Facing the Spooks

"Does planning a show of this magnitude give you anxiety? What is your biggest worry when planning Portraits of White?" What a great set of questions from a fan!

How about this for an answer?

I am mindlessly sticking my hand in the peanut chocolate M&M bag and stuffing my mouth with various colors of the delightful candy. I don't know when I started developing such a fondness for these little temptations. My husband and I ration them out. If Tom gets five, I get five. We even try to keep the colors the same in each pile.

Somehow, over the past year, we've departed from that tradition. I'm probably the one to blame for this lack of equality in distribution. On this particular day, to which I'm currently referring, I am actually eating this candy without even realizing it. Doesn't matter what color or how many...I just eat.

In frustration, I sit down on the green chair in my living room to take a moment and reflect on why I'm doing this, again. I know the pattern. Something about my life feels out of control so I do something that I can control. I turn to food. I eat. It's the only area where I feel as if I am "in control"—which is quite self-delusional. Yet, somehow, I believe it's true. I can control what I put into my mouth. But in this moment, I eat uncontrollably. You probably know the feeling. 

I talk myself through it and remind myself that it's Portraits of White season. Things get kind of stressful right about now and sort of "spooky" (in keeping with the Wizard of Oz theme). This year, it's a little above and beyond the normal spookiness because of COVID. Like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz when he sees the big owls with glowing eyes in the haunted forest, I want to run the opposite direction. The Tin Man and Scarecrow have to literally pick him up, turn him around and carry him. I could use some "carrying" right about now.

There are a lot of things that can make me want to turn back. It can be the tiniest thing, but usually it's a combo. The music arrangements are pouring into my email box. I'm trying to organize all of the parts for the musicians, suggest changes to the arrangers, check the notations, create demos, memorize songs, practice the piano, keep my voice in shape, stay away from colds and viruses, think about how to make the whole show cohesive and meaningful... I'm also trying to follow up with businesses regarding sponsorships. Are they willing to support the show again this year? How much? If so, can they send in their logo/ad soon so we have it in time to print the programs?

By December, I'll be fine. It's just this in-between stage that can be rough. So, if one M&M equals one spook, perhaps eating them one by one is the answer. Or not.

Back to the original questions. "Does planning a show of this magnitude give you anxiety? What is your biggest worry when planning?" Normally, I'd say it's SNOW that's my biggest worry.

This year, you can add COVID to the list of concerns.

When it comes to facing fears, I think you can break "spooks" into two general categories:

1) Inside things (Your soul)

I have found that some of my biggest fears are actually within me. I've done a ton of soul-work around my inside fears and it's paying off. I love the growth I've experienced because I've paid attention to them. 

I used to try and stuff my fears, or just ignore them completely. Doing something as courageous as putting on a Christmas show brought me face to face with some of my biggest fears, like fear of rejection. I found myself afraid that people wouldn't come. Duh. We started in 2014 and people have been coming EVERY year. 

An even bigger challenge in the beginning had to do with facing intimidation. Questions like, "who do you think you are?" would wake me up in the middle of the night.

These days, I find that facing these fears head on works better than stuffing and ignoring. And oh, by the way, I've learned that as soon as I deal with one fear, there will be another one that pops up. It's the nature of being a dreamer. Your heart knows what it wants to do, but your brain simply freaks out. 

The other spook category has to do with:

2) Outside things (The circumstances)

In this category, there are circumstances that are absolutely beyond my control and unfortunately, they can really raise quite a ruckus in my brain.

Things like...the WEATHER! Snow. Ice. Blizzards.

Or...

Pandemic. CDC restrictions. 

Here are a few steps I take to help me deal with the inside and outside spooks:

• Identify the fear. (What am I afraid of, specifically?)
• Say it out loud. (There's just something powerful about naming it, out loud.)
• I ask myself, what is the worst thing that could happen? (If my fear would come true, what would that look like?)
• Could I be ok with that? (This can seem like you're giving in, but personally, I have found the greatest peace comes when I release control and choose to be ok with whatever the outcome might be.)

Do you remember the phrase, "Let not your heart be troubled?" It always reminds me that heart trouble is a choice. At least, this kind of heart trouble. Ouch. That's challenging, isn't it? However, I believe that like anything else, it just takes practice. Sometimes I just have to say, "heart, we're not going to be troubled about this!" 

Using techniques such as praying, journalling, singing, quietness, reflection and confession can all be effective in facing the spooks. It's also nice if you have some friends who can pick you up and carry you through the spooky places.

This week's video.

