Back to the Heart of Christmas

I hear myself singing a familiar song, in the middle of the night, in my dreams. I'm singing the lyrics to the popular song, "Have a holly jolly Christmas..." but you wouldn't recognize it because the melody is different than the one you're used to. In my dream, I've turned the happy melody into something more melancholy.

I feel as if that's kind of become my brand in my "awake" life—my unwanted brand. I take happy things and make them sad. Or at least point out the sad. I guess it makes sense to do it in my dreams too.

I suddenly wake up, the melody and lyrics fresh on my mind. Was I really dreaming? I get up to write down my ideas. It's rather unusual for me to be singing in my dreams. Maybe this is something special so I better pay attention.

I usually go to the piano when I hear a melody and lyric, but since my piano is next door in my studio and it's the middle of the night, I dig through the drawer looking for a piece of paper. 

I scribble my ideas on a piece of paper, drawing little lines that go up and down across the page representing the melody so that I'll remember it in the morning. As it turns out, when I revisit the idea, it's the harmony I have actually noted. 

I start to finish the song a few days after the dream...(at least I thought I finished it) Here's one of the early drafts:

Have a holly jolly Christmas

you can hear the music play

but as time goes on, on and on 

Christmas doesn't look the same each year

I go wandering 'round in a circular world 

that doesn't know where to end

in the midst of the lights

twinkling bright

where do you belong, Jesus?

Show me the way back to the heart of Christmas

help me to see all that you meant it to be

I want to see you

I want to know you better

show me the way, show me the way to You

All the family now is gathered

they have come from far and near

but the pain inside cannot hide

Christmas has its disappointing times

in the back of our minds

mem'ries there to remind

things are not as you wish

and in the midst of the tears

shed through the years, you wonder

where do I belong, Jesus? (Chorus)

Bridge:

Christmas is meant to be joyful

Christmas is meant to bring peace

but just like the story of so long ago

where things don't turn out just right

Children lose their lives

royal men still lie

and families run for their life (A husband baby and wife)

still this prayer I offer you tonight

Show me the way....

I take this song to my manager (as well as many other Christmas songs I am writing) and his critique is consistent with what I've heard before. "Even your funny songs have an intensity to them," he says, in reference to a non-holiday song I wrote called "Personalities." Sigh. 

I've asked for constructive critique because I want to improve as a songwriter. So now I have to receive it, right? 

I thought you might enjoy seeing my notes I wrote after he listened to that early draft of Back to the Heart of Christmas.

I love the part where he asks, "Who's the kids getting killed?"

Or the part where he says the bridge is too l long and introduces a whole new line of thought. I see what he means once he points it out. A bridge should simply carry us from one thought to another without building a whole new road. It should take us over the water, not muddy it. 

In the broader story of the Nativity, other babies died, a King lied and the parents of Jesus had to run for their lives. So in this case, I felt the bridge in the song could help remind us all that life isn't perfect, especially at Christmas. Sad is mixed in with happy. Just like parts of the broader Christmas story. But in my desire to "set the world straight" I tend to try to say too much. 

I've had to learn to stay focused on the one thing the song is about and not try to solve all the problems of life in just three minutes. 

It took me decades to understand my own yearning for perfect holidays. To discover that much of it was tied to the fact that we didn't have perfect holidays as a family. We were not a complete unit. We had lost people along the way and it was extra hard at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Just as my disheartened soul went through some healing and mindset shifts about the holidays, coupled with a better self-awareness of why I struggled with the holidays, the song also evolved. I changed the verses and I wrote a much simpler bridge...

Help me to be like a child at heart

open my life to your love

setting aside the distractions of life

that keep me from the greatest gift of all

Of course, in my case, the distractions were grief and loneliness. They come in all shapes and sizes.

I started sharing the song (the re-written version) with audiences at Christmas events. Many times people would ask if I had a recording of that song. I knew that was a good sign. 

All of these years later, after putting it on the album and keeping it in the annual show and doing it over and over, I still feel the magic every time I sing it. The chorus lyrics were never changed from the original lyrics probably because they said all that I really wanted to say from the beginning.

 

 This week's video.

Cues and Shoes

 "Are you ready for Thanksgiving yet?" the young cashier asks the shopper a few cash registers over from me. 

"Yes," the customer replies confidently.

I try to mind my own business as I pay for my groceries. It's not my conversation but I somehow feel like it could be. 

It's only November 5, I think to myself.

The determined cashier continues. "Well then, are you ready for Christmas?" It feels to me as if she's now trying to one-up the shopper.

"I don't do Christmas—too many expectations," the customer says, loud enough that everyone can hear her. I try to keep my head down and resist making eye contact.

