That One Unanswered Prayer

Heart to heart talk with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson.

Tom Jackson is a world renown Live Music Producer who has worked with singers like Taylor Swift, Jars of Clay, etc.  I first heard him over ten years ago at a conference in Nashville, TN and the moment I heard him, I set a goal to work with him in person.  His methods were unlike anything I had ever heard, but they resonated with me.  He teaches artists how to build special moments into their concerts - with the audience as the most important aspect of the night.

Working on some rhythm ideas. Yep - we try anything!

I have worked with his assistants and have steadily been growing and stretching in every way as an artist.  I've studied his book, listened to his tapes and DVDs over and over and have applied his techniques diligently. But I still found myself wanting to work specifically with Tom.

It took me over 10 years, but on April 24, 2014, I did it.  I traveled to TN with my big sister and for two days, I got to see my dream come true. I shared my vision for a Christmas concert and as he caught the vision, he encouraged me in my dream and said he'd be willing to work with me over the years to build it into something amazing.

But Tom is in demand all over the world and because I live in PA, it's hard to coordinate our schedules to work together.

Tom's sarcastic humor
and my dry wit go together well.

Fast forward to the spring of 2015 and my conductor, Ed Kee, said there were two things I needed to have in place this year. A videographer to record the concert and a show producer who would help me take everything to another level.  He encouraged me to find someone from NY, Baltimore or Philadelphia who could come and observe this year's show and give me pointers in growing it to the level I dream about.

I knew in my heart that I really wanted that person to be Tom Jackson, but the prospect of getting him here on the night of my concert felt hopeless.  Cost would be one big factor, not to mention schedules.

For the past year I have been diligently planning the Portraits of White 2015 concert. I have spent hours praying over the concert trusting God to bring all the details together. I've had moments of panic and anxiety but have sensed His reassuring hand and voice telling me that this will happen not by MY might or power, but by His Spirit.  I have prayed over details and left the connectivity of them to Him.

A prayer group has been meeting for the past month, once a week, praying for every aspect of the evening. We have seen one prayer after another answered. But this one eluded me.  I don't think I even mentioned this need to them because I had prayed all summer about it and to no avail, trying to find producers in the area, but not having much luck.  It has to be the right kind of person.  I still wanted Tom but didn't even dare mention it to anyone or the prayer group.  It was just too big of a request. I would continually mention this in my own prayers: "I need a producer and if there is someone You can bring to me, please do so. I certainly don't know how to do this."

It's not easy to share your heart
and soul with someone and be critiqued.
But the laughter kept it fun.

On Wednesday, Dec. 9, (this week) I was flying home from a Christmas event I did in Madison, Mississippi and received word that the one prayer I thought was going to be unanswered is NOW answered and I haven't done a thing to make it happen.

I got an e-mail Monday from Tom Jackson's wife saying he knew that my show was coming up on the 12th and had his calendar open if I wanted him to come see the show and give his input.

So here it is, Thursday, before the big event on Saturday and Tom is coming Friday for the rehearsal and will stay for the concert on Saturday and give me his critiques, later, when the dust has settled.

Thank you God for knowing the desire of my heart without me even speaking it out loud and making it all come together without me doing anything but praying.  Why do I doubt you.....ever????

One last prayer that we are all praying for....

A SOLD OUT show!

There are still some seats left.  I'd LOVE to have you there.  It's going to be very, very special. Watch the promo video here and then click the link below the video to buy your tickets.

Help me sell out the show.

Can't wait to welcome Tom to PA and Portraits of White.

A Festival Of The Soul

It's Thanksgiving Day and I'm enjoying a day of rest.   Most of us are starting to gear up for the holidays and after the festivities of the day, will rush right into Black Friday.  I have friends who have already decided to put up their christmas tree.

I almost did.

I've been preparing for my Portraits of White concert for so long now that I feel like putting up a tree is too miniscule.  My insides have dug so deep into reflection that the little plastic tree I normally put up seems fake and trite. The makeover of my soul through this process seems to call for a complete makeover of my decorations too....but that won't be happening. I wouldn't even know how to express my soul in the way of ornaments and trees.

My decorations will show up in every note, lyric and thought presented on the night of December 12. It will be a festivity of the soul guised in the garb of music.

I've been practicing for months, but mistakes never disappear it seems. They are like little gophers that pop up out of their hole at the most unexpected times. As soon as I get one conquered, another appears. My mode of retaliation is to "hammer down" - a pun that fits the grand piano well.

It always puzzles me how a person can work so hard and long on something and still have it go awry. Like a skater who's jumped perfectly thousands of times but falls during a competition.

I experienced that recently at one of my concerts. In the midst of a piece I've played countless times, I completely lost my way.  The only payoff in practicing, in that moment, was that I pulled myself together and kept going.  The ability to keep going was my only success in that moment. Or at least it felt like it.