YOU Are My Friends on the Yellow Brick Road

For most of my career, I viewed myself as a musician—in the music business. In the past few years, I've changed my mind. Or at least made room for a broader perspective. As a songwriter, I don't just write and perform music. I help give voice to what others might be feeling but find themselves unable (or afraid) to express it. There is an exchange that happens between artist and fan. It's a beautiful thing. I no longer see myself as just a musician in the music business. I believe I'm in the people business.

My live music producer planted this seed years ago when he challenged my thinking about why musicians get nervous when performing. "The enemy of love is self-consciousness," he said. What he was saying was resonating with me. 

If a person really analyzes why they get nervous (about anything they might do in front of people) it's usually because you're afraid of what others will think. Therefore, you are focused on how you feel and not on how the audience (or the other person) might be feeling.  

It's taken years for this to take hold in my life, but it has happened! I feel the difference. I rarely get nervous anymore and if I do, I start thinking about YOU. I ask myself some questions about you. Things like: What frame of mind will you be in? What will you have just experienced at home? Will you have just received a life-changing phone call? What are you carrying in your soul these days? What are your current struggles?

It works every time. If I start to feel nervous, I change my mind. I stop thinking about me and I start thinking about you.

In fact, I started to find that if I talk to my audience one on one before a concert, I actually feel at complete peace when I get on stage because we've already connected on a personal level. It's very satisfying.

As the Director of Worship at various churches for sixteen years, I started practicing this concept of one on one interaction before and after the services I directed. It was challenging at times because I had a lot of responsibility on the platform that I needed to focus on, but the more I took time to interact with people, the more my confidence (and ease) grew. Now, when someone tells me I'm an extrovert, I smile because I know a secret. I'm actually an introvert, but I've learned to love my audience in practical ways, which leads some people to think I'm an extrovert.

When a Portraits of White fan asked "What is the most rewarding part of doing Portraits of White," it didn't take me long to come up with an answer. Sure, I love practicing and I love the first note of the concert when you, the audience, are seated and we are ready for the train to leave the station. We're off to see the wizard and we've locked arms. You are my friends on the yellow brick road for the next couple of hours. That's definitely a special part of doing the show.

I also love the last note of the evening, because at this point, I know my dream has become reality and nothing has stopped it. I will make my way out to the lobby to greet as many of you as I can. I'll soak in your smiles, tears, laughter and comments. I've prepared an evening of inspirational music and you've blessed me by coming. We've exchanged Christmas gifts and I feel happy. 

In this week's video, I "sang" my answer to the fan question—to the tune of "My Favorite Things" by Richard Rodgers & Oscar Hammerstein II. 

"Lots of musicians and long rows of people
Spotlights and snowflakes
and moments of giggles
Lacy white dresses and eighty-eight keys
These are a few of my favorite things

Seeing your faces after it's over
Reading your emails and handwritten letters
Knowing the joy all the music will bring
These are a few of my favorite things"

This week's video:

Are You Rusty?

 "You don't need to practice do you?"  

It feels more like a statement than a question and it comes from a laborer who has spent years perfecting his craft in woodworking and fixing up kitchens. We stand in the middle of my kitchen as he works and he's curious about the fact that I'm preparing for a Christmas show in the middle of June.

I stand there, wondering how to explain something that seems like it should be common sense. Isn't that like assuming an athlete doesn't need to consistently exercise? Or asking the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz why he needs oil? 

But, I think to myself, perhaps people who don't play instruments really think that musicians don't have to practice. So I try to explain that there is more to practicing than just "running through a song." Keeping my fingers agile, my brain sharp and my vocal chords strong are only a part of the drill.

"How much time do you put into practicing?" Now that's an easier question to answer and it came from another Portraits of White fan. 

The short answer is "as much time as possible." I usually try to set aside a few hours each day to practice. I shut off my electronics and dig in. I find that a few hours of concentrated, uninterrupted practice time is better than trying to "fit it in" between all of the other tasks that go with running a business. Practice is oil that prevents rustiness. Even just a little bit of time, consistently, on a daily basis can help keep anyone keep their skill set sharp, no matter what life-work you've chosen. For a musician, practicing is key. Pun intended.

One of my core values is well-being, in all areas of my life.

Practice — musical health

Exercise — physical

Journalling/Writing — emotional 

Praying/Reading — spiritual

Listening to positive messages — mental

Conversation — relational

What about your life? Do you know what keeps you running smoothly physically, mentally, spiritually? 

This week's video.

The Chicken or the Egg?

We had chickens on our farm and I don't ever remember having trouble deciding which came first...the chicken or the egg. It was obvious to me. The peeps came first. 