Secretly, I admire her and I smile to myself. She isn't rude or obnoxious, but she clearly lets us know (because we're all listening aren't we?) where she lands when it comes to Christmas. And now it feels as if it's a public conversation.

I decide in that moment to turn around and look at the person who is being interrogated, as if to let her know that I acknowledge her and can appreciate the position she's just been put in. Someone needs to acknowledge her discomfort...at least with a nod or a smile. 

We all get it. Whether it's expectations, loneliness, grief, lack of money or time, weariness in coming up with what to get someone, dread of dragging out all of the decorations, we all have buttons that get pushed during the holidays or in this case, the weeks leading up to the holidays.

I stand there feeling conflicted. While I feel sorry for the customer, I also appreciate that the cashier is just trying to be engaging. Sometimes we ask questions just to be friendly. They aren't good questions, or timed well, but we ask anyway. Perhaps that's what's happening here.

When I turn to see if I can catch the eye of the disgruntled lady, to acknowledge her strong feelings, I'm a little surprised. Her hair is done perfectly, make up looks great. She's quite beautiful for Friday afternoon grocery shopping. I don't know what I am expecting to see but she looks very put together (talk about expectations.) I expect her to look...disheveled...old...something...I don't know...  

She is giving me a gift. She is giving me courage...hope. A small dose of encouragement reminding me of why I do Portraits of White. I need some of this kind of medicine at this point in the marathon.

In fact, as I get ready to post this week's video, I can't tell you how many times I've been tempted to change it, throw it out,  re-do it because I am letting you see me when I'm not feeling very organized. And this was before the grocery store drama. Her honesty gives me the courage to keep the video "as-is."

I've called this week's post Cues and Shoes because one of the stressful parts of doing the show is figuring out the lighting cues. I know, you're probably thinking to yourself...REALLY? Our world has been turned upside down and you're stressing over lights?

Then there are the shoes. Somehow I was born without a hint of an arch in both feet and I have giant-sized bunions—much like my mother had. It's always been hard to find pretty yet comfortable shoes for the stage, and it only seems to get worse with age. 

One year after the show, my feet hurt so bad I couldn't walk out to greet everyone. I finally figured out it was just easier if I went without shoes, so I walked out in the lobby, shoeless and it felt wonderful.

In the scheme of things, the shoes are a small part of the stress, but every little bit adds up, as you know.  And though I don't actually run the lights during the show, I have to make sure that those who do are well prepared for every little detail. Spot on Doug, spot on Wayne, Frances at the piano, Frances in the center, George on timpani, Tim on a stool, trumpet feature.....Frances tripping over her dress. Oh I hope not! LOL! 

Similar to all of these show details, the expectations that come with the holidays can start with tiny things but when combined, they can add up to stress. Where to spend the holidays...when to have the dinner...what to serve for dinner...what gift to buy....And some people, like the shopper lady have decided they just don't "do" the holidays anymore.  

Then there's the lingering pandemic. We're all weary of what this has done to our lives. I see the strain on your faces as I'm out doing concerts. I read your notes that tell me of the crises you are facing personally. My heart breaks for you. 

 I don't know who that lady at the grocery store is, but thanks to her outburst, I found the courage to keep running this last leg of the race of Portraits of White. I know it will be worth it. I've been preparing, practicing, pondering, stressing...all of it. But I'm ready for December 10 and 12.  

I can't wait to see you and finish this Christmas show marathon with you by my side. (Even if I end it in my bare feet.) 

This week's video.

Farm Girl's Fascination With Musical Fantasy

In last week's blog, I introduced you to my "Kansas" — the one-red-light-town of Newville, Pennsylvania. If you go another three miles past the red light, you'll come to the farmhouse where I was raised. 

I can still picture my mother's brown Wurlitzer piano sitting in the living room. It was a treasure to her because as a young woman she purchased it with her own money in the 1940's. It was the centerpiece of my life.

I have no first memory of the piano...just a collage of memories. In fact, it feels as if the piano and I were womb mates and we grew up as playmates. 

According to my mother, I started playing by ear when I was two or three years old. In her opinion, one thing that separated me from other children was my approach to it. While others would bang on it, I'd touch the keys very gently, one note at a time. I later learned that there is a time and place to play fortissimo (very loud) but I had to come out of my shell before that ever happened. 

Together, we [the piano and I] would put on little shows for my "Auntie Em and Uncle Henry." I must have had a thing for shows because in the winter, I'd perform little dances on our farm pond—ice skating to music and creating lovely choreographed movements. I tried to be just like the Olympic skaters I saw on our black and white TV. I'm sure I was just like them. LOL! 

