Seize the Moment. (Part 1)

 "The opportunity of a lifetime only lasts for the lifetime of the opportunity. 

Seize the moment." 

– Dave Hess

Dear Kirstin,

I know this week is difficult. After all, it's been exactly one year since we took a big step and hopped in the van to go to Nashville to seize the moment and follow your heart's desire to do a Christmas album. From the moment you suggested the album idea, I was ALL IN! 

And we did it. We recorded Midwinter's Gift. 

As the project was released to the world, later in November, you poured out your heart in frequent posts to help people get a sense of the monumental trek we took, geographically, musically and emotionally. I sat back and watched how unreservedly you shared your part of the story. I felt like I was a little kid who was invited to go on an adventure with you. I wanted to squeal with delight, but I let you take the lead in releasing it. 

But now, knowing how hard it can be to move on after such an experience like we had, I wanted to give something back and share with you some excerpts from my journal – from that week in Nashville. So here's my unedited version, as I wrote it that week in Tennessee. Since it's history in the making, I've decided to make it a blog post so that others can savor the memories with us.

                                                                 ♬

Tuesday, August 2, 2022: (The trip down to Nashville)

Lovely ride down in the van. Alternated drivers – made good time

Cracker Barrel for lunch. Road trip. Listened to music

Ended up at Bristol Town Hall (City Hall) while looking for Cracker Barrel

Cowboy at Cracker Barrel – looking for land and/or roadkill?

The Red House @ The White Oak Farm 

Wildwood Studio, looking at the deer (after we realized they had a surveillance camera)

Kroger's groceries

Cows in the yard

Deer P,

"We're in jail"

"We need air conditioning"

"Do you have a place we can stay?"

"The Pennsylvania van"

"Will there be crickets in the recording?"

♬ 

Wednesday, August 3, 2022:

Leisurely morning while Kirstin tried out and adjusted her reeds.

I ironed, went for a long walk, sang through the oboe parts – yet another way to connect with the music. 

Sat by the pool. 

Hard boiled eggs and salmon, yogurt and granola for breakfast around noon. :-)

♬

All the way down here, I felt rather numb. It's been over four years since I've been here. So much has happened. COVID, for one thing. 

I've aged ... and I feel it. I've lost something. 

I thought I'd never be back to this town, and I was honestly okay with that. I had a good run. I gave it all I had. 

I'm loving the new season of house concerts and being home. 

I have to let go of what was. Embrace new special moments. Make new memories. 

A new friend in my life – Kirstin. 

I don't know her well, but we seem to fit well together. It's not forced... it just slowly unfolds like a rose. I like it. Easy to work with and travel with. Forging new territory – piano and oboe. New producer, arranger, engineer, studio – it's all so different. 

I need to just let go and let be. Unfold. Build new experiences. Don't mourn the old. 

Love the little Airbnb – very quaint. Perfect for us. Out in the country... little horse farm... dogs... pool... two miles from Ed [previous Portraits of White conductor], two miles from studio and about five from downtown Franklin.

When we got near the Nashville city limits, my heart responded. When we passed exits where I've stayed, Seaboard Lane – where we did Inside Things and Fieldstone Parkway (Ed's territory) – my heart leaped. 

Yet, I realized I've moved on. I've been forced to in some ways. 

It's better to let go of what was and anticipate new things.

I never thought I'd be back. But here I am – and I love why I'm here. I love that Kirstin and I met through Portraits of White, but we're doing our own thing – like she says, it's an offshoot of the Portraits of White tree. It's not the tree, but it's a branch from it.

♬

I'm about to go do a photo shoot with Erick Anderson [and Kirstin].

Gray hair – I've kept my natural color. Tempting to color it for this, but it was pretty clear – I need to embrace my age and season in life and part of that is the gray hair.

♬

We're so happy we did the Christmas in July events. Gave us real practice. Almost feels like the fans are with us. They've been part of the journey. 

Now we get to enjoy this moment in time. Making music in August, in the town I used to love. 

 ♬

I believe something beautiful is at work here. I don't know what and I really don't care either. I'm just enjoying the ride. The music. The practicing. 

I've learned so much as I've really tried to practice and find new approaches to learning the music. I can feel the mindset shift–from being easily distracted, to learning how to focus and stay in the moment. I overcame the mental hurdle of using the AirTurn pedal to turn pages. I'm on my way to memorizing and I've loved using my 3X5 index cards with various practice approaches.