I walked away feeling like a complete failure. One hour of music - lyrics remembered and all, but all I could think about was the 5 seconds of faltering.

I'm reading a book right now that a singer friend recommended.  I knew the instant she told me about it that I needed to read it...and SOON.  It arrived last week. Today I'm reading it and I feel like I've visited a doctor who has been able to prescribe medicine that will relieve my pain and I thought you might like it too.

It doesn't matter if you are a musician or not - the tendency to remember the ONE mistake you made over any successes you had is common to all of us.  The writer tells of a cello student she had who was quick to point out his own mistakes but never mentioned when he did well. He considered any good performance an "accident".

She encouraged him to speak his successes out loud, not just his mistakes.   He went on to tell his teacher, "I guess I feel that way about a lot of stuff in my life. I sort of shrug off all my successes but get preoccupied with possible failures. Pretty dumb, isn't it?"

I stopped right at that paragraph and put my book down. I reflected on the recent "failure" where I lost my way in a song. All I could remember from that night was the 5 seconds of disarray. I gave about an hour concert and everything else went very well.  In fact, there were moments when I felt like I was giving some of the best delivery ever.  But I don't remember those moments now...or at least I didn't until I read of another human being's struggle to remember the successes.

I'm thankful for this reminder to focus in on the good things. The successes, the opportunities, the blessings we have been given. I suppose that's what this day is really all about.

Happy Thanksgiving!

LOOK, SEE and WATCH!

Portraits of White Winter Concert is filling up fast.  Get your tickets soon.

Go HERE to "like" my Frances Drost Solo Artist music page so you can participate in the contest on Saturday, November 7, 2015 at 9:00 a.m.

Want more info about the concert itself or buy tickets?

See the video HERE.

December 12, 2015
7:00 p.m.
Messiah College
Parmer Hall
The Calvin and Janet High Center For Worship And Performing Arts
Mechanicsburg, PA 

Signed. Sealed. Delivered?

I signed the contract with a new venue to do another Christmas concert:
* sealed the envelope.
* mailed it....(the old fashioned way.)
* it's been delivered.

That first, big step is done - I have made my choice after months of deliberating and calculating.
I feel like I want to celebrate.
(The official announcement for the Christmas concert is coming soon, so stay tuned.)

It feels done.
But it is not - I have merely been relieved from indecision.
I have not been relieved from the fear and doubt I will face EVERY step of the way.
Nope.
Every time I take the next step, I will be relieved from THAT decision and on to the next one.

So many large and small decisions/steps we make all the time.
Then there is the follow-through.

You want a life-companion.
So you decide together to spend the rest of your lives as one.
You sign the contract.
You say "I Do".
Then what?

Tomorrow you will wake up to the start of a brand new life.
You will learn which of you is a morning person - for real!
Do you like it quiet in the morning or do you like noise...news....music?
Processing differences.

You want to lose weight.
You sign up for weight watchers.
You show up and weigh in.
Then what?

Tomorrow you must decide what to eat.
And the next day.
And the next.
Next week you will have to go back.
You could NOT go back.

Signing the contract is a big step.
Sealing the envelope feels final.
Mailing it - feels like the end, done, the final step.
But it's not.

There will be many more decisions ahead.
Frustration, joy, doubt, courage, fear and perseverance.
Follow-through.
Delivered?

You decide.

Putting Feet To Your Dreams

It seemed so simple at the time.

Finish writing christmas songs, make a CD and then hire an orchestra and do a show. Oh, I knew it would be challenging, but the truth is, I had no idea HOW challenging. I didn't know it would take every ounce of creativity, faith and resource I had, plus generosity and support from others on so many levels.

Now that I'm on the other side of that dream, I realize that I've crossed over into a new season. I have woken up from the dream and can sort out what is reality and what is probably unrealistic.  My steps are much more decisive and my senses are sharply tuned into the seriousness of the dream.

On the day of the Portraits of White show last December, I did a concert over lunch for hundreds of women at a church in York and the following weekend I had three smaller events to do, and when I came home from that mini-tour in Northern PA, I found myself completely wiped out. There are many days that I am still feeling the affects of it. I carried this vision in my soul for years. I did not anticipate such a long recovery period after 'waking up'.

Friends of mine began to sheepishly ask (or else it seemed so) how I was doing 'after the show'. Those who know me well know that the 'after show' affects can be pretty monumental for creativity of this magnitude.  I appreciated their concern.  It was totally proper for them to check in on me and make sure I was ok. There is such excitement leading up to the moment and it's quite normal for a big let down to show up afterward.

The let down never came.  The overwhelming feeling that stayed with me and frankly, has never left, was a sense of soberness.

I think what has transpired is a shift from dreaming to walking.  My original dream was to do the show annually and build it to be something that folks would look forward to attending every year.  A night of music and inspiration to welcome them into the rush of the season in a gentle way. I still hope for that.