Sometimes, I'd create a little choir with the chess pieces from our chess set and of course, I always lined them up according to their height. The piano, the shows, the skating...these were all indicators of the creative path I would choose in the future. A convergence of skill and desire.

Angie — after her bath.

In addition to musical fantasies, I suppose every farm girl needs a dog and we had many. My personal favorite was Angie; a lovely apricot-colored poodle. Sorry Toto, nothing against Terriers. My mother liked poodles and picked Angel from a December litter—a Christmas dog. She followed me around the farm and sometimes she'd sit on my lap when I practiced the piano. Yes, I was one of those odd children who loved to practice. 

It's pretty clear that my fascination with performing started with living room shows around the piano, skating to music and arranging plastic chess choirs. Once I began writing music and recording albums, I started getting invitations to sing at various churches and events. 

About fourteen years after my first album, Under The Big Blue Sky, I began to dream of doing a big annual Christmas concert and in 2014, I started Portraits of White.

This week's video:

A Festival Of The Soul

It's Thanksgiving Day and I'm enjoying a day of rest.   Most of us are starting to gear up for the holidays and after the festivities of the day, will rush right into Black Friday.  I have friends who have already decided to put up their christmas tree.

I almost did.

I've been preparing for my Portraits of White concert for so long now that I feel like putting up a tree is too miniscule.  My insides have dug so deep into reflection that the little plastic tree I normally put up seems fake and trite. The makeover of my soul through this process seems to call for a complete makeover of my decorations too....but that won't be happening. I wouldn't even know how to express my soul in the way of ornaments and trees.

My decorations will show up in every note, lyric and thought presented on the night of December 12. It will be a festivity of the soul guised in the garb of music.

I've been practicing for months, but mistakes never disappear it seems. They are like little gophers that pop up out of their hole at the most unexpected times. As soon as I get one conquered, another appears. My mode of retaliation is to "hammer down" - a pun that fits the grand piano well.

It always puzzles me how a person can work so hard and long on something and still have it go awry. Like a skater who's jumped perfectly thousands of times but falls during a competition.

I experienced that recently at one of my concerts. In the midst of a piece I've played countless times, I completely lost my way.  The only payoff in practicing, in that moment, was that I pulled myself together and kept going.  The ability to keep going was my only success in that moment. Or at least it felt like it.

I walked away feeling like a complete failure. One hour of music - lyrics remembered and all, but all I could think about was the 5 seconds of faltering.

I'm reading a book right now that a singer friend recommended.  I knew the instant she told me about it that I needed to read it...and SOON.  It arrived last week. Today I'm reading it and I feel like I've visited a doctor who has been able to prescribe medicine that will relieve my pain and I thought you might like it too.

It doesn't matter if you are a musician or not - the tendency to remember the ONE mistake you made over any successes you had is common to all of us.  The writer tells of a cello student she had who was quick to point out his own mistakes but never mentioned when he did well. He considered any good performance an "accident".

She encouraged him to speak his successes out loud, not just his mistakes.   He went on to tell his teacher, "I guess I feel that way about a lot of stuff in my life. I sort of shrug off all my successes but get preoccupied with possible failures. Pretty dumb, isn't it?"

I stopped right at that paragraph and put my book down. I reflected on the recent "failure" where I lost my way in a song. All I could remember from that night was the 5 seconds of disarray. I gave about an hour concert and everything else went very well.  In fact, there were moments when I felt like I was giving some of the best delivery ever.  But I don't remember those moments now...or at least I didn't until I read of another human being's struggle to remember the successes.

I'm thankful for this reminder to focus in on the good things. The successes, the opportunities, the blessings we have been given. I suppose that's what this day is really all about.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Embrace The Suck

"Does it ever get any easier?" I asked the two runners I had just met on the trail as we stopped to exchange greetings.

I'd been increasing my exercise routine weekly and was now up to running 35 minutes straight.  I was huffing and puffing as we talked.

"If you never push yourself, yes, it will get easier.  If you just continue at the same pace though, you won't gain much", said the one who looked like she was an experienced runner.

"It sucks no matter what you do", said the other girl who seemed to be sweating and huffing, like me.  I could relate to her.

"JUST EMBRACE THE SUCK" she finally said with a sigh and a frown.  We all laughed.

                            

Yep.  Anytime we try to reach for our dreams, calling, desires...whatever we think we were created to do, there are times when it just sucks.  

Using the running analogy, it's rarely 'fun' to get up at 5:00 a.m., pray, eat some protein and then head out to the trail by 6:00 a.m.  I feel like I'm going to die most of the run.  Every day I feel like I just can't make it but I keep going. I sweat like a rainstorm and breathe heavy like a dragon minus the fire coming out my nostrils. I've never been a long distance runner so it's taking me a while to build up stamina.