I think a big indicator of how much I've grown is the dream I had the other night where for the first time EVER, I actually played the piano in my dream and it went super well. Nothing weird happened to the instrument and it felt so natural to play. Perhaps that shows how much I have overcome mentally, as I've given myself to this project for the past six months. And oh... I've lost about 8 pounds in July!

The icing on the cake will be to walk away (or drive away) on Saturday feeling really happy with my performance the next two days... 

... and to look pretty today. :-)

Dear Kirstin, what are we supposed to be doing?

♬

Thursday morning, August 4, 2022

Photo shoot was fun! Kirstin is a natural – beautiful girl! She's just one of those... 

I love my silver hair. I'm glad I kept it.

My thoughts frequently turned to the realization that I thought I'd never be back and there I was, doing a photo shoot with a friend (who's gorgeous) – getting ready to do a beautiful instrumental project.

I just can't wait to do this and hear the final product, and see the photos...

TODAY!

Phillip Keveren

Kent Hooper :-)

Best Yamaha C7 in Nashville

Midwinter's Gift

Kirstin suggested this order for the day:

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

What Child is This?

O Holy Night

Keep Carol of the Bells, Ships and Sing We Now for Friday morning

Today I will go to the studio with a  heart to serve Kirstin and her dream. This recording is something she has on her bucket list. It's my pleasure to serve her and help make this happen AND make it great! This is about her today.

To be continued...

P.S. Midwinter’s Gift can be found on all major streaming services. Digital downloads and CDs can be purchased here.

Double Keyed Announces 2022 Christmas Project

Frances Drost (Piano) and Kirstin Myers (Oboe/English Horn)

ABOUT Frances & KIRSTIN

It all started when I, (Kirstin Myers / oboe / English horn) was baking Christmas cookies. Somehow, the cookies inspired the idea for a Christmas album and so here we are….announcing our first recording project as Double Keyed—an instrumental piano/oboe/English horn project with classic Christmas songs arranged and produced by Nashville’s own Phillip Keveren.

Since Double Keyed initially connected because of my (Frances Drost / piano) Portraits of White Winter Concert, we felt it would be appropriate to make our first album a collection of favorite Christmas tunes!

About Us:

Frances Drost is a pianist and concert artist who began her own company, “Musical Creations” as a way to encourage people on their journey through life. Take years of life experiences distilled into “three-minute messages” of lyric and melody, interwoven with story-telling in between and you get the unique ministry of singer/songwriter Frances Drost.

Oboist Kirstin Myers holds degrees in Music Education and Oboe Performance from Indiana University of Pennsylvania, and in 1999 she graduated summa cum laude as a full scholarship recipient from Michigan State University with a Masters in Oboe Performance. For the past 21 years she has been on the faculty of Millersville University and York College of Pennsylvania and in 2016 was also appointed as oboe professor at Lebanon Valley College.

In addition to her collegiate appointments, she is the oboe instructor at York College’s YCPrep Community School and maintains a private studio at her home in the Lancaster area. Her students have gone on to win positions in LLMEA County, PMEA District, Regional, State and All-Eastern Bands & Orchestras. She currently performs with the York Symphony Orchestra, Berks Sinfonietta, Reading Pops Orchestra, Trio Jolie, The Silverwood Trio and most recently began collaborating with Frances as the duo “Double Keyed” performing a variety of classical and popular selections (and if Frances asks nicely, sometimes songs Frances wrote). She has also been part of the Portraits of White Annual Winter Concert for seven years.

More about Frances…

As both a singer and songwriter, Frances has a unique way of presenting real-life experiences and meaningful messages that are gently woven throughout her music.

• Frances has served for a total of over 16 years on staff as the Director of Worship at various churches and she brings that experience into her worship leading at conferences and churches. As a worship leader, she has shared many platforms with well-known author and Women of Faith speaker, Carol Kent. She has also shared the stage with Kay Arthur, Dee Brestin, Ruth Graham, Margaret Feinberg, Bonnie Keen, and Ellie Lofaro.
• Frances has also been featured as a guest on the Chris Fabry Live Radio Show.
• Frances is also a songwriter for Songs Of Love – a nonprofit organization that connects songwriters with terminally ill children. She has composed and recorded hundreds of songs for the families with their child as the star of the song.
• Her most recent release (June 2020) is a meditative solo piano project combining music with sounds of nature woven into classic hymns and hints of classical melodies. Perfect for your meditation moments, you’ll love Sunrise Meditations.
• “Portraits Of White” is a Christmas/Winter release filled with a beautiful wintery mix of familiar carols and new tunes, instrumentals and vocals. “Portraits of White” has turned into more than just a CD project; it is now a beautiful winter concert featuring a mix of songs from her winter album and beloved holiday favorites. The musical extravaganza also features other talented local musicians, including Kirstin Myers and that’s actually how they first met.
• In December 2016, Frances released a pop album titled “Brand New Me”. It’s an audio-journal of the work God has been doing in her life in the past decade and challenges audiences to believe that God can still change a heart and make you into a new creation.
• Frances was the winner of the 2009 Momentum Award for “Female Artist Of The Year” and was also nominated for “Inspirational Artist Of The Year” at the 2009 Momentum Awards ceremony in Nashville, TN.
• Frances and her husband, Tom, love to ride their Yamaha Vstars when the weather is perfect. 
• Frances has 3 indoor cats and has been known to feed most outdoor strays who come to visit.

