The Bucket Life

Every time someone asks me if I have a bucket list, I cringe.

I finally figured out why.

I don't have one because I feel like it implies that I'm living a dull life and the only way I'd change it is if I got some really bad news and realized my time was short, so I'd suddenly throw caution to the wind and go do everything I ever wanted to do. Maybe that's a harsh way to look at it...but that's me.

I'm not sure how much the movie "The Bucket List" contributed to my feelings, but I do know I had this reaction long before I saw the movie.

"Billionaire Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) and car mechanic Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) are complete strangers, until fate lands them in the same hospital room. The men find they have two things in common: a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives, and a desire to complete a list of things they want to see and do before they die. Against their doctor's advice, the men leave the hospital and set out on the adventure of a lifetime."

I don't have a problem with this part of their story: "a desire to complete a list of things they want to see and do before they die"

But here is where they lost me: "a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives"

I don't like the idea of waiting until something serious comes along and threatens your identity causing you to scramble for your pen and paper and totally change your life's trajectory. 

I want to live my life in the now and decide now who I want to be and what I want to do and then spend my days doing and being. No line between what I am now and what I would do if I ran out of time.  I call it 'the bucket life'. I grab hold of all that I can right now and put it in my current bucket.

For instance.  Say I wanted to take a trip across the U.S. on my motorcycle. I think doing that would bring about a certain feeling of satisfaction and freedom. It would be 'out of the norm' of my current path, so therefore, it would feel amazing.  There is a sense of "I can't do this until certain things are in place" in that 'bucket list' mentality. If it's on the bucket list, I am waiting until something serious catapults me into the wherewithal to make my wish happen.

After all, I would need extra time, money and who knows what else to be able to travel all the way to CA on my motorcycle.  I might not ever have all those pieces in one place at the right time. I'd have to be retired, but then I might not be in good health. 

But in the 'bucket life' analogy, I take a ride in the evenings, through the valley where I call home.  I see the changing seasons, I get to stop and talk to friends out in the fields, I go for ice cream and I spend time with my husband. I experience the feelings in my current reality that I would have if I rode across the U.S.  

Having a bucket life mentality instead of a bucket list mentality has more to do with attitude. Embracing each moment you have right now and making the most of it. Bringing the 'list' items into your current 'life' as much as possible.

IF I had a bucket list, one item might be to do Christmas concerts all across North America - a Portraits of White Christmas tour.  But the truth is, I am getting so much enjoyment out of doing just one that I'd feel completely satisfied if I 'kicked the bucket' tomorrow because the bigger list is already a part of my present reality in a small way.

So I say, fill your bucket with all that you can and embrace each moment fully, right now.

Putting Feet To Your Dreams

It seemed so simple at the time.

Finish writing christmas songs, make a CD and then hire an orchestra and do a show. Oh, I knew it would be challenging, but the truth is, I had no idea HOW challenging. I didn't know it would take every ounce of creativity, faith and resource I had, plus generosity and support from others on so many levels.

Now that I'm on the other side of that dream, I realize that I've crossed over into a new season. I have woken up from the dream and can sort out what is reality and what is probably unrealistic.  My steps are much more decisive and my senses are sharply tuned into the seriousness of the dream.

On the day of the Portraits of White show last December, I did a concert over lunch for hundreds of women at a church in York and the following weekend I had three smaller events to do, and when I came home from that mini-tour in Northern PA, I found myself completely wiped out. There are many days that I am still feeling the affects of it. I carried this vision in my soul for years. I did not anticipate such a long recovery period after 'waking up'.

Friends of mine began to sheepishly ask (or else it seemed so) how I was doing 'after the show'. Those who know me well know that the 'after show' affects can be pretty monumental for creativity of this magnitude.  I appreciated their concern.  It was totally proper for them to check in on me and make sure I was ok. There is such excitement leading up to the moment and it's quite normal for a big let down to show up afterward.

The let down never came.  The overwhelming feeling that stayed with me and frankly, has never left, was a sense of soberness.

I think what has transpired is a shift from dreaming to walking.  My original dream was to do the show annually and build it to be something that folks would look forward to attending every year.  A night of music and inspiration to welcome them into the rush of the season in a gentle way. I still hope for that.

After having gone through it once, though, I now have a much more realistic picture of what will have to happen to see this come true.  I have taken months to ponder, pray, meet with others to evaluate last year's show and gather new information about this year's possibilities. It is a full time job. It is no longer a dream as such.  It is a walk that takes commitment almost every day with every breath that I have. The mystique of the dream has vanished.

When I met with the conductor in February, he cautioned me to make this decision carefully.  I have heeded his warning.

Part of my walk is to start blogging about it again.  I've rested from that for a season and have enjoyed blogging about other 'inside things'.  I think it's time to start putting my thoughts out there again.  I want to include you in my thought process again.  I found such support by doing that last year.

It also serves as a way of mentoring others who may be waking up from a dream and wondering what to do about it.

All I know is that there comes a time when you must put feet to your dreams and sometimes, your feet may get sore.  Make sure you're ready.

Anyone can dream.  Not everyone can find the wherewithal to see it through.