When I am finished with this self-inflicted torture, the pay-off is worth it.  My mind is having a hay day and the good chemicals in my brain are being released.  I write songs, blogs, plan concerts, design merchandise and get new marketing ideas - all while I'm dying in my body.  

There's another payoff to all of this...at least when it comes to exercise.  I am losing weight.  My clothes are fitting better AND I'm heading toward reaching one of my many goals for the Christmas show in December.

Do I love getting up early to work on my goals?  Nope.

Do I love sweating a flood worth of water when I run? Nope.

Do I hurt when I get back? Yep.

Do I like when my jeans fit better? Yep.

Do I like the creativity my mind engages in while I exercise? Absolutely!

Do you want to win at what you think you were created to be and do?

Sorry....you're gonna have to...ya know...embrace the suck.

Signed. Sealed. Delivered?

I signed the contract with a new venue to do another Christmas concert:
* sealed the envelope.
* mailed it....(the old fashioned way.)
* it's been delivered.

That first, big step is done - I have made my choice after months of deliberating and calculating.
I feel like I want to celebrate.
(The official announcement for the Christmas concert is coming soon, so stay tuned.)

It feels done.
But it is not - I have merely been relieved from indecision.
I have not been relieved from the fear and doubt I will face EVERY step of the way.
Nope.
Every time I take the next step, I will be relieved from THAT decision and on to the next one.

So many large and small decisions/steps we make all the time.
Then there is the follow-through.

You want a life-companion.
So you decide together to spend the rest of your lives as one.
You sign the contract.
You say "I Do".
Then what?

Tomorrow you will wake up to the start of a brand new life.
You will learn which of you is a morning person - for real!
Do you like it quiet in the morning or do you like noise...news....music?
Processing differences.

You want to lose weight.
You sign up for weight watchers.
You show up and weigh in.
Then what?

Tomorrow you must decide what to eat.
And the next day.
And the next.
Next week you will have to go back.
You could NOT go back.

Signing the contract is a big step.
Sealing the envelope feels final.
Mailing it - feels like the end, done, the final step.
But it's not.

There will be many more decisions ahead.
Frustration, joy, doubt, courage, fear and perseverance.
Follow-through.
Delivered?

You decide.

A Dream Coming True

If you have been following my blog, you already know that I have been planning to do a big Christmas concert this year.  The time is fast approaching and this week I sent out a press release to the local newspapers to announce the show.  I thought I would include this release as one of my blog entries.  It tells the story so well.

Whether December heralds a joyous or not-so-joyous holiday season, Frances Drost, singer, songwriter, and storyteller, invites you to join her and guest conductor, Ed Kee, to a one-night only concert, December 6.  Portraits of White: The doors open at 6:00 and the show starts at 7:00 pm, at the Rose Lehrman Arts Center, HACC Harrisburg’s Area Community College, One HACC Drive, Harrisburg, PA.

Frances writes mostly at the piano, with orchestration added later, to create scenes that are rich in story.  Take depression and loneliness, for instance, tough emotions especially during the “happiest time of the year” and Frances weaves story and music together, taking you with her on a journey back to the heart of Christmas. 

“There was a Christmas not too long ago when I found myself disliking almost everything about this holiday. I think there is something to be gained by looking at the conflicting emotions we feel.  What I do is give permission (to the people that need it) to stand up and say “I am not alone!”

“Behind the songs there are stories, which you don’t get on the CD, but I have seen how people connect to my stories so I expand on them in the concert.”

Based on the music of Portraits of White, her seventh CD project, released in December 2013, this concert is sure to delight the senses, with a live orchestra and multi-media production. The title track is music set to images onscreen featuring the beauty of snowy landscapes.

Frances’s music will warm and encourage you to take another look at your own relationship with Christmas.

Frances has been connecting with audiences both locally and across the U.S., for over a decade. Her commitment to traveling from her home in Newville PA to Nashville TN regularly to build her career has connected her to musicians that have helped shape the course of her life and music.  

Ed Kee, from Franklin, Tennessee, is one of those musicians. Frances is delighted that Ed accepted her invitation to be guest conductor for the Dec 6^th concert. Ed has been a highly visible creative force on the Nashville music scene for over 30 years, where his music career finds him in such roles as studio singer, arranger, orchestrator, producer, record label executive and music publisher.  Frances and Ed have joined their professional skill and talents over the last year to bring about this one-night musical journey on December 6th.

