Do You Get Paid?

 "Do you make enough from Portraits of White to pay yourself?" Another great question from a fan.

The simple answer is not yet, but I hope to. 

But there's always more to the story than just a simple answer, right? 

When I first started Portraits of White, I was doing 50 - 100 events per year, working at a church part time and writing/recording albums. I had to be organized and make good use of every moment I had. I suppose it was good preparation for starting a big Christmas event.

Portraits of White took my music career on a path filled with higher mountains, lower valleys, roller coaster twists and horseshoe turns emotionally and financially. It challenged my faith, musicianship, tenacity and endurance. I've learned a lot about myself, show production, business, marketing, and realistic goal setting, for starters.

But why not just tell you more about it in this week's video?

Do you have your tickets to the show yet? If not, visit PortraitsofWhite.com here.

"Seedy" Generosity

When I plant seeds, this is how I tend to sow:
Sparingly enough to get one flower.

But this is how I want to sow:

Generously enough to have plenty to give away.

I confess.

I'm greedy.

I hoard.

I'm afraid I won't have enough.

I don't know why.

I used to buy a pack of zinnia seeds and plant each little seed with care, trying not to drop any. None to spare. It's tedious!

Last year I saved the dead flowers because they contain seeds.  I ended up with so many seeds that this year I could have planted a field. Because I had so many to spare, I recklessly threw them across the ground knowing that even if only 1/4 of them come up, I'll have more than I need.

THAT was fun!

I was generous this year because I knew I had plenty to spare.

I was hoarding before because I was afraid I wouldn't have enough.

Therein lies the difference. How I view the source from which I give.

If I believe there is enough to go around, I give generously.

If I fear losing the little I have, I will never share.

There's a saying that always makes me stop and think. 

"I could give all that I have to feed the poor, I could surrender my body to be burned as a martyr, but if I do not live in love, I gain nothing by my selfless acts."  I Cor. 13:3 (The Voice)

That explains "seedy" generosity.  It looks great to others. But....it is tainted by fear, lack and obligation. Sharing it will only reap more fear, lack and obligation. It doesn't sprout from deep love. 

Father God, please change my heart. Let me see how much I have to share and give it away generously. Help me to stop being clouded by fear of the future. When I do give, please let it be from a deep reservoir of grace, mercy and abundance, not out of fear, lack and obligation.

Empty Shelves = Greater Prayer Lives?

Reflecting on the miracle journey of 2014

"Prosperity may dilute prayer too.  In my travels I have noticed that Christians in developing countries spend less time pondering the effectiveness of prayer and more time actually praying.  The wealthy rely on talent and resources to solve immediate problems, and insurance policies and retirement plans to secure the future.  We can hardly pray with sincerity, "Give us this day our daily bread" when the pantry is stocked with a month's supply of provisions." - Philip Yancey
(from his book: Prayer, Does It Make A Difference?)

My heart jumped for joy when I read this paragraph.  It's the first day of 2015 and since my husband is not feeling well we are just sitting in the living room resting and enjoying Pandora's classic lounge station.  A cloudless sky outside reveals the full sunlight and makes the room cheery, adding to the peacefulness.

I picked up Philip Yancey's book on prayer to start reading it just now.  Last year at this time I determined to grow in my prayer life and his book is one that I came upon months ago and decided to add to my growing collection of books on prayer.

After reading that paragraph I had to put the book down and write my thoughts.  I have seen the amazing power of prayer in my life this past year.  It really started in June when I decided to host a breakfast at a local restaurant and invite some fans to become part of my Portraits of White dream team.  I called them my vision team, but they have changed it to 'dream team'.  I like it.

I didn't have a pantry full of goods and provision to pursue this vision at the time.  A few hundred dollars in my checkbook and not too much more than that in my savings account either.  But I went ahead and stepped out in faith.  I had bathed this vision in prayer for months.  Now it was time to put it to a test.  I knew if I hosted this breakfast I would start something in motion that would be a complete walk of faith.  I did not have the 'resources in my pantry' to see this through to the end. Was I ready to jump in with both feet?

My first indication that this was going to be an amazing experience came in an e-mail from someone I had invited to attend the breakfast.  They were offering to pay for the cost of the group's breakfast. Another e-mail came a couple of days later with the same offer from someone else.  The day of the breakfast, a woman in the group got up to supposedly 'go to the bathroom' and as I later discovered, had inquired with the waitress as to how to go about paying for the group's breakfast, which by that time was already paid for.

This has proven to be my experience all the way through this past year.  A financial hurdle would arise and was then met with some kind of amazing provision that I didn't know would happen. Honestly, I could write a book on just this past year alone.

One of my prayers this past year was that I would have the concert paid for in full by the end of the year.  Today is January 1 and I am thrilled to report that the funds are there to pay the final bills. It won't leave much left over, but my faith has grown immensely through this journey and all I could say when I read Philip's paragraph was - "hey, though my food pantry is full, my pantry of resources to pursue a big dream was NOT full, but through prayer, hard work, miracles and supernatural means, all my needs have been met."  It would have been easier to just skip my dreams and live comfortably.

