"Shoestring Budgets" Offer BIG Bonuses

If you have a dream (or an idea) but you don't have a big budget, try getting creative with what you DO have! Along the way, you'll discover a few bonuses that prove to be very valuable. (And just so you know, I wrote this post long before the COVID-19 virus was in full force but I still feel like these thoughts are relevant—especially now.) 

Believe me, I've had to follow my own advice and wouldn't you know, I'm already re-experiencing these bonuses. 

Shoestring budget bonus # 1:

1) You cultivate creativity.

My first attempt at a public concert was over 20 years ago. I was operating on a very tiny budget. In fact, I'm not even sure I had a budget. I don't know that I had much of a dream either. I just happened to have some songs that seemed to resonate with people and an opportunity to record those songs. So I decided to put on a concert to help pay for the recording.

I picked a venue, date and name: "A Journey Through Seasons" since that seemed to correlate with the songs I was planning to share.

Since I'm a visual person, I wanted some "props" to go with my themed concert. When I found a cow skull along the road on my walk one day, I brought it home thinking it would be the perfect prop for the "desert scene" in my concert.

My husband was horrified that I was now collecting skulls from along the roadside.😂  I simply viewed it as getting creative.

You can see the skull in the picture on the right.
I borrowed the other props from the church venue.

I discovered that I really enjoyed planning a concert, so I kept cultivating creativity over the years and paying attention to the desires of my heart. After recording my Christmas album, I started wanting to step things up a notch...well, more like, quite a few notches.

Portraits of White 2018

The fourth year into my Portraits of White concerts my stage props were a bit of an upgrade from the cow skull days—I didn't find them alongside the road either. They were gorgeous white trees (made of shower curtains) and snowflakes (made of styrofoam) hand-crafted just for the Christmas concert. After the concerts, people wanted to buy those trees. I wonder why no one ever wanted to buy the cow skull?! LOL!

Yes, my stage props have changed but having to use my creativity and ingenuity has not. The need to limit what I spend always forces me to be creative and it's a BIG bonus, though sometimes a challenge too.

Now that I am facing the cancellation and postponement of concerts, I've had to get REALLY creative.

Thanks Facebook. Now I'm able to give a concert every afternoon if I want and I can still share my music with people. It's just a different format.

Shoestring budget bonus # 2:

2) You get motivated.

When I went into full-time songwriting and concert performance, I found it to be an incredible motivator to sharpen my skills and find new ways to share my music. Loss of income, whether planned or unplanned, can be a huge motivator.

I am still learning that there is a fine line between planning something that serves as motivation and being completely overtaken by something. Like my virtual mentor, Jim Rohn, once warned: you might start out in control of your dream, but your dream can start to control you. So be careful not to plan more than you can manage. Only you know where that line is and you'll find that it might change over time as your dream grows.

Flexibility comes in real handy as things change and motivation never seems to disappear from the list of tools needed when working away at your plans.

Last but not least: one of the biggest bonuses from a shoestring budget is one that kind of snuck up on me.

Shoestring budget bonus #3:

3) You learn to cultivate contentment.

At first, it seemed like achieving my goals didn't allow room for contentment. But that's probably because I thought contentment would come once I accomplished my dream. And there IS a sense of accomplishment, but contentment goes deeper than accomplishment. In fact, cultivating contentment is the most fulfilling thing I've done while working toward my goals and dreams.

I often feel a deep satisfaction because I have attempted to do what was in my heart. It still might not look exactly like what I envisioned, but as I learn to cultivate contentment I feel at peace. Now that's a bonus I can use every day!

Don't worry, I still have my days of emotional upheaval as it relates to my dreams and goals. But I've learned that while my concerts are over within a couple of hours, contentment can be a constant companion and I'm embracing it more as I get older—both in age and in experience.

Contentment starts with changing your thinking patterns and can be cultivated AS you walk toward your dream. I've come to realize that it's a posture of the heart and mind. Its dividends are priceless.

I wish you well as you cultivate creativity, get motivated and cultivate contentment, especially during this tough season we are all facing.

Stay connected with me on Facebook and watch for the "LIVE" concert events.

Left Behind. (From Nancy Crider Singer in memory of Paul Douglas Crider).

If there's anything I've come to appreciate through all the loss of life in our family, it's the art of learning to celebrate those who remain behind. It can be easy to focus on who we've lost and stay stuck in that grief. But there is so much living to do with those who remain.