More about Kirstin…

Kirstin has been a featured soloist in a multitude of musical groups, including:

• Johnstown Symphony
• Berks Sinfonietta
• Reading Pops Orchestra
• Millersville University Wind Ensemble
• IUP Symphony
• New Holland Band
• Lyric Band of Hanover.
• Kirstin was also 1st oboist of the New Holland Band for 16 years.
• In addition to her work as a freelance musician and teacher, she thoroughly enjoys spending time with her 3 musical children, 3 un-musical cats and her wonderfully supportive and great music aficionado husband, Ken.

What makes your heart pump?

 "What is your favorite thing about Portraits of White? What really gets your heart pumping?"

Oh THIS was a fun question to answer!

This video says it all.

Announcing the 2020 Spring Concert Series—Let's Get Together!

Over the years, after the Portraits of White concerts in December, people have suggested that I do a spring event. It's a long stretch between Decembers, so let's get together in April...May...and June! I've invited a couple of other music guests to join me. 

Join me for a relaxing, casual atmosphere.

• Four Sundays
• Four Locations (with a lovely grand piano)
• One hour of music (with Frances and other musical guests)
• FREE (Donations appreciated—give online or at the concert)
• Attend as many as you want

If you want to reserve your seat NOW...click HERE for dates, locations and times.

Music Music in the Hall, Who's the Finest of Them All?

"You're not using any music so that means you have a gift!", the older gentleman said as he walked by the piano today. We chatted for a few moments and he was on his way. He didn't know that I had a stack of music in my bag. I just happened to be playing without written music when he walked by.

Piano music from my piano lesson days (1978) with my teacher's handwritten notes.

Every week I play the piano in the hospital lobby at PennState Health Milton S. Hershey Medical Center and it's still one of my favorite places to play. I've been doing this 'gig' for years now and my choice of music varies every week—from my own compositions to hymns to classical pieces. Sometimes I follow written music and sometimes I play by ear. I'm grateful that I can do both. 

Though I started playing the piano by ear when I was two or three, in sixth grade my mother found a piano teacher for me and I began taking lessons. It seemed like my first piano teacher enjoyed the entertainment as I played by ear, but my second piano teacher wasn't there for entertainment. She soon discovered that I could play a song if she played it for me and if she didn't play it for me first, I struggled to learn it. Once she realized what was happening, I was forced to learn to read. To this day, I still do better if I've heard a song first, but I am SO glad I can read music and I have that teacher to thank!

This past August, Kirstin Myers and I formed a piano/oboe duo we call "Double Keyed" and we're enjoying the musical camaraderie of playing together. Kirstin has been a part of my annual Portraits of White concert every December, and I was excited when we were able to work together beyond the holiday concert. And oh, by the way, we play from written music. 

I love the novelty of the oboe and it's inspiring to watch people's reactions. This opportunity would not be possible if my piano teacher had not insisted that I learn to read music. 

"Double Keyed" (Frances & Kirstin) @ PennState Health.

Sometimes I feel as if there can be a subtle air of pride among some musicians who "don't read music" or "never had a lesson". Even the audience "oohs and aahs" when someone announces they are self-taught, especially after they've dazzled us with their abilities. 

I admit, it IS a very special thing to be able to sit down without any sheet music and just play. I could sense the "awe" from the gentleman today who commented on the fact that I wasn't using music, but I pondered this all afternoon and decided to encourage people who want to play music not to be afraid or ashamed to get training. I sure wish I had more music education! I'm no Liberace, but there are opportunities that have come my way that would never have happened if I couldn't read music.

It almost feels as absurd as bragging that you are able to create imaginary stories in your head without being able to read. That's creative, but you're missing out on a whole world of possibilities when you can read a book and I believe the same is true when you can read music. You open yourself up to playing great music that others have composed for our enjoyment. Why not learn to play their music?

