When Life Re-writes Your Song.

"Sorry folks, we missed the gap and will have to take you back to the terminal."  It's not what any weary traveler wants to hear - especially when you've already been sitting in the airplane for 3 hours waiting to take off.

I ended up spending the night in the O'Hare airport in Chicago. I found a booth in Chili's restaurant and used my purse for a pillow and spent my first night sleeping in a terminal. I was awakened by a woman yelling at all of us at 4:00 a.m. to get up and get our laptops out for security check. WHAT? What happened to "Good morning sunshine - time to rise. Sorry you had to spend the night here"?

My intended song lyric for the trip home had been "What a Delight, I Caught My Flight". Now a bad thunderstorm was re-writing my lyric to say "No Flight, it's a Chili Night."

So what do you do when life changes your lyrics?

I woke up to find others who had joined me at Chili's!

All summer, I've been crafting the lyrics for my new music project, "Brand New Me". I've even started with one title and ended up with something completely different on a song or two. For instance, "Help Me God" has turned into "Just Like Me".

Writing the lyrics, hard as it may be, is not as hard as living the lyric. "Brand New Me" comes from my escapades while learning to figure skate. Somehow, taking the risk of learning something so challenging in my 40's started a new work on the inside of me and this new album will reflect the growth.

In some ways, the lyrics of my life are being re-written. Sometimes it's been wonderful and sometimes it's been extremely difficult. I've even wondered if that's a good title because sometimes I still feel like "Same Old Me".

I've been thinking that as unpleasant as it is to have someone critique your writing and make you sit down and write to a higher standard, it has been one of the most rewarding experiences. Even as I lock myself away in my writing room to find the best words to express my thoughts and even though sometimes I want to throw the rhyming dictionary across the room, I always seem to come out with something better than what I originally started with.

It crossed my mind the other day, as I was weeding my flower beds (yes, it's amazing when and where new blog ideas strike me) that this process isn't much different than life. I think we all have a certain script or lyric that we want our lives to say or we don't really want to change and we are quite happy with status quo most of the time. But trials come, pressures increase and we start to have to change our tune, our attitude and sometimes, even the title.

Maybe it's not such a bad idea to not only re-write my songs, but to re-write my thoughts, my behaviors and my attitudes. After all, re-writing usually leads to something much better than when I first started.

I didn't like the new title I was receiving at the O'Hare airport that night, but by morning, I decided to embrace the experience and meet some new people and try to have some fun. I met a family of four who had spent two weeks in Rome and had a great time but were happy to get back to Texas where "they have laws" - those were their exact words! That led to a very interesting conversation.

I got to hear the opinions of three youngsters about Instagram, medicinal drugs and listen to some of their music. I flew home in white puffy clouds - a much better view than we would have had going home the night before with bolts of lightening surrounding us.

My window view on the flight home from Chicago.

If your life was made into an album (that's what some of us still call it in the studio) what would the project title be?

Don't just settle for status quo, pick up your pen and start writing the lyric of who you want to be. In fact, do it while you have control of the pen. Sometimes, life picks up the pen and starts writing for you. If so, embracing the new script with a good attitude could lead you to a better song.

The Bucket Life

Every time someone asks me if I have a bucket list, I cringe.

I finally figured out why.

I don't have one because I feel like it implies that I'm living a dull life and the only way I'd change it is if I got some really bad news and realized my time was short, so I'd suddenly throw caution to the wind and go do everything I ever wanted to do. Maybe that's a harsh way to look at it...but that's me.

I'm not sure how much the movie "The Bucket List" contributed to my feelings, but I do know I had this reaction long before I saw the movie.

"Billionaire Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) and car mechanic Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) are complete strangers, until fate lands them in the same hospital room. The men find they have two things in common: a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives, and a desire to complete a list of things they want to see and do before they die. Against their doctor's advice, the men leave the hospital and set out on the adventure of a lifetime."

I don't have a problem with this part of their story: "a desire to complete a list of things they want to see and do before they die"

But here is where they lost me: "a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives"

I don't like the idea of waiting until something serious comes along and threatens your identity causing you to scramble for your pen and paper and totally change your life's trajectory. 

I want to live my life in the now and decide now who I want to be and what I want to do and then spend my days doing and being. No line between what I am now and what I would do if I ran out of time.  I call it 'the bucket life'. I grab hold of all that I can right now and put it in my current bucket.

For instance.  Say I wanted to take a trip across the U.S. on my motorcycle. I think doing that would bring about a certain feeling of satisfaction and freedom. It would be 'out of the norm' of my current path, so therefore, it would feel amazing.  There is a sense of "I can't do this until certain things are in place" in that 'bucket list' mentality. If it's on the bucket list, I am waiting until something serious catapults me into the wherewithal to make my wish happen.