Frances has held the dream of a concert like this for a long time, — in fact, since childhood.Portraits of White, the title track, sparkles with Frances’ childlike delight of a new snowfall. She vividly remembers the birth of this song in 2000:  driving through snow blowing like angel-hair across the road, to record Big Blue Sky, her very first CD project in 2000 in Chambersburg, PA. 

It has taken 14 years for Portraits of White, the song, to find its way to its own CD project and finally now, to a bigger stage and live orchestra - it is a dream come true for the little girl who loved snow, ice skating on her farm pond to music and putting on ‘shows’.  After all, there was a time when she loved the holidays, so it’s not all sad and she has found a way to laugh at herself and bring others with her in the laughter.

Frances was the winner of the Momentum Award for “Female Artist Of The Year” and was also nominated for “Inspirational Artist Of The Year” at the 2009 Momentum Awards ceremony in Nashville.

So get your tickets now (there aren't many left) - this is a one-night event that promises to be not just a concert, but an experience that Frances believes will impact how you feel about the holiday season.

Visit http://www.francesdrost.com/events to get your tickets and more information about Portraits of White.

The Grape Pie

One day after announcing on facebook that I was making a grape pie, I was shocked by how many people had never heard of grape pie and wondered what it was. I smirkishly told them that it was made of grapes.  (hee hee).

My mother was a fabulous pie maker.  My favorite pie of her's was lemon meringue - with more lemon than meringue.

But when she decided to make a grape pie not too many years ago, I was intrigued to try this 'grape' pie she raved about.  Made with concord grapes, it turned out she was right and it has become my favorite fruit pie.

However, I was not prepared for the high price of concord grapes that appeared in our little hometown grocery store around September only.  I realized that this pie was not only amazing, but very costly.

Being the frugal, homegrown farm girl that I am, I decided to plant my own concord grapes so that someday I could have my own grapes for lots of pies.  I had no idea how many years it would take before I had enough grapes to feed a mouse, let alone make a pie.   My husband has tended the vine carefully for years and some years we complained that it wasn't producing and concluded that it was a waste to plant the crazy thing.

Today I harvested not only enough grapes to make 1 pie, but 2 pies and some homemade grape juice.

When I was first married, I was determined to become a good pie maker because my groom really likes fruit pies.  No problem, right?  How hard could it be to make a pie?  My mother did it all the time.

Let's just say that Tom soon learned to stay out of the kitchen when I was making a pie.  Such a gift of love I was working on - complete with thoughts of 'doing him in' with the rolling pin if he didn't leave me alone.  It's not the filling that's hard, it's the flaky pie crust that melts in your mouth that's difficult and that's what I was after.

I would get so angry at the pie dough, the board, the rolling pin and anything else in the room when the dough would stick to the pin, or the board, or worse yet, not be big enough to fit the pie plate.  Did I mention that Tom would pop into the kitchen right in the midst of this tsunami-like flood of emotions and ask a simple "why are you doing it THAT way?".   That's when he learned to stay out of the kitchen.

These days I have a much easier time making the pie because I found a great crust recipe so it's not really an issue anymore.  Of course, the fresh 'hand-picked grape' pie that's in the oven right now gave me a fit as I was rolling out the dough. (I think it knew I was cooking up a blog about it).  You'll see in the pic below that I had to improvise with the top of the crust because there wasn't quite enough dough......proof that the pie knew what I was up to and decided to rebel.  I'll eat it anyway!

I took pictures so you can see that this is not an easy process. But boy oh boy, is it ever worth all this work when I sit down and bite into the sweet-tart taste of the grapes and the pie crust that melts in my mouth. Hallelujah!!!

It will be extra special because they are my own grapes that we've worked hard to nurture all these years.

It will be extra special because I made the pie from the cookbook that my mother gave me at Christmas time in 1984.  On the inside of the book, she wrote:

                                                       Christmas 1984
To Frances
     From Mother

It will be extra special because I will never make or eat a grape pie again without thinking of my mother who nurtured me so tenderly for many years without seemingly much fruit.  I remember the story of the day she "turned me over to the Lord" because she no longer knew what to do with my habit of back-talking her.

Recently, I learned that the nursing center where she lives feels that she is steadily declining and told me we need to make some end of life decisions.  I realize that time is short and I don't know how long I'll have to be with her. To remind her of the pies she used to make and so many other special things she did for us.  I have observed this decline every time I'm with her so it wasn't news to me and I am preparing my heart.

This grape pie was a lot of work, not just today but over the years.  It's been years in process, but it will be worth the effort.

Anything in life THIS good is not without a lot of effort.