As I wrap up this series of blog posts surrounding some the stories of our family's loss, I'm delighted to share one last post from another one of our family members.  Nancy Singer Crider shares what it's been like to be a single mother, after losing her husband (and my brother) Doug. As Doug's family continues to grow, it's a blessing to watch the impact of a life lived well during the brief 26 years he lived.

From Nancy Singer Crider:

In memory of Paul Douglas Crider

"It is bitter sweet to look back 49 years to October 11, 1969 as Doug and I joined together in marriage expecting to share a lifetime together.  I could not have anticipated that 3 years and 9 months later, we would be left behind and he would be present with the Lord. My daughters and I experienced a huge loss to our family.  

There were times when I felt so alone trying to be a single mother, feeling the heavy weight of raising two daughters with two very different personalities.  I felt so inadequate being responsible for guiding these two little lives through life.  

Even though I made lots of mistakes, it was good to know that Christ surrounded us with His love and grace.  I trusted Him to be the strength for us through the good and bad times. Through the love and grace of God, I am learning to rely on Him for strength in life's situations.  

After Doug passed, I built my life around my children.  I sometimes felt they were all I had.  I watched them grow and learn as we tried to learn together to seek God (not always successful - but progressing).  During these growing pains, I sometimes wondered what life would have been like if Doug had lived.  

He had begun to give sermons at Jemison Valley where we attended church.  It was suggested he apply for a lay minister’s license which he received shortly before his death.  He preached his first sermon as a licensed minister and was scheduled to preached again at another church close to where we lived.  However, the accident that took his life was the week after his first sermon.   For a young man at the age of 26 to die spoke volumes to the community. 

As Crystal and Kelly married and started their homes and families, I was blessed with 8 grandchildren around whom I began to build my life also.  They were such a blessing and they loved to spend time at “Mimi’s” house. They would spend time in my basement playing guitars, singing and making videos.  It was such a wonderful time together.  However, they continued to mature.  Then, Derek, one of the grandsons got married.  I was blessed with two great grandsons. 

In more recent years, I had an opportunity to go to Guatemala on a mission trip.  During the first trip, I did some soul searching and discovered a new life in Christ as I surrendered to the filling of the Holy Spirit.  What a change occurred on my life.  I received new guidance on how to seek God in all situations.  

I decided to spend a week at my timeshare (alone) seeking release from concerns related to my family. I seemed to be in bondage. As I laid my concerns before the Lord, he very clearly spoke to my heart as he said, “Give them to me. I will take care of them."  

Wow!  I wrote the names of my children, their spouses, and all my grandchildren and lifted them toward heaven and laid them before the Lord.  I must confess, there are times I take them back and then give them back to Him.  I sometimes wondered if their Daddy/Grandpa was before the throne asking for mercy, grace and wholeness for his family.  I have seen changes in some of their lives since I gave my family to the One who can do all things.

Even through the years without Doug’s presence, I have a feeling he was praying for all his family as we sometimes struggled through life, seeking to follow God - knowing what the final result will be.  To be able to join with Doug and other family members who have gone before us, but to ultimately meet our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and worship Him forever."

Directionally Challenged?

I don't mind being directionally challenged when it comes to road travel, but I don't want to miss it when it comes to finding my way on the roads that really matter. On this week's podcast episode we did an exercise called spiritual mapping. 

"It's not what happens that determines your life future—it's what you DO about what happens. The same wind blows on us all—the difference in arrival is not the blowing of the wind but the set of the sail. If you wish to, it's possible to make the next three years better than the last three."— Jim Rohn

Spiritual mapping helps us correct the errors of the past and pick up new disciplines for the future.

I confess I'm directionally challenged. I sigh when my GPS tells me to head North West. I have no idea which way that is. I often still travel with a printed map. I have too much I want to accomplish to waste time getting off track.

Apparently, the armed forces take it rather seriously if you are directionally challenged. According to the Urban Dictionary, "One reason (aside from instilling discipline) that the armed forces emphasize close-order drill in the training of recruits is to weed out the directionally challenged as someone who is such will tend to do poorly on the battlefield and may even jeopardize the lives of his or her fellow soldiers, sailors, or fellow fliers."

How about you? 