After all, I would need extra time, money and who knows what else to be able to travel all the way to CA on my motorcycle.  I might not ever have all those pieces in one place at the right time. I'd have to be retired, but then I might not be in good health. 

But in the 'bucket life' analogy, I take a ride in the evenings, through the valley where I call home.  I see the changing seasons, I get to stop and talk to friends out in the fields, I go for ice cream and I spend time with my husband. I experience the feelings in my current reality that I would have if I rode across the U.S.  

Having a bucket life mentality instead of a bucket list mentality has more to do with attitude. Embracing each moment you have right now and making the most of it. Bringing the 'list' items into your current 'life' as much as possible.

IF I had a bucket list, one item might be to do Christmas concerts all across North America - a Portraits of White Christmas tour.  But the truth is, I am getting so much enjoyment out of doing just one that I'd feel completely satisfied if I 'kicked the bucket' tomorrow because the bigger list is already a part of my present reality in a small way.

So I say, fill your bucket with all that you can and embrace each moment fully, right now.

Got A Light?

It's that time of year. The sun sleeps in later and goes to bed early. It throws my routine and rhythm out of whack and I don't like it.  I have to change my quiet time, my exercise time and even my diet.

Basically, I have to readjust my schedule to fit the sunlight. Shorter motorcycle rides in the evening (if any) and no early morning jogs. No more fresh watermelon and cantaloupe. My tomatoes are still with me but they are slowly fading and don't ripen as well in the crisp air.

During the summer I crave fruit and there is plenty to satisfy me so I make better food choices. In the fall I crave pumpkin pie, apple pie...dumplings...all the stuff I really shouldn't have. So now my temptation list is a little longer and stronger.

Every year I experience this upheaval, but every year I learn to adjust a little more quickly. I can't change the daylight, but I can guard my attitude.

There's one thing that I find helpful and though it's very small, I appreciate the hope it brings:
I simply light a candle on our table when we eat breakfast and dinner. The tardy sun in the morning and the approaching darkness outside in the evening are softened by the light of the candle. It flickers and makes me feel warm and peaceful.

It's funny how the smallest things can make a big difference. Like lighting a candle or choosing to embrace the change of seasons instead of dreading them. How about enjoying the fact that I can soon uproot my flowers and be done with outside work. There is a sense of rest from those labors. By the time spring comes, I'll be more than ready to start in on the garden again but I welcome the break from outside upkeep.

So if you, like me, struggle with the fading summer and coming winter, here's a few tips:

1.) Find creative ways to embrace the change (like candlelight on the table)

2.) Adjust your mental attitude from dread to embrace (be thankful for a break from outside work)

3.) Change your normal routine and realize that with it may come some benefits (it can keep you from getting too set in your ways)

Got a light? Put it to use!

Crutches, Grudges and Gratitude. The journey to healing.

My hero, Andy

I've known Andy for years.  He is always on crutches and I never thought much about it until I saw him on my first day off crutches.

We reconnected at a gathering of friends and I immediately began to tell him that I have a new appreciation for what he must face having to always be on crutches.  He smiled and said he'd be glad to give me tips on using them, and his tips made a lot of sense.

I asked him more about his story, something I had never really taken the time to do in depth.  He had polio in his mother's womb.  She was Vietnamese and they apparently never had access to vaccinations in those days.  He's never known anything but crutches.

I have been thinking a lot about how similar being on crutches is to healing from soul wounds or adjusting to changes in life.  So here's my take on the stages of life-altering events...whether for a short or long time.

Denial

First you deny that you are hurt.

Anger

You realize you are hurt and feel angry about it.

Humiliation

You start using crutches, seen or unseen and find it very humiliating and even hurtful to your pride.  (I honestly didn't think I had much pride, but wow - was I ever in for a surprise).

You have to ask for help. You become dependent on other people and that feels really yucky.

Discouragement

You start to feel down.

You still don't improve and you start staying home instead of going out because it's just too complicated and hope begins to dwindle.

Resignation

You stop fighting.  You become resigned to the fact that you are hurt and life is different.  "Deal with it" you tell yourself. Learn to adjust.

Adjusting

You start getting used to being on crutches (in my case) and they start to become part of your day.  This can be good and bad.  You become a little more bold about asking for help and being very thankful when people offer to help. In fact, you know now that you need help.  That’s even better!

Smiling

You begin to realize that many people have had much worse to deal with and if they can 'do life' with a handicap and thrive, so can you, at least until you can get help.