I suppose the moral of this story is obvious, but just in case it's not, I just want to say that you're not a lesser musician if you have to read something on the written page. You can move people with your music and that's what really matters.

I couldn't do Portraits of White if it weren't for the professional musicians on stage with me. We don't get much rehearsal time and it's crucial that they can play what's on the page with accuracy and expression. They've spent years mastering their instrument and the payoff comes when you hear them play together.

So here's to all the music teachers in the world...thanks for teaching us to read!!

And HERE's a special video with a message from my piano teacher, Donna Houser, who made sure I could read. Now she and her husband bring a group of friends to my December concert every year. I hope I make her proud. 

Sports Bikes, Wheelies, Jesus and Pianos

"I was popping a wheelie on my sports bike and noticed another rider beside me doing the same thing—on his bike. Suddenly, I found myself transported from the mountain trail to the water and there I was, popping a wheelie while riding on top of the water. This is so cool, I thought, and THEN I saw the mysterious rider popping a wheelie on HIS bike—on top of the water right beside me. I was like, MAN oh MAN, who is that other rider? Look at us...we're riding on top of the water! I looked over and it was Jesus. (Everyone laughed). No kidding! Jesus was riding a sports bike beside me, racing across the surface of the water."

"Dad always has dreams like that," she said to the rest of the group hiking on the trail. "Was I in the dream at all?", said a woman I presumed to be his wife. I chuckled to myself. They didn't know I could hear them.

I'm the worship leader and guest musician for the week here at Spruce Lake Retreat in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, and I was hiking the Spruce Mountain early this morning. When I arrived at the top, a group of people had already beat me there. I guess I'm not the only insane person who rises early and hikes through mountains. It's a hike I always take when I'm here. The scenic overlook at the top is spectacular and the hike is just as exhilarating. This morning I saw an orange salamander and a Baltimore Oriole, but no bear. Probably a good thing, though I'll confess, I really want to see bear cubs. (I published this blog on Wednesday morning and headed up to the top of the mountain for the second day in a row and wouldn't you know, I was looking out over the valley and right below me I heard crackling and popping...and out came a little black bear cub.  I quietly sat down on the rock and watched eagerly. Then, a cinnamon colored bear appeared and started climbing a fallen tree. I sat in amazement...and awe.  I also determined in that moment that I would go back to camp the same way I went up.  If I would have gone down the way I was supposed to, I would have encountered the bears. No need to create issues for myself.)

I contemplated the story I had just heard about Jesus popping wheelies. I love that image. In the past, I've been guilty of  thinking that Jesus would only be found in a lofty cathedral, or a monastery, praying and fasting regularly. I've heard many messages that have tried to convince me that Jesus liked to have fun, play with kids and wasn't all serious and mild. Though I guess they help to chisel away at the myths I've had about Jesus, there's nothing like a dream to dispel the notions of who we think God is and what He's like.

I remember one time I was instructed by a speaker to close my eyes and picture myself in a safe place—a peaceful place. Normally, I dread when people make me do that. I can't seem to still my thoughts long enough to picture any thing, let alone a safe place. But in that moment, my brain went immediately to the piano bench. The piano is a safe place for me. It's peaceful. Playing the ivories feels as natural as breathing and I'm at home when I'm playing...so I'm now picturing myself at the piano. Whew...what a relief.

But then the speaker instructed us to picture Jesus in that place. Now that's extra hard for me to do. I don't know why...it just is. I've tried these exercises before and it becomes such a complicated process I freak out and can't do it. If you can't relate to this, I'm sorry. I'm sure there are a few who can. I'm just writing my thoughts here, so you don't have to keep reading if you don't want to. ;-)

Suddenly, I "sensed" Jesus in such a powerful and unusual way, unlike any other time I can recall in my life. He was sitting on the piano bench beside me and as I began to play, He inhabited me and it was as if we were one. I've never had an experience like that before or since. I often think about it when I'm playing the piano.

We, (I was now part of the group), continued down the mountain as my thoughts turned from Jesus popping wheelies in this man's dreams to Jesus residing in me when I play the piano. (I don't even know if residing is the right word). These things are hard to explain in human words. I know that He lives in us, but to experience Him moving from the bench into my being was very unusual.

All I can say is, I believe Jesus was in his dream popping wheelies and I believe Jesus plays the piano through me when I play. It's experiences like these that help break down our ridiculous myths about who Jesus is and what He's like. I welcome them and I was refreshed not only by the crisp morning air, the stream rushing down the mountain slopes, but this man's dream that I happened to hear being shared with his family this morning.