Perhaps you're more like my husband who has a great sense of direction. When we're on our motorcycles I follow him because I trust him. However, one time he led us astray and to this day we aren't sure what happened. We ended up near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania instead of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania (about a 3-hour difference). Since he rarely ever leads us wrong we are still baffled as to what happened. If we could go back and figure out where we went wrong, I'm sure we would avoid that mistake the next time. Our first mistake was that we didn't have a printed map with us. 

So What is Spiritual Mapping?

Spiritual mapping involves listing significant events in your life that are of a spiritual nature. They can involve people, things, and places.  As you take note of pivotal moments, based on the various decades of your life; childhood, teens, college, 20's, 30's, 40's, etc., you can start to identify patterns. 

Why Does it Matter?

In my case, I can see some patterns that have become more distinct thanks to the mapping process. I knew they were there but they became even more apparent after further reflection.

For instance, I'm a perfectionist, but not in the typical sense. It shows up most in the way I think God should be intervening in my life. I think He should orchestrate a perfect life for me. The big Wizard of Oz in the sky. Just being honest! 

Since I've been learning that about myself, I have started to change my thinking about things that don't always go the way I hoped. My faith is based less and less on what I see that's visible and more in the One who seems invisible but is actually very present. I'm finding that as I grow older, I can look back and see where God really was working. 

That's the joy of mapping out the history of your life. It can improve your future because it keeps you from spinning your wheels by repeating the same mistakes over and over.

I live in a much better place these days as it relates to joy and peace. 
Less anxiety. 
Less fear. 
Deeper trust. 

I'm enjoying this new sense of direction and feel less directionally challenged spiritually.  

How about you? Here's an exercise to get you started:

1) Find a quiet place and carve out a couple of hours.
2) Take several blank sheets of paper.
3) Draw a timeline from 0 to your present age with space allowed for each decade.
4) Make notes in each decade listing significant events in your life as they come to mind.
5) Identify common denominators between the events.
6) If you want to, try it with a friend and let them help you observe patterns.
7) End with a time of prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to show you things you might be missing.

If you want to hear more, you can tune in to this week's podcast here. Episode # 42.

How Cancer Has Shaped My Faith

Diana Focht (left) has become such a support to me at my concerts and in my music.

I received an e-mail this week from my friend, Diana Focht, who has become a support to my life and my music in so many ways.  She oversees the product table at my concerts as often as possible (which you see her doing in the picture above).  

However, Diana has her own story to tell and when she sent me this article, written for another blog, I asked her if I could share it with you. 

How Cancer Has Shaped My Faith

by Diana Focht

No one wants to hear the word, cancer, associated with them, but when it comes, you have a choice to make. Do you give in to the hopelessness and despair of a cancer diagnosis, or do you look upward, and cling to a God who has promised to never leave you nor forsake you!   

A verse I've known most of my life, but one that became extremely important to me not only while undergoing treatment for cancer, but more so in the "lost days" after treatment, is Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see! 

Can we hope for an end to our cancer and be sure about it?! Can we really be certain that God not only sees us in our times of trouble, but that He loves us enough to carry us through it?! In faith, can I trust that God has a plan and purpose for my cancer?!

Faith. Sometimes it's a hard word to define, and often times, it's an even harder word to live out! We talk of a faith in God. We hear of a saving faith. But when I was going through my cancer, I wanted a healing faith! I wanted a faith that could believe that God would physically heal me of my cancer. I prayed for it. My family and friends prayed for it. A multitude of strangers from around the country prayed for it. I was anointed and prayed for not once, or twice, or three times, but four times. 

My faith was riddled with doubt, because nine years earlier, I watched my Dad take his final breath, after battling cancer for three short, agonizing months. I wanted a healing faith for him, but it didn't come. At least not the way I wanted it to. My faith was shaken for the longest time.

Three months and four chemo rounds into my cancer treatment, my doctor ordered a CAT scan to check the progress of the chemo. The results were not the results she was expecting, and she was ecstatic! The CAT scan results showed no evidence of disease. When I asked her if these results were normal or abnormal for an individual battling stage 3 endometrial cancer, who had only undergone 4 rounds of chemo, without hesitation, she said it was abnormal. At that point, I acknowledged what I had been sharing with her from the beginning…that God had healed me of the cancer! It was a tremendous time of rejoicing and celebration! My faith meter was sky high!