After having gone through it once, though, I now have a much more realistic picture of what will have to happen to see this come true.  I have taken months to ponder, pray, meet with others to evaluate last year's show and gather new information about this year's possibilities. It is a full time job. It is no longer a dream as such.  It is a walk that takes commitment almost every day with every breath that I have. The mystique of the dream has vanished.

When I met with the conductor in February, he cautioned me to make this decision carefully.  I have heeded his warning.

Part of my walk is to start blogging about it again.  I've rested from that for a season and have enjoyed blogging about other 'inside things'.  I think it's time to start putting my thoughts out there again.  I want to include you in my thought process again.  I found such support by doing that last year.

It also serves as a way of mentoring others who may be waking up from a dream and wondering what to do about it.

All I know is that there comes a time when you must put feet to your dreams and sometimes, your feet may get sore.  Make sure you're ready.

Anyone can dream.  Not everyone can find the wherewithal to see it through.

Fear: The Dream Monster (and how to get rid of it)

"Portraits of White" Begins

At 7:00 p.m. on December 6, 2014 I stepped out onto the stage with complete peace and confidence.  I was in my sweet spot and my whole being felt it.

Conductor, Ed Kee, and I run through last minute details before the concert.

At 4:00 p.m. on December 6, 2014, I was sitting in the bathroom with a serious case of diarrhea.  I rarely get nervous before a concert, but this was not a normal concert.  This was the birth of a dream I had been carrying for years.  I was suddenly struck with paralyzing fear.  I had 2 hours worth of lyrics, music notes and stories to remember and though I had been preparing for this for over a year, I wondered if my brain and physical body would hold up now that the moment had come.

I have already heard from a few people who have been encouraged to step out and pursue their own 'inklings' (or fight to keep them in some cases) as a result of my own story Saturday night.  I thought it might be helpful for you to know that pursuing what's in your heart will usually mean fighting to the very end.  Even up until the moment you step out on to the stage.

I fought my worst battles with fear when I first started dreaming this dream and right before I finished the dream.  Don't get me wrong, there were certainly moments of doubt and fear all along the way, but the worst came a week before the concert.  

Here's some of the thoughts I had to fight:

• You shouldn't be so honest in your stories - people will think you are weird - don't tell the truth. 
•  No one else struggles like you do. Keep it to yourself. Play it safe.          
• You can't do this.  It's going to bomb.                   
• You've taken on something that is too big for you. 
• What were you thinking?
• It'll be just your luck that a big snow storm will come and ruin it all.  You've been set up and it's all going to fail.

A friend kept checking in on me all week and when I began to tell her of my terrible battles with fear (especially in the night time) she asked me to name some of my fears so she could pray specifically for me.  Even before I told her anything, she had been sending me e-mails and notes in the mail speaking truth to me and encouraging me.  I don't know if I could have made it through without her prayers and words of truth.

It became very apparent to me that "Portraits of White" was not just another concert just by the sheer magnitude of the monster that started to raise its ugly head at the last moment.  It's as if it took one last swing at me to try and make me run the other way. I'm so glad I didn't run.  

The best way to slay the 'dream monster' is to keep going.....right smack toward it.  You might want to gather a few friends along the way to help you.  When you really start pressing in to becoming who you were created to be the battle will get FIERCE at times.  Don't give up.  Don't back down.  Rally your friends. Pray like crazy and hang on.

When you finally step into your 'sweet spot' it will feel absolutely amazing and worth every battle. The best part is, you will take others along with you and soon a big army will arise.  An army of people wanting to step out and do bigger things.  Greater things.  Things that could potentially change the world.

As I said in my concert:  "I would rather die trying to thrive, than live having just survived".  If you live this way, you will surely encounter the dream monster.  But you'll never feel more alive when the battle is over.

A nice way to end an amazing evening.  My long time husband and supporter surprises me on stage.

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 11

Concert at Menno Haven, PA

My mother listens to my program

A few very cool things happened tonight in relation to my CD project.

I gave a short concert at the retirement home where my mother lives.

Someone from the community who is on my mailing list must have seen the date scheduled on my calendar and came to the concert.  She first heard me years ago in MD at another concert.

She came up after the program and asked if I've ever considered doing a Christmas CD.  For the first time in years, I was able to respond by saying, "yes, I have committed to doing one!".  Usually I say, I hope to someday, or I don't know if I'll ever get to do one or not.  But tonight, I could say YES and I felt like shouting it out!!!

The other neat thing that happened was that after my concert, I checked my e-mail and discovered that an orchestra conductor I contacted recently about doing orchestral arrangements and conducting for a Christmas show (to celebrate the completion of the CD) finally got back to me and is available to meet and listen to what I'm writing and see what he thinks about writing arrangements for the songs.

I am quite excited!  Onward we move!!!

Now...I'll go eat some of the fresh chocolate chip cookies I just took out of the oven.....joined by my husband.