You start to smile more again.  You start to even think an unthinkable thought: "ya know, if I had to live this way the rest of my life, I probably could.  I'd have a lot of attitude adjustment to do, but I could make it".

And so there is my take on the stages of crutches.  It struck me as I was starting to get adjusted to them and moving a little more easily on them, that this probably isn't much different than any other kind of injury: body, soul or spirit or even similar to the stages of grief.  Healing takes time.

I hope that Andy can be free of crutches some day but without a miracle he most likely won't be.  I do believe in miracles and I know he does too.  But, I hope that no matter what stage I am in and no matter what type of injury I might face whether for months or a lifetime, I will have the smiling attitude that my friend, Andy, has.

Setbacks or Setups?

In case you haven't noticed, I have fallen in love with figure skating.  The combination of athleticism, artistry and music are a perfect fit for me.

To have a setback is very difficult.  In fact, recently I've had one right after another.

It started with a growing soreness in my left ankle bone.  I had to lay off for a few days.

Then I got very sick with a cold like I haven't had in years and missed a week of skating.

Then my Mother started losing her appetite and losing weight and when the retirement home became alarmed at her quickly failing health, it threw my life into another tailspin.

My siblings came to the rescue to give me a break and over the same time, a new medicine began to help my mother start to improve.

While my brother stayed with my Mother, my sister and I took a trip to Nashville so I could work on my christmas show.  That was an AMAZING trip, but I missed 3 more days of skating.

Now, I was finally ready to get back into my daily skating routine this past Monday.  I skated great, felt great and even had the privilege of having my big brother from New Mexico video tape what I've learned so far.  It was so fun to have him enter into this new journey in my life.  We spent the day together after skating.  He treated me to a big wonderful hot chocolate at a quaint little coffee shop near the rink and then we spent the rest of the day visiting his friends and seeing the beautiful unfolding of Spring in South Central PA.  I took him to the airport in the afternoon and said goodbye.

By evening I could barely walk on my left foot without severe pain.

Today as I type this, I am facing an ankle injury and I have no idea how it happened.  I tried to skate yesterday and it only made things worse.  My coach is guessing it's a sprain and told me to either press through the pain or to stay off if it got worse.  Skating made it worse, so I've had to stop.

This has been a real setback to me.

One of the things I've always heard about goal setting is that you should write out your vision and see yourself accomplishing your goals.  I have been doing that as it relates to skating and it's been working wonderfully.  But my most recent mentor encouraged me to also write out the setbacks I may encounter along the way so that I would be emotionally prepared for them if they happen.  Now at first that seems really negative, but I decided to try it.  Thank God I did.  I pulled them out today to review them.

Here's what he told me to do:  "Anticipate the obstacles you'll encounter (without wallowing in paranoia, list some of the potential hurdles or frustrations you might face as you pursue your goals):"

So here is what I wrote back in January when I was first writing out the setbacks I might encounter regarding my vision about figure skating. (I will share my new vision with you at some point, but not yet).

1)  physical injury, setbacks
2)  skating gracefully may not be as easy as I think - might take longer to learn than I thought
3)  money challenges

My next assignment was this:

"Now, look over the list of obstacles above and write down proactive ways you will deal with them and rise above if they come up.  (How will you brace yourself for disappointments?)."

Here's what I wrote:

1)  Do all I can to recover as quickly as possible and be careful to prevent any injury in the first place.
2)  Be joyful for any progress I make and let it be about artistry, not technicality.
3)  Be very intentional about what it will cost me to do anything music related (be careful about what I spend). Trust God.

Time to apply the lesson.

I could feel myself slipping into discouragement last night when I realized that I cannot skate for a while right now.  I can't continue on with that goal.  I need to rest the ankle and let it heal.

I decided this morning that I will turn my setback into a setup.  I have plenty to do for upcoming concerts and I am in the thick of planning my big christmas show.  (by the way - an official announcement is coming soon, but you can save the date now!  December 6, 2014 at 7:00 p.m.)

I will turn this setback into a setup by:

• Focusing on music and giving my foot a break.  
• Being thankful for this focused time to work on details about the show.
• NOT seeing this as a setback but a setup to succeed at other areas in my life until I can get back to skating.

Yes - that's it.  See this as a setup.

• A setup to get other things done.
• A setup to rest my body so I can continue skating eventually.
• A setup for some extra time at home with my husband.

So many things to be thankful for.  It's the attitude of Tigger instead of Eeyore.

What are some setbacks you are encountering?

What if you start seeing how they could be a setup for something wonderful in your life?