Two days later, I was called into the HR Director's office at work. My company had experienced a downturn in business and had been laying people off weekly. I knew what this visit meant, but even after being told my employment would end in two weeks, my faith was still soaring. 

I still had one more chemo treatment, which was scheduled to take place after my employment, and my health insurance, ended. The Lord prompted me to ask the company to extend my health insurance to cover the last chemo treatment, and through a chance encounter with our company's COO, I believe the Lord softened their hearts to show me mercy and they extended the health insurance for 30 days. I was still on a "faith high"!

Little did I know at that time, it would be 12 long months before I was once again employed full-time. 

What followed was a move back to my home state of Pennsylvania and a roller coaster ride of emotions, disappointments, discouragement, fear, doubts, uncertainty, indecision, hopelessness...you name it. I entered a phase where I just felt lost. The cancer was behind me, but I wasn't the same person, in many ways. I couldn't find my "new normal". I was scarred physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually from the battle I had waged for six months. 

My faith took a tumble.

God in His mercy and grace, placed individuals in my life to carry me through these lost days. They encouraged me and lovingly nursed me back to spiritual health. 

One individual just loved on me and showed me what compassion looks like in human form. 

Another individual, who had gifted me with a Compassion Bag, became a trusted friend and a spiritual mentor. 

An individual, whom the Lord had brought back into my life right before the cancer diagnosis, modeled for me an authentic faith that lives out the peaks and valleys in our Christian walk. 

And finally, He brought an individual whose music brought to me peace and hope, and it raised me up.

God had a plan and a purpose for my cancer, and that was to draw me into a closer walk with Him. The testing of our faith is to result in us looking more and more like Jesus. I am not the same person I was before the cancer diagnosis. Not because the cancer changed me, but because God changed me!   

My musical friend sings a song that has become an anthem to me about faith. Read the words she sings:

It’s believing the impossible 

Seeing the invisible

Dreaming bigger than you’ve ever dreamed

It’s listening to His still small voice 

It’s letting your heart make the choice

It’s standing at the edge of what could be

It’s reaching through the shadow of a doubt

That’s what faith is all about

Being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see! That is what faith is all about!

Click here to watch the music video "That's What Faith Is All About".

"Getting Old - Do Not Disturb"

I feel like I have two girls living inside.

One is about 7 years old and has big ideas. Her dreams are bigger than her shoes but she doesn't care.

She's pretty clear about what she wants and there is nothing that can stop her because her imagination is the force within that drives her.  She would never tell you that because she's too young to know better. Dreaming is as natural as breathing. She doesn't give it a second thought. Decisions are easy. She does what pops into her head without thought of the future. It's all about the NOW.

The second girl is about 70 years old.

She's been through more things than you should ever take time to hear about. She has stepped out and taken some risks. Though most things have turned out ok, she's still sure that as she gets older, risks are too....well, um.....risky. Experience and fears (usually unfounded) make her less apt to dream. She could easily close up shop and hang a sign on the door:

"Getting Old - Do Not Disturb"

Yesterday I told my husband that the little girl in me seems to know exactly what to do, but the old woman in me rebukes me and starts talking me out of everything.

The older I get, the more I am trying to listen to the little girl inside. I think you reach a certain age where you start realizing that what you might lose is worth risking. (Please remind me of this the next time you see me freaking out).

I recently found myself wishing for a way to bring the two generations together - not just my two girls on the inside, but in society.

I was in Canada on a mini tour and one of the events I did was very small, but very rich. I'd go back again in a heartbeat. A group of mostly elderly gathered to sing hymns for a couple of hours. They were invited to pick their favorite songs and boy did we sing! When we weren't crying, that is. We ate a tasty lunch and then I did a concert for them. They laughed at "Silver Hair", my new parody of "Silver Bells".  It's not too early for Christmas these days.  It's all I think about as my big concert draws near.

I watched as they started blowing noses and wiping tears. I choked up. Some of them don't get to sing the old hymns any more. But they've lived life long enough that when they sing, they know from experience how true the words are. I found myself wishing the young people could experience this moment. I found myself wondering what I could do to join the vitality of youth, faith and zeal with the deep endurance of those who have lived long enough to be touched by the simplicity of faith.

The song leader and I are not yet fifty. We still have some youth left in us but we have been dancing with the symptoms of aging and we're getting a bit clumsy in our 'jig' as we navigate our forties. We can learn from those who have been there.