My mother and I would drive the very curvy and hilly Pennsylvania back roads to a little poultry farm near us and pick up boxes of peeps. They'd "peep" all the way home. The sound was comforting to me. Then we'd unload the boxes of the little yellow fuzzy balls into our chicken house. My mother, along with our apricot poodle, Angie, and I would sit in the chicken house and watch them for hours.  It's one of my favorite memories from childhood.

What do chickens and eggs have to do with Portraits of White, you ask? 

It's what popped into my mind when I read this week's fan question. It's really one of those "chicken or egg" questions.

"Do you pick the musicians and then select the songs and arrangements around those musicians? Or do you select the music arrangements and then find the musicians to fit your needs? 

Thanks to Doug Cook, Eastman School of Music alumni [Performer's Certificate]—one of the star players of Portraits of White, I can select just about any arrangement I want, because we have such great musicians to draw from. Doug was the first person I approached about playing in my "orchestra" and his musical network consisted of pro musicians throughout South Central Pennsylvania. Since he knew that I wanted to put together an orchestra, he made a very special offer. 

"Would you like me to be the music contractor for your Christmas show?" 

At the time, I didn't know what a gift Doug was giving me when he offered to do this. I knew anyone he chose would be amazing, so I immediately said, "yes!"

I first met Doug when I was asked to serve as Director of Worship at a local church on a temporary basis. I wanted to continue my path of songwriting and concert ministry, so I said that I'd help as much as I could for a few months. In the end, I ended up taking the permanent position because it was such a joy to serve.  Over that same time, Doug Cook was invited to be the choir director at the same church. 

After years of working with him, I learned that he was a jazz musician. I had heard that he was a very talented musician, but he never mentioned it and I never got to really see what he was capable of when he was directing the choir. Then I heard him play with the Buzz Jones Big Band. I could see (and hear) that he was in his sweet spot when he played his saxophone.

His wife, Amy Cook, is also a professional musician. She is a fabulous cellist and from the very first moment I played piano with her, it felt like we were musical sisters. It was such a delight to work with this husband and wife team in church ministry. Doug and Amy were extremely talented and dependable. 

Amy Cook - Portraits of White 2017

When I decided to pursue my idea of the Christmas show with an orchestra, Doug and Amy were the first people I asked to be part of the show. And this is when Doug offered to contract the needed musicians. 

Doug & Amy Cook - Portraits of White 2015

Doug "blew everyone away" the very first year of Portraits of White with his saxophone solo. Most of us didn't really know how talented he was until he picked up his horn on stage! He's been a crowd favorite ever since. 

Doug Cook - Portraits of White 2017

Once I learned the ropes of hiring musicians and began building my own relationships with the professional musicians, I began doing the contracting myself, along with the help of Ed Kee, the previous conductor of the show. Being from Nashville, Ed had a solid music business history and mentored me. Between Doug and Ed, I had wonderful mentors.

Ed Kee - Portraits of White 2017

So on to the audience question for this week...

"Do you pick the musicians and then select the songs and arrangements around those musicians? Or do you select the music arrangements and then find the musicians to fit your needs?"

Like I said earlier, that sort of feels like a "which comes first, the chicken or the egg?" question. But it's an easy answer. The first year, we knew we wanted to produce the music from my Portraits of White album, live, on stage. So we figured out what we'd need instrumentally and then hired the needed musicians—all within a budget, of course. We started small the first year and then kept adding more players over the next several years.

Once we began assembling a quality group of professional musicians from South Central Pennsylvania, I could choose any music I wanted, knowing I had a group of players who could play anything with short notice. Many of them play in local symphonies or have traveled as pro musicians. 

There are really only two things that are limiting about the show....the budget and time. Fortunately, when it comes to selecting music, I can be very creative because of the top-notch musicians we have in Portraits of White.

This week's video.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road Part 2

"How do you pick the songs?" 

That's such a great question from another Portraits of White fan. In order to answer that, you need to know about a pivotal point in my music journey in 2004, long before Portraits of White existed.

I'm sitting in Franklin, Tennessee at The Factory. It's my first time in Nashville and I'm eager to learn. I'm here because my record producer [Keith] moved from Pennsylvania to Nashville so he could help music artists. In fact, the night before he and his family packed up the U-haul and hit the road, we finished recording my vocals. Not only did their belongings move to Nashville, I felt like my music career had just moved with them, leaving me behind. I was sure my recording days were over. After all, with the talent that swarms Nashville, why would he want to work with me ever again?