What a nice reward to have Tom walk in the kitchen just now and see my fresh pie and say
"wow - look at THAT pie - now that's a pie worth taking a picture of".  
He has redeemed himself.

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 140 JOY!

Day # 140.  Another milestone!

Typing more lyrics for my CD insert this morning. As part of the celebration, I thought I would show you what I'm doing.  In the insert, you will see the lyrics to the songs and a short story behind the song. I have found that people still enjoy reading the lyrics and hearing how the song came about.

These days, while I exercise, I'm listening to the mixes and the sound tracks so that the new arrangements begin to get into my soul as I prepare to share it on small stages this Christmas in prep for the big one next year.

If you'd like to schedule me to come to your venue to share the new music this year, let me know!  I'd love a chance to 'practice' in a small way what I will do in a big way next year.  I'm already booking some shows now and I'm excited!

Here's a sample of what will appear in my CD insert.  The song is another song done in the "Enya" style with multiple tracks of vocals all singing as one.

Song of Joy

Someone asked me to write a song about joy based on a scripture from Isaiah 35 for Advent.  This is what I came up with.  Since I don’t typically write about joy (yes, I need to work on that) it was a real treat to finally write something happy.  I enjoy singing this song.

Even the desert will be glad and the wilderness rejoice 

when the Lord comes near      

then blinded eyes will start to see and the deaf ears they will hear 

when the Lord comes near

Sing a song of hope sing a song of joy

when the glory of the Lord is near

sing a song of hope sing a song of joy

for the glory of the Lord is here

Then those who know the Lord will sing on the journey as they go 

when the Lord comes near

gladness and joy will overcome and the sorrow disappear 

when the Lord comes near (chorus)

Do not be afraid I bring you good news great joy to all to all the people

today in Bethlehem a savior is born he is Christ the Lord

he is Christ the Lord (chorus)

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 127 Last minute changes can be good!

Yesterday morning I had a baseball bat size zucchini to use up.  Today I have zucchini bread....or 'bat bread' as I should affectionately call it.  Tomorrow I should buy a baseball team.  After all, I could supply them with lifelong bats with the zucchini I grow!  (see day # 126 blog).

At the last minute, I tried substituting applesauce for the oil in the recipe as I've heard others suggest for a healthier bread. I just sampled the bread and it's very good. That was a good last minute change.  Would you like a piece? (hee hee).

Yesterday I sent another 'take' of the song "you with me" to my producers.  I tried to shift from 'broadway' to 'pop' as my executive producer had suggested, even though I wasn't sure what that meant.  The response was interesting and brought forth some last minute changes.  And they are good ones I believe.  Here are their responses.

Eric Copeland:  (Executive producer) "Yes, better. But this is one of those situations where you can tend to get jazzy/expressive with it, and it should be simple and honest.  I'll let Phil take it from here."

Phil Naish:  (Vocal producer) "Beautiful song and I like all the bgv ideas.  My only comment is the one line in the chorus "within my reach when you touch me" feels just a little rushed with too many words.  See if it bothers you but I wonder if one syllable could go.  I don't know which or where or if at all but it might feel better.  It just feels like you have to hurry to get to "I know He cares".

Aha.  I had trouble understanding the difference between broadway and pop, but all Eric had to do was use the words 'simple' and 'honest' and I got it.

This song is a very tender song.  As I said yesterday, I think it's my favorite on this album.   I originally wrote it to go with a christmas drama about a homeless man and the loneliness he felt.  I wanted to capture that deep loneliness that many people feel, including me sometimes.  It was a cry for us to realize that Emmanuel means "God with us", but God with us is best seen by how we treat each other and being present with each other in times of need.  Because it is a tender song (with beautiful acoustic guitar that expresses it so well) I guess my 'belting' out some of the notes put it over the top.  The only time we 'belt' to each other is if we are upset, usually.  That's not what needs to be communicated in this song.  I have to say though that the orchestra and piano behind it are so beautiful when they swell, that I was partly responding to them and just letting it all go!

But though I didn't quite get the musical difference, I do understand the emotional difference and that's all I needed.  We'll see what their response is to the new interpretation.

As for the lyric changes that Phil suggested?  Oh my!  I'm so glad I asked for his input.  I took one whole line OUT and it makes such a difference.  (the line in italics is the line I removed). It gives room to breathe.  I'll be curious to see if the changes are what he had in mind.

So here's the before:

God with us
is you with me
His hands, His feet are in my reach when you touch me
I know He cares, when you are there
God with us
is you with me.

Here's the after:

God with us
is you with me
His hands and feet are in my reach
I know He cares, when you are there
God with us
is you with me.