And likewise, I wish there was a way that the little girl in me could keep the old woman from caving in to ease and comfort. There must be a way for the old woman in me to nurture and guide the little girl who loves to dream.

Just like there must be a way for the younger generation to help the older ones remember how to dream. There must be a way for the older generation to speak wisdom and experience to the youth and catch them when they fall.

I think I'll keep my shop open for a while yet and I think I will change the sign:

"Getting Old - MOVE Out Of My Way"

Never By Accident

I watched her fingers tremble as she pressed the strings against the wood, but they weren't trembling from nerves.  They were adding the rich vibrato that makes the cello sing.  Combined with her bow techniques, her poise and confidence, the little black notes on the page jumped off and brought my weary soul back to life.  Even the 'rests' were part of the moments.

I asked her if I could sit beside her and watch her play.  Her music has always touched me deep down in my soul and often makes me emotional.  When we play together, it becomes even more powerful.

How can inanimate objects like wood strung with catgut melt a person's heart? Like water that changes the shape of a hard rock over years of time.  Only my heart melts within just a few measures. A few seconds.

As I sat and beheld this amazing player on her well-worn instrument, I got new inspiration. The page she was playing from was written with piano and choir in mind.  It wasn't just for cello. Without the other members of the music performance, it would have sounded incomplete, albeit beautiful.  But it was written to go with other parts.

One page. That's all she had.  She couldn't see anything else. No choir music, no piano accompaniment.  Just her part. She had to trust that what she had would fit into the whole.

You might feel as if you are a tuba in a spa, but believe me, there is a spot for the tuba.  It adds incredible rich bass tones in the context of the whole. The gifts you have, the special wiring you came with, have a purpose and a place.

If everyone plays their individual part to the best of their ability, when it all comes together it will sound amazing, but you have to trust the person who wrote the arrangement.  You have to trust that he knew what all the other players would be doing and how your part fits in context.

Focus. Trust.  Faith.

I first wrote the piano piece called "Never By Accident" from a few simple notes. It happened by accident. But my producer wanted to add other players to what I originally thought would be a solo piano piece.  I couldn't quite catch his vision until the piece was completed.

I changed the original title from "By Accident" to the new name: "Never By Accident".  It was too beautiful to be an accident and it was now going on my CD.

You were not an accident.  You, like the piano in this song, are meant to be part of a bigger piece.

You are beautiful.  Don't shy away from letting yourself become part of something larger than you.

You weren't meant to play alone.

You were never an accident.

Settled or Unsettled?

It's the week of Easter and I've been asked to sing a solo with the choir. 

Musically, it's very simple.  But the words are very, very difficult for me.

Here's the first verse:

How I love to read
the book you wrote for me
you loved the world so much
you gave your son
written there in crimson
you told me I'm forgiven
it is done
it is done

I relate to those words.  

It's the lyrics of the chorus that I find a little 'unsettling':

So if you never speak another word of blessing
and the silence leaves me with a sense of loss
I'll remember when my heart begins to question
any doubt that you love me was settled at the cross

By Phil Mehrens & Lyn Rowell Lee Black

When I sing a song I take the delivery of the lyrics just as seriously as the delivery of the musical notes.

When I can't reach some of the notes, I work at it.  I practice it over and over.  I approach it from various angles and techniques until I find something that works.  I use the tools from my toolbox that I've accumulated over the years from various vocal coaches.  

But when the lyrics are hard to live, that's another story. A different set of tools  are required.

I think these songwriters must have a much stronger faith than I.  To promise that "I'll remember God's love for me if he NEVER speaks another word of blessing and when that kind of silence leaves me with a sense of loss," is quite a commitment.  I don't know about you, but there are so many times when I still doubt God's love for me.  

As I've been rehearsing this song, I've been letting the challenge of it sink deep into my soul.  Like Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14; "Brothers and sisters, as I said, I know I have not arrived; but there’s one thing I am doing: I’m leaving my old life behind, putting everything on the line for this mission. I am sprinting toward the only goal that counts: to cross the line, to win the prize, and to hear God’s call to resurrection life found exclusively in Jesus the Anointed." The Voice.

I relate.  I haven't yet arrived at the point where I can say ....if you NEVER speak another word of blessing..I'll be ok.  But I'm aiming for that.  I want to have such strong faith that I never doubt the power of the cross in my life. This is a walk of faith.  