I don't ever want any kind of prosperity or deceptive comfort to keep me from stepping out. Sometimes the only way we can see God move is to take that step into the unknown. Is it safe? Nope. Is it tiring? Yep.  Do I feel alive?  Yes!

So here's my final question that I will ponder the rest of the day as I continue reading his book.  If God can do that with my finances, why can't He do it with everything else in my life?  In what other areas can I trust Him to do more than I possibly can?  Why limit it to financial?  Why not trust Him for physical healing MORE, for emotional freedom?  For deliverance from recurring fears and anxiety?

I intend to try.

Why not empty my 'shelves' of all my own prosperity and trust Him for greater things?  I think Philip Yancey is right.  Our own comfort and abilities keep us from that deep sense of need for rescue.  As a result, we don't pray.  We just keep on depending on ourselves.  I'd rather live on the edge.

Don't get me wrong.  I have days when it just looks too hard. It is NOT easy to live this way.  That's why I keep books like Philip's handy because they stir things in me.  They call to the deep in me and keep me on the edge, far away from comfort zones.

Now.........back to my book.

Philip Yancey's book

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 81 Holes In The Sheets!

I slept on the couch last night.

No, we're not fighting.  I just couldn't sleep. 

I've discovered when that happens, if I get up and move to the couch - just a change in placement seems to help me fall back asleep.

I think I know what my problem was last night.  Not too long ago I discovered a small hole in our fitted sheet.  I put the sheet in the wash and then made sure that the hole was at our feet and not at the top of the bed.  That way I could ignore it and get a few more months use out of it.

That was dumb. 

My foot caught the edge of the hole the other night and I could hear and feel it rip. I cringed.  Every night I've gone to bed knowing it's there but hoping it will miraculously go away if I stay nice and still ALL NIGHT.  (you can see where this is headed)

The problem is, my subconscious mind must be quite aware that it is there and all night long I struggle to keep from making the hole bigger.  I think that was my problem last night.  It ended up disturbing my sleep enough that I got up and went to the couch.

After a lecture from my husband this morning about going to get a new one, I confessed that I don't want to spend the money.  That led to another lecture.  I've somehow adopted the mindset that every penny I spend means I can't spend it on something else.  It's part of the reason I've been able to pursue my dream.  I spend very little on anything so that I'll have money to spend on the music when it's time.....and that philosophy spills over into how I run our household finances. 

As I was walking this afternoon, I realized that the little hole that has now grown big is just like the enemies that keep us from accomplishing our dreams.  They are little things, subconscious thoughts that eat away at our confidence and begin to keep us from 'resting'.  If we just 'ignore' them, maybe they will go away.  But it's a lie.  At some point, they will get caught in our souls and rip until they become out of control.

Holes might be:

• Fear that we'll fail or....succeed
• Fear that we won't have enough money so we hoard every little bit we have and never step out and take risks
• Negative words spoken over us that continue to play over and over (you're too old!......who do you think you are?......Isn't that a little vain?...you'll never be able to do this)
• Depression
• Fatigue

You get the idea.  If these seemingly little holes aren't corrected when they are small, they will eventually tear and become a big problem that will keep us from accomplishing what's in our hearts.  Are they worth losing sleep over?  NO...but if we don't fix 'em, they will get bigger and then we WILL lose sleep.

So not only does this elephant diet keep me focused on the tasks at hand, but it seems to always keep me looking deeper into my soul for the little holes that rip away at my confidence.

On a more task-oriented note:

Bite-size accomplishments so far this week:

• Communication with potential stage manager for the show
• Update received from my producer about CD
• Connection with an image consultant in Nashville for the photo shoot and added her prices into my biz plan sheet for my budget
• Set up a meeting with the sound company for Thursday of this week to gather information
• Participating in a live webinar with my live show producer company tonight

"The Elephant Diet" Day # 67 Money and Clicks

Today I sent a check to get started on the CD.  Celebrate!  That's the money part.  I work hard, save all I can, and then suddenly, it is gone.  But I'm so excited to get started!

Brian Green of Castlebury Productions will be doing most of the initial work until we add guitars, etc.    He did the song "That's What Faith is All About" - the song that comes up on my website when you first arrive.

I also spent a good part of the day getting my monthly e-notes ready to send out.  These go to people on my mailing list whom I have met over the years at concerts, etc.  Every month I try to write an encouraging article for my fans.  If you'd like to sign up, you can do so by clicking here.  You get a free song if you sign up and you can order a CD at a discounted price with no shipping charges!

I also finished up podcast episode # 20.  Celebrate!

This is an on-line show where I share all kinds of stories, songs and updates to my ministry.  This episode is part 3 of a message I shared at a church in Lancaster, PA.  It's an encouragement to hang on to the seed you have in your own heart.  There will be many things that will try to steal the seed, devour it or choke it once it starts to produce and I've certainly seen this in my own life.  But if you hang in there long enough, you will eventually begin to see the seed germinate, take root and finally, produce!

You can click here to listen.

So today was about money and clicking.   Clicking as I typed away on my computer and clicking you can do when you're done reading this.  : )

Time to go help my husband take a shower.....and then we will finish the apple pie I made Monday night.

Happy clicking!