Keith had been such a blessing in my life as the producer of I Still Believe (my 3rd album). He had a passion to find more ways to help the music artists he was working with, so he relocated to Music City. Within six months of moving to Tennessee, he put together an amazing conference of speakers and resources for musicians. Now, here I am at the conference, in the front row, note pad ready. My cup is turned upward, waiting to be filled.

All kinds of speakers, producers, publicists, songwriters, coaches, etc., are there, filling us with incredible inspiration, wisdom and resources. This is the conference where I will meet my future producer, Eric Copeland, as well as find a manager. It's a pivotal point in my music journey. I can feel it. The water is stirring.

Eric Copeland discussing Brand New Me photo shoot.

It is through these connections that I will eventually meet Ed Kee, the original conductor of Portraits of White, who will help me launch my big dream. Of course, I don't know that yet.

Ed Kee, Conductor 2014-2018
Tom Jackson, Live Music Producer
Portraits of White 2015

But of all the amazing information I take in at the conference, the most significant life-changing moment happens when Tom Jackson, Live Music Producer, steps out on the stage. 

"Your audience doesn't come to just hear you sing or play, they come to experience moments", he says. 

He has my full attention.

"There are three reasons people go to concerts", he continues.

• To be captured and engaged. 
• To experience moments. 
• To be changed.

Please tell me more, Tom.

I can't decide whether to take notes or just sit and absorb. Everything he is saying is resonating with me like nothing else I'd ever heard. In all my years of various music lessons on multiple instruments, no one has talked about this angle of performing—at least not that I recall. I sit on the edge of my seat as Tom takes us deeper. 

"Songs create moments. When you create many different moments in your night, people will come back to your merch table and ask for a song by its name or by something they remember about the song. But what they are really asking is... "Where is that song that made me cry? Where is the song that made me laugh? Where is the song that gave me chills?" In other words, "Where is the song that made me feel that way...because I want to feel that way again." —Tom Jackson, Live Music Method

I have experienced this many times at my table after a concert. A perfect example is my song, Never by Accident. After I tell the story and play the song, inevitably someone will come up to me and ask, "Where's the accident song?" I smile and point the way to the CD, or iTunes. It doesn't matter that they can't remember the exact title. They just know that they want THAT song. They felt something while they were listening and they want to take the feeling home with them.

I love hearing people's homemade titles of my songs—it's like they give me a gift; their own interpretation of the song.

One of the greatest compliments I've ever received came on a survey I sent out after Portraits of White one year. "I laughed, I cried, I sang and I left wanting more."

Mingling with fans after Portraits of White 2015

My yellow brick road is paved with songs. Each song is a brick on the journey to the Emerald City. Each song creates some kind of moments. And with those moments in mind, that's how I choose the songs. I look for different moments. I try to make sure the concert road contains all of the elements needed to pave the way for a great show. That's my yellow brick road.

Speaking of roads...it seems appropriate to end this post with a journal entry I wrote on my trip home from the Nashville conference in 2004.

"I'm on the plane heading home after the CIA Summit (Christian Independant Artists). I don't even know where to begin. This weekend was another "God thing." A pivotal point in my life. When will I ever learn that when God seems to bring a season to an end, it only means that down the road something better will come along and you'll look back at what you left behind (and though you're thankful for what you had) you realize that letting go was the absolute best thing! Everything builds on everything else. It all counts, but if you cling to the present season and resist letting go, you'll miss out on bigger opportunities. 

Just when it felt like I got cut off from my only chance at getting out of Newville, all heaven has broken loose for me. I met SO many great people this weekend.  Producers, evaluators, speakers and other artists who are doing what I do. I know I have a great problem—not how will I ever find anyone else to work with, but which great one should I pursue? 

I learned so much about loving your audience, getting bookings, performing with more passion, giving more to others and finding joy and fulfillment in what I'm doing.

I can feel things stirring in my spirit. I know good things are ahead. I also know that I've needed tools to help me take things to the next level." — Frances Drost, March 7, 2004 Journal

This week's video.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road Part 1

Over eight years ago I started planning my trip to Emerald City—the annual Portraits of White Concert. Not only did I have to travel the yellow brick road, I feel like I've had to BUILD the road. Though it's been extremely satisfying to the artist in me, I'll confess it's taken a bit longer and has been harder than I imagined.  

In order to keep my feet firmly planted on the path I put my plans up on my wall to help me stay organized. Details, details, details! A fan who visited my studio wanted to know more about my wall. It's my yellow brick road. It's my brain—on paper.