This is the view from the top of the mountain. I copied it from the website of Spruce Lake Retreat.

Killing Anxiety Before it Kills You (Part 4)

My fingers were flying across the black and white keys at top speed when I noticed the clicking sound that my fingernails make when they need trimmed.

Bummer. I meant to trim them before my day of practicing began. It's very hard to play difficult music when your nails are the slightest bit too long.

Here's how my thought process continued......(while I kept on playing)

..must trim my nails at lunch..
..I look forward to the day when I can have very long, pretty, painted fingernails...
..remember Florence Littauer and the beautiful long nails she had? I want mine to be like hers...
..and oh yes, how nice of that gentleman at my concert yesterday who came up to me afterward to tell me that because of my song about the "Personalities" he was now going to take that class he originally didn't want to take.....he was now inspired.....good...
...I wonder what Florence is up to these days...
...I'm hungry...
..how fun it is to do concerts when people actually receive something specific from you that will add value to their lives and relationships...
...OOPS.......I shouldn't have let my mind wander so.....
...now I'm totally lost in the song and have no idea where I am...

It happens so predictably now, that part of my practicing for Portraits of White goes way beyond learning the music and executing it well. It also involves making my brain stay focused on only one thought: what's the next note I need to play?

This feels like appropriate advice for more than just music rehearsal!

The scripture seems to give two contradictory statements about our thoughts:

1) Take no thought for tomorrow......
2) Take every thought captive.....

So which is it?  Don't take on any thoughts or take the ones you have captive and make them obedient to what they should be dwelling on?

It's both!!!

So here's the next thing I know about anxiety.  

It often begins with our thoughts. If we can "take no thought", we are much better off.

Kind of like not picking up the chocolate bar off the shelf in the store and putting it into our grocery cart. But the problem is, we are human and we do take thoughts and store them in our "cart". Then we usually have to pay for them later.

This has nothing to do with the blog.....
I saw this picture while looking for an appropriate photo of a grocery cart,
and was distracted by this picture.
Wouldn't it be the DREAM job!!!
To work on streets of chocolate?
...well...maybe it DOES have something to do with the blog....

Therefore, the next thing to do if you have trouble with "taking thoughts", is to learn how to "take them captive".

I remember when I was a little girl visiting my older cowboy cousin in Oklahoma. He showed me how he could ride his horse and lasso a steer with his rope (I wonder now if he was just showing off.) At the time, he really impressed this curious young girl. I mean, I came from a farm, but we didn't do THAT with our calves.

Once he caught it, he pulled the rope tight. The steer was now his captive.

When we have negative thoughts, we have to 'lean into our horse' a little bit and catch the thought by the horns and wrestle it to the ground....at least, that's how I view the practice of taking a thought captive. Could be my rural upbringing showing through.

What are you thinking about these days? Could your anxiety be related to your thought life? I know it's definitely true in my life.

"What am I going to do?"

"What if this bill doesn't get paid?"

"What if I can't find work?"

"Who is going to be President?"

These questions usually lead to fear, which inevitably leads to worry and anxiety.

You might not be a musician who has to learn to focus her brain so that her fingers remember where to go next, but we can all learn how to control our thoughts and focus on where they should go next.

There's another verse that suggests things we should think on...good things - things that are lovely, true, honest and pure.

So here are my "thoughts" for the week on killing anxiety.

Start by thinking about your thoughts (I know, bad pun).

Be choosy about which thoughts you "take".

If you fail and "take" the negative ones, then proceed to step 2 and take them captive so they can't do more damage.

Drag the bad thoughts out and replace them with good, true, lovely and hopeful thoughts.

Now....back to focused practicing...and yes, I remembered to trim my nails at lunch.

In What Ways Does God Give You Dream Clues?

This was one of the questions asked by a reader from my recent post Dream Clues. I thought you might benefit from the answers. I find a new passion is developing in me - to see others fulfill their dreams.  Is there such a thing as a dream coach? This blog is the start of something else unfolding.

I am certainly not an expert in these things, but I have learned a few helpful points along the way and I'm still learning. I'll share what I know so far.  

When I was as a child, I could sometimes feel the electricity of my dreams. 

For instance, I would sing on the door step looking out over the landscape of our buckeye tree, the swing in that tree and the lane going past the barn down to the road. I could sense that I was tapping into something futuristic, though ominous. There were no distinct lines or clues defining what it would be exactly. It's only in looking back that I can see how significant those moments really were because of how my life has unfolded. They were very connected to what I do now, without me realizing it.