When my husband gives me his word about something - I never have to question him on it.  There are times I need reassurance, but I've learned over time that I can count on his word to me.  Any doubt is usually because of my own insecurities - not his lapse in commitment to follow through.

I need to be that way with God.  I thrive on hearing from God.  His voice is my life-source.  If I think he's not speaking to me, I stop and ask him why, just to make sure I haven't closed my ears in some way, because I believe he delights in talking to us.

This song takes everything to another level.  It's Easter.  I want to have the kind of faith that really believes it was all settled at the cross, even when I am unsettled.

She Would Have Been 92

Today, February 6, 2015, my mother would have turned 92.

Bertha Mae Sollenberger Crider Heisey
February 6, 1923 - September 24, 2014

The day after her memorial service, I was driving home from the Baltimore airport after dropping off my brother and his wife.  I felt this overwhelming sense of loneliness and finality.  My mind began to walk through the events of the past week.  While my mind was walking, my heart began to sing a new song.....

5 yellow roses for mother

ninety-one birthdays

five adored babies

'Bert' (her nickname in high school)

two breathed their last so early

trials and sorrow

unsure tomorrows

still she lived life sincerely

sisters and brother

huddle together

blue mountain range in the distance

dirt, grass and shovel 

soft velvet covers

weary eyes water and glisten

three children saying goodbye

two children saying hello

heaven and earth joined together

by 5 yellow roses for mother

hero to neighbors

wife and homemaker

woman of faith, tears and passion

what do you give her?

simple, yet honored

what can a child imagine?

Each child places a rose on the wooden box
she was laid to rest in.  A granddaughter placed
one in memory of her deceased son, Nathan Carl and
her daughter-in-law placed one in memory of her
first-born, Douglas Paul.

three children saying goodbye

two children saying hello

heaven and earth joined together

by 5 yellow roses for mother

death and life pause for one moment

rain in the heart and the skies

simple wood box, earth is opened

but now she is free she can fly

three children saying goodbye

two children saying hello

heaven and earth join together

by 5 yellow roses for mother

It still needs some work, but I thought today might be an appropriate day to share what I have so far.

The idea for this song came from a blog post the day before we buried her.  So far, it has been the second top post of my blog read by readers.

Five Yellow Roses blog post.

I will be working in Nashville today as a way to celebrate her life and give me something to focus on as I continue to grieve.  The conductor and I will be working on reviewing the Dec. 6, 2014 Portraits of White concert.  Reviewing the past, looking at the present and planning for the future.  

I find that coming to Nashville on special days is becoming a tradition and one that I hope to keep for years to come.  Today, I remember my mother's life with a new song.

Empty Shelves = Greater Prayer Lives?

Reflecting on the miracle journey of 2014

"Prosperity may dilute prayer too.  In my travels I have noticed that Christians in developing countries spend less time pondering the effectiveness of prayer and more time actually praying.  The wealthy rely on talent and resources to solve immediate problems, and insurance policies and retirement plans to secure the future.  We can hardly pray with sincerity, "Give us this day our daily bread" when the pantry is stocked with a month's supply of provisions." - Philip Yancey
(from his book: Prayer, Does It Make A Difference?)

My heart jumped for joy when I read this paragraph.  It's the first day of 2015 and since my husband is not feeling well we are just sitting in the living room resting and enjoying Pandora's classic lounge station.  A cloudless sky outside reveals the full sunlight and makes the room cheery, adding to the peacefulness.

I picked up Philip Yancey's book on prayer to start reading it just now.  Last year at this time I determined to grow in my prayer life and his book is one that I came upon months ago and decided to add to my growing collection of books on prayer.

After reading that paragraph I had to put the book down and write my thoughts.  I have seen the amazing power of prayer in my life this past year.  It really started in June when I decided to host a breakfast at a local restaurant and invite some fans to become part of my Portraits of White dream team.  I called them my vision team, but they have changed it to 'dream team'.  I like it.

I didn't have a pantry full of goods and provision to pursue this vision at the time.  A few hundred dollars in my checkbook and not too much more than that in my savings account either.  But I went ahead and stepped out in faith.  I had bathed this vision in prayer for months.  Now it was time to put it to a test.  I knew if I hosted this breakfast I would start something in motion that would be a complete walk of faith.  I did not have the 'resources in my pantry' to see this through to the end. Was I ready to jump in with both feet?