On this particular day, I was sitting in my studio facing the wall. I wasn't alone. I had invited someone [Sharon] over to look at it with me and help me figure out how to actually DO all that's on the wall. She is a new acquaintance in my life as a result of an event where I was the performer earlier this spring. From the moment I met her and heard her career story, I could tell she had some wisdom that I could benefit from. After sitting down to have coffee with her, I asked her if she'd mentor me. Fortunately, she immediately said yes!

Sitting in my studio, we enjoyed a root beer float together as I shared the history of Portraits of White and my current challenges with Covid and changes in my own energy level. I think we've all felt the effects of the pandemic and how it has changed our lives. 

After more than an hour of conversation, her conclusion was clear. She said, "You need to hire someone. The business woman in you is competing with the artist in you. We need to free up the artist so you can BE the artist." 

The Wall

"What position would I need to hire, IF I could hire someone?" I asked in response to Sharon's observation.

"A Manager—or a Communications/Marketing Manager." 

I'm an independent musician surfing the waves of Covid and I just didn't see how this could be possible. We put together one amazing Christmas show, but someone has to creatively and consistently tell people about it. One of the most challenging aspects for me is the marketing category, for sure. I juggle the fundraising, music arranging, the hiring of players, as well as overseeing the managing of sound, lighting and set design. At the end of long days, it can be hard to think about marketing.

Thankfully, I have wonderful help from a volunteer assistant, Cheryl Kennedy, in many different areas. Having Cheryl in my life is like having a spreadsheet with a personality. She helps to organize my chaos as she manages volunteer coordination, ticket sales, feeding the musicians, seating charts, mailings and anything else I can give her to do. 

One of best things that came out of that meeting with Sharon is that I've been able to come up with my own creative marketing plan. Part of that plan is to create the weekly videos on YouTube, this blog and weekly podcast episodes on the Brand New Me podcast. On the podcast, I share excerpts from my journal. There are always emotions to sort through when you follow the yellow brick road toward your dream and the podcast shares my travels on an emotional level.

These are all part of the bricks that make up the yellow brick road. By the time we get to December, you'll feel like you're on the stage with me because you've been on the road with me. 

This week's video.

Songwriter Gives Back to Fire Company

Frances Drost song ‘Set of Wheels’ 
helps finance new engine for Newville firefighters

by Steve Kennedy

A Newville-area singer-songwriter is using her talents to raise funds for a community group that responded in her family’s hour of need 35 years ago. In 1986, when Frances Drost was 20, the barn on her family’s farm caught fire. Newville’s Friendship Hose Co. No. 1 responded to the blaze. Now, Drost will donate part of her winnings from the Global Rising Song Contest, a crowdfunding songwriting competition, toward the company’s purchase of a new fire engine.
In the contest, aspiring singer-songwriters submit a video of their original song, and winners are selected by music industry judges and fan votes. 

Drost, best known throughout south central Pennsylvania for her annual Portraits of White Christmas concert, submitted her song “Set of Wheels” to Super Round 2 of the competition, in which it will compete against winners of the past eight rounds. Fans can vote at globalrisingsong.com by making a donation of $1 or more, with funds intended to sustain the songwriters in their musical careers. Drost won the Fan Favorite award in a previous round with her song “Inside Things” and donated $1,500 to the Big Spring Area Food Bank. 

“It will be a wonderful way to pay tribute to our local fire company, especially since I’m a Newville native whose family needed their services,” Drost says. “It would only be fitting if my song ‘Set of Wheels’ could help our firefighters get a new ‘set of wheels.’ ” Friendship Hose Co. is purchasing a new $713,000 rescue unit to replace a 29-year-old vehicle. Drost, who attended kindergarten in the building that is now the Newville firehouse, hopes to be able to donate at least $2,500 to the fire company in this round of the contest. 

“This is a great support for us, as well as for Frances,” says Bradley Stouffer, fire chief at Friendship Hose Co. No. 1. “This is something that will benefit the fire company and the Newville community.”

Drost recounts another connection between the barn fire and her singing career: “One day as I was standing on the cement wall that was the entrance to what had been the barn, I began singing. I had my boombox with me and a cassette sound track of Sandi Patty’s beautiful arrangement of ‘A Mighty Fortress.’ I sang as loud as I could—my voice singing out over the charred remains. As I sang the song that day, I had a strange sensation that someday I’d stand in front of crowds of people and sing. In a moment, the sensation passed and I finished the song.”

Vote for Frances' song "Set of Wheels" by going to GlobalRisingSong.com. Click on the Cast Vote button under Set of Wheels and vote by Sunday, August 8, 9:00 CT.

Watch video here.

The News Chronicle