So back to the first question the reader asked.  Since this was a personal question, I'll use mostly personal examples. 

In what ways does God give you dream clues?

1) Other people:

• Someone else points out your abilities.  

Everyone in my immediate family seems to remember that I had a gift for picking things up by ear on the piano, but it was an Aunt who actually spoke it out loud and encouraged my mother to have me study with a teacher.

2) Your desires:

• A desire that just doesn't go away.  

I was too young to voice or know my desires for doing shows or playing the piano. I simply did what felt natural to me. However, someone from the outside saw it and identified it. 

But as I've grown older, many things I'm doing now have stemmed from a growing desire and unfading longing. As a result, I've taken private lessons/coaching for voice, guitar, drums, songwriting, performance, etc. and loved every single lesson. I use those tools now.

More recently, I took up figure skating. Still pondering the significance of that, but I know if I would not have suffered an injury that , I would still be pursuing it.

3) Childhood interests:

• What fascinated you as a child?

• I didn't play chess when I was little.  I lined up the chess pieces like a choir and had them sing. 
• I didn't just ice skate, I took my boom box out to the pond and made up routines to the music. 
• I didn't just take piano lessons and participate in recitals, I wanted to do my own music recitals which included inviting my friends and having snacks afterward.  It became a concert AND a social event.

4) Your Soul Stirs Within You When:

• You see someone else doing something similar to your dream.

One of the biggest motivators in deciding to do the Portraits of White Christmas concert was watching a documentary of the early years in Taylor Swifts's career. Her story so impacted me that I remember getting up off the couch that night, after watching it, and determining that if Taylor could make her own way and follow her heart, after she was turned away by the music industry, then so could I. 

And so can you! 

Sometimes our clues are that simple. 

Reflect on your childhood and things you did that weren't the typical way a child would act or think. 

A friend of mine told me recently that her daughter was unique in her preferences as a child....always putting things in order; did not like things getting scratched or messed up. If she took things out, they would go back in the same order and not just thrown in the box. Things were ordered by color, size, or shape when she played.  She also would create plots with her Barbies, as if they were in a story! Even her bookshelf in her room is categorized by either author or genre. 

Clues are simply sign posts along the way. Stop and take note of them as often as you can.

Do you have questions or comments about dreams and the pursuit of them?  I'd love to hear from you in the comment box below!

Dream Clues

Dreams were meant to grow up and mature.

Explode with excitement.

Come to fruition.

But they don't all make it to the end or turn out exactly like we first envisioned them.

However, it's in the dreaming, trying and working that we grow and mature, no matter the outcome of the original dream.

I loved putting on shows when I was little.  My family was my audience and the living room was my stage.  I loved playing the piano. It's easy to dream when you are little.

Frances at age 3.

But how do you go from being the little 3 year old with an imagination to actually doing what you always dreamed of doing or even just getting in touch with the dreams you had as a child when life has taken over and controls your time?

Frances at age 48.

Ask yourself these questions and you will discover some clues:

• What causes you to lose all sense of time and fear?  Listen to your heart in those moments.
• What would you do for free just because you love it? Do it so well for free that others pay you to do it.
• Who are you when no one is looking and you are totally unencumbered with doubt and timidity? That's a clue!
• Use every present opportunity to practice at what you dream of doing.

So here I go again - doing another Portraits of White winter concert. A dream in the making. 

Please share it with your friends.

Then come and dream with me.

Buy your tickets here.

Never By Accident

I watched her fingers tremble as she pressed the strings against the wood, but they weren't trembling from nerves.  They were adding the rich vibrato that makes the cello sing.  Combined with her bow techniques, her poise and confidence, the little black notes on the page jumped off and brought my weary soul back to life.  Even the 'rests' were part of the moments.

I asked her if I could sit beside her and watch her play.  Her music has always touched me deep down in my soul and often makes me emotional.  When we play together, it becomes even more powerful.

How can inanimate objects like wood strung with catgut melt a person's heart? Like water that changes the shape of a hard rock over years of time.  Only my heart melts within just a few measures. A few seconds.

As I sat and beheld this amazing player on her well-worn instrument, I got new inspiration. The page she was playing from was written with piano and choir in mind.  It wasn't just for cello. Without the other members of the music performance, it would have sounded incomplete, albeit beautiful.  But it was written to go with other parts.

One page. That's all she had.  She couldn't see anything else. No choir music, no piano accompaniment.  Just her part. She had to trust that what she had would fit into the whole.