Both accomplish the same goal and tell you that I can feel God's touch in my life when a human being touches me with their love by their presence.  It's not as easy to tell the difference when you read it, but when you sing it, it flows so much better.  I also changed "his" to "and".

They always encourage us as songwriters to get critiques of our songs, but to beware because those are always subjective and every person has a different opinion.  One person might think your song is great and the next person thinks you should get rid of it.  I've had that experience with song critiques and it is very frustrating.  But one piece of advice I heard that has changed things for me is this:  If you start hearing the same advice over and over from different people, you need to stop and pay attention.

One criticism I have heard over and over about my writing is that I try to say too much in a song.  Now that I'm aware of it, I've tried to get better at simplifying what I want to say.  This song is a perfect example of a line that was easily cut out without losing the meaning of the song and it opens up the song so much more.

I haven't heard back from the guys yet, but I'm going to guess that they will like the last minute changes.  Morgan Cryar once told me that no song is permanent until the moment it is recorded.  Anything can change until then.  I have learned that even after it's recorded, I can adapt it to my live concerts and still change it, but in general, once it's recorded, that's pretty much it.

I remember years ago when I was first contemplating doing a christmas project, I sent this song to Eric for consideration.  His feedback was something like this: "leave it to Frances to write another sad, suicidal type christmas song."  That might seem harsh to you, but Eric knows my writing very well and when he first listened to all my songs for the project "Inside Things", he quickly pointed out that I was writing a lot of songs about death.  That opened up a whole new path to me because I didn't even notice that I was doing it.  Years later in counseling, it became quite evident that after losing 9 significant people in my life by the time I was 35, (the last one being my father) the only way I seemed to be able to process death was to write songs about it.  It was my way of dealing with the sadness.  So it became a joke between us that I can write dark and sad songs pretty easily and lots of them.  (and yes, I've been to counseling, probably could use more).

I took Eric's comment about this song to heart years ago and began to re-write the tune.  Years later, I feel it says what I want to say without being such a 'downer'.  And just for a point of celebration.....it's the only closest song to a 'downer' on this project you'll hear and it's far from being a downer...so there.....mission accomplished!

Now I just have to learn not to be so wordy in my songs.  That's not a last minute change I can make, but I sure am trying!

Morgan Cryar
Eric Copeland
Phil Naish

CELEBRATION TIME!!!! Day # 27 Big Milestone!!

I'm soooo excited.

I have reached a major milestone in this project.

I have only been able to give small portions of time to this on a daily basis, but all in one night it has paid off.

I attended a christmas concert tonight and was it ever delightful.

I turned off all the lights in my studio, turned up the volume and listened to all my hard work for the past 13 years and more recently, the last 26 days.

It was a concert of my own Christmas music with visions of a 'celebration show' dancing in my head as I listened.

One major hurdle/goal was to have a CD ready to take to Nashville next week to give to producers to evaluate. As of tonight, I have it ready to print to CD.

The magic I have tested by writing and rewriting is still there in the songs and I can hardly wait for the next phase.

So I celebrate.

A cup of hot chocolate, some peanut m&ms and a whole lot of cheering!

I think I just ate a big elephant.

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 14

Another day.......another song.....

"Ride in the Sleigh"

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 13

The journey continues........

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 11

Concert at Menno Haven, PA

My mother listens to my program

A few very cool things happened tonight in relation to my CD project.

I gave a short concert at the retirement home where my mother lives.

Someone from the community who is on my mailing list must have seen the date scheduled on my calendar and came to the concert.  She first heard me years ago in MD at another concert.

She came up after the program and asked if I've ever considered doing a Christmas CD.  For the first time in years, I was able to respond by saying, "yes, I have committed to doing one!".  Usually I say, I hope to someday, or I don't know if I'll ever get to do one or not.  But tonight, I could say YES and I felt like shouting it out!!!

The other neat thing that happened was that after my concert, I checked my e-mail and discovered that an orchestra conductor I contacted recently about doing orchestral arrangements and conducting for a Christmas show (to celebrate the completion of the CD) finally got back to me and is available to meet and listen to what I'm writing and see what he thinks about writing arrangements for the songs.

I am quite excited!  Onward we move!!!

Now...I'll go eat some of the fresh chocolate chip cookies I just took out of the oven.....joined by my husband.

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 10

Busy day.

Started at 5:15 a.m.

Gym, breakfast meeting, staff meeting, lunch meeting, decorating the church for Christmas and rehearsing.

Home for a cup of tea and short rest, then off to do a concert tonight.

Prayed over the CD project on my way to the concert. Tried out some of my Christmas tunes on the audience and found them to be well received. That's all I can do today toward the project.

