sing, or worse yet, try to sing in spite of tears and sing way off pitch and totally butcher the song.  Then I began analyzing why I hate funerals in the first place.  I've already been down that road so many times that I just decided to not even get on that bus.  

I tried to think of funny things like cats barfing, or dead dry grass that crunches under my feet when I go to get the mail at our mailbox.  I closed my eyes and pictured no one in the room and just me at the piano bearing my soul through the music. I prayed for peace and ability to press through.  I asked what's the worst that could happen.  Meanwhile, my husband leaned over and said "are you nervous"?  Dah.  Was it the earthquake in my hands or the bulging of my dress around my heart area that gave it away?  Maybe he could hear the pounding?

Finally, in desperation, I tried to recall what coach Tom Jackson would tell me.  Most of our fears come because we are so consumed with what others will think of us, which means we are self-focused.  

Guilty.  

"Think about your audience" Tom Jackson always says. 

Sue Drost and son, Derek

Ok.  So I began to think about the family and what they must be feeling.  I thought about all the friends that were present who could use some encouragement.  Sue Drost had touched many people's lives in her 4 1/2 year battle with cancer.  Apparently they had given her 6 months to live, but she decided to live life to the fullest in the time she had left and in the process, it was obvious she had touched many people very deeply.  I began to think of those people.  What about her son who is to be married in September?  What must it be like to lose your mom right before your wedding day?  The doctor who treated Sue came to the funeral.  It was the first cancer patient's funeral he had attended in 8 years of practice he said afterward.  With tears in his eyes, he said "Sue taught me how much cancer can break someone's heart and how cancer can make someone's heart stronger."  He was obviously touched by her life.

I began to breathe deep and exhale slowly.  I walked to the piano not knowing if Tom's advice would help.  I remembered singing at another funeral years ago where my tactics didn't help.  I had placed a comic strip on the piano beside my music to help me focus.  That didn't help.  I caught one glance of the mother who lost her 13 year old son and that was it.  I couldn't finish the song.  His name was Nathan, the name of my brother who drowned in our farm pond.

I sat down at the piano, began to touch the keys and when it came time to open my mouth, it worked.  No more shaking.  No more heart pounding.  Not one tear.   

Plenty of tears came later when we sang:

my chains are gone

I've been set free

my God, my Savior has ransomed me

and like a flood

His mercy reigns

unending love

amazing grace

.....and I let the tears flow freely.

Maybe there is a lesson there beyond musical performances.....perhaps many of our fears and nerves are rooted in being too self-focused.

Many people commented to me how much they had been touched by the song and how amazed they were that I was able to make it all the way through.  They have no idea the battle I had.  I told a few people it was a miracle.  And, it was.

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 37 My hero

Tonight I am back to tackling my 'to do' list.

One of the things on my list is to begin preparing for a session with my music hero and live show producer Tom Jackson.

A record producer makes all yours songs shine on a recording - choosing the players, the songs and coordinating all of it.

A live show producer takes the songs and pulls them apart looking for special things within each song to help you create moments for your audience.  It's the part that really begins to help you connect with people from a stage.

I first heard Tom at a seminar for music artists in Franklin, TN.  As soon as I heard him speak,  I knew that someday I would want to set a goal to work with him.  This year will hopefully be the year.  Since that first encounter, he has become quite popular with the music industry and he's much harder to book now (should have booked him back then).

In preparation for working with him, I have to choose 4 - 6 songs for him to listen to.  I have started the list, but it's like picking your favorite 4 out of 12 children.  Not an easy task.  But since I've worked with his assistant over the years and have studied his materials over and over, I have a sense of which ones I'd like to have him tear apart.

Here's a photo of Tom's great assistant Amy Wolter and I working together last summer.