You might feel as if you are a tuba in a spa, but believe me, there is a spot for the tuba.  It adds incredible rich bass tones in the context of the whole. The gifts you have, the special wiring you came with, have a purpose and a place.

If everyone plays their individual part to the best of their ability, when it all comes together it will sound amazing, but you have to trust the person who wrote the arrangement.  You have to trust that he knew what all the other players would be doing and how your part fits in context.

Focus. Trust.  Faith.

I first wrote the piano piece called "Never By Accident" from a few simple notes. It happened by accident. But my producer wanted to add other players to what I originally thought would be a solo piano piece.  I couldn't quite catch his vision until the piece was completed.

I changed the original title from "By Accident" to the new name: "Never By Accident".  It was too beautiful to be an accident and it was now going on my CD.

You were not an accident.  You, like the piano in this song, are meant to be part of a bigger piece.

You are beautiful.  Don't shy away from letting yourself become part of something larger than you.

You weren't meant to play alone.

You were never an accident.

This Is My Father's World

"A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Snow

Almost every child has a blanket they adore when they are little.

They drag it around with them everywhere they go.

They eat with it, sleep with it and must take it with them when they ride in the car.

Don't you dare take it away! It becomes their security.  It makes them feel at ease.  In fact, oftentimes they suck their thumb on one hand and lug the blanket around with the other.

Snow was my blanket.  It still is.

The music on the video.

One day, I sat down at the piano and wrote this song after a long winter's walk.  It was a dreary January day complete with grey skies.  Except for the blue mountains in the background, a few evergreen trees and various colored boxes (houses), the land was brown and black.  It seemed to amplify my longing for snow and cry aloud with me.  I was missing my winter blanket.

Though I originally had lyrics, I decided to record it as an instrumental.  It seems to allow more space for the listener's interpretation.

The photographs in the video.

A few years ago I was doing the music at an event in Canon Beach, Oregon - a most gorgeous place - and became acquainted with a woman who does photography as a hobby.  Weeks after the event, I was so delighted to receive some of her beautiful cards in the mail featuring her pictures.  I sent a few to friends and kept two for myself as a keepsake.

I forgot all about her work until last year when I went searching for snow pictures to use.  I contacted several photographers about their images but to no avail.

Her name popped into my mind one day and I went searching through my closet for her cards. Fortunately I had kept two of them and found her e-mail.  We made contact again after all these years and I am pleased to share her work with you.

Sharon Gordon - Photographer

Empty Shelves = Greater Prayer Lives?

Reflecting on the miracle journey of 2014

"Prosperity may dilute prayer too.  In my travels I have noticed that Christians in developing countries spend less time pondering the effectiveness of prayer and more time actually praying.  The wealthy rely on talent and resources to solve immediate problems, and insurance policies and retirement plans to secure the future.  We can hardly pray with sincerity, "Give us this day our daily bread" when the pantry is stocked with a month's supply of provisions." - Philip Yancey
(from his book: Prayer, Does It Make A Difference?)

My heart jumped for joy when I read this paragraph.  It's the first day of 2015 and since my husband is not feeling well we are just sitting in the living room resting and enjoying Pandora's classic lounge station.  A cloudless sky outside reveals the full sunlight and makes the room cheery, adding to the peacefulness.

I picked up Philip Yancey's book on prayer to start reading it just now.  Last year at this time I determined to grow in my prayer life and his book is one that I came upon months ago and decided to add to my growing collection of books on prayer.

After reading that paragraph I had to put the book down and write my thoughts.  I have seen the amazing power of prayer in my life this past year.  It really started in June when I decided to host a breakfast at a local restaurant and invite some fans to become part of my Portraits of White dream team.  I called them my vision team, but they have changed it to 'dream team'.  I like it.

I didn't have a pantry full of goods and provision to pursue this vision at the time.  A few hundred dollars in my checkbook and not too much more than that in my savings account either.  But I went ahead and stepped out in faith.  I had bathed this vision in prayer for months.  Now it was time to put it to a test.  I knew if I hosted this breakfast I would start something in motion that would be a complete walk of faith.  I did not have the 'resources in my pantry' to see this through to the end. Was I ready to jump in with both feet?

My first indication that this was going to be an amazing experience came in an e-mail from someone I had invited to attend the breakfast.  They were offering to pay for the cost of the group's breakfast. Another e-mail came a couple of days later with the same offer from someone else.  The day of the breakfast, a woman in the group got up to supposedly 'go to the bathroom' and as I later discovered, had inquired with the waitress as to how to go about paying for the group's breakfast, which by that time was already paid for.