Still to do: write in my gratitude journal and then enjoy a big juicy naval orange for a snack, with my husband.

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 9

It's Sunday again.  My sabbath of the week.

Since my 'day job' is at a church, that doesn't make for much of a sabbath.  In fact, we had a quiz this morning in our class about the Christmas story.  I failed it.  As we discussed the answers, I realized how much of what I think about the Christmas story has been handed down to me through the carols we sing every year.

For example:
1) we don't know that there were 3 kings, only that there were 3 gifts

there goes the song 'We Three Kings'

2) we don't know for sure that the angels sang

so what about 'Hark The Herald Angels Sing?'

3) we don't have record of any animals in the story

so what about 'the cattle are lowing' and 'why lies He in such low estate where ox and lamb are feeding?'

.....and does it really matter that we don't know for sure?

What does this have to do with my songs for my CD?  Everything!

We teach things to each other by the songs that we sing.  Details, emotions, nuances.......so I began thinking about the lyrics to my own songs.  What am I teaching others by what I write?

One of the lines in one of my songs says 'now she's speaking to a gathered crowd' - referring to the woman in the scriptures who had fasted and prayed most of her life for the Messiah to come.  It doesn't really say there was a crowd gathered.  I just picture it that way.

Do I research and make sure I have all the facts straight?

I'm not supposed to work on the CD on my sabbath (I made that boundary for myself) but that's like asking a mom to disengage from being a mom one day a week.  Even if she doesn't do any mom related activities, it's in her soul to let her mind wander toward her beloved children.

I'm no different.....my songs are me.  They are a part of my fabric.   

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 8

How will my Christmas CD project make a difference in the world?

Bob Baker (from http://www.thebuzzfactor.com) quoted Seth Godin on the podcast I listened to today and asked that question of us as artists.

It's been the thrust of my thinking ever since I heard it. It's the only chance I've had today to work toward the CD.

Here's my best try at it for now.....certainly much more to process in the days to come:

"I hope that by creating an authentic, meaningful Christmas CD, I can help people who dread the holidays or struggle to find meaning over this time of year experience encouragement and refreshment as they listen to the songs. As I give voice to my own past struggles with the holidays, maybe it will give others permission to express their feelings and all of us can find a new freedom in walking this journey together."

I was even more determined to find a way to make a difference with my music as I talked with a friend who attended a funeral today of her friend who committed suicide this week: A fifty-six year old woman who became grandma to a little boy born the night before she died.

We need each other to make it through the tough times!

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 6

I just finished reading a large dose of information about using Kickstarter to fund creative projects. That was the item on my to do list that seemed best suited for my very busy day today.

I can see that Kickstarter is its own elephant! But as I watched videos that other 'creators' have made to share their vision with the world, I was greatly inspired to think even more creatively about my Christmas CD project and how I could come up with inspiring ways to cast my vision to my network of fans and friends. The wheels are turning.

Another fantastic thing took place today.

I attended what has become an annual brunch hosted by a fan of mine who has now become a very dear friend. It was just 3 of us, but it was amazing. Her gift is hospitality and she really pours it on. These 2 ladies have been such a support to me the past couple of years. They are women I can look up to and talk to about so many things.

I decided to be bold and share my vision for a CD and shhhhh........(an annual Christmas show) with them and I was delighted by their response. As I began to open up my heart to them, they began to contribute their ideas and suggestions and were so anxious to hear more about it that we are going to meet again sometime next month and have a listening party. They will get to hear the rough drafts of my songs and are eager to watch the project unfold.

Not only was I encouraged by their excitement and support, but I walked away realizing that I have come a long way as an artist from when I first started. I used to be so shy about my journey and my dreams and only invited folks to see or hear the finished product.

I have become so much more comfortable in my skin and with who I am becoming, that this time around, as I blog each day and share the journey openly, I find it much more exciting to take people with me, than to go alone.

What a day!

The Elephant Diet

I've always heard that if you want to eat an elephant, it's best if you eat it 
one bite at a time.  

There are two elephants I'd like to eat these days:

1) getting better and more consistent about blogging
2) producing a Christmas CD

I think the best way I can do both, is to combine the two. 

So here I go!  

I am going to blog about the journey of what it's like to do a CD project and 
let you in on the process: the decisions and hard work that go into something 
of this magnitude.  

This will be my 7th CD project.  I've also recorded 2 singles and 1 professional 
music video.  They are all big elephants, but I've eaten them all and without 
having to go into debt to do it.

Welcome to the journey of making a CD.  Hopefully as you read this, you will get 
inspired to eat your own elephant - one bite at a time.

(I have no idea what the calorie count is when eating an elephant).