That One Unanswered Prayer

Heart to heart talk with Live Music Producer, Tom Jackson.

Tom Jackson is a world renown Live Music Producer who has worked with singers like Taylor Swift, Jars of Clay, etc.  I first heard him over ten years ago at a conference in Nashville, TN and the moment I heard him, I set a goal to work with him in person.  His methods were unlike anything I had ever heard, but they resonated with me.  He teaches artists how to build special moments into their concerts - with the audience as the most important aspect of the night.

Working on some rhythm ideas. Yep - we try anything!

I have worked with his assistants and have steadily been growing and stretching in every way as an artist.  I've studied his book, listened to his tapes and DVDs over and over and have applied his techniques diligently. But I still found myself wanting to work specifically with Tom.

It took me over 10 years, but on April 24, 2014, I did it.  I traveled to TN with my big sister and for two days, I got to see my dream come true. I shared my vision for a Christmas concert and as he caught the vision, he encouraged me in my dream and said he'd be willing to work with me over the years to build it into something amazing.

But Tom is in demand all over the world and because I live in PA, it's hard to coordinate our schedules to work together.

Tom's sarcastic humor
and my dry wit go together well.

Fast forward to the spring of 2015 and my conductor, Ed Kee, said there were two things I needed to have in place this year. A videographer to record the concert and a show producer who would help me take everything to another level.  He encouraged me to find someone from NY, Baltimore or Philadelphia who could come and observe this year's show and give me pointers in growing it to the level I dream about.

I knew in my heart that I really wanted that person to be Tom Jackson, but the prospect of getting him here on the night of my concert felt hopeless.  Cost would be one big factor, not to mention schedules.

For the past year I have been diligently planning the Portraits of White 2015 concert. I have spent hours praying over the concert trusting God to bring all the details together. I've had moments of panic and anxiety but have sensed His reassuring hand and voice telling me that this will happen not by MY might or power, but by His Spirit.  I have prayed over details and left the connectivity of them to Him.

A prayer group has been meeting for the past month, once a week, praying for every aspect of the evening. We have seen one prayer after another answered. But this one eluded me.  I don't think I even mentioned this need to them because I had prayed all summer about it and to no avail, trying to find producers in the area, but not having much luck.  It has to be the right kind of person.  I still wanted Tom but didn't even dare mention it to anyone or the prayer group.  It was just too big of a request. I would continually mention this in my own prayers: "I need a producer and if there is someone You can bring to me, please do so. I certainly don't know how to do this."

It's not easy to share your heart
and soul with someone and be critiqued.
But the laughter kept it fun.

On Wednesday, Dec. 9, (this week) I was flying home from a Christmas event I did in Madison, Mississippi and received word that the one prayer I thought was going to be unanswered is NOW answered and I haven't done a thing to make it happen.

I got an e-mail Monday from Tom Jackson's wife saying he knew that my show was coming up on the 12th and had his calendar open if I wanted him to come see the show and give his input.

So here it is, Thursday, before the big event on Saturday and Tom is coming Friday for the rehearsal and will stay for the concert on Saturday and give me his critiques, later, when the dust has settled.

Thank you God for knowing the desire of my heart without me even speaking it out loud and making it all come together without me doing anything but praying.  Why do I doubt you.....ever????

One last prayer that we are all praying for....

A SOLD OUT show!

There are still some seats left.  I'd LOVE to have you there.  It's going to be very, very special. Watch the promo video here and then click the link below the video to buy your tickets.

Help me sell out the show.

Can't wait to welcome Tom to PA and Portraits of White.

Do you like yourself?

I awoke too early.  It's always extra early when I'm in Nashville, TN.   Because of the one hour difference in time zones, an already-early-riser is destined to be awake at very uncomfortable hours.

It was my first day to record vocals on my "Inside Things" project and that only added to my sleeplessness. I call it the "Nashville Adrenaline".  For some reason, I have boundless energy when I'm there.  I love being there, recording, writing and just spending time developing relationships in the music industry.  I don't do 'tourist' kinds of things.

If people ask me what to do when they visit Nashville, I recommend the Bluebird Cafe, The Pancake Pantry, and down-town Franklin, but other than that, most people will never see where I spend my time in town.  Studios, homes of friends, homes with studios and anywhere else my music takes me.  It's all about relationships and that's what I love most about Franklin and Nashville.

The first song we would be recording was "Wonderfully Created".  I had been inspired with the song idea just as I was leaving to spend the weekend at a slumber party for girls and their theme was Fearfully and Wonderfully Created.  It was a very unusual 'gig' and I was nervous about doing it. It had been a long time since I stayed up really, really late with a bunch of girls.

Just as I was packing up stuff in my studio, a little melody and phrase came to me and I've learned when that happens that the best thing I can do is sit down and let it flow.  The re-write will come later.  For now, just write what comes under inspiration.  You can sweat about it later.

Now, back in Nashville, I decided to read Psalm 139 again, hoping to refresh my soul with what my vocal cords would soon have to express. It would be just me and Mr. mic in the vocal booth for the day. The producer and engineer are in another room. I like it that way.

As I read through the familiar passage, as I had so many times before, something new caught my eye. Psalm 139:14 says "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (ESV).  I smiled and thought to myself; how nice that David can say that.  Suddenly, within my spirit, I sensed the voice of God's Spirit.  "I'd like you to thank me for making you".

WHAT???

I sat there, stunned. It was sweet to read of someone else having those sentiments.  But now I felt like God was asking me to acknowledge (out loud with my mouth) that I too was wonderfully created. "Such a beautiful song to sing - now I'd like you to believe it", He seemed to whisper.

It evoked such emotion in me that I was speechless.  Well...sort of.

"I don't have time for a therapy session right now, Lord, I said in my speechless state. I have to go record a song to share with people so they know how wonderful they are. And please don't make me thank you for making me complex TOO!.....like David did.  I hate my introspective, complex self. I'm weary of it.  Why can't I be care-free and simple?".

The conversation between He and I continued.

"I don't feel like I'm wonderful", I said. "In fact, most of the time I don't like myself at all. I never weigh the right amount, my teeth don't have that nice clean bite that most people have."  (I should have taken my mother up on the offer to get braces as a teenager, but I felt like she was insinuating that I wasn't pretty because of my teeth, so I resented her offering that.)  I was too young to process my thoughts at that age.  I'm sure she was only trying to help. I couldn't hear her well because my ears were plugged up with my own insecurity.

I wish I could re-do some things. How about you?

In response to my outburst with the Lord, I could hear His gentle whisper now.  "Just start.  Ok, so you can't be thankful that you are complex, can you start by thanking me for making you?"

I sat for a while.  I couldn't answer this right now.  But I did bow my head and ask Him to help me. "Thank you for making me", I said.  Half out loud and half not.

That was over 8 years ago.  Do I still have days when I don't like myself?  Absolutely!

Most recent photo shoot.
Showing my teeth.

I used to avoid smiling and showing my teeth at photo shoots because I don't like my teeth.  The photographer has to practically 'pull my teeth' to get me to show them.

But over time, I have been more intentional about thanking God out loud for making me when that dark cloud of self-hatred starts coming my way. As I learn to accept the complexity with which I operate from, He's also helping me to be more care-free and not take things so seriously.

As I cooperate with Him, He helps me to see myself in a much more positive light.

As I arrived at the studio that morning to start the project of "Inside Things", believe me, I had already had quite a work out on the inside things.  It started with Psalm 139.

So I ask you again.  Do you like yourself?

If this song can help you appreciate the beauty of how intricately you were made, then perhaps my little therapy session that morning was worth it.

View video/song here.