My first indication that this was going to be an amazing experience came in an e-mail from someone I had invited to attend the breakfast.  They were offering to pay for the cost of the group's breakfast. Another e-mail came a couple of days later with the same offer from someone else.  The day of the breakfast, a woman in the group got up to supposedly 'go to the bathroom' and as I later discovered, had inquired with the waitress as to how to go about paying for the group's breakfast, which by that time was already paid for.

This has proven to be my experience all the way through this past year.  A financial hurdle would arise and was then met with some kind of amazing provision that I didn't know would happen. Honestly, I could write a book on just this past year alone.

One of my prayers this past year was that I would have the concert paid for in full by the end of the year.  Today is January 1 and I am thrilled to report that the funds are there to pay the final bills. It won't leave much left over, but my faith has grown immensely through this journey and all I could say when I read Philip's paragraph was - "hey, though my food pantry is full, my pantry of resources to pursue a big dream was NOT full, but through prayer, hard work, miracles and supernatural means, all my needs have been met."  It would have been easier to just skip my dreams and live comfortably.

I don't ever want any kind of prosperity or deceptive comfort to keep me from stepping out. Sometimes the only way we can see God move is to take that step into the unknown. Is it safe? Nope. Is it tiring? Yep.  Do I feel alive?  Yes!

So here's my final question that I will ponder the rest of the day as I continue reading his book.  If God can do that with my finances, why can't He do it with everything else in my life?  In what other areas can I trust Him to do more than I possibly can?  Why limit it to financial?  Why not trust Him for physical healing MORE, for emotional freedom?  For deliverance from recurring fears and anxiety?

I intend to try.

Why not empty my 'shelves' of all my own prosperity and trust Him for greater things?  I think Philip Yancey is right.  Our own comfort and abilities keep us from that deep sense of need for rescue.  As a result, we don't pray.  We just keep on depending on ourselves.  I'd rather live on the edge.

Don't get me wrong.  I have days when it just looks too hard. It is NOT easy to live this way.  That's why I keep books like Philip's handy because they stir things in me.  They call to the deep in me and keep me on the edge, far away from comfort zones.

Now.........back to my book.

Philip Yancey's book

A Very Long Edge

It's taken 15 long years to see the unfolding of "Portraits of White".  From the first day I wrote the song, while driving through literal portraits of white dancing across the earth, thanks to fresh fallen snow and harsh winds, to the recording of the song, to the performance of it at my concert a few weeks ago.  There is more to come, I hope. 

Dreams and prophecies can be that way.  A seed is planted, an idea pops in your head, but if you're not careful, you'll forget about it.  If you're wise, you will nurture that dream, seed, idea, etc.  

I have been focusing on the story of Mary, Joseph and Jesus for years - and not just at Christmas time.  But this morning, I saw things from yet another angle.

Have you ever considered why the shepherds were the only ones to see angels in such a spectacular way?  A whole host of angels appeared....but only to them.  They were so excited that they did exactly what they were told to do.  They went looking for the miracle and when they found him, they ran around telling everyone about it.  

Mary had a completely different reaction, however.  It says that Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.  Mary's prophecy was given in a 'one to one' situation.  The angel appeared to her while she was alone.  She seems to respond in the same way - pondering every moment and keeping much of it to herself.  The shepherds heard the prophecy in a BIG way and they responded that way too.  A frenzy of activity accompanies their part of the story.

Did you ever ponder the fact that after all that excitement it took many, many years before they probably ever heard of Jesus again.  In fact, it could have been as many as 30 years before they heard of him again, even though they probably told the story over and over to everyone they knew.

I think it's that way with dreams and words of hope.  In the moment, some of us react with excitement and want to tell everyone.  Others of us are quiet and hold them close to our hearts, telling only one or two close friends or relatives.  Either way, the promise may take a long time to be fulfilled.  

Living on the edge is exciting at times.  At other times, it means years of waiting.  That makes for a very long edge.  But either way, I want to encourage you to be patient.  Enjoy the moments along the way.  Cultivate the seed. The day will come when you will see the fruit of your hope and faith.  And the truth is, the dream may unveil itself in ways you never even imagined.

Here is proof that dreams can come true if you work hard, be patient and believe.