This has proven to be my experience all the way through this past year.  A financial hurdle would arise and was then met with some kind of amazing provision that I didn't know would happen. Honestly, I could write a book on just this past year alone.

One of my prayers this past year was that I would have the concert paid for in full by the end of the year.  Today is January 1 and I am thrilled to report that the funds are there to pay the final bills. It won't leave much left over, but my faith has grown immensely through this journey and all I could say when I read Philip's paragraph was - "hey, though my food pantry is full, my pantry of resources to pursue a big dream was NOT full, but through prayer, hard work, miracles and supernatural means, all my needs have been met."  It would have been easier to just skip my dreams and live comfortably.

I don't ever want any kind of prosperity or deceptive comfort to keep me from stepping out. Sometimes the only way we can see God move is to take that step into the unknown. Is it safe? Nope. Is it tiring? Yep.  Do I feel alive?  Yes!

So here's my final question that I will ponder the rest of the day as I continue reading his book.  If God can do that with my finances, why can't He do it with everything else in my life?  In what other areas can I trust Him to do more than I possibly can?  Why limit it to financial?  Why not trust Him for physical healing MORE, for emotional freedom?  For deliverance from recurring fears and anxiety?

I intend to try.

Why not empty my 'shelves' of all my own prosperity and trust Him for greater things?  I think Philip Yancey is right.  Our own comfort and abilities keep us from that deep sense of need for rescue.  As a result, we don't pray.  We just keep on depending on ourselves.  I'd rather live on the edge.

Don't get me wrong.  I have days when it just looks too hard. It is NOT easy to live this way.  That's why I keep books like Philip's handy because they stir things in me.  They call to the deep in me and keep me on the edge, far away from comfort zones.

Now.........back to my book.

Philip Yancey's book

The Window of Grief

'Lil Moe was rescued from the side of the road over a month ago and though I found a home for her, I am currently kitten-sitting while her new family is hiking the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee.  We both stare out the window.

I should be working on my christmas concert.  Instead, I'd rather just sit and stare out the window. Truth is, I AM staring out a window - it goes with me everywhere I go.

It's funny how everyday things look different when you view them from the window of grief.  Simple things make you cry.  You brace yourself for those moments but alas they don't happen when you think they should. Then, suddenly, without warning the strangest things bring you to tears and usually at inconvenient times.

I learned what grief feels like when my father died so I am better prepared for this season of my mother's passing and am less concerned about those unexpected 'grief moments'.  In fact, when they come, I try not to fight them.  They are different than the ever-present compression in your chest that makes it hard to breathe.  They come and go.

Today has been full of them.

• A friend invites us to the beach over Thanksgiving......I realize my mother won't be here - it feels cruel to go without her, yet staying home doesn't make sense either
• I arrive on the campus of Messiah College today for a speaking engagement.....Messiah College is rich with family history
• my mother fell in love with her first husband here when she was 14  
• she later returned as a widow to work for the Dean of Students
• she fell in love a second time and met my father here and re-married
• my father was a professor here later when my older brother Nathan drowned in our farm pond (my father had been at Bucknell University that day to look at their new science building as Messiah was considering a new science building too)  
• mother called the college that day to ask them to get a message to Orville saying he should come straight home when he arrived back at the school....(this was before the days of cell phones)..she didn't want him to find out over the phone that Nathan was gone
• today I spoke to Administrative Assistants in the very same room where my mother and I enjoyed a delicious lunch together a few years ago with classmates of her's from the 40's as my father was honored with a scholarship in his name at the college - she enjoyed being with them and hearing stories about Orville from his college days - it was meaningful for both of us - now I am here without her
• as I drove to the college, I tried to rehearse my christmas concert in the van, but the songs only evoked tears - it's going to be interesting to do holiday music when the holidays are such a potent time of year when you've lost your loved one

All this was happening in my heart as I walked the campus and spoke to the diverse group gathered for a special luncheon.  However, there were no tears.  Only the deep compression in my soul.

Last night, there were tears.  We had just finished rehearsing "All To Jesus I Surrender" as a worship team and suddenly, out of nowhere they came.  I think it was the combination of beautiful acoustic guitar and piano bursting into spontaneous praise without any voices and the refreshment of doing an 'old song' that my mother would have loved.

There will be times in the season of grief when you will view everything through the window of losing your loved one. When that happens, open the window wide and let the memories (and tears) pour forth.  It is a healing balm and lets the sunshine back in